Pending custody and possible interview conflicts...

[bucknekkid 0]

Howdy all

I would like to pose this question in the hopes others may have some insight...

Karen is currently divorced but still has not concluded the custody and property settlement end of the mess. She has, and still maintains custody of the children through this process, yet herein lies the problem.

Karens ex and the Court System are aware of her desire to leave the country with the children to marry me.

Her ex refuses to budge on allowing this to happen, therefore our fate will be left to the courts to decide.

Without out being presumptuous of the outcome, but to show the courts we are serious about our intent to marry, we have proceeded with the Visa I-129F application realizing the time it takes to accomplish this task. The application is currently in Montreal and we are awaiting Packet 3 to continue our journey.

Now the questions!

1) Can Karen go to the interview if the issues aren't resolved with custody and leaving the country with the kids?

2) If custody and permission to leave the country is granted in our favor can she show proof after the interview?

3) Can the interview be extended in the hopes we have an answer from the courts but not before the original interview date?

4) Does any of this making sense to you? If not I will try to clarify!!

Thanks in advance for any info you may be able to provide us!!

David of..... David and Karen

[Girona40 0]

I had to go through all this in England. Only difference I was already divorced and my daughter's father hadn't had any contact with her for two years - by his own choosing. But, as soon as he heard I was getting married and I had to have his permission to bring my daughter, he said no. We went to court and it was horrible, but they agreed that it was actually in my daughter's best interests. They weren't interested in how either of us would fare, but how she would and what kind of life she would have here.

Anyway, I will try to answer your questions as best I can and I am sure others in the same situation will also. So, don't take this as gospel, just my opinion on things.

1) Can Karen go to the interview if the issues aren't resolved with custody and leaving the country with the kids?

I would say "No" because I had to produce a document from the Court, at the interview, to show that I had permission to remove my daughter from the jurisdiction of the Court.

2) If custody and permission to leave the country is granted in our favor can she show proof after the interview?

This may be possible - you would have to contact the consulate and ask that question. I am sure there is someone there that could answer that for you. But you may find that it takes a while to get to interview stage, by which time the Court may have made their decision. My Court hearing didn't take long to set up at all and I had several months to kill after that before the interview was scheduled. But I was in the UK - don't know what it is like anywhere else.

3) Can the interview be extended in the hopes we have an answer from the courts but not before the original interview date?

You can tell them you cannot make the interview date they schedule, but it may be some considerable time before they re-schedule one for you. What happens if they re-schedule and you still haven't heard from the Court with a decision?

4) Does any of this making sense to you? If not I will try to clarify!!

It all makes perfect sense. I would give the US Consulate a call and ask them the questions though.

But, if it were me, and this is only what I would do, I would wait until I had all my paperwork to hand before I attended the interview.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Edited April 28, 2006 by Girona40

[Leafgal 3]

David the best of luck to both you and Karen in this situation, ex's can be a pain for sure. I will be rooting for you both.

Leafgal

[Cristy 4]

I don't have answers, but I am going to court to have the access removed from my custody order. He has not been around in 10 yrs so getting his permission is ridiculous and impossible. I am getting this done before the interview assuming they will need it at that time. I also know that the passport office requires both parents consent if there is access on the custody order.

Best of luck to you guys.

[Buttons 0]

Okay, I went through this and my husband fought like a son of a b***ch. Put I took pictures of my apartment and then of the house we had bought in the USA. I also had a offer of visitation for the father. I had to prove my relationship with the USC was strong, solid and healthy. I had letters from my fiancee at the time (now husband) of his intent to marry and that his relationship with my daughter was building daily. I made it seem like I would do everything and anything to keep the relationship with natural father active and strong. Since then the natural father has had his visitation removed from Family and Children Services. I didn't bash the father but tried to make it seem that this is and was the best decision for the child. They don't care if it is for the parents -- It's the Child they want to make sure is HAPPY, HEALTHY and SAFE.

[Mike n Huong 1]

I am in this same situation, except she has not gone to court for her son to come here. Her ex sees her son very rarely, and when he does, he usually drops him off at his parents home. Her and her parents have discussed this with him, but he won't sign. Her parents invited his parents over and they discussed this issue and they thought it was wonderful for her son to go with her, because he would have a better life with his mom. Her ex is still not convinced of signing. I talked to her about a plan to let her son live with her ex for 1 or 2 weeks, without any help from her or her parents, so he can understand that he cannot take care of him, because he doesn't have the time or care to do so. I will hope this experience will change his mind. If not, how would she begin the process of going to court to allow her son to come with her to the US, she is from Vietnam?

I am in this same situation, except she has not gone to court for her son to come here. Her ex sees her son very rarely, and when he does, he usually drops him off at his parents home. Her and her parents have discussed this with him, but he won't sign. Her parents invited his parents over and they discussed this issue and they thought it was wonderful for her son to go with her, because he would have a better life with his mom. Her ex is still not convinced of signing. I talked to her about a plan to let her son live with her ex for 1 or 2 weeks, without any help from her or her parents, so he can understand that he cannot take care of him, because he doesn't have the time or care to do so. I will hope this experience will change his mind. If not, how would she begin the process of going to court to allow her son to come with her to the US, she is from Vietnam?

[David and Karen 0]

I had to go through all this in England. Only difference I was already divorced and my daughter's father hadn't had any contact with her for two years - by his own choosing. But, as soon as he heard I was getting married and I had to have his permission to bring my daughter, he said no. We went to court and it was horrible, but they agreed that it was actually in my daughter's best interests. They weren't interested in how either of us would fare, but how she would and what kind of life she would have here.

Anyway, I will try to answer your questions as best I can and I am sure others in the same situation will also. So, don't take this as gospel, just my opinion on things.

1) Can Karen go to the interview if the issues aren't resolved with custody and leaving the country with the kids?

I would say "No" because I had to produce a document from the Court, at the interview, to show that I had permission to remove my daughter from the jurisdiction of the Court.

2) If custody and permission to leave the country is granted in our favor can she show proof after the interview?

This may be possible - you would have to contact the consulate and ask that question. I am sure there is someone there that could answer that for you. But you may find that it takes a while to get to interview stage, by which time the Court may have made their decision. My Court hearing didn't take long to set up at all and I had several months to kill after that before the interview was scheduled. But I was in the UK - don't know what it is like anywhere else.

3) Can the interview be extended in the hopes we have an answer from the courts but not before the original interview date?

You can tell them you cannot make the interview date they schedule, but it may be some considerable time before they re-schedule one for you. What happens if they re-schedule and you still haven't heard from the Court with a decision?

4) Does any of this making sense to you? If not I will try to clarify!!

It all makes perfect sense. I would give the US Consulate a call and ask them the questions though.

But, if it were me, and this is only what I would do, I would wait until I had all my paperwork to hand before I attended the interview.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you for your detailed reply. Coincidentally, I rec'd packet 3 yesterday. Believe me it is rec'd with mixed emotions. I plan to jot down all of my questions/concerns and email Montreal to see if they can lead us in the right direction. The checklist I am to return includes a spot checking off that I have notarized consent of their father to move them to the USA. My first instinct was to check it off so I can send back the checklist and be assigned an interview date. Knowing that my trial in court will be heard before my interview. But of course if I check it off and then provide the court documents as proof and they see the date is after the date on my checklist I sorta present a poor history in the honesty department. So for obvious reasons I will likely have to wait. I just wonder how long I can wait to send back the info in the packet 3. Does it expire etc? *sighs*

Karen

David the best of luck to both you and Karen in this situation, ex's can be a pain for sure. I will be rooting for you both.

Leafgal

Thank you Leafgal. I hear ya on the pain! Ugh! It is discouraging to know that in the end this is the right thing for the children. Time will tell I guess. Thank you again for the warm wishes.

Karen

I don't have answers, but I am going to court to have the access removed from my custody order. He has not been around in 10 yrs so getting his permission is ridiculous and impossible. I am getting this done before the interview assuming they will need it at that time. I also know that the passport office requires both parents consent if there is access on the custody order.

Best of luck to you guys.

Good luck to you as well! It's a long road. It would seem you may have luck on your side being that your childs father hasn't been around in so long.

Karen

Okay, I went through this and my husband fought like a son of a b***ch. Put I took pictures of my apartment and then of the house we had bought in the USA. I also had a offer of visitation for the father. I had to prove my relationship with the USC was strong, solid and healthy. I had letters from my fiancee at the time (now husband) of his intent to marry and that his relationship with my daughter was building daily. I made it seem like I would do everything and anything to keep the relationship with natural father active and strong. Since then the natural father has had his visitation removed from Family and Children Services. I didn't bash the father but tried to make it seem that this is and was the best decision for the child. They don't care if it is for the parents -- It's the Child they want to make sure is HAPPY, HEALTHY and SAFE.

Great idea about the pictures! I'd love to hear anything else you may suggest with regards to showing how it is better for the children. Dave and my girls email one another often and we have kept those emails. They have exchanged packages in the mail with pictures and crafts etc. Cards sent via email and snail mail. Something we don't have much of are pictures of him and the girls. Maybe I should work on that too. Both of the children really want to move to Missouri. The older one is 10. She is quite bothered that she can't go to court and have her say so to speak. My hope is that it will all work out in the next couple of months.

Please pm me if you have anything else you can suggest. I really appreciate your insight.

Karen

I am in this same situation, except she has not gone to court for her son to come here. Her ex sees her son very rarely, and when he does, he usually drops him off at his parents home. Her and her parents have discussed this with him, but he won't sign. Her parents invited his parents over and they discussed this issue and they thought it was wonderful for her son to go with her, because he would have a better life with his mom. Her ex is still not convinced of signing. I talked to her about a plan to let her son live with her ex for 1 or 2 weeks, without any help from her or her parents, so he can understand that he cannot take care of him, because he doesn't have the time or care to do so. I will hope this experience will change his mind. If not, how would she begin the process of going to court to allow her son to come with her to the US, she is from Vietnam?

I would think the process would be similar as to here. A lawyer and courts? Honestly, I don't know. I would think that the court process would determine what is best for the child. Good luck!

Karen

Edited April 29, 2006 by David and Karen

[Jasman0717 8]

[Peggy 1]

Karen, I am sorry you are having problems getting the ex to sign the papers for the kids.

Some ex's are just a pain in the butt.

Something tells me I would send in the checklist, and by the time you get your interview and if you still dont have the document, then at least you will just have to send in that one missing document to have your visa's approved.

I see alot of women are having this same problem. Its too bad these men wouldnt pay attention to the kids before they know they are moving away. Seems like they are just doing it to punish the mother. I hope the court goes in your favour with the decision. If you ever need someone to listen I am there for ya in MSN. I hope the judge see's that the kids are better of in a stable family in the US.

I will be praying for the best out come for you and Dave

[crashandcari 0]

Not sure how much more I can add but we had our own situation regarding this.

Crash has has full custody of his son for over 10 years. His ex never even bothered to show up for the custody hearing so the judge granted him full custody. She then had a couple of supervised visits with Jr then pretty much disappeared.

When we got engaged back in February 2005 we realized that Crash would still need to get the Court's permission to take Jr. with him to America. While I planned the wedding Crash went about all of that. His aunt works in another court district so she was very helpful in advising him what paperwork he needed in order to have his case presented before the Judge. Pretty easy right? Shes a deadbeat mom who hasn't even tried to see her son in over 10 years. WRONG. First of all the court Crash turned his paperwork into was the local courts. They said the High Court needed to hear the case since they were the ones who determined the custody way back when. Ok so we still think, not so bad. We can have that permission and still get the K1 and he can come for the wedding in July. WRONG AGAIN.

When Crash first appeared at the High Court the judge he saw reviewed the paperwork and this shouldn't be a problem. Come back in a month and the order will be issued. When he went back the second time he was before a different judge. This one said the first judge had no right telling Crash what he said. This second judge said that they (the Court) needed to do EVERYTHING in their power to try to find Jr.'s mom. Unbelievable! To say we were stunned and shocked is a complete understatement. In hindsight we (at least I) understand that the Court did this to protect themselves as well as Crash should his ex ever surface from the depth of hell where she is probably living. Anyway, Crash hired an investigator while the court had their own search performed by the UK's version of Social Services (I can't remember what they are called right now).

Since we had the wedding booked already we decided that Crash would come in for the wedding stay a few months then go back to England and we would start the CR1 process. Good thing because the court hearing finalizing all of this took place about a week before he was due to fly out. Thankfully the Court granted Crash permission to remove his son from England to move to the United States.

Bottom line is this... The Embassy (at the interview) requires Court documentation giving permission to remove the child from the country. Obviously every case is different as far as time lengths go. Like for us we thought it would be a slam dunk as far as granting permission seeing how Crash's ex hadn't seen her son in over 10 years and Jr could probably pass her on the street and not even know it was his Mum. But like I said earlier. The Court did what it did for us and probably everyone else so that later on down the road the other parent can't try to accuse our SO of kidnapping. No matter how aggrevating it is for the whole family it is worth it in the end.

I 'm not sure how to advise you as to what to do for your interview. You could go and see what they say. Worse case scenario they deny the visa for the time being saying that additional documentation is required and then give you a specific timeframe to get the Court documentation.

All I can say is good luck to you all and keep us informed as to your progress. You will be in our thoughts!

Cari and Crash..

[David and Karen 0]

Karen, I am sorry you are having problems getting the ex to sign the papers for the kids.

Some ex's are just a pain in the butt.

Something tells me I would send in the checklist, and by the time you get your interview and if you still dont have the document, then at least you will just have to send in that one missing document to have your visa's approved.

I see alot of women are having this same problem. Its too bad these men wouldnt pay attention to the kids before they know they are moving away. Seems like they are just doing it to punish the mother. I hope the court goes in your favour with the decision. If you ever need someone to listen I am there for ya in MSN. I hope the judge see's that the kids are better of in a stable family in the US.

I will be praying for the best out come for you and Dave

See that is just it... I wonder if I can interview without it? I think it is going to come down to gathering the questions and sending an email off to them in Montreal to ask for guidance. In my case their dad does pay attention to them....just on his terms. He works 5-6 days a week in the USA anyways. He is being difficult because he can be. *shrugs* Thank you for the support. Don't be surprised if in the days to come I fall back on ya.

Karen

Not sure how much more I can add but we had our own situation regarding this.

Crash has has full custody of his son for over 10 years. His ex never even bothered to show up for the custody hearing so the judge granted him full custody. She then had a couple of supervised visits with Jr then pretty much disappeared.

When we got engaged back in February 2005 we realized that Crash would still need to get the Court's permission to take Jr. with him to America. While I planned the wedding Crash went about all of that. His aunt works in another court district so she was very helpful in advising him what paperwork he needed in order to have his case presented before the Judge. Pretty easy right? Shes a deadbeat mom who hasn't even tried to see her son in over 10 years. WRONG. First of all the court Crash turned his paperwork into was the local courts. They said the High Court needed to hear the case since they were the ones who determined the custody way back when. Ok so we still think, not so bad. We can have that permission and still get the K1 and he can come for the wedding in July. WRONG AGAIN.

When Crash first appeared at the High Court the judge he saw reviewed the paperwork and this shouldn't be a problem. Come back in a month and the order will be issued. When he went back the second time he was before a different judge. This one said the first judge had no right telling Crash what he said. This second judge said that they (the Court) needed to do EVERYTHING in their power to try to find Jr.'s mom. Unbelievable! To say we were stunned and shocked is a complete understatement. In hindsight we (at least I) understand that the Court did this to protect themselves as well as Crash should his ex ever surface from the depth of hell where she is probably living. Anyway, Crash hired an investigator while the court had their own search performed by the UK's version of Social Services (I can't remember what they are called right now).

Since we had the wedding booked already we decided that Crash would come in for the wedding stay a few months then go back to England and we would start the CR1 process. Good thing because the court hearing finalizing all of this took place about a week before he was due to fly out. Thankfully the Court granted Crash permission to remove his son from England to move to the United States.

Bottom line is this... The Embassy (at the interview) requires Court documentation giving permission to remove the child from the country. Obviously every case is different as far as time lengths go. Like for us we thought it would be a slam dunk as far as granting permission seeing how Crash's ex hadn't seen her son in over 10 years and Jr could probably pass her on the street and not even know it was his Mum. But like I said earlier. The Court did what it did for us and probably everyone else so that later on down the road the other parent can't try to accuse our SO of kidnapping. No matter how aggrevating it is for the whole family it is worth it in the end.

I 'm not sure how to advise you as to what to do for your interview. You could go and see what they say. Worse case scenario they deny the visa for the time being saying that additional documentation is required and then give you a specific timeframe to get the Court documentation.

All I can say is good luck to you all and keep us informed as to your progress. You will be in our thoughts!

Cari and Crash..

Well it would look that I should have read this post first. I guess that answers things. I'll probably have to wait until after the court settles to send off the packet 3. Any idea how long I have to respond to it?

Karen

[Buttons 0]

Do you have a court date yet ? Since the father does pay attention to the kids , you must put a offer of visitation. Try to be lenient and generous. If you don't have a court date go to the courthouse and nicely explain that you are at the final stages of the visa process and some documents are only good for a certain amount of time and that if there is anyway they can put you in for a early court date. It took me a month to figure out my stuff.

[raphael7546 0]

It really depends on the age of the child as well. In Canada the courts will not speak with the child about what they want until they are 12 yrs old. Depending in what part of Canada also takes into account how soon you can go to court for this. Most Canadian courts don't like to give Sole custody. They prefer joint custody. They want the other parent to have as much contact with the child as possible. They don't care how stable your relationnship is with your new husband or fiancee. They care about the relationship the child has with the natural parent.

Unfortunatly not all cases are cut n dry and it really depends on the judge handling your case, and also the natural parents lawyer's experience in these types of cases.

In my case, my daughter lived with me her whole life and saw her natural father every other weekend. He was supposed to pay child support by rarely did. (Child support has absolutly no bearing on Visitation, I may add. The natural parent is entitlled to visitation regardless if they pay support or not.)

My ex had agreed verbally that I could move my daughter to the states, but when it came time for the immigration interview he recinded his permission and refused to allow her to leave. Without his notarized written permission at the interview , I could not take my daughter with me. He did this very close to my interview date and it would have taken me over a year to get a court date ( Supreme court in BC was extremely backlogged in this regard. ) I had waited almost 2 and a half years to get this visa and move to be with my husband. I would have had to start all over again. My hubby being military; was going to be deployed so that made things even more difficult. My daughter natural father and I sat down with our lawyers thru mediation and came to some agreements. he was adament that my daughter would not move to the states at this time. However, he did agree that in 2 yrs when my daughter reaches the age of 12, she could move. ( we had a very nasty divorce and he was a very controlling man and this is his final way of controlling me still. ) I spent over $60,000.00 trying to fight this man to no avail. He hired a lawyer who specializes in Fathers rights. My lawyer said I had a less then 50% chance of winning, as the judges are very much leaning to the fathers rights issue.

My daughter now lives with my exhusband and commutes to here for all holidays, including spring breaks, All Summer long, ThanksGiving, & Christmas. We also have webcams & mics and have set up weekly meetings on cam. I am also informed of all medical situations, schooling ( her teacher and I email eachother on a regular basis and she sends me her report cards) . This isn't the ideal situation ( ideally, the courts would consider that a 10 yr old does understand things and is able to communicate her wishes. That She should be at the least allowed to talk to the judge in closed quarters without any outside influence. My daughter is very mature for her age and definetly wants to live with my new hubby & myself in the states. She has a very close relationship with my new husband and her natural father resents this. She knows that the only reason she isn't down here with us is because her natural father is using her as a pawn in his dirty game of control. But in the end he will be the real loser as he has already lost her respect.

Does it bother me that my daughter isn't here with me? Yes. Every day I wonder if I made the right decision to move here without her and wait the 2 yrs. But as my parents say, Things are meant to be for a reason. They say if I wasn't meant to be here, I wouldn't have this visa. She will be here eventually. My husband says "My ex may have one this battle , but he hasn't won the war."

Goodluck to you !

[Buttons 0]

Maybe in BC it's different but in Ontario. Sole Custody is the norm -- joint is rare as most divorce on not so nice terms. The judge does not want the child in a daily battle. If they could make decisions together they would probably be married still -- you would think. I have sole custody. About visitation and child support , true doesn't matter about that but if the father refuses to support the child then they are not a very good parent and not giving the child all the oppurtunities they deserve. And yes the court does care about the step father and the relationship -- judges want HAPPY , Healthy homes.

[wally 0]

my ex-husband put me through an interminable amount of grief over giving me permission to move the children

We mediated the custodial arrangement at the court as advised by the judge. I was given sole custody (given by him, not granted by court) and permission to move (which included a financial arrangement for visits back and forth) and had all this endorsed in court (Ontario). In the meanwhile, he had liberal access which by the way, he did not use.

My husband did not petition for the Visas until we were married a few months later. During that time, my ex changed his mind and though he did not want custody, he refused to allow the children to move. He refused to sign the passport applications for the children, thus further delaying their visa petitions.

I was in and out of court for the whole length of time we waited for the CR1. After my divorce, I documented every moment he took access to the children, this included emails, phone calls and actual visits plus I noted his sporadic support payments. In the end, the final judge decided that the first Order (sole custody and permission) stood and I was awarded costs.

My interview in Montreal was assigned before my kids' I-130's were approved. My first contact with the Consulate told me to cancel my interview and wait for the kids' petition to catch up. They would not grant the Visa as the assumption is I would not be moving.

I kept calling and emailing and finally I got a compassionate officer who was willing to assist me in expediting the kids' Visas. They interviewed on the same date as me.

During my interview, it was noted on the kids' files that 'I have permission to move them'.

I think you have a tough road ahead of you. PM me if you like for some of the strategies that I used.