leaving people behind

[mummyT 1]

Hi

I have been thinking alot recently about immigration I still have about 4yrs to go..but today after having a talk with my husband I have been thinking about when I actually have to get rid of my stuff and leaving my friends and dad...I will feel so guilty upsetting people..i also have kids and i will take on all the heartache they go through but its something I really want and I think it is going to give my kids a great start in life somewhere nice...Scotland is lovely but the weather is totally garbage lol has anyone else reading this going through this or has done..give me advice on how to be strong and stick to what I want for my family

Thanks

[Pheebs1201 269]

I am currently undergoing the K1 process and often get horrible pangs of guilt about leaving family members behind, especially my mum.

My OH keeps reminding me that this is my life and I must live it for me, as I have spent a lot of time thus far worrying about them and helping as much as I can.

I suppose he is right, so this is the advise I extend to you also. You have got to put yourself first at least once in your life, so now's your chance!

I completely sympathise and hope all goes well for you.

[mummyT 1]

I do say that to myself at times lol and being totally honest I love my dad but we don't see each other alot and sometimes I feel he has time for everyone else and me and my kids get squeezed into his life when he has time..kids never stay with him...and when we move they will have another set of grandparents and fingers crossed a nice outdoor life...thanks for getting back to me...x

[*Snowdrop* 603]

If you plan for it then you can always make at least one trip a year back to the UK.

I moved to the US six years ago and I have flown back to the UK for 2-3 trips each year.

I have a telecommuting job so I have been able to come back for 4-6 weeks each time and that way I've seen everyone I need to and my parents had time with their grandchild.

For tech-savvy friends and family social media like Facebook is great for keeping everyone up to date with what you are doing and pictures of your new life and your family etc.

Plus add in all the times people from home can come and visit you. My Dad came over three times last year - so between us we managed to see each other every couple of months.

[Pheebs1201 269]

I do say that to myself at times lol and being totally honest I love my dad but we don't see each other alot and sometimes I feel he has time for everyone else and me and my kids get squeezed into his life when he has time..kids never stay with him...and when we move they will have another set of grandparents and fingers crossed a nice outdoor life...thanks for getting back to me...x

You're welcome! Embrace your new life, you deserve it! x

[LauraDP 10]

My husband and I and our four kids relocated from Scotland to Pennsylvania last year. My in-laws retired back to Britain so for both my husband and I our parents and siblings, nieces and nephews are all in the UK. My husband has cousins in California but obviously we are on the other coast.

I am not going to lie to you: it was extremely hard to leave all of our family and friends behind. We also had to leave the house that we had built, sell the majority of our possessions (because of shipping being so expensive) and leave everything that was familiar. Email, Facebook and Skype, however, make it easier for me to still feel connected to the lives of my loved ones. My in-laws are in a position where they can visit us frequently but my family don't have the same resources. My parents came out for the entire of July to see us but I don't know when I will see them next. The expense of immigration, buying a new house, starting up from scratch, means we don't have the savings to fly us all back to Britain either (we are aiming to have enough in the pot for an emergency ticket for if one of us needs to suddenly return to the UK to attend to something in the family) so essentially I have to assume that I won't be seeing my family for quite some time. It really is hard. I just gained another great-nephew and I have not been able to meet him and don't know when I will. Definitely hard.

However, the thing is that I do not regret what we have done. As hard as it still is for me - because I have not quite settled here yet - I still believe that the reasons we had for making this move hold true and that we made the right decision. So whenever I acutely miss my family or whenever I feel homesick for Scotland I just focus on all of the reasons why we undertook this massive move and instead of focusing on family in terms of being the group of people I came from I focus on family as being the group of people I created as my family. A big part of our rationale was to give our sons opportunities they were not able to access in rural Scotland so when I focus on them it makes it easier to deal with all the other emotional baggage.

If it is the right decision for your family then that really does see you through the tough times.

I hope my wittering response helps.

Best wishes

Laura

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

It is super hard, I feel guilty about leaving my family and I miss my friends but as others have said focus on the reasons why you are moving. I think as my parents get older I will feel more guilty and worried about them but I know they are proud of me and happy for me and that makes it easier.

When you have moved make sure your friends and family are all competent with Skype, Whatsapp etc so they are able to stay in touch a lot and without expense. If you can afford it then fly home when you can and invite people over to see you. Make sure you keep some time spare for calls etc it will help. It's not easy but it doesn't have to be awful, we are all lucky technology and travel has advanced so much in the last 50 years!

[jjbandero 39]

I don't have kids, but as a kid I moved a lot and it's always tough, especially when there are cultural and language differences, not only are you learning new concepts, but you have to deal with the frustration of not understanding or not being able to express yourself effectively.

Of course in your case, your children won't have to contend with too much language differences (I maintain that some of the US regional accents are very difficult to grasp quickly ), if they are a little bit older, then use the time you have to discuss how they feel they may plan for the move, what will make them nervous/excited/bored? I would try and approach it so that it is not an option that you will move, so that they don't dwell on the question of "is there an alternative?", if that is in fact true, but rather how can they participate in the process and make it easier for you and their siblings and themselves.

Cheers

Edited November 21, 2014 by jjbandero

[Ketsuban 1,034]

I'm not that close to my family so I don't feel guilty leaving them. However I have one good friend here and it breaks my heart to think of leaving them behind. Thankfully as Hotter Otter said there is Skype and Whatsapp available so hopefully it won't be such a harsh impact for us.

[namour7997 2]

Live your life with no regrets

[Brewlin 52]

Luckily, kids are very flexible. I took my American born kids and husband to Sweden in 2012. They didn't even speak the language since I never spoke it to them. They were 5 and 7 at the time .I also felt guilty, and sometimes, I still do. But they now speak fluent Swedish and fluent American, and they have had the chance to get some really nice cultural experiences. Now we are talking to them about moving back to the USA, and I expected them to get mad or upset or...you know, they have friends at school and such. Instead they are saying things like, "Oh cool, are we moving back to the beach?" LOL... They/We also hate Swedish weather. Most of the time, kids are just happy to be where their parents are.