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The Redneck Night Before Christmas

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The Redneck Night Before Christmas

It was the night before Christmas, when all through the trailer park

Not a pop-top was poppin', not even Ole Blue barked.

Our stockin's was hung over the space heater with care,

In hopes Santy would fill 'em with Viennas and beer.

The kids was alseep in their NASCAR pj's,

Dreamin' of Goo Goo Clusters, Moon pies, and RC's.

And Earlene in her curlers and me in my John Deere cap

Had just settled into our La-Z-Boys for Wheel of Fourtune and a nap.

Then out in the vacent lot I heard such a commotion

I thought it was neighbor Clyde, finally got his T'bird in motion.

I heaved out of my recliner and to the window I flew,

Busted out the screen and hollered for Blue.

The moon was shinin' down on my old wrecked cars

So bright they was sparklin' like rusty old stars.

And I couldn't believe my own hardworking eyes

When a jacked up Ford pickup come flyin' through the sky!

Faster'n Ole Ironhead hs possums they came

And he whooped and hollered and called 'em by name

Git up Sooner! Hi Duke! Move yer tails Yaller and Spud!

On Blackie! On Queenie! You mind me Duchess and Bud!

To the top of the satellite dish! To the top of the shed!

Now move it! Step on it! Y'all get out the lead!

You know how, on our road, when a car goes by,

There's all this dirt flies up into the sky?

That's how this crew went staight on up to my roof

With that pickup full of toys, a real nice gun rack, and Redneck Santa too.

Then 'fore I could pop my teeth in I heard up on the tin

The scrabbling around of them Flying possums of his'n.

I yanked my head back in the trailer and hitched up my shorts...

Down the dryer vent Redneck Santa came with a grunt and a snort!

He was dressed in red-and-green camo from his neck to his feet

And I had to give him credit he still had most his teeth.

Looked like stuff from Earlene's yard sale slung on his back-

There was flyswatters an' Tupperware an' 8-tracks stickin' out of his pack.

His eye took in our humble home

The furniture we bought on layaway in town...

Earline's pride, that Elvis on velvet...

My collections of barbed wire... and license plates made by relatives.

I coulda' swore I even saw a glistening tear

When his eye fell on sweet Earlene, a snorin'in her chair.

He kindly favored Hank, Jr., with a big round belly

That shook when he laughed like a blob of K-Y jelly.

Yep, he was fat all right, blocked out our whole Large screen TV,

And I had to laugh when I saw him, 'cause he looked just like me!

When he winked his eye I knew fer sure he'd treat us right-

Why, he might even leave me some ammo tonight!

I stood there dreamin' of whitetail while I watched him work,

Then he stopped and, like a real man, let out a fart and a burp.

He topped off our stockin's with Moon Pies and bottle rockets,

Then squoze up that dryer vent like spam in your pocket.

He jumped in his pickup, laid down on the horn...I'm not lying'!

And they took off like white lightnin' with their possum tails flyin'.

But I heard him holler as headed for the 7-11....



December 12 2006 Filed I130

Jan 10 2007 got receipt and case number!

Jan 12 2007 sent 129F

Feb 6 notice they were moving the file to a faster service center.

Feb 26 Notice of I130 approval

Feb 28 2007 notice they were sending 129F to USCIS for further investigation (err #######?)

May 15 2007 notice of approval of 129F with processing dates of 05/15/2007 thru 09/14/2007

May 28 2007 Notice from attorney that NVC needed processed and money orders were needed.

June 4 2007 Traveled to Manila to spend 2 weeks with my wife!! (YeHaaaa!!)

Fed-xed her signed papers (For NVC) from Manila to attorney from Manila while on vacation

June 18 2007 Nvc approved support.

June 29 2007 packet arrived @ my home informing of interveiw for I130 on Aug 27 2007 and explaining Medical interveiw.

(Note wife never received packet for I130 in Philippines I fed-ex'ed mine to her for medical interveiw)

July 17 2007 packet arrived for 129F setting interveiw for Sept 5 2007

August 5 2007 Wife flew to Manila for medical interveiw on August 6.

August 26 wife flew to Manila for I130 interveiw on August 27 2007.

August 27 2007 12:31 pm I130 Approved

wife arriving Nov 18th

WIFE ARRIVED Nov 18th!!!!

Website I made my wife!


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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Nigeria
Then he stopped and, like a real man, let out a fart and a burp.

Yup, that's a REAL man for ya. :lol:


11/15/2007 = Package sent overnight Fedex to CSC

11/16/2007 = Package arrived at CSC

11/21/2007 = NOA1 (according to www.uscis.gov online case status)

11/26/2007 = Check cashed (YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!)

11/28/2007 = Touched

11/30/2007 = Rec'd NOA1 hard copy in the mail

12/20/2007 = Touched

12/21/2007 = Touched

03/12/2008 = Touched (due to phone call)

03/24/2008 = NOA2!!!!!!!!!

03/25/2008 = Touched

04/23/2008 = Touched

05/05/2008 = Arrived at Consulate

05/12/2008 = Picked up Packets 3 & 4

06/24/2008 = Interview Date and APPROVAL

07/02/2008 = Picked up Visa at Embassy

07/05/2008 = Arrival in the U.S.!!!!!!!!! Met at POE in ATLANTA

07/06/2008 = Fly back to Salt Lake City Together!!!!

08/06/2008 = MARRIED TODAY!!!


08/23/2008 = Package sent via USPS with Signature Confirmation

08/25/2008 = Package arrived in Chicago

08/26/2008 = Check cashed

09/02/2008 = NOA1 for EAD and AOS received in the mail.


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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Brazil

* K1 Timeline *
* 04/07/06: I-129F Sent to NSC
* 10/02/06: Interview date - APPROVED!
* 10/10/06: POE Houston
* 11/25/06: Wedding day!!!

* AOS/EAD/AP Timeline *
*01/05/07: AOS/EAD/AP sent
*02/19/08: AOS approved
*02/27/08: Permanent Resident Card received

* LOC Timeline *
*12/31/09: Applied Lifting of Condition
*01/04/10: NOA
*02/12/10: Biometrics
*03/03/10: LOC approved
*03/11/10: 10 years green card received

* Naturalization Timeline *
*12/17/10: package sent
*12/29/10: NOA date
*01/19/11: biometrics
*04/12/11: interview
*04/15/11: approval letter
*05/13/11: Oath Ceremony - Officially done with Immigration.

Complete Timeline

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Looked like stuff from Earlene's yard sale slung on his back-

There was flyswatters an' Tupperware an' 8-tracks stickin' out of his pack.

the true meaning of christmas presents

Peace to All creatures great and small............................................

But when we turn to the Hebrew literature, we do not find such jokes about the donkey. Rather the animal is known for its strength and its loyalty to its master (Genesis 49:14; Numbers 22:30).


my burro, bosco ..enjoying a beer in almaty


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