Oh yaaaa!

[♥Stiggy♥ 0]

Ok, for those of you who read my rant in the off topic thing yesterday.... guess who is finally starting to agree to let both my kids move down?? I think he is starting to realise that for someone who is a hardcore gamer, plays about 4-5 hours a day after work, hes gonna have no time. And a military job. His schedule up till now was wake up at 7am, out the door by 7:40am, back home around 4:30pm, logs on his game till 6:30pm, eats dinner takes a bath, gets back on his game till midnight.

I think hes starting to realise that theres no way he can be upat 6:30am , get the kids dressed for school, breakfast, get them to the bus stop, then have permission to get to work a half hour late.. then have permission to leave 2 1/2 hours early to be here before the bus, help them with homework, bring them to activities, make dinner, make their lunches the next day, give them baths, get them ready to bed, only to see he has 2 hours left for his game, lol. So now hes saying that he is willing to be flexible. However he doesnt want them going down right when I do.

He wants to wait about a year, year and a half.... since he's nervous about Dave and I not working out and the kids being down there in a different lifestyle, only to move back up. He wants to make sure things are stable down there, that I have a job that I have been working at steadily, and we have a house of our own and he wants a rough estimate.

I just HOPE that if he follows through with this, he doesnt change his mind once Im down there, and go "Oh! Well I changed my mind".

So Im going to call my lawyer today, to see if therse somehow to gaurantee he will actually have the kids go down once its time.

So Im thinking we should just do the CR1 for me first, then once I get down there, apply right away for the kids (dh would as step kids), so hopefully a year later it will be approved and the kids have their interviews in Montreal

[Flames9_RN 358]

Good to hear!!!

[MsZ 6]

I think it is a good idea for him to wait anyway because then he'll really know if he can or can't handle the kids. But be prepared that he might decide that he can and his entire world might change. I also don't think you can guarantee that he allows the kids to move down.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but it seems that your ex- has a pretty solid view of life and that he loves his kids.

[♥Stiggy♥ 0]

I think it is a good idea for him to wait anyway because then he'll really know if he can or can't handle the kids. But be prepared that he might decide that he can and his entire world might change. I also don't think you can guarantee that he allows the kids to move down.

Sorry to be a wet blanket but it seems that your ex- has a pretty solid view of life and that he loves his kids.

Uhh, ya he 'loves' them. He just doesnt get them dressed, or put them to bed, or help with homework, etc. He just plays his game, and if the kids interrupt with his game, he gets upset. He doesnt take them anywhere, nothing. Even a lot of his friends just say all 3 of us were just to boast with pride that he had kids and a wife. His own mother even told me he hasnt been ready for kids.

And even friends state that he's holding them back out of spite, and control. He's already got in trouble in the past with his controlling and manipulating ways, that landed him behind bars in December along with a lovely restraining order as well for a few weeks.

[Carlawarla 1]

I'm usually a very positive person. I'm having a hard time thinking he's changed his mind now. I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd could throw him. I think he's hoping you'll be out of the picture, and then start some legal proceedings saying you're abandoning them. Sorry, again, I don't want to take away any good feelings you're having about this, and his new way of thinking. I'm glad you're going to talk to your lawyer about this. You REALLY need to find out what your options are now, and a year from now, and have it in writing.

[MsZ 6]

I hope for the sake of your children that he grows up. It can happen.

[Emancipation 2]

Okay.. this guy is never going to win the father of the year award.. but he IS their father..

I know we have a mixed bag of divorced parents with kids.. some have deadbeat ex's... but in this case, the father is still in their lives no?

What do your kids feel about going so far from him? Are they old enough to understand what being away from him means?

I'm sorry but I'm having a really hard time with this one.. I can't seem to throw all my support behind your cause.. I don't know things like... can your fiance move to Canada? How old are your kids? How are your parents feeling about all this? How will your kids feel about your decision 10 years from now...

I don't mean to be a wet blanket either but the more you post the more questions I have.

I have a husband who's wife took his kids away from him, and I see the repercussions of it every single day.

Edited February 11, 2009 by Emancipation

[trailmix 77]

Wow, well that would be nice if it worked out, but - I agree with Carla on this one.

Why would he now be changing his mind? He speaks to you as though you are completely irresponsible - while the opposite may be true (as you have described with his lack of responsibility) - he may not see it that way at all. He is dictating to you what he is going to do - and basically what you are going to do in terms of your children.

I'm glad you are going to see a lawyer, this plan of his, on the surface, seems pretty unenforceable. As you are going to need a letter from him to bring your children to live in the U.S. - if after a year he won't give you that letter I don't see how you are going to get around that, hopefully your lawyer will be able to shed some light on that.

Yesterday we were discussing ways that you might lower the child support payments as a way to entice him to be a bit more flexible, i'm sure he is having those same discussions with his friends - just from his point of view.

[Sprailenes 47]

You're in a tough situation, but I wouldn't leave your kids with him if he's this kind of a man. You know? If you had to fight for him later and tried to bring these issues up, a judge could just look at you and ask why you left them there in the first place could she/he not?

I have a feeling you will get down there and then have the battle of your life to fight, I wouldn't get too comfortable.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Of all the thoughts posted here - I noticed that you mentioned he'd had some issues in December which required a restraining order and being in jail. I think that is probably most worrisome of all, no?

I'm sorry, I haven't read your rant, but I'm sure it's well founded. I could play devils advocate here and say that before I was married, I was a single parent for a long time. I was a hardcore gamer, but I somehow swung full time work, taking care of my daughter without any involvement from my ex...maybe not to everyone's satisfaction...so i would hate to see someone down on him just because he has some personal habits that don't jive with the traditional doting parent. people do change and if he is saying he wants to....

Anyway, you've pointed out some other facts that make it sound like perhaps he isn't the best choice as well. I'd be interested as someone mentioned above in how far away you're moving, what your plans for them to visit their dad if will be if they live with you? If you are the parent moving away, is it your expectation that that he'll have to arrange to see them or will you have some kind of agreement ahead of time - maybe that will smooth out some of his fears about separated from them.

Good luck - I hope you can come to a peaceful agreement which keeps the children's best interests in the forefront...ahead of the type of fights that take place between ex's..... My husband's ex restricts the kids and has for years...and now we have 2 teenagers, almost grown who don't have a proper relationship with their dad...although i think both sides wish they could

[♥Stiggy♥ 0]

To answer some questions, yeah there was a restraining order that was just lifted last monday. We dont have family around here, not for 21 hours away. My ex is military, and he doesnt like my parents or my family because they called the police on him back in November, and they called CAS on him as well back then. So because of that, he doesnt want the kids living in Ontario around them because he's pissed at them.

Yesterday our two lawyers were negotiating for the divorce paperwork, for the agreement. And I have a feeling that some things that surfaced on there (without getting into more detail on the www) is making him change his mind.

But first Im going to ask my lawyer that if theres anyway, with me requesting from the courts for the mobility rights to move to the states, and with John telling the judge he agree's, under the caviat of his 'stipulations'. Now I just need to try to work on him lowering this 'time frame' to have them come with me. Baby steps.

[♥Stiggy♥ 0]

As far as my parents, they dont want me here in NS with the kids. They told me that they would rather have the kids with a great stepfather, then their bio Dad. My parents are worried about his controlling ways, really. He's very controlling with me, not the kids.

And as far as living here in Canada... my ex says if Im here in Canada he wants them in the jurisdiction of Nova Scotia, he doesnt want me moving back to Ontario where I may be closer to my family. He's worried that my family will try to deter the kids from him I think.

My kids are too young to also fully comprehend the whole 'being away thing'. Granted my ex is military, and would go away weeks at a time, longest being 3 months.. so they are used to the short deployments ane excercises, they just cant fully comprehend yet the whole "living far away" from "being far away"

[Sprailenes 47]

Your ex can not stop you from moving to Toronto, but he can put a damper on you leaving the country with your children.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Depending on what's in a divorce agreement (or whatever they have) it can stipulate where/ how far the custodial parent moves with the children. Don't know what the case is here.

The point could be argued that the paternal grandparents may not want to lose the ability to see their grandchildren either...gawd families are complicated

I believe my husbands ex cannot move the kids more then x miles (about an hour) away without his full consent and not out of state period unless agreed to. For us it's a moot point and everyone is almost finished highschool, but had they been really young, she probably would have tried it just to be spiteful

Edited February 11, 2009 by Udella&Wiz

[Sprailenes 47]

Yep, paternal grandparents in Canada pretty much have the same rights as parents as well. My mother tried to use this against me when I told her I was moving. Luckily she never did go through with it but theres a hole bunch of snags you could hit when wanting to leave the country.