Never thought I would post here!

[nycgirl 13]

Who's Patty?? That's all I'm asking, nut.

BTW, I'm very happy!! Gwan on vacation tomorrow!!

Edited November 26, 2008 by nycgirl

[*JG* 2]

If immigrants rush into marriage and it doesn't work out, the USC was automatically duped. I guess my question is......why did the USC rush into marriage as well? That's why I'm interested to hear the progression of the relationship and subsequent deterioration. Is he really the greatest con man of all time, or were they both just caught up?

Let me state this very carefuly, the following applies to SOME, NOT ALL!

SOME USCs rush in because they feel they have found love...They live in the states where perhaps the attention they recieve is limited, or from men they don't consider attractive.

Now, here is a hard bodied, good-looking Nubian prince telling you he loves you at 350 lbs/resembling Shrek/with your 6 kids/drama issues/etc. Or whatever else the case may be.

They go to Jamaica and meet some who is telling them everything they ever wanted to hear from a man and is a master of the craft of telling them sweet nothings.

Why would they wait????

Here's someone telling you at 30 years of age he's never met anyone worthy of marrying, and now along comes his soulmate and he wants to get married RIGHT away, he doesn't want to be separated any longer from his queen.

Oh, btw, he doesn't REALLY want to leave Jamaica, but he'll do it for you.

The process is expensive yes, but so are all these trips down to 'make sure' this is for real. Trip consisting of course of a few days in a fantasy tropical paradise. Some USCs will loudly proclaim how they 'roughed' it in his house....

Why blame an 'unattractive' woman for reaching out for maybe the only chance at love she may have - I fit your description up to a point and yes maybe he may leave me, why not, I will most likely never be able to have kids anyway so cannot be the good Nepali wife... still I don't want to die the pathetic spinster - until I met G I thought that would be my fate... try growing up in a place where if you're not a giggly 100lb Asian princess or a surfer blonde party girl you are invisible... Hawaii was the birthplace of the MOB(Cherry Blossoms) back when it was being done by mail so this is the culture I had to deal with even as a teen...typical fast-buck fast-f$$k tourist beach bikini appearance-oriented culture... this is where I grew up... since I was 'unattractive' and was a commuter never met anyone in college, don't drink so no bars and the few times I went to clubs with the girls to dance was ignored by the guys in favor of the Filipinas, ended up in a female-dominated profession... My grandmother has said my husband is only out for a GC and maybe she is right, I am ugly and old so why not.... Look at recent threads in MENA to see appearance is everything... if you are female and not attractive you might as well commit suicide because you will end up alone... even poor and ugly guys would rather stay at home alone surfing internet porn rather than marry someone who is on their same level - for a guy to marry an ugly girl it is as if he has failed at being a man... still there are very few guys who do rise above this and look at a woman's soul rather than her physical appearance or fertility so this is my hope even if it is a slim chance... some relationships do work even when it is not the stereotypical hot young fertile girl and the rich (or at least employed) guy her same age. Maybe it is better if the man is shy and doesn't really care what 'the other guys' think. I know I have a lot to offer a man if he dares to look beyond looks. I just want to live my life as fully as I can - call me stupid if he leaves me, how dare I hope for a man to fall in love with my soul, I should have just settled down with 10 birds(allergic to cats) and called it a day. As Janis Ian said 'I learned the truth at 17, that love was made for beauty queens' - maybe, maybe not....

Sweetie....I read your words all the time. If I were a man, I would be beating down your door to get to know you. You have got to be one of the smartest and most beautiful people I have ever read. You touch my very soul all the time. And, I've seen your pictures. After reading what you write, I expected you to look hideous. That is definately not the case. Stop saying that stuff. G sees how beautiful you are, inside and out, because he is looking for the whole package, not just the fluff. He's a smart man.

Regarding fertility...not all men want to breed.

Ignore the hateful people. They are of no consequence.

Edited November 26, 2008 by Jomo's girl

[*JG* 2]

Who's Patty?? That's all I'm asking, nut.

BTW, I'm very happy!! Gwan on vacation tomorrow!!

Pattu Rani, silly. Her name is Patty.

[pcana 0]

Is irish whiskey ok mom??? Its our cultural drink...

be happy its a nice holiday.

rent a movie, ie anger mgt starring adam sandler

You make no sense as usual... try harder next time, so we can understand what you're saying.

[JenT 0]

If immigrants rush into marriage and it doesn't work out, the USC was automatically duped. I guess my question is......why did the USC rush into marriage as well? That's why I'm interested to hear the progression of the relationship and subsequent deterioration. Is he really the greatest con man of all time, or were they both just caught up?

Let me state this very carefuly, the following applies to SOME, NOT ALL!

SOME USCs rush in because they feel they have found love...They live in the states where perhaps the attention they recieve is limited, or from men they don't consider attractive.

Now, here is a hard bodied, good-looking Nubian prince telling you he loves you at 350 lbs/resembling Shrek/with your 6 kids/drama issues/etc. Or whatever else the case may be.

They go to Jamaica and meet some who is telling them everything they ever wanted to hear from a man and is a master of the craft of telling them sweet nothings.

Why would they wait????

Here's someone telling you at 30 years of age he's never met anyone worthy of marrying, and now along comes his soulmate and he wants to get married RIGHT away, he doesn't want to be separated any longer from his queen.

Oh, btw, he doesn't REALLY want to leave Jamaica, but he'll do it for you.

The process is expensive yes, but so are all these trips down to 'make sure' this is for real. Trip consisting of course of a few days in a fantasy tropical paradise. Some USCs will loudly proclaim how they 'roughed' it in his house....

Why blame an 'unattractive' woman for reaching out for maybe the only chance at love she may have - I fit your description up to a point and yes maybe he may leave me, why not, I will most likely never be able to have kids anyway so cannot be the good Nepali wife... still I don't want to die the pathetic spinster - until I met G I thought that would be my fate... try growing up in a place where if you're not a giggly 100lb Asian princess or a surfer blonde party girl you are invisible... Hawaii was the birthplace of the MOB(Cherry Blossoms) back when it was being done by mail so this is the culture I had to deal with even as a teen...typical fast-buck fast-f$$k tourist beach bikini appearance-oriented culture... this is where I grew up... since I was 'unattractive' and was a commuter never met anyone in college, don't drink so no bars and the few times I went to clubs with the girls to dance was ignored by the guys in favor of the Filipinas, ended up in a female-dominated profession... My grandmother has said my husband is only out for a GC and maybe she is right, I am ugly and old so why not.... Look at recent threads in MENA to see appearance is everything... if you are female and not attractive you might as well commit suicide because you will end up alone... even poor and ugly guys would rather stay at home alone surfing internet porn rather than marry someone who is on their same level - for a guy to marry an ugly girl it is as if he has failed at being a man... still there are very few guys who do rise above this and look at a woman's soul rather than her physical appearance or fertility so this is my hope even if it is a slim chance... some relationships do work even when it is not the stereotypical hot young fertile girl and the rich (or at least employed) guy her same age. Maybe it is better if the man is shy and doesn't really care what 'the other guys' think. I know I have a lot to offer a man if he dares to look beyond looks. I just want to live my life as fully as I can - call me stupid if he leaves me, how dare I hope for a man to fall in love with my soul, I should have just settled down with 10 birds(allergic to cats) and called it a day. As Janis Ian said 'I learned the truth at 17, that love was made for beauty queens' - maybe, maybe not....

Sweetie....I read your words all the time. If I were a man, I would be beating down your door to get to know you. You have got to be one of the smartest and most beautiful people I have ever read. You touch my very soul all the time. And, I've seen your pictures. After reading what you write, I expected you to look hideous. That is definately not the case. Stop saying that stuff. G sees how beautiful you are, inside and out, because he is looking for the whole package, not just the fluff. He's a smart man.

Regarding fertility...not all men want to breed.

Ignore the hateful people. They are of no consequence.

Well said, Kelly. I agree

[sereia 0]

If immigrants rush into marriage and it doesn't work out, the USC was automatically duped. I guess my question is......why did the USC rush into marriage as well? That's why I'm interested to hear the progression of the relationship and subsequent deterioration. Is he really the greatest con man of all time, or were they both just caught up?

Let me state this very carefuly, the following applies to SOME, NOT ALL!

SOME USCs rush in because they feel they have found love...They live in the states where perhaps the attention they recieve is limited, or from men they don't consider attractive.

Now, here is a hard bodied, good-looking Nubian prince telling you he loves you at 350 lbs/resembling Shrek/with your 6 kids/drama issues/etc. Or whatever else the case may be.

They go to Jamaica and meet some who is telling them everything they ever wanted to hear from a man and is a master of the craft of telling them sweet nothings.

Why would they wait????

Here's someone telling you at 30 years of age he's never met anyone worthy of marrying, and now along comes his soulmate and he wants to get married RIGHT away, he doesn't want to be separated any longer from his queen.

Oh, btw, he doesn't REALLY want to leave Jamaica, but he'll do it for you.

The process is expensive yes, but so are all these trips down to 'make sure' this is for real. Trip consisting of course of a few days in a fantasy tropical paradise. Some USCs will loudly proclaim how they 'roughed' it in his house....

Why blame an 'unattractive' woman for reaching out for maybe the only chance at love she may have - I fit your description up to a point and yes maybe he may leave me, why not, I will most likely never be able to have kids anyway so cannot be the good Nepali wife... still I don't want to die the pathetic spinster - until I met G I thought that would be my fate... try growing up in a place where if you're not a giggly 100lb Asian princess or a surfer blonde party girl you are invisible... Hawaii was the birthplace of the MOB(Cherry Blossoms) back when it was being done by mail so this is the culture I had to deal with even as a teen...typical fast-buck fast-f$$k tourist beach bikini appearance-oriented culture... this is where I grew up... since I was 'unattractive' and was a commuter never met anyone in college, don't drink so no bars and the few times I went to clubs with the girls to dance was ignored by the guys in favor of the Filipinas, ended up in a female-dominated profession... My grandmother has said my husband is only out for a GC and maybe she is right, I am ugly and old so why not.... Look at recent threads in MENA to see appearance is everything... if you are female and not attractive you might as well commit suicide because you will end up alone... even poor and ugly guys would rather stay at home alone surfing internet porn rather than marry someone who is on their same level - for a guy to marry an ugly girl it is as if he has failed at being a man... still there are very few guys who do rise above this and look at a woman's soul rather than her physical appearance or fertility so this is my hope even if it is a slim chance... some relationships do work even when it is not the stereotypical hot young fertile girl and the rich (or at least employed) guy her same age. Maybe it is better if the man is shy and doesn't really care what 'the other guys' think. I know I have a lot to offer a man if he dares to look beyond looks. I just want to live my life as fully as I can - call me stupid if he leaves me, how dare I hope for a man to fall in love with my soul, I should have just settled down with 10 birds(allergic to cats) and called it a day. As Janis Ian said 'I learned the truth at 17, that love was made for beauty queens' - maybe, maybe not....

Sweetie....I read your words all the time. If I were a man, I would be beating down your door to get to know you. You have got to be one of the smartest and most beautiful people I have ever read. You touch my very soul all the time. And, I've seen your pictures. After reading what you write, I expected you to look hideous. That is definately not the case. Stop saying that stuff. G sees how beautiful you are, inside and out, because he is looking for the whole package, not just the fluff. He's a smart man.

Regarding fertility...not all men want to breed.

Ignore the hateful people. They are of no consequence.

WOW Jomo's girl. Reading what you said made me cry! You have such a wonderful way with words and I totally agree with you about Pattu Rani! I just checked out her pics and I cannot begin to fathom why she thinks of herself as ugly!

Pattu you are NOT ugly and you deserve love just as much as a pretty, normal, or ugly girl does! You are beautiful for the qualities that you have that are unique to you. I firmly believe in the saying that there is someone for everyone. Not everyone wants the same type of mate...how boring would that be?! That's the beauty of this world! ! Have some faith and LOVE yourself.

Edited November 26, 2008 by Sheherazade

[sus 70]

Sweetie....I read your words all the time. If I were a man, I would be beating down your door to get to know you. You have got to be one of the smartest and most beautiful people I have ever read. You touch my very soul all the time. And, I've seen your pictures. After reading what you write, I expected you to look hideous. That is definately not the case. Stop saying that stuff. G sees how beautiful you are, inside and out, because he is looking for the whole package, not just the fluff. He's a smart man.

Regarding fertility...not all men want to breed.

Ignore the hateful people. They are of no consequence.

WOW Jomo's girl. Reading what you said made me cry! You have such a wonderful way with words and I totally agree with you about Pattu Rani! I just checked out her pics and I cannot begin to fathom why she thinks of herself as ugly!

Pattu you are NOT ugly and you deserve love just as much as a pretty, normal, or ugly girl does! You are beautiful for the qualities that you have that are unique to you. I firmly believe in the saying that there is someone for everyone. Not everyone wants the same type of mate...how boring would that be?! That's the beauty of this world! ! Have some faith and LOVE yourself.

I agree with both of the above - curiousity killed the cat and I had to check your pictures - you are beautiful - What you write speaks clearly of the sad American culture that places standards on what is beautiful and what is not - Don't ever let that make you think less of yourself. That is one of the best aspects I have seen in other cultures - the stereotype barbie doll beauty does not exist as it does in America.

[Perseverance 1]

I agree with Boo Boo,

A lot of nasty words are being said and judgements cast. She reached out for help and support, and that is what we should do. Please think of how you would feel in this situation. Be kind.

Just for the record, my comments were not specific to Sarah's situation. More general observations than anything.

I am just tired of seeing everyone (whose marriage doesn't work out) immediately claim Visa Fraud. Especially with Jamaican men.

All kinds of Jamaican men out there, but a lot are getting a bad rap because of a few bad apples, and because of Women who rush into marriage without fully getting to know their mate.

Sarah, I apologize if it seemed that I was singling you out. I realize that this is your thread. Sorry.

that is funny to me that you said that, you obviously did not see where my SO is from....NIGERIA ....I know all about the stereotypical "bad rap"

Keep in mind that your general observations were not very nice. Not everyone whose marriage does not work out claim visa fraud, its just that those kinds of situations have more time in the spotlight. I understand that you feel like you need to defend your SOs country, I have been in that situation myself, dont forget that there is someone in a lot of pain here. The fact is that visa fraud does happen, and there are some countries where it happens more often than others. I know it sucks, but bringing someone further down in an already extremely painful situation is just not an empathetic thing to do .

[SterlingGirl 1]

Now, here is a hard bodied, good-looking Nubian prince telling you he loves you at 350 lbs/resembling Shrek/with your 6 kids/drama issues/etc. Or whatever else the case may be.

Not to be overly wry or critical, but I couldn't help but notice this bit right here - it's okay for you to be 350 lbs or "resembling Shrek", and yet it seems like the only acceptable mate is "hard-bodied and good-looking"? I'm not saying we can always control who we're attracted to, but I'll tell you one thing - it takes FAR more than chiseled good looks and sweet nothings whispered in my ear to win me over.

Both my mate AND I are big people. Do I appreciate thinner, more well-built men? Aesthetically, sure. I have my celebrity crushes on the fit and good-looking just like anyone else. But I honestly don't think I'd trade places with their spouses for anything in the world if I were to find that they were vapid, unintelligent, boring, insensitive, or too busy to actually be a friend and companion to me. I've had the hard-body before, even though I've always been the tall, chunky girl. One thing I'll say for him until I die: the sex was nice. But he, too, whispered sweet nothings into my ear and "accepted me for what I was". Meaning, my size. And I came to realize that "what I was" to him had nothing to do with my personality, and my wit, and my positive personality traits. I guess he thought he was doing some form of charity by dating me, because when I actually showed him love, when I actually tried to look out for his best interests - he binned me for a younger, dumber girl who never uttered a word when he wanted to smoke weed all the time and do very little else.

And this was when I was 17. I've grown up since then, and realized that an attractive male who lavishes praise upon you really isn't worth a hill of beans if there isn't anything of substance there. Sure, you can tell me I'm wonderful, that I'm a goddess amongst women, but you'd better tell me why. And if my looks are the only thing in that list? Hit the road. I want more. I want MEAT. Substance. I want to know that there's something INSIDE me that you truly feel you can't get anywhere else in any other woman. Because if that's true, then that means that no other woman will ever really satisfy him but me.

The man I'm with has done this all but perfectly. We fit together in ways that physical perfection and poetic language can't describe. We find each other sexy and attractive, which is a plus, but I'm absolutely certain that when we're sixty or seventy years old, and both wrinkled and ragged-looking, there will still be those truly important things that bound us together. So does physical attraction really matter? Sure, it matters. But my mate and I couldn't really tell you if we love each other because we're each attractive, or if we're attractive to one another because we're so in love. Honestly, it's both.

I can say, however, that my mate's geography had nothing to do with why we got together; I didn't feel as if the U.S. had "less of a selection" of suitable men. We were simply fortunate enough to have met each other despite the accidents of birth that placed us on different continents. I think there is always someone for someone if you're looking for the right things; and I think anyone who is looking to gain a lot (devastatingly attractive, sensitive, kind and caring) while offering very little (plain, out-of-shape, dramatic and stressed out) is basically someone who's looking to buy a diamond for a nickel. We complain when men of all sizes and shapes expect their girlfriends to look like lingerie models, so I don't think its fair to imply that the only suitable men are "hardbodies" who say all the right things. In that event, my advice would only be "caveat emptor".

Edited December 2, 2008 by SterlingGirl

[*JG* 2]

SterlingGirl, I think I am going to be following you around here much more often. You have a nice way with words.

[JenT 0]

I agree, Kelly. Very well said, SterlingGirl.

Jen

[chavelle 6]

Sweetie, I am sooooo ,so sorry!! We have never spoken before but I can sense it in your words;that you are

a sweetheart.It has got nothing to do with looks because I've seen really handsome men,and beautiful looking women

fell at the hands of these scammers.Don't ever put yourself down,never! These scumbags will play anyone in order to get here.

I would report him to the immigration authority.He has received the GC so he believes that he can treat you like trash. It is obvious that

this trash was just waiting to get the GC,nothing to do with love.My friend had that happen to her.She reported him so he will not be able to lift conditions,as he was not abused.

May you find peace soon.

[HannahP 119]

We complain when men of all sizes and shapes expect their girlfriends to look like lingerie models, so I don't think its fair to imply that the only suitable men are "hardbodies" who say all the right things. In that event, my advice would only be "caveat emptor".

Your post was wonderful but I think you kind of misinterpreted what was originally being said. The poster was actually just detailing a common "high fraud" scenario wherein the non-USC spouse is significantly better looking than the USC. (Among other things, obviously.) The line of thought being that if you can't attract "that kind" of person here, it's not very likely that you'll find "that kind" of person overseas.

[SterlingGirl 1]

Your post was wonderful but I think you kind of misinterpreted what was originally being said. The poster was actually just detailing a common "high fraud" scenario wherein the non-USC spouse is significantly better looking than the USC. (Among other things, obviously.) The line of thought being that if you can't attract "that kind" of person here, it's not very likely that you'll find "that kind" of person overseas.

Well, then, it'd seem we were in agreement there. I'd just spare anyone else the same painful and time/money-wasting experience by saying that, while no one should ever doubt a relationship JUST because he or she perceives the partner as disparately attractive, it should easily throw up red flags if there is a glaring difference in appearance and lifestyle, and that person is lavishing praise upon you without really seeming to have any substantial basis for it.

Or, the shorter version of it: I'd expect a giddy 17 year-old to fall into such a trap, but not a grown woman who should have her wits about her.

[HannahP 119]

Or, the shorter version of it: I'd expect a giddy 17 year-old to fall into such a trap, but not a grown woman who should have her wits about her.

Never underestimate the force that low self-esteem can have on a woman. When you've been ignored (at best) or abused (at worst) all of your life, because of your looks or something else, you'd be surprised at how /lovely/ someone who says all the right things seems...