Sending me home in the middle of AOS application

[chaves88 1]

According to USPS tracker,USCIS received our AOS application last December 8,2014 but until now we get no notification from the USCIS. To make the story short, my husband just signed his house and lot to his children. I live with him in the truck right now. At first I thought I am just adjusting but later on I realized I hate living in the truck. Since then we kept on having arguments because we have a different plan. He wants to live in the truck until he reach the retirement age. It is a cheap living and could save a lot of money. I wanted to live in a house like normal people does, work, and have an interaction with other people but he disagree on that. Later on, he came up with an idea which is.. I live in the truck for few years, say 3 years. Get my degree transferred, get a teaching job then we will get a house or rent. He will continue driving and when he retire he will buy his own truck and drive local to be home everyday.

One day, he told me that he is not going to do that because he already know the future. As soon as I get a job I will divorce him and he will end up ###### up. When I asked him a solution to that he said, cut me loose and send me back to Philippines. He said he done his part, filed the papers and spent money so he said that my part will be during the interview I will say marriage didn't work.

I honestly don't want to go back, it is embarrassing. But at the same time I can't stay being judged that I only want citizenship. So, I told him to do whatever he want. I don't want to force myself to stay here where I am not welcome, judge and make me feel like I don't belong here.

We are still waiting from USCIS. If I am sent back to Philippines, do I have a bad travel record which will lead me to not able to travel to other country? I am asking this because we filed AOS when my I94 and visa expired..I was already out of status.

Thank you..

[sogreeny 2]

Hello,

this is horrible!!! i just finish to read, this is horrible.

You came here in visa K1 it is means all the waiting for fiancé visa, then married, then AOS and money, you was happy to live here with him and alllllllllllllllllllll this for nothing!

it is not acceptable, you have to talk to your husband, he have to be understanding and you came from far... and you accept to live in a truck, you did a lot of sacrifice.

I am sorry if my english is bad but be strong, try to talk to him, it is can happen a lot they think we want only paper but it is not true if we come here there is love, there is futur project, there is ambition....he have to be more understanding and more take serious that he is married if he really love you.

So it is not easy this situation, i don't know your choice, but maybe more communication with him and find a solution, you did also sacrifice.

Good day and BE STRONG!

Edited December 27, 2014 by sogreeny

[chaves88 1]

The other reason why I wanted to just go back is because I can't stand being insulted, screamed, yelled, and few times physically hurt me. He said a lot of things about me like I am a #######, stupid, dumb ###, #######, liar, mother f*cker. Few months of being with him I already experience being slapped in my face and head, kicked, grabbed my hair, but dont get me wrong, i also fight back to defend myself. Luckily I don't have any bruise but emotionally it affects me a lot. You know the feeling that you know it will happen again, it is just a matter or when and how. He say sorry though, every time he does that. Last time he said it won't happen again so I have a chance because I want this to work. But I think he already decided. He just told me "you think you get what you want, be able to work and get social interaction"?. Just go back to Philippines. I think the root of that is when he asked me this, is it better to work at the mall 12 hours a day, 6 days a week than being in truck?.. I answered him YES..because I also earn something, not just money but also personality development, social interaction, and experience. In the truck, I can't do anything than sit, eat, sleep, do some of.your paper works, watch for the fuel prices, keeping receipts for filing taxes, and get so much stress on the road. Cheap living, Yes.. but I just can't stand living in the truck. Well, I don't know.. I guess it is the end for both of us. Am I asking too much?

[Ketsuban 1,034]

You might want to consult with a lawyer regarding filing a VAWA claim. I don't know if it's too late to do since you already sent your AOS documents off.

[chaves88 1]

Well, he said "all about is making me happy" how about him?.. he just want us to live in the truck for like 10 years until he get his retirement age. He said, my plan ruins his plan. He thinks that I hate living in the truck,also means hating him.. that I am just a burden. Am I being selfish?

[chaves88 1]

I have a friend in Seattle, she knows everything. She told me I can do that. Just leave him and file on my own. But I am having 2nd thoughts about that. One, I don't have enough evidence regarding domestic violence, just words, my experience. 2nd, I am financially nothing, getting a lawyer means paying the service too, 3rd I am scared, I don't have enough courage to do that. I just want a peaceful life you know,I don't want trouble.

[Darnell 8,478]

i think you two need a licensed marriage counselor in your mix,

if you two really want to have a happy marriage.

he's on the brink of implosion, and is blind to your wants, needs and desires.

[sogreeny 2]

No you are just normal and you want normal life.

i totally understand you!

i think he is too much in his world of truck, it is better don't talk about this. He have also to be understanding with you, more confidence, i know it is not easy, but the only way it is more comunication.

[chaves88 1]

He don't want to.. he don't like to deal with lawyer, doctors, or counselor.. he thinks that I do need that because of my way of thinking.

[Darnell 8,478]

I'm sorry, you're really in a hard place. I wish I had other real, useful advice for you,

but

it seems there are many miscommunications, misunderstandings between you two,

where

his goals and your goals really not have much space for meshing, short term or long term.

This could change, with a modicum of compromise, but if the two of you are adamant about forcing a position, with disregard to the other person and the sanctity of marriage and the understanding of true love, then you two will constantly be at odds.

If I was the husband in this life, I would try to be more understanding, and attempt to find small areas in the marriage where it's easy to compromise. IMO, a collection of small compromises is easy to do, but if everyone is forcing a position, it's hard to think about it. It really is hard, the thinking bits, as each time one gets emotional in any way - it's just exhausting afterwards, hard to engage brain afterwards. Sure, brain not engaged during, but that's common.

There are other things you can do on the road, living in the truck - you mentioned something about evaluation of prior coursework, degree? Some normal universities are offering degree lessons ONLINE these days at reasonable cost with 100 percent inclusion on financial aid. I suggest this would be a great activity for you whilst living on the road for 3 years.

Also - you probably want to do something about work, right? It helps to have some work, gives you a feeling of fulfillment, completeness. I suggest that you set up a private courier service and a website about it, learning your husband's routes and calendar, and picking up and dropping off things between the two cities, for a fee. In this way, you get 'included' in the route, with only a small amount of time lost in each city.

[disclaimer - these are just my suggestions, my opinions. The sanctity of marriage is huge to me, people must get along, easily, in the daily life or chaos results. Enduring chaos can cause temporary mental problems, and that's never a good thing]

[chaves88 1]

Yeah, that was our solution before, transfer my degree online while in the truck at the same time do something in relation to his work like checking fuel, keeping receipts, paperwork etc. But later on, he said that it is not going to happen because he knows the future. I will divorce him as soon as I get a job.

[Darnell 8,478]

that phrase, about divorce, IMO is coming about because of his fear. How to reduce his fear? No, not fear about divorce - I think he has some other fear, and he's trying to substantiate and sustain this fear in other ways [ie, discussion about divorce].

I'd like to think, that the two of you were married because of love. I ask that you dig deep, and try to examine what a love-sustained marriage looks like, and try to recreate that in the next few weeks. No, it doesn't mean to diminish your 'self', but to extend your 'self' to include 'two'.

I'll also suggest that your husband is in a lot of pain about something, or a collection of somethings. No, I'm not going to ask what it is, or how it is, but this pain is manifesting itself in strange ways, not-normal ways. Since he is adamant to not see a therapist, he's also shut off any avenue to learn new skills for relieving and shunting this pain (again, IMO) .

Do you two do any other activities together? Have common interests about something? If yes, try to do more of these activities throughout the week, as it's very important, when trying to facilitate change, that two people feel comfortable about something, something else, as usually 'change' is extremely painful.

Edited December 27, 2014 by Darnell

[chaves88 1]

I am honestly confused. When we are okay he tells a lot of good things about me, us and good plans but there comes a time like this he would tell exactly the opposite. He said it is just out of anger. I don't know what to believe anymore, you know. That's why I ended up just agreeing with him. GO BACK HOME. I am tired, to the point where I already know what he is going to say, he got the same words. That's why sometimes I just laugh because It's like I knew he would say that or this! Sometimes I tell him to say something new coz it's getting old.

I just don't know, really... that's why I am trying to figure out if I am going to travel outside America and go back to my home country, will it affect on my travel history? I mean.. will I have a bad record? I am planning to just find a job somewhere in UAE or singapore, or Hong kong.

[Darnell 8,478]

ok - technical question - was the G-1145 included in the casefile paperwork that you two submitted recently? yes? no?

[chaves88 1]

No Ma'am.