growing pains

[irene 0]

Guys, let me describe a situation to you all and see what you think.

This guy brought his wife and her 3 children over here because he loves them very very much, and wants them to be a part of his life. However, now in the wake of reality he is trying to save the $4000 he will have to pay for their AOS and also just providing the best for them in general. Thus, as you might can imagine he is concentrated on a budget and sometimes pushes the budget a lil too hard. This guy does not drink, smoke, or gamble so the money he is trying to save is not for personal use its for his family's AOS. His wife is not used to such a strict budget and quite often gets mad and tells the guy that he is not ready for a family and that she wants to go back to the philippines.

Is the guy wrong for trying to provide the best, or is the girl wrong for not understanding. Or is it just a case of growing pains when a family comes together and has to learn to live with each other. The guy is trying very hard and loves the woman's kids as his own, he does not have any. He doesnt want to lose the woman over money that he was trying to save for her in the first place.

Any similar experiences, comments, or suggestions????

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

She is being a brat.

Oh, and $4000 for AOS? Since when?

[irene 0]

Its 4000 for all of them not just one. He understands and dont have problem he is just trying to budget and she say he pushing too hard and not realizing that he is doing it for her.

She is being a brat.

Oh, and $4000 for AOS? Since when?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

It sounds to me like her expectations are different from his. Perhaps his wife can't see the situation as temporary or that he gave her the impression of finances not being as tight as they are. I think the biggest conflict early on in the marriage is that unrealistic expectations were made about what the quality of life would be like. I'd recommend that they both sit down and look over the finances, and try to find compromise on those expectations.

If a spouse complains about not having any money to do anything, I'd find things to do as a family or a couple that don't cost money or very little...a trip to the local museum, a nature walk, a walk along the beach. As long as the basic financial needs are being met (clothing, food, health care, shelter), you don't need to spend money to enjoy life.

Edited January 12, 2008 by Mister Fancypants

[irene 0]

Its 4000 for all of them not just one. He understands and dont have problem he is just trying to budget and she say he pushing too hard and not realizing that he is doing it for her.

It is admitted that he stresses about the smallest thing, and do that AOS savings in just one day where they have a year to save for that. Because of that he is too worried, he dont notice that even necessary things he is trying to budget.

He tries to explain that if you dont worry or give thought to the AOS until it is due, when it becomes due the money may not be available. Therefore, that is why he is stressing about it one year before it has to be paid. The wife is not wanting to shop or anything but she just dont realize why even small things the guy is trying to budget.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Its 4000 for all of them not just one. He understands and dont have problem he is just trying to budget and she say he pushing too hard and not realizing that he is doing it for her.

It is admitted that he stresses about the smallest thing, and do that AOS savings in just one day where they have a year to save for that. Because of that he is too worried, he dont notice that even necessary things he is trying to budget.

He tries to explain that if you dont worry or give thought to the AOS until it is due, when it becomes due the money may not be available. Therefore, that is why he is stressing about it one year before it has to be paid. The wife is not wanting to shop or anything but she just dont realize why even small things the guy is trying to budget.

Ah, well...they both need to be involved in the money spending decisions. I don't how any marriage can be tranquil if one person's dictating a budget. They should come up with a workable budget that both of them are satisfied with....one that gives room for discretionary spending.

[Nessa 23]

His wife is not used to such a strict budget and quite often gets mad and tells the guy that he is not ready for a family and that she wants to go back to the philippines.

this guy should apply for her EAD asap so she could start working ASAP, that way the budget wouldn't be so limited, with her helping with the income.

[eau_xplain 2]

Both Steven and Nessa raise good points.

The husband should involve the wife in budgeting the family's finances. That way she knows how much income is available and where it will be going.

If the children are old enough not to need daycare, then perhaps they should consider applying for an EAD first before doing the AOS. That way, the wife can earn some money for the little extras that she wants for the family.

[Jeraly 4]

She needs to understand that he is doing his best but at the same time he needs to understand that things are harder for her there and she might also be reacting to dealing with so many changes too.

Sounds like some talking needs to happen - there are ways of living your life without blowing a budget - it just might be different. Maybe there are ways of compromising that will keep everyone reasonably happy. She has to understand that until she can work then money will be a little tighter than it will be in future.

I've said it a bunch of times but a marriage is about supporting each other and growing together, overcoming hurdles as they arise. Ok it isn't always hearts and roses and arguments are quite possible but by working through them together it can only make the relationship stronger. Keep the faith

[rin and john 71]

Communication, communication, communication! When it comes to money, it is best to discuss what your income is then define needs, then wants, then prioritize. I would have to think AOS is pretty high up on that priority list!

Also, AOS for children under 14 is $680, not $1,010 (for spouse). So total is about $3,000. Maybe his savings are closer than he thinks!

[*JG* 2]

I understand completely what he is doing and saying. In my own experience, my husband doesn't completely understand bills, especially monthly ones. In Jamaica, he just didn't experience it. He's also has issues with projecting future bills and saving for them. To him, a paycheck means we have money to spend. It's a very difficult and long learning curve.

And, I'm sorry, but her comments make her come out in a bad light.

I think they really need to sit down with some budgets, projected expenses, etc. and talk it out. Until I showed my husband things on paper, he just didn't get it.

[irene 0]

Ok tnx guys , i think your right , i will apply my wife EAD first ,coz were planning to apply their AOS next year after 2 yrs wedding anniversary , so that she dont have to apply for lifting conditional status.