LOOOKKKKK!!!!!!

[DEDixon 39]

I see your timeline and it says your Filipina wife is not here yet. When she gets here, I am sure you will truly understand how it is for her to be away from her family that she grew up with especially if it is her first time to be away from them. If you dont understand why Filipinas will be "homesick" for a long period of time then you will never understand our culture and how close we are to our families growing up.

Most of my friends here who arrived earlier than me are still homesick because when they got here, after getting married and the honeymoon, they are left by themselves in the house while the husbands work, THE WHOLE DAY. And while they are waiting for EAD and AOS, they don't have anybody to turn to but fellow Filipinas who are in the same situation. Most of them spend time cleaning the house, chatting with friends, posting here in tagalog to friends and mind you, these are all non-immigrant issues, just ordinary talking among friends. If you deprive them of these "treat" while they await for their husbands to arrive from work, isn't that cruel? We are trying to survive in a world very different from ours and the most a husband can do is be supportive. Put yourself in our shoes and maybe you will understand better.

To add, when you started seeking out a non-USC to be your lifetime partner you should have known that you will be taking her out of her country , away from her family and friends, leave work and start all over again so expect that there will be homesickness and the adjustment process will be difiicult for most of us.Each individual is unique and different in how dealing with things. If one Filipina adjusted fairly well after arriving here don't expect all Filipinas to be the same.If you want to understand the conversation going on in tagalog all you have to do is ask your wife what it means. . . not a hard thing to do huh?

And to my fellow Filipinas, if you feel like talking in Tagalog in the Philippine forum, then do so. Sometimes people just don't understand how we miss the language. After all, this is America, and FREEDOM OF SPEECH is very highly regarded.

Mabuhay po tayo!

Granted Filipinas are away from home and my fiancee is very lucky that she'll live in California where 100s of thousand of Filipinas live.

But, I think, to get over homesickness, there are other ways to do it and other places like YM and MSN messenger to name a few. Speaking/writing in Tagalog when there are English only speakers in the audience is rude, especially when those who are writing/speaking in Tagalog also know English. Some say "but we are talking to each other." This doesn't cut it on a public forum, but it does on YM and MSN.

There really isn't any excuse for being so rude.

Unfortunately, I had a Filipina GF about 6 years ago who already lived in the USA for a long time and so did her family and at every family event, they would speak exclusively in Tagalog so no wonder I zoned out at those events. It was as if to say "F%%$#% him!"

**********So, if you want your partner to zone out, really disconnect from you, speak in Tagalog, but just remember that you are to blame, because you could easily fix it by included him or her in the conversation by speaking in English. As they say in the RP .... "up to you." Cling to the excuses or respect those around you by speaking and writing in a language that the majority understand. *********

[jom 4]

I see your timeline and it says your Filipina wife is not here yet. When she gets here, I am sure you will truly understand how it is for her to be away from her family that she grew up with especially if it is her first time to be away from them. If you dont understand why Filipinas will be "homesick" for a long period of time then you will never understand our culture and how close we are to our families growing up.

Most of my friends here who arrived earlier than me are still homesick because when they got here, after getting married and the honeymoon, they are left by themselves in the house while the husbands work, THE WHOLE DAY. And while they are waiting for EAD and AOS, they don't have anybody to turn to but fellow Filipinas who are in the same situation. Most of them spend time cleaning the house, chatting with friends, posting here in tagalog to friends and mind you, these are all non-immigrant issues, just ordinary talking among friends. If you deprive them of these "treat" while they await for their husbands to arrive from work, isn't that cruel? We are trying to survive in a world very different from ours and the most a husband can do is be supportive. Put yourself in our shoes and maybe you will understand better.

To add, when you started seeking out a non-USC to be your lifetime partner you should have known that you will be taking her out of her country , away from her family and friends, leave work and start all over again so expect that there will be homesickness and the adjustment process will be difiicult for most of us.Each individual is unique and different in how dealing with things. If one Filipina adjusted fairly well after arriving here don't expect all Filipinas to be the same.If you want to understand the conversation going on in tagalog all you have to do is ask your wife what it means. . . not a hard thing to do huh?

And to my fellow Filipinas, if you feel like talking in Tagalog in the Philippine forum, then do so. Sometimes people just don't understand how we miss the language. After all, this is America, and FREEDOM OF SPEECH is very highly regarded.

Mabuhay po tayo!

Granted Filipinas are away from home and my fiancee is very lucky that she'll live in California where 100s of thousand of Filipinas live.

But, I think, to get over homesickness, there are other ways to do it and other places like YM and MSN messenger to name a few. Speaking/writing in Tagalog when there are English only speakers in the audience is rude, especially when those who are writing/speaking in Tagalog also know English. Some say "but we are talking to each other." This doesn't cut it on a public forum, but it does on YM and MSN.

There really isn't any excuse for being so rude.

Unfortunately, I had a Filipina GF about 6 years ago who already lived in the USA for a long time and so did her family and at every family event, they would speak exclusively in Tagalog so no wonder I zoned out at those events. It was as if to say "F%%$#% him!"

**********So, if you want your partner to zone out, really disconnect from you, speak in Tagalog, but just remember that you are to blame, because you could easily fix it by included him or her in the conversation by speaking in English. As they say in the RP .... "up to you." Cling to the excuses or respect those around you by speaking and writing in a language that the majority understand. *********

Im confident that my husband wont get disconnected from me if I continue speaking to my friends in our language even if he is there because he is the one who encourages me. He knows Im happy when I talk to my friends in our dialect and he is happy Im happy. He understands. I don't talk to my friends everyday. I don't see them everyday so 90% I am talking English and if I spend 10% of my time talking in tagalog, I believe it is fair. He has not once complained to me about that and I respect him more. He knows, its fun talk and he trusts me that I dont talk behind his back. He knows that if I have a complain about him, I will tell him first.

When USC husbands and fiances go to the Philippines to visit we don't tell them ,hey learn our language because you are in the Philippines and majority of the people around you speak tagalog and not English, instead our families and everybodyelse speak english, even broken english, for their sake.

My husband is slowly learning my language not because he feels an outcast but because he wants to talk to me in my language . He likes the sound and I love listening to him pronounce it. It is cute. Marriage is meeting halfway and my husband doing this makes me love him more and more because he understands.

We usually have gatherings with other VJ couples and it is always with the husbands.Usually the first phase would be the men talking to each other while the women update each other by talking in our language . When everyone is in one table or area we do speak english for our men to understand and of course to join in the conversation. We are not stupid to continue speaking in our language when everyone is there. It works for us. I have a circle of filipina friends whose husbands don't mind us talking in our dialect

Anyway, I am tired of explaining myself why we can't help talking in our language. I will end here but thanks to this thread and the numerous "rants" because it made me realize how lucky I am to be married to someone who really understands my needs.

Godbless and peace eveyone.

[DEDixon 39]

I think there are just some people who don't understand the value of respecting others opinions and thoughts. I keep on telling my husband that I missed home. Doesn't mean I wasn't ready for the life I am about to embrace in being with him. He used to tease me... "you sounds like your whining baby" and I just answer him.. "so what"? If that's how you call it then fine. He is really trying hard to learn my language and I am the one with no patient in teaching him. He doesn't felt left behind if I am with my Filipina friends and talking our own language ( he likes the sounds ) and just chose to smile even he doesn't understand anything. I am blessed to have him. I should say, he really has a wide range of understanding. Am I whining? SO WHAT? Gihigugma ko ikaw babe! Gimingaw ko sa akong yutang natawhan! Period!

Vida Taylor

My husband doesnt mind too if i speak bisaya or tagalog when im with my friends even he is around. He is trying to learn 3 dialects (tagalog, bisaya ilonggo). Even we are here in the USA.....we are still pinay at talagang mamiss at mami-miss natin ang pinas especially kung malapit tayo sa ating pamilya.

Good luck to him in learning Tagalog. We husbands try (I tried too), but it isn't easy without immersing one's self into a place where only that language is spoken.

For example, I could likely learn Spanish very fast in Peru where very few speak English, but even though so many speak Spanish hear in California, it isn't easy for me to learn Spanish here (I tried this too), because we revert to English, the common language between us.

Mark my words, husbands don't mind being left out of conversations at first, but in time, they will zone out, talking in Tagalog while they are close by will alienate them. I'm speaking from experience. I know how I felt.

Trust me, you will preserve your relationship far more by speaking in your spouse's language if he is anywhere remotely near you.

We husbands do understand the hardship, we are mindful so please be mindful of us by speaking in a language we understand when we are close by, because when we hear and understand what is being said, we can easily and immediately join in the conversation and laughter. We don't have to say what's so funny or what's the topic and then wait for the translation..... this interrupts the flow of the conversation and in my experience usually ends the topic for whatever reason.

Be sensitive to him. Language excludes him in a big way, he may not mind at first, but in time he'll feel alienated.

[ronjie 0]

I see your timeline and it says your Filipina wife is not here yet. When she gets here, I am sure you will truly understand how it is for her to be away from her family that she grew up with especially if it is her first time to be away from them. If you dont understand why Filipinas will be "homesick" for a long period of time then you will never understand our culture and how close we are to our families growing up.

Most of my friends here who arrived earlier than me are still homesick because when they got here, after getting married and the honeymoon, they are left by themselves in the house while the husbands work, THE WHOLE DAY. And while they are waiting for EAD and AOS, they don't have anybody to turn to but fellow Filipinas who are in the same situation. Most of them spend time cleaning the house, chatting with friends, posting here in tagalog to friends and mind you, these are all non-immigrant issues, just ordinary talking among friends. If you deprive them of these "treat" while they await for their husbands to arrive from work, isn't that cruel? We are trying to survive in a world very different from ours and the most a husband can do is be supportive. Put yourself in our shoes and maybe you will understand better.

To add, when you started seeking out a non-USC to be your lifetime partner you should have known that you will be taking her out of her country , away from her family and friends, leave work and start all over again so expect that there will be homesickness and the adjustment process will be difiicult for most of us.Each individual is unique and different in how dealing with things. If one Filipina adjusted fairly well after arriving here don't expect all Filipinas to be the same.If you want to understand the conversation going on in tagalog all you have to do is ask your wife what it means. . . not a hard thing to do huh?

And to my fellow Filipinas, if you feel like talking in Tagalog in the Philippine forum, then do so. Sometimes people just don't understand how we miss the language. After all, this is America, and FREEDOM OF SPEECH is very highly regarded.

Mabuhay po tayo!

Granted Filipinas are away from home and my fiancee is very lucky that she'll live in California where 100s of thousand of Filipinas live.

But, I think, to get over homesickness, there are other ways to do it and other places like YM and MSN messenger to name a few. Speaking/writing in Tagalog when there are English only speakers in the audience is rude, especially when those who are writing/speaking in Tagalog also know English. Some say "but we are talking to each other." This doesn't cut it on a public forum, but it does on YM and MSN.

There really isn't any excuse for being so rude.

Unfortunately, I had a Filipina GF about 6 years ago who already lived in the USA for a long time and so did her family and at every family event, they would speak exclusively in Tagalog so no wonder I zoned out at those events. It was as if to say "F%%$#% him!"

**********So, if you want your partner to zone out, really disconnect from you, speak in Tagalog, but just remember that you are to blame, because you could easily fix it by included him or her in the conversation by speaking in English. As they say in the RP .... "up to you." Cling to the excuses or respect those around you by speaking and writing in a language that the majority understand. *********

Im confident that my husband wont get disconnected from me if I continue speaking to my friends in our language even if he is there because he is the one who encourages me. He knows Im happy when I talk to my friends in our dialect and he is happy Im happy. He understands. I don't talk to my friends everyday. I don't see them everyday so 90% I am talking English and if I spend 10% of my time talking in tagalog, I believe it is fair. He has not once complained to me about that and I respect him more. He knows, its fun talk and he trusts me that I dont talk behind his back. He knows that if I have a complain about him, I will tell him first.

When USC husbands and fiances go to the Philippines to visit we don't tell them ,hey learn our language because you are in the Philippines and majority of the people around you speak tagalog and not English, instead our families and everybodyelse speak english, even broken english, for their sake.

My husband is slowly learning my language not because he feels an outcast but because he wants to talk to me in my language . He likes the sound and I love listening to him pronounce it. It is cute. Marriage is meeting halfway and my husband doing this makes me love him more and more because he understands.

We usually have gatherings with other VJ couples and it is always with the husbands.Usually the first phase would be the men talking to each other while the women update each other by talking in our language . When everyone is in one table or area we do speak english for our men to understand and of course to join in the conversation. We are not stupid to continue speaking in our language when everyone is there. It works for us. I have a circle of filipina friends whose husbands don't mind us talking in our dialect

Anyway, I am tired of explaining myself why we can't help talking in our language. I will end here but thanks to this thread and the numerous "rants" because it made me realize how lucky I am to be married to someone who really understands my needs.

Godbless and peace eveyone.

I thought you were done with the PETTY TALK? you can't help but rant. and I see you have no problem with English when you are ranting!!!

[ronjie 0]

I think there are just some people who don't understand the value of respecting others opinions and thoughts. I keep on telling my husband that I missed home. Doesn't mean I wasn't ready for the life I am about to embrace in being with him. He used to tease me... "you sounds like your whining baby" and I just answer him.. "so what"? If that's how you call it then fine. He is really trying hard to learn my language and I am the one with no patient in teaching him. He doesn't felt left behind if I am with my Filipina friends and talking our own language ( he likes the sounds ) and just chose to smile even he doesn't understand anything. I am blessed to have him. I should say, he really has a wide range of understanding. Am I whining? SO WHAT? Gihigugma ko ikaw babe! Gimingaw ko sa akong yutang natawhan! Period!

Vida Taylor

My husband doesnt mind too if i speak bisaya or tagalog when im with my friends even he is around. He is trying to learn 3 dialects (tagalog, bisaya ilonggo). Even we are here in the USA.....we are still pinay at talagang mamiss at mami-miss natin ang pinas especially kung malapit tayo sa ating pamilya.

Good luck to him in learning Tagalog. We husbands try (I tried too), but it isn't easy without immersing one's self into a place where only that language is spoken.

For example, I could likely learn Spanish very fast in Peru where very few speak English, but even though so many speak Spanish hear in California, it isn't easy for me to learn Spanish here (I tried this too), because we revert to English, the common language between us.

Mark my words, husbands don't mind being left out of conversations at first, but in time, they will zone out, talking in Tagalog while they are close by will alienate them. I'm speaking from experience. I know how I felt.

Trust me, you will preserve your relationship far more by speaking in your spouse's language if he is anywhere remotely near you.

We husbands do understand the hardship, we are mindful so please be mindful of us by speaking in a language we understand when we are close by, because when we hear and understand what is being said, we can easily and immediately join in the conversation and laughter. We don't have to say what's so funny or what's the topic and then wait for the translation..... this interrupts the flow of the conversation and in my experience usually ends the topic for whatever reason.

Be sensitive to him. Language excludes him in a big way, he may not mind at first, but in time he'll feel alienated.

Your words are very true !! I remember when I just arrived in the PI as a guest from abroad and while driving with 6 people in the car ( the first day there, and yes, I paid for the car rental also. and we were going out to lunch, which I paid for also ). I felt very alienated. I had to keep asking to be included in the conversation. I would sooner walk around alone then be in an unfriendly enviroment like that. my wife would always remind them to speak english. after all, I was their guest. the point was. I'm good enough to rent the car and take everyone out to lunch. and they still did not include me in the conversation. some day the pinays will have something important to say. and no english only speaking person is going to listen to them.

[shining_angel 0]

Good luck to him in learning Tagalog. We husbands try (I tried too), but it isn't easy without immersing one's self into a place where only that language is spoken.

- that's why we practice talking in tagalog at home and even with friends. Each individual's learning skills are different from each other and you will succeed my friend if you persevere.

Mark my words, husbands don't mind being left out of conversations at first, but in time, they will zone out, talking in Tagalog while they are close by will alienate them. I'm speaking from experience. I know how I felt. I respect how you felt and I am sorry if you felt that way.

Trust me, you will preserve your relationship far more by speaking in your spouse's language if he is anywhere remotely near you.

as if each time i speak something in my language each time he is near, it's pushing him away?

We husbands do understand the hardship, we are mindful so please be mindful of us by speaking in a language we understand when we are close by, because when we hear and understand what is being said, we can easily and immediately join in the conversation and laughter. This is understandable..but sometimes pinays need their own moment to talk in our language. We dont have YM of each other so we find Philippine forum beneficial.

PS: There will come a time when you and your spouse will argue and your spouse/fiancee resort to talk in her dialect (it's really hard to be mad or angry in english) - be prepared to feel really alienated. Before when I was really upset I rant in my language and my husband knew I was really upset. sometimes it is so difficult not to be able to express yourself in English that's why some pinays get into tampo mode (more alienation moments).

[vichygurl 1]

Mark my words, husbands don't mind being left out of conversations at first, but in time, they will zone out, talking in Tagalog while they are close by will alienate them. I'm speaking from experience. I know how I felt.

Trust me, you will preserve your relationship far more by speaking in your spouse's language if he is anywhere remotely near you.

We husbands do understand the hardship, we are mindful so please be mindful of us by speaking in a language we understand when we are close by, because when we hear and understand what is being said, we can easily and immediately join in the conversation and laughter. We don't have to say what's so funny or what's the topic and then wait for the translation..... this interrupts the flow of the conversation and in my experience usually ends the topic for whatever reason.

Be sensitive to him. Language excludes him in a big way, he may not mind at first, but in time he'll feel alienated.

Just a thought, don't you think some of the filipinas felt like alienated as well when there husband and friends speaking in a crowd with her around?Lets pretend that English is not an International language...whats the difference between talking in tagalog and talking in English in front of someone who can't speak it? But calling it rudeness is I think unfair. It's a case to case basis I say. I was just trying to explain here that... in a scale of 10 is to 1 and 10 is the highest while 1 is the lowest..there will be 3% chances that we can talk to our native language in this country and that is just during the time when we are in front with Filipina friends and basically in VJ in this forum. All the rest and most of the time we will be speaking in English because we are surrounded with English speaking people.In saying this,I'm also is asking for your (USC) understanding. Please at this time give us a chance.

I am confident that a filipina wife when in front of her filipina friends and speaking the native tongue and with her husband around..she will always try her very best to explain it to her husband the best she can coz yeah, we too are mindful. Personally, I am sensitive enough to make my husband feel comfortable around with my filipina friend by not translating but including him in the flow.

Thanks!

Vida Taylor

Edited November 20, 2008 by blukiss24

[shining_angel 0]

I am confident that a filipina wife when in front of her filipina friends and speaking the native tongue and with her husband around..she will always try her very best to explain it to her husband the best she can coz yeah, we too are mindful. Personally, I am sensitive enough to make my husband feel comfortable around with my filipina friend by not translating but including him in the flow.

Thanks!

Vida Taylor

Na, sure na vida,

dili sila palupig...bawal gyud mag binisaya or tagalog sa ila..may fine siguro sa bahay nila pag hindi english. Parang elementary days ko at siguro feeling ko lang..sa ilang balay bawal ang mingaw mingaw. gi-ahak.

[jom 4]

I see your timeline and it says your Filipina wife is not here yet. When she gets here, I am sure you will truly understand how it is for her to be away from her family that she grew up with especially if it is her first time to be away from them. If you dont understand why Filipinas will be "homesick" for a long period of time then you will never understand our culture and how close we are to our families growing up.

Most of my friends here who arrived earlier than me are still homesick because when they got here, after getting married and the honeymoon, they are left by themselves in the house while the husbands work, THE WHOLE DAY. And while they are waiting for EAD and AOS, they don't have anybody to turn to but fellow Filipinas who are in the same situation. Most of them spend time cleaning the house, chatting with friends, posting here in tagalog to friends and mind you, these are all non-immigrant issues, just ordinary talking among friends. If you deprive them of these "treat" while they await for their husbands to arrive from work, isn't that cruel? We are trying to survive in a world very different from ours and the most a husband can do is be supportive. Put yourself in our shoes and maybe you will understand better.

To add, when you started seeking out a non-USC to be your lifetime partner you should have known that you will be taking her out of her country , away from her family and friends, leave work and start all over again so expect that there will be homesickness and the adjustment process will be difiicult for most of us.Each individual is unique and different in how dealing with things. If one Filipina adjusted fairly well after arriving here don't expect all Filipinas to be the same.If you want to understand the conversation going on in tagalog all you have to do is ask your wife what it means. . . not a hard thing to do huh?

And to my fellow Filipinas, if you feel like talking in Tagalog in the Philippine forum, then do so. Sometimes people just don't understand how we miss the language. After all, this is America, and FREEDOM OF SPEECH is very highly regarded.

Mabuhay po tayo!

Granted Filipinas are away from home and my fiancee is very lucky that she'll live in California where 100s of thousand of Filipinas live.

But, I think, to get over homesickness, there are other ways to do it and other places like YM and MSN messenger to name a few. Speaking/writing in Tagalog when there are English only speakers in the audience is rude, especially when those who are writing/speaking in Tagalog also know English. Some say "but we are talking to each other." This doesn't cut it on a public forum, but it does on YM and MSN.

There really isn't any excuse for being so rude.

Unfortunately, I had a Filipina GF about 6 years ago who already lived in the USA for a long time and so did her family and at every family event, they would speak exclusively in Tagalog so no wonder I zoned out at those events. It was as if to say "F%%$#% him!"

**********So, if you want your partner to zone out, really disconnect from you, speak in Tagalog, but just remember that you are to blame, because you could easily fix it by included him or her in the conversation by speaking in English. As they say in the RP .... "up to you." Cling to the excuses or respect those around you by speaking and writing in a language that the majority understand. *********

Im confident that my husband wont get disconnected from me if I continue speaking to my friends in our language even if he is there because he is the one who encourages me. He knows Im happy when I talk to my friends in our dialect and he is happy Im happy. He understands. I don't talk to my friends everyday. I don't see them everyday so 90% I am talking English and if I spend 10% of my time talking in tagalog, I believe it is fair. He has not once complained to me about that and I respect him more. He knows, its fun talk and he trusts me that I dont talk behind his back. He knows that if I have a complain about him, I will tell him first.

When USC husbands and fiances go to the Philippines to visit we don't tell them ,hey learn our language because you are in the Philippines and majority of the people around you speak tagalog and not English, instead our families and everybodyelse speak english, even broken english, for their sake.

My husband is slowly learning my language not because he feels an outcast but because he wants to talk to me in my language . He likes the sound and I love listening to him pronounce it. It is cute. Marriage is meeting halfway and my husband doing this makes me love him more and more because he understands.

We usually have gatherings with other VJ couples and it is always with the husbands.Usually the first phase would be the men talking to each other while the women update each other by talking in our language . When everyone is in one table or area we do speak english for our men to understand and of course to join in the conversation. We are not stupid to continue speaking in our language when everyone is there. It works for us. I have a circle of filipina friends whose husbands don't mind us talking in our dialect

Anyway, I am tired of explaining myself why we can't help talking in our language. I will end here but thanks to this thread and the numerous "rants" because it made me realize how lucky I am to be married to someone who really understands my needs.

Godbless and peace eveyone.

I thought you were done with the PETTY TALK? you can't help but rant. and I see you have no problem with English when you are ranting!!!

I was trying to make a point to a new poster, not to you. Good grief, get off my back and yes I have no problems speaking English because I am very good at it.

[DEDixon 39]

Just a thought, don't you think some of the filipinas felt like alienated as well when there husband and friends speaking in a crowd with her around?

There are situations in which even when everyone is speaking the same language, some people who do not have knowledge to chat or are somehow in a position to doing more of the listening than speaking in group settings. This is just matter of fact. This issue here is being in a group setting and speaking in a language that some do not know. That alienates even more.

Lets pretend that English is not an International language...whats the difference between talking in tagalog and talking in English in front of someone who can't speak it?

Let's not change what we are talking about here for it only makes the issue more complicated. What we are talking about here is speaking in Tagalog (or writing) when others are in the audience do not speak Tagalog <-- simple as that, no need to complicate what we are talking about with "let's pretend........"

But calling it rudeness is I think unfair.

Too bad you didn't marry a chinese man who's entire family and friends speak Manderin and at family events everyone speaks Mandarin even as you are standing in a circle looking on wishing to know what everyone is talking about. I have been in situations like this and I've also been at many dinner tables and poker tables at family events where they (Filipinos) chat and laugh among themselves in Tagalog. The only time they speak English is when talking to me directly, then they revert back to Tagalog. I think it is rude. It is unwelcoming. It is thoughtless.

It's a case to case basis I say. I was just trying to explain here that... in a scale of 10 is to 1 and 10 is the highest while 1 is the lowest..there will be 3% chances that we can talk to our native language in this country and that is just during the time when we are in front with Filipina friends and basically in VJ in this forum. All the rest and most of the time we will be speaking in English because we are surrounded with English speaking people.In saying this,I'm also is asking for your (USC) understanding. Please at this time give us a chance.

It depends on where you live. I live in California where 100s of thousands of Filipinos live and I know my fiancee will seek them out (that is the natural thing to do). What I will not like is for her to chat in Tagalog when I'm within listening distance, because I just might want to add to what she is talking about or laugh with her if whatever it is is funny. I've been in situations where everyone is laughing except for me, because of Tagalog.

I am confident that a filipina wife when in front of her filipina friends and speaking the native tongue and with her husband around..she will always try her very best to explain it to her husband the best she can coz yeah, we too are mindful. Personally, I am sensitive enough to make my husband feel comfortable around with my filipina friend by not translating but including him in the flow.

I am not confident for I've experienced far different. I've been to many Filipino event in and around Daly City, California and I can tell you, they don't care. Plus, why bother to "explain" what people are talking about when all that has to be done is speak in English when English only speakers are around. By the way, Daly City is big and probably 95% Filipino. It isn't unusual to see Filipinos anywhere in California.

I was with my last Filipina GF for 4 years. I know how it feels to be alienate. It wasn't that they didn't like me either, they just like speaking in Tagalog even though they can speak perfect English. What I am saying is that not everyone can be controlled, however Filipinas here and about to come to America can help their spouse feel a little better if at least she speaks in English while the rest continue to do otherwise. If she speaks in Tagalog along with the rest of them, he will eventually not want to participate in any events or parties where there are a lot of Filipinos. (I said "she" because most that are coming to America here are female.)

Take my experience to learn something instead of trying to defend yourselves and make excuses.

[ronjie 0]

Just a thought, don't you think some of the filipinas felt like alienated as well when there husband and friends speaking in a crowd with her around?

There are situations in which even when everyone is speaking the same language, some people who do not have knowledge to chat or are somehow in a position to doing more of the listening than speaking in group settings. This is just matter of fact. This issue here is being in a group setting and speaking in a language that some do not know. That alienates even more.

Lets pretend that English is not an International language...whats the difference between talking in tagalog and talking in English in front of someone who can't speak it?

Let's not change what we are talking about here for it only makes the issue more complicated. What we are talking about here is speaking in Tagalog (or writing) when others are in the audience do not speak Tagalog <-- simple as that, no need to complicate what we are talking about with "let's pretend........"

But calling it rudeness is I think unfair.

Too bad you didn't marry a chinese man who's entire family and friends speak Manderin and at family events everyone speaks Mandarin even as you are standing in a circle looking on wishing to know what everyone is talking about. I have been in situations like this and I've also been at many dinner tables and poker tables at family events where they (Filipinos) chat and laugh among themselves in Tagalog. The only time they speak English is when talking to me directly, then they revert back to Tagalog. I think it is rude. It is unwelcoming. It is thoughtless.

It's a case to case basis I say. I was just trying to explain here that... in a scale of 10 is to 1 and 10 is the highest while 1 is the lowest..there will be 3% chances that we can talk to our native language in this country and that is just during the time when we are in front with Filipina friends and basically in VJ in this forum. All the rest and most of the time we will be speaking in English because we are surrounded with English speaking people.In saying this,I'm also is asking for your (USC) understanding. Please at this time give us a chance.

It depends on where you live. I live in California where 100s of thousands of Filipinos live and I know my fiancee will seek them out (that is the natural thing to do). What I will not like is for her to chat in Tagalog when I'm within listening distance, because I just might want to add to what she is talking about or laugh with her if whatever it is is funny. I've been in situations where everyone is laughing except for me, because of Tagalog.

I am confident that a filipina wife when in front of her filipina friends and speaking the native tongue and with her husband around..she will always try her very best to explain it to her husband the best she can coz yeah, we too are mindful. Personally, I am sensitive enough to make my husband feel comfortable around with my filipina friend by not translating but including him in the flow.

I am not confident for I've experienced far different. I've been to many Filipino event in and around Daly City, California and I can tell you, they don't care. Plus, why bother to "explain" what people are talking about when all that has to be done is speak in English when English only speakers are around. By the way, Daly City is big and probably 95% Filipino. It isn't unusual to see Filipinos anywhere in California.

I was with my last Filipina GF for 4 years. I know how it feels to be alienate. It wasn't that they didn't like me either, they just like speaking in Tagalog even though they can speak perfect English. What I am saying is that not everyone can be controlled, however Filipinas here and about to come to America can help their spouse feel a little better if at least she speaks in English while the rest continue to do otherwise. If she speaks in Tagalog along with the rest of them, he will eventually not want to participate in any events or parties where there are a lot of Filipinos. (I said "she" because most that are coming to America here are female.)

Take my experience to learn something instead of trying to defend yourselves and make excuses.

well you said it better than me. But that is exactly how I feel and I'm sure most husbands do or will in time

[vichygurl 1]

I respect your views and I understand what you are trying to say. I am sorry for your experienced.

I just don't think that another persons views and situations is considered to be an excuse.

Vida Taylor

[TOM&Riz 4]

good lawd man, good thing you wern't born a minority ... nobody would be right

[EricC 0]

Didn't mean to start an argument here I was mostly talking in terms of this forum. My wife has been here for 6 months now. I come to this forum to read what other filipinas (like yourselves) and their SO's have to say. I come here to learn about the filipino culture, filipino specific immigration issues, and married life with a filipina from both sides. When someone speaks Tagalog here I feel completely lost and left out of something that might better mine and my wife's life here. Take this thread for example it starts off "im going back to the phils" then the next post says what I am thinking "why going back...". What comes after that is nothing but Tagalog or people like me trying to get a summary at least of whats going on. Maybe the reasons the OP is wanting to go back to the Philippines is things that I can prevent with my wife. Maybe the other filipinas are giving her good advice that I can share with my wife. Instead I don't understand anything.

I can understanding filipinas wanting to speak their native language especially when they are feeling homesick. I don't mind when my wife and I go out and say go to the filipino store thats close by and she and the people there are only speaking Tagalog. I don't want to take her language or her culture. In fact I do want to learn Tagalog and when my baby is born I want him or her to grow up speaking both languages. This forum is different however. Everyone on these forums speak English so thats what should be spoken. It is not proper forum etiquette on any forum where the base is English and a small group of people constantly speak a different language. Why doesn't someone create a "~Tagalog Thread~" where filipinas can talk to other filipinas about whatever they wish in Tagalog. The forums should be used for discussions in English. These regional forums were here for people to talk about travel, culture, food, etc of the specific region, not for people of only that region to talk in their native tongue.

[DEDixon 39]

I don't mind when my wife and I go out and say go to the filipino store thats close by and she and the people there are only speaking Tagalog. I don't want to take her language or her culture.

I wouldn't mind if my fiancee speaks in Tagalog at the store either, but in a social setting, it isn't a good thing. On this forum, it isn't a good thing either.

One thing about the store though is that if she is going to talk in Tagalog, presumably about the food, she is not including me in her culture. I have no idea what she is saying about the food and perhaps if I did, it would be more helpful. She could say it once in Tagalog and once in English (if I ask what???), but it seems a waste of time to say it twice.

I have no interest in learning Tagalog. It isn't a language like Spanish where the speaker may not know English. Most people who know Tagalog knows English so I just don't have any interest in it. I see it as redundant. She and I already know the same language, why do we have to know 2 languages? I'm happy eating the food, no problem there!

If you want your kids to speak Tagalog, your wife better not utter a word in English to them, because once kids get to school, they start to prefer English. The only way to get them to continue speaking Tagalog is for your wife to ignore them unless they speak to her in Tagalog. Once they realize without a doubt they'll be ignored when speaking in English, they won't try using English. Many FilAms (3rd generation) do not know Tagalog is what my experience has been. A few know it enough to understand, but not speak. Latino households have the same issue. As the generations get deeper, the kids do not learn Spanish even when both parents speak Spanish.