Told my ex-wife yesterday about my future foreign esposa.

[Ken y Leidys 20]

Yesterday, I told my exwife that after being Separated, then divorced for about 1 yr. I decided that I felt it was time to "move On" and meet someone new. I then proceeded to tell her that I was not satisfied with the women here in Southern CA and that I wanted a marriage that would (hopefully) last me a lifetime. So, I turned on the laptop computer, and I showed a photo of my gf Onelis.

The whole time, my exwife was anxious to know what I had been doing in my personal time with very little contact with her since this past April ('07). I told her that I rushed things, but now, I am calmed down and I am enjoying my soletude w/o any major responsibilities at the moment. Just the career, the house, the bills, etc. She told me that she felt "relieved" for me and that she also felt it was time for her to move on and meet someone to hopefully start a family.

Here's the problem. While telling me this, I kept looking at her hair, which she had lost 75% of due to a major Systemic Lupus flare right after the divorce. She is too sick to have a family, much less take care of a child alone on a weekend if she were forced to, because her Lupus saps all of her energy from her body. Additionally, her medication "Prednizone" is now attacking her memory, and at only age 33, she is becoming just as forgetful as my 74 year old mother!

Her father suffers from Alzheimers Disease, and she is now losing her memory, has bone density loss issues, only can carry up to 10 pounds, and is all on her own. I feel terrible for her, but when she first became sick 5 yrs. ago, she joined a religious cult, which made life together literally impossible.

She brought up a close friend who is now reconciling with her divorced husband, like something like that would happen with us, but I firmly let her know that the door was closed and that we could not be speaking with each other, because my new gf in Colombia would not feel comfortable with this, and I am not going to mess up a new relationship for the sake of reminiscing with my ex. This has left me feeling pretty down and out for the past day, but I realized I just opened up old wounds that should have been left alone. I really feel for my ex and what she is going through, and I wish her the absolute best, but there is no way that I could deal with her religion (Sokka Gakkai) and not think that she were on drugs for believing that stuff.

My gf in Colombia is a Christian like myself, and I feel way more comfortable with that part of us.

Is or Has anyone gone through similar circumstances???

[panamania79 2]

Yesterday, I told my exwife that after being Separated, then divorced for about 1 yr. I decided that I felt it was time to "move On" and meet someone new. I then proceeded to tell her that I was not satisfied with the women here in Southern CA and that I wanted a marriage that would (hopefully) last me a lifetime. So, I turned on the laptop computer, and I showed a photo of my gf Onelis.

The whole time, my exwife was anxious to know what I had been doing in my personal time with very little contact with her since this past April ('07). I told her that I rushed things, but now, I am calmed down and I am enjoying my soletude w/o any major responsibilities at the moment. Just the career, the house, the bills, etc. She told me that she felt "relieved" for me and that she also felt it was time for her to move on and meet someone to hopefully start a family.

Here's the problem. While telling me this, I kept looking at her hair, which she had lost 75% of due to a major Systemic Lupus flare right after the divorce. She is too sick to have a family, much less take care of a child alone on a weekend if she were forced to, because her Lupus saps all of her energy from her body. Additionally, her medication "Prednizone" is now attacking her memory, and at only age 33, she is becoming just as forgetful as my 74 year old mother!

Her father suffers from Alzheimers Disease, and she is now losing her memory, has bone density loss issues, only can carry up to 10 pounds, and is all on her own. I feel terrible for her, but when she first became sick 5 yrs. ago, she joined a religious cult, which made life together literally impossible.

She brought up a close friend who is now reconciling with her divorced husband, like something like that would happen with us, but I firmly let her know that the door was closed and that we could not be speaking with each other, because my new gf in Colombia would not feel comfortable with this, and I am not going to mess up a new relationship for the sake of reminiscing with my ex. This has left me feeling pretty down and out for the past day, but I realized I just opened up old wounds that should have been left alone. I really feel for my ex and what she is going through, and I wish her the absolute best, but there is no way that I could deal with her religion (Sokka Gakkai) and not think that she were on drugs for believing that stuff.

My gf in Colombia is a Christian like myself, and I feel way more comfortable with that part of us.

Is or Has anyone gone through similar circumstances???

Wow,I really feel bad for your ex.That prednizone can really wear one out,let alone the lupus.My ex is always trying to get cozy with me just to avoid paying the child support he owes.He was always trying to put down my relationship with my fiance and I just had to tell him that it would be a cold day in hell before I reconciled with him and to pay me the back child support.He got the mesage and finally layed off.BTW: What is Sokka Gakkai ?

[Minya's wife 24]

Yesterday, I told my exwife that after being Separated, then divorced for about 1 yr. I decided that I felt it was time to "move On" and meet someone new. I then proceeded to tell her that I was not satisfied with the women here in Southern CA and that I wanted a marriage that would (hopefully) last me a lifetime. So, I turned on the laptop computer, and I showed a photo of my gf Onelis.

The whole time, my exwife was anxious to know what I had been doing in my personal time with very little contact with her since this past April ('07). I told her that I rushed things, but now, I am calmed down and I am enjoying my soletude w/o any major responsibilities at the moment. Just the career, the house, the bills, etc. She told me that she felt "relieved" for me and that she also felt it was time for her to move on and meet someone to hopefully start a family.

Here's the problem. While telling me this, I kept looking at her hair, which she had lost 75% of due to a major Systemic Lupus flare right after the divorce. She is too sick to have a family, much less take care of a child alone on a weekend if she were forced to, because her Lupus saps all of her energy from her body. Additionally, her medication "Prednizone" is now attacking her memory, and at only age 33, she is becoming just as forgetful as my 74 year old mother!

Her father suffers from Alzheimers Disease, and she is now losing her memory, has bone density loss issues, only can carry up to 10 pounds, and is all on her own. I feel terrible for her, but when she first became sick 5 yrs. ago, she joined a religious cult, which made life together literally impossible.

She brought up a close friend who is now reconciling with her divorced husband, like something like that would happen with us, but I firmly let her know that the door was closed and that we could not be speaking with each other, because my new gf in Colombia would not feel comfortable with this, and I am not going to mess up a new relationship for the sake of reminiscing with my ex. This has left me feeling pretty down and out for the past day, but I realized I just opened up old wounds that should have been left alone. I really feel for my ex and what she is going through, and I wish her the absolute best, but there is no way that I could deal with her religion (Sokka Gakkai) and not think that she were on drugs for believing that stuff.

My gf in Colombia is a Christian like myself, and I feel way more comfortable with that part of us.

Is or Has anyone gone through similar circumstances???

Wow,I really feel bad for your ex.That prednizone can really wear one out,let alone the lupus.My ex is always trying to get cozy with me just to avoid paying the child support he owes.He was always trying to put down my relationship with my fiance and I just had to tell him that it would be a cold day in hell before I reconciled with him and to pay me the back child support.He got the mesage and finally layed off.BTW: What is Sokka Gakkai ?

A form of Buddhism, I believe. Think Angela Basset....in the movie "What's Love Got to Do With It? and remember when she finally gets over Ike...the chanting? That's part of the tenets of SGI.

-P

[rebeccajo 14]

Everybody with an ex feels like this sometimes. After all, you have a history together.

Sometimes I feel sorry for mine. Like whenever our son has something big going on in his life, and his father isn't around for it. But he wasn't there most of the time when we were married. He was at work 90% of the time - when he was home he was either zombied out on the sofa watching TV with his mouth open, or in some kind of rage about something like leaves that blew into the garage because I left the door up.

You left this person because, as you said, things happened to make your marriage 'impossible'. She's human and so she's entitled to your honest concern for her well-being. Don't let that concern turn into guilt or self-recrimination for having made the choice to walk from an impossible situation.

[rue2you 0]

Sorry to hear that. I know with my ex, she was ill with liver problems. I stuck with her through the transplant and she was successful at making it through and then I parted ways and did not give in to reconciling. You have to live your life for you, no for your ex or children in my opinion. She passed away 6 years later and it hurts but you can't change things like that.

I hope you are okay and can work through things.

Take care!

[rue2you 0]

FYI----Forgot to ad. No cheap but stem cell therapy is available. We took my sister to costa rica, she has autism. She is already showing signs of improvement after one month. From what I understand there is a high complete cure success with Lupus. Google it or go to www.cellmedicine.com.

This is new for future. They don't use fetus or nothing like that. Very safe.

Good luck

[Empress of Groovy 373]

That's a tough situation. I know the easy answer is that you just have to get on with your life, and that's also the best advice. But it's easier said than done. It sounds like you're a sensitive person and, as rebeccajo said, you and your ex have a history together, and it's understandable that you are concerned about her and feel sad for her. It's even harder that she's apparently hinting that the two of you reconciling might not be a bad thing.

I had a long-term relationship--we never married, although we talked about marriage at various times--with someone who had been treated for cancer not long before we met (he was 15 years older). That he'd had cancer weighed heavily on my mind, partly because I lost my dad to cancer while we were together, and I feared a recurrence was just around the corner. He didn't take very good care of himself and continued to smoke and drink. We broke up more than once over his refusal to take care of himself--I remember saying, "I don't want to be widow at 30!" during an argument. Coincidentally, he died four days before my 30th birthday. Like rue2you's ex, he had liver disease. I think he knew he was ill but never told anyone; it was a shock. I was convinced that if anything was going to kill him, it would have been the cancer returning. We weren't technically together when he died, although we'd talked about a reconciliation (about the fifth) only a few months before.

Sorry, this ramble is turning into my own therapy, I'm sorry! How this relates to your situation (kind of) is that I realized a few months after he died that much of our relationship, at least over the final couple of years, was that I didn't want him to be sick and alone. He didn't have family nearby whom he could depend on, and I felt that I was the only person who could take care of him. I'm not saying that his passing was a good thing by any means--his death remains the greatest loss I've ever experienced--but I think I would have let myself get sucked into an unhealthy relationship because of my concern for him. Based on pity, in a sense. It never would have worked. At this stage, I wasn't in love with him anymore (although I cared for him deeply), we had almost no intimacy because of his health, and we bickered nonstop. He was a kind, funny, generous sweetheart of a person, but he had many issues and made me crazy. But I couldn't bear the thought of him being driven to chemo appointments by a volunteer, or watching movies alone at home and feeling like #######, with no one to bring him ginger ale.

I have a huge capacity for guilt (in case you haven't noticed!), so I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes compassion is a burden, I think. But now you have someone else--your fiancee--to think about, and that's where your focus should be. I hope that your ex is able to find someone who is into the same stuff she is and who can support her while she tries to get better.

Good luck, sorry about my tome! I've had some beer.

[Ken y Leidys 20]

Thank you everyone for your opinions on this. It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone with having cared for a sick ex.

[Alex+R 0]

That's a tough situation. I know the easy answer is that you just have to get on with your life, and that's also the best advice. But it's easier said than done. It sounds like you're a sensitive person and, as rebeccajo said, you and your ex have a history together, and it's understandable that you are concerned about her and feel sad for her. It's even harder that she's apparently hinting that the two of you reconciling might not be a bad thing.

I had a long-term relationship--we never married, although we talked about marriage at various times--with someone who had been treated for cancer not long before we met (he was 15 years older). That he'd had cancer weighed heavily on my mind, partly because I lost my dad to cancer while we were together, and I feared a recurrence was just around the corner. He didn't take very good care of himself and continued to smoke and drink. We broke up more than once over his refusal to take care of himself--I remember saying, "I don't want to be widow at 30!" during an argument. Coincidentally, he died four days before my 30th birthday. Like rue2you's ex, he had liver disease. I think he knew he was ill but never told anyone; it was a shock. I was convinced that if anything was going to kill him, it would have been the cancer returning. We weren't technically together when he died, although we'd talked about a reconciliation (about the fifth) only a few months before.

Sorry, this ramble is turning into my own therapy, I'm sorry! How this relates to your situation (kind of) is that I realized a few months after he died that much of our relationship, at least over the final couple of years, was that I didn't want him to be sick and alone. He didn't have family nearby whom he could depend on, and I felt that I was the only person who could take care of him. I'm not saying that his passing was a good thing by any means--his death remains the greatest loss I've ever experienced--but I think I would have let myself get sucked into an unhealthy relationship because of my concern for him. Based on pity, in a sense. It never would have worked. At this stage, I wasn't in love with him anymore (although I cared for him deeply), we had almost no intimacy because of his health, and we bickered nonstop. He was a kind, funny, generous sweetheart of a person, but he had many issues and made me crazy. But I couldn't bear the thought of him being driven to chemo appointments by a volunteer, or watching movies alone at home and feeling like #######, with no one to bring him ginger ale.

I have a huge capacity for guilt (in case you haven't noticed!), so I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes compassion is a burden, I think. But now you have someone else--your fiancee--to think about, and that's where your focus should be. I hope that your ex is able to find someone who is into the same stuff she is and who can support her while she tries to get better.

Good luck, sorry about my tome! I've had some beer.

(F) (I still don't understand why red roses are supposed to say "I feel for you" or "You have my sympathy and I'm really glad you were able to story your share," but I'm just going with it. I've also had some beer. Ok, a lot of beer. And some weird alcoholic drink at the Thai restaurant with my out-of-town friends.)

[Gringita/Morenito 0]

Yesterday, I told my exwife that after being Separated, then divorced for about 1 yr. I decided that I felt it was time to "move On" and meet someone new. I then proceeded to tell her that I was not satisfied with the women here in Southern CA and that I wanted a marriage that would (hopefully) last me a lifetime. So, I turned on the laptop computer, and I showed a photo of my gf Onelis.

The whole time, my exwife was anxious to know what I had been doing in my personal time with very little contact with her since this past April ('07). I told her that I rushed things, but now, I am calmed down and I am enjoying my soletude w/o any major responsibilities at the moment. Just the career, the house, the bills, etc. She told me that she felt "relieved" for me and that she also felt it was time for her to move on and meet someone to hopefully start a family.

Here's the problem. While telling me this, I kept looking at her hair, which she had lost 75% of due to a major Systemic Lupus flare right after the divorce. She is too sick to have a family, much less take care of a child alone on a weekend if she were forced to, because her Lupus saps all of her energy from her body. Additionally, her medication "Prednizone" is now attacking her memory, and at only age 33, she is becoming just as forgetful as my 74 year old mother!

Her father suffers from Alzheimers Disease, and she is now losing her memory, has bone density loss issues, only can carry up to 10 pounds, and is all on her own. I feel terrible for her, but when she first became sick 5 yrs. ago, she joined a religious cult, which made life together literally impossible.

She brought up a close friend who is now reconciling with her divorced husband, like something like that would happen with us, but I firmly let her know that the door was closed and that we could not be speaking with each other, because my new gf in Colombia would not feel comfortable with this, and I am not going to mess up a new relationship for the sake of reminiscing with my ex. This has left me feeling pretty down and out for the past day, but I realized I just opened up old wounds that should have been left alone. I really feel for my ex and what she is going through, and I wish her the absolute best, but there is no way that I could deal with her religion (Sokka Gakkai) and not think that she were on drugs for believing that stuff.

My gf in Colombia is a Christian like myself, and I feel way more comfortable with that part of us.

Is or Has anyone gone through similar circumstances???

I am glad that your fiance and you share a common faith, that will get you through so much. I hope the best for your ex. The best you can offer her at this point is prayer.

It is possible to remain friends with an ex. It just has to be worked through to the new spouse in a careful and honest manner. I truely wish you the best...

[Ken y Leidys 20]

I am glad that your fiance and you share a common faith, that will get you through so much. I hope the best for your ex. The best you can offer her at this point is prayer.

It is possible to remain friends with an ex. It just has to be worked through to the new spouse in a careful and honest manner. I truely wish you the best...

Common faith is very important. The last thing my ex told me while I sobbed on the couch before she left with her packed CR-V to her new home was how she wanted to be in a relationship where she felt that she could be trusted.

This was hard to take from somone I loved so much, but after 14 months, it just doesn't bother me anymore. I wish her all the best, and I told her that I hope she finds a nice man really soon.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I am glad that your fiance and you share a common faith, that will get you through so much. I hope the best for your ex. The best you can offer her at this point is prayer.

It is possible to remain friends with an ex. It just has to be worked through to the new spouse in a careful and honest manner. I truely wish you the best...

Common faith is very important. The last thing my ex told me while I sobbed on the couch before she left with her packed CR-V to her new home was how she wanted to be in a relationship where she felt that she could be trusted.

This was hard to take from somone I loved so much, but after 14 months, it just doesn't bother me anymore. I wish her all the best, and I told her that I hope she finds a nice man really soon.

And now for my sober, more succinct reply!

I think that's about all that you can do (that is, wish her the best). Is your ex moving far away? Does she have family and/or friends who can help care for her? I think that with any civil breakup, and it sounds like yours was, it's tough when one person moves on before the other. The person who hasn't yet moved on might feel jealous or that a slightly open door is finally closed, and the person who has may feel sad or guilty. I've certainly been there. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear that my ex (not the aforementioned deceased one, of course!) was seeing someone. Weird, that!

And on to more fun things! Have you filed for your K-1? How's that going? And welcome to the wonderful and crazy world of VJ!

[panamania79 2]

I am glad that your fiance and you share a common faith, that will get you through so much. I hope the best for your ex. The best you can offer her at this point is prayer.

It is possible to remain friends with an ex. It just has to be worked through to the new spouse in a careful and honest manner. I truely wish you the best...

Common faith is very important. The last thing my ex told me while I sobbed on the couch before she left with her packed CR-V to her new home was how she wanted to be in a relationship where she felt that she could be trusted.

This was hard to take from somone I loved so much, but after 14 months, it just doesn't bother me anymore. I wish her all the best, and I told her that I hope she finds a nice man really soon.

I have a CR-V,I love it.

[*JG* 2]

I seperated and divorced my husband after helping him through 5 years of surgery, chemo, radiation, learning how to talk a new and different way, filing and winning disability discrimination lawsuit against his former employer, and nursing him back to health. He had laryngeal cancer.

After I left, I continued to help him make phone calls and work through paperwork.

Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever done. While I knew the marriage was over long ago and I was sticking around cause I felt the compassionate need to help him through this, I still felt like I was leaving someone who might need me. In the end, knowing myself, I knew I had the right to be happy, he was capable of taking care of himself, and I would always be here if he needed anything. I love him....I just can't live with him.

In the end, the world did not spontaneously combust because of my decisions.

[Ken y Leidys 20]

And on to more fun things! Have you filed for your K-1? How's that going? And welcome to the wonderful and crazy world of VJ!

Here is what the USCIS says about my case:

On January 23, 2008, we received this I129F PETITION FOR FIANCE(E), and mailed you a notice describing how we will process your case. Please follow any instructions on this notice. We will notify you by mail when we make a decision or if we need something from you. If you move while this case is pending, call customer service. We process cases in the order we receive them. You can use our processing dates to estimate when yours will be done. This case is at our CALIFORNIA SERVICE CENTER location. Follow the link below to check processing dates. You can also receive automatic e-mail updates as we process your case. Just follow the link below to register.

I'm really happy to have found this website. Very nice people, and I have something in common with everyone here!

Here's a scene from the acquarium in El Rodadero, Santa Marta, Colombia. Hope everyone likes it...