shdwgrl

The girl you met in Vietnam is not a puppy. You cannot just "cancel everything" and send her back to the pet store because you don't want her anymore. It sounds to me like you want to just abandon her, is this the case? Yes, you legally married her and you will remain that way until you're legally divorced. This is a real person you're talking about, you brought her halfway around the world and married her...do you not feel any sense of obligation? How long were you married before you left her in a strange country to fend for herself?
I'm just not sure what the proper response is to this one...some "people" are just inconsiderate, self-centered....

If you had an arranged marriage then your wife is probably as distraught as you are about the marriage not working out. The only problem is that SHE is one who left her family, possessions and life in her home country to be with you. You lose effectively nothing in this ordeal, so I hope you can at least think of her as a person with feelings and a reputation to uphold at home before you disgrace her and send her packing.

I don't know why some people bring forigner to this country, use them and then left them to their own. they don't realise thathow hard it will be to adjust in this country specially when there is a language difference.
Marriage is a joke here, people fell for for it just too.
THIS ABOVE IS PERFECT EXAMPLE

She's probably also trying to prevent some of the gossip. Her family and friends WILL talk sh!t about her if she doesn't bring back a ton of clothing and gifts. I lived in the DR for a few years, and every time I made a trip to the US, it was expected that I would come back loaded. As a Dominican friend of mine put it, people think that you get off the plane in America (or "Nueba Yol") and they just hand you a giant bag of money. The gossip didn't bother me as much, bc I'm not Dominican, and my perspective on the world was different (and it wasn't my own family who was judging me), but I can see how it would bother her. I have another Dominican friend who just won't go back until he has at least $1,000 spending money to have on hand (in ADDITION to the gifts!). I guess he wants to be able to take his friends out and buy the expensive liquor, food, etc.
That being said, I totally agree with the poster who said let her pay for it herself. The Dollar Tree is my best friend, seriously. You can go there and just LOAD UP on stuff, and people have NO IDEA that it only costs a dollar! Seriously, she doesn't have to bring back name-brand stuff. At the dollar store they have hand creams, lotions, perfumes, kitchen stuff, house decorations, knick-knacks, tons of ####### like that that people will love. They also have vitamins and stuff that my Dominican family loves :-D. They are such hypochondriacs (my family), they go nuts over calcium supplements, ha ha ha. As long as it's printed in English, it's great!
Supplement your dollar store loot with a couple of name-brand things from TJMaxx/Marshall's/Ross (fitted baseball caps, hoodies, etc.). Also, check out the Goodwill (just don't tell anybody the stuff is used!)!

Take a starving person, put them in a moderate restaurant, and tell her 'you can only eat a little bit'
Try to understand that she has never had such things before, and 'showing off' is because she wants to show her family she's done well for herself. It's not the perfectly rational response, but try to put yourself in her shoes.
As for clothes/gifts...tell her to go to Ross, lol. Good luck!

Why does it matter to you if she's "removed from the country"?
She's allowed to stay if she likes, since she married you in good faith. And quite frankly, why shouldn't she be allowed to; she gave up everything in her home country to be with you. You BOTH entered this marriage, so why should SHE be punished and leave your life the way it was? Take some responsibility.

Your comment made me think of how some mean people abandon their unwanted pets by driving far away and leaving them to fend for themselves as they drive off. Listen, she is your wife and not an unwanted animal. You should be honest with her. If you do no longer want to be with her then say so and ask for a divorce rather than tricking her into going to Belize with you and leave her there.
As far as removing the conditions of her permanent residence, she might still be able to remove the conditions on her own if she can prove that the marriage was entered in good faith and things just did not work out. You cannot just ship her back to her country now that you have realized she is "very ignorant and stubborn," according to you.

Hummm,
It was your husbands story that initiated this. I responded as I did because I though it was rather one sided. From what I read your husband sounded like someone who didn’t think he should be questioned as he was and he didn't like it one bit. I didn’t see it that way and I stated as much. If his attitude during the interview reflected what I saw in his written statement I can see why it went as it did. With regards to being on a High Horse. Although I grew up in Nevada I dont see it that way. I was in my view responding to negative in kind.
From your response I see you didn’t care for my comments or thoughts. I am fine with that but I didn't make them for your acceptance. I am totally unaware of what security measure you had to go through but we have not gone through much at all that I can see. Just some minor police reports which were easy enough to obtain. I dont know of any true background checks.
I find it funny that you are looking for some level of understanding or sympathy for your case yet you can’t resist using endearing terms like WIFEY and Negative Nancy… Well don’t worry this Negative Nancy’s wife will do just fine in her interview. I am sure she will be a little nervous but will not display any attitude toward the interviewer.
My time here has been a little frustrating for sure but not stressful. My wifey has never so much as posted one iota of though on the VJ forum so her only stress comes from her work as she has no children or Ex's and is busy doing other things more important to her.
Again Congratulation. Now that you have your VISA go forth and enjoy your marriage. Negative Nancy out…

Hi: Here is the list of things that my husband is asked to bring on the day of medical. Hope it helps.
1. Three passport size photos
2. Immunization records
3. Original Passport
4. Interview Letter
The approximate cost of the medical is Rs. 6,000.
It will take them about 1 week to give out the medical report.

This is some information I PM to people about to do interviews. I've gleaned it from VJ posts, books I've read, attorney's I've spoken to. For those prepping for an AOS interview, I can recommend a small but very informative book titled "Green Card Interview Questions and Answers: Dos and Don'ts, Keys to Success", by Joseph Rotomi Famuyide, Esq. It is self-published, and although I found it through interlibrary loan, he lives in Brooklyn, NY and a copy can be obtained from him directly. These tips and questions are applicable to any country.
Here are some tips for the interview:
1. Do not volunteer information. For most questions, the shorter and more direct the answers are, the shorter the interview and the higher the chance of success. If the question is a yes or no question, give yes or no answers only. If the question is a simple question like "What is your name?" answer simply with your name.
2. If you do not know the answer to a question, do not lie. Say, "I don't know the answer to that at this time." or "I don't remember."
3. The answer to many questions will be in the papers that were sent in the petitions. Questions like, "what are your husband's parent's names". They will expect you to know the information given in your petitions. Review everything in your paperwork with your wife before her interview, and do a mock interview to see how the information may be applied.
4. Avoid saying "I think . . .". Women do this a lot. The examiner will expect you to know not be unsure, of your answers. Also, avoid adding "umm", "you know" and "ahh" type fillers to your speech.
5. When applicable, don't just state, demonstrate. If the examiner asks a question that can be answered with a document or photograph(s), provide it along with your answer.
For example, if the examiner asks, "What does your family think of your husband?", give them a picture or two with your answer; "They like him very much. Here is a picture of him with my mother and father at my parent's home."
Or, "How many attended your wedding?" Answer, "(give a number, then say) We have some lovely wedding photos of our guests having fun. Here are a few that I can show you."
6. Give American answers for dates and times. 12/24/07, not 24/12/07.
7. Dress well, but not overdressed.
8. Try to appear calm, well organized, and friendly. Nervousness raises suspicions.
9. Remain focused. If the examiner makes jokes, smile and enjoy, but do not make jokes too.
10. Make proper eye contact when conversing with the examiner, and try to control your own facial expressions so that your face remains pleasant and cordial.
11. Be audible so that your examiner doesn't have to ask you to repeat your answers.
12. Organize your papers in a way that will allow you to retrieve them easily and quickly. Examiners appreciate order and someone who doesn't waste their time.
13. When the interview is over, always ask for the results. "What should I now tell my husband about my visa status after our interview?" Before you leave, have them explain any papers they give to you and/or any procedures they will be taking to complete your case. Try to get the examiner's name for future reference, if needed. Write it down.
14. If the interview is in another city than the one you live in, arrive a day or two early to complete biometrics and get the results of your medical exam.
15. Arrive early to the consulate, but also be prepared to wait for a time past your scheduled interview appointment time. Be careful of thieves around the consulate if you have to carry cash. Bring ID; you cannot enter without it.
16. It is rare for the consulate to give you a visa on the spot. Be prepared to return for it, if approved.
For the interview, your SO should bring:
1. Original marriage documents, translations and certifications.
2. Formal, long form birth certificate.
3. Copies of any divorce records or death decrees of former SO(s).
4. Passport, with an expiration date of no earlier than 6 months. Try to have more than 6 months before expiration.
5. Police certificate with "Nothing" written on it, indicating no criminal record
6. Fingerprints (consulate will instruct you regarding how, when and where these will be taken). There is a fee for this.
7. Medical exam results (consulate will instruct you regarding how, when and where this will be taken). There is a fee for this. Make sure you get a copy from the medical examiner.
8. Passport type photos of each of you. (consulate will instruct you regarding these)
I made a list of what I've seen other people say their SOs were asked at consulates. Make sure that your fiancé can spell your COMPLETE name.
Possible interview questions:
What's your SO's full name?
Has s/he used any other names?
How many times have you met?
When and how did you meet?
When was the last time you were together?
How long have you known each other?
How long were you together the last time?
How long were you together any other time(s)?
What are the dates of the visits?
What have you done when your SO came?
Where did you go?
Where does your SO live? Which city and state?
What does your SO do for a living?
Where does your SO work?
What is your SO's phone number?
Do you know how long your SO has had this job?
Did you have a wedding ceremony?
Please describe your wedding ceremony.
Are you planning to have a wedding at any time in the future?
Questions about the pictures; when, where and who.
Where will you live?
Have you met your SO's family?
Where do your SO's parents live?
How do you communicate with your SO?
How do you keep in touch?
What language do you use to communicate with your SO?
How many times do you and your SO talk on the phone each month?
Why did you want to marry your SO?
Why would you choose to marry so much older/younger than you?
Do you want children?
What do your parents think about your marriage?
Do you love your SO?
What do you love about your SO?
Does your SO own or rent their home?
How much does your SO earn?
Write your SO's full name.
Have you ever been to the US?
When, for how long, and where did you live?
Do you have any relatives/friends in the US?
Where do they live?
What are your SO's parents' names?
Does your SO have any brothers or sisters?
What are their names?
What are your SO's hobbies and interests?
What are your hobbies and interests?
What do you have in common?
Do you know if your SO was married before?
How many times?
When did your SO divorce?
Does your SO have any children?
What are their (exes) names?
How do you get along with your SO's child(ren)?
Were you married before?
What is your SO's religious background?
Does your SO speak and understand your language?
Why do you want to come to the United States?
Do you have children?
How old is your SO?
What is your SO's birth date?
Where was your SO born?
Do you speak and understand your SO's native language?
Where and when were you engaged?
What do you do for a living?
Where do you work?
What do you plan to do once you are in the US?
Do you plan to work in the US?
Do you plan to study in the US?
What company does your SO's work for and what is their title?
What is your SO's favorite food?
Where did your SO work in the past and for how long?
What color are your SO's eyes?
What color is your SO's hair?
Did you prepare the forms yourself?
Which university did your SO graduate from?
Which subjects has your SO studied?
Have you been in the military?
Talk about your experience in the military.
Who is the petitioner?
Please tell me more about your SO.
Do you plan to stay in the U.S. forever?
What is your SO's name?
How did you meet your SO?
When did you meet your SO?
When did you become engaged?
What made you decide to use the internet to find a SO?
How long was your SO married before?
Does he have children? How many?
What are their names?
How old is your SO?
When was your SO born?
How long has your SO been working for XYZ?
Have you met his/her parents?
Have you talked to them on the phone?
Do they approve of your relationship?
Does your family approve of your relationship?
When was your engagement party?
Who was there?
Was any of her family there?
Why weren't they there?
Where did you have your wedding?
What religion is your SO?
What is your religion?
When did your SO visit you?
How long did your SO stay each visit?
What do you do for work?
How do you communicate with your SO?
How many times a day do you talk to your SO on the phone?
Where is your SO from?
What does your SO do?
When is your SO's birthday?
What did you send your SO?
When was your SO here?
Did you have an engagement ceremony?
Where do your SO parents live?
Where do your SO's siblings live?
What does your SO do?
What is your SO parents address?
What does your SO do?
What do you do?
Who are the people in the pictures?
What did you send to your SO?
What did your SO send to you?
How many times was your SO married?
What are the names of your SO's exes?
When was your SO's last divorce?
When did you meet your your SO?
When were you married?
What were the exact dates of your SO's visit?
Does your SO have children?
How many and what are their names?
Where do your SO 's parents live?
What did you do when your wife was in your country?
Where was the wedding?
Do you talk to men online?
How to you talk to your SO?
When did you meet your SO?
Were you talking to a lot of men on the Internet?
What do you and your SO talk about on the phone?
Do you have family in the US?
Who has custody of the children?
Where do your SO's exes live?
Will you be a good parent to your SO's children?

Many people, when trying to help relatives in "high[er] fraud" countries get tourist visas, fall in to the trap of attempting to prove that the foreign relative will be well supported by them in the US - that they will take full responsibility for the foreign relative's upkeep.
This is the worst thing you can do!
When adjudicating a tourist visa, the consular officer will be looking for overwhelming proof of exactly the opposite: that it would be completely and utterly untenable for the intending tourist to even think of trying to stay and live in the US - that their ties to their home country are so strong their life would be a complete and utter shambles if they so much as stayed 2 weeks longer than their intended trip.
Secondarily, and unofficially, they will also be looking for indications that the intending tourist intends to spend significant amounts of foreign money in the US during their American vacation.
In some countries, it can be virtually impossible to meet these standards and get a tourist visa. You should be aware that even if you and your father-in-law-to-be [and other relatives] do everything perfectly, there is no guarantee that he [or they] will be able to get a tourist visa at all.
[Also, your family members will be applying individually, so they will each need individual invitation letters.]

ya, this is the '2nd run' for him - his wife went back to india, she lost her green card status,
so now he's filing a new I-130..
He's been through a 'petition/visa' set before, within the last 4 years.
Oh well. I hope he'll decide to stay, and instead, just take a break.
Even when I 'got it wrong' - I wouldn't ask for my account to be deleted.

I don't know what to make of this.
The guy seems to have a lot of friends but has not logged in since posting this (12:36PM yesterday).
His last logon was Yesterday, 02:08 PM and he hasn't been back since.
K has not deleted his account; there may be a moderator rule (give him some cool-off time) in play here.
He joined Feb '08 and the timeline says he has an I-130 (from July 2010)
on the stove and got as far as the NOA1 recently.
I think he can profit in his journey by staying, but it's his choice, he's a big boy.

Hey Loto,
You probably feel bad because a few people thought you're some kind of bad person giving illegal advice. I don't think that's the case, I think you had all the good intentions, and it somehow came out wrong, then it was hard to admit it. I've been there, oh boy have I ever! But now you've lived and learned and I'm sure you'll verify every post you make (even when not needed). I think you should stay, you obviously showed interest in the VJ process, and where would VJ be without its regular advice givers? I read the other thread, and I certainly did NOT think you were hostile at all. VJ is a community, and whoever lived in one knows that there will be conflicts. Sometimes the community leaders are wrong too, but we are all human, right?

I think all this waiting is causing people to behave in a weird way. All Loto has to say 'what-eVVerr' and chill and continue to visit and stay active on this site. Asking the admin to remove him from the site is a bit extreme. And if he really is that upset - then just stop logging in, why put in a whole new post asking to be removed. Hate to lose anyone, we all need each other's support to get thru nightmare. I am optimistic he will join again with a new id

I glanced briefly at the other thread, but you shouldn't let it get you down. It's only ONE thread, I've seen you give excellent advice in others. And what happened to your fpatience, hmm? I mean, your user name is Lotofpatience, right? So -loto = fpatience (ha.ha.)
Like other posters have said, nobody's perfect. Can't expect everyone to agree with you, right? I mean, misunderstandings happen all the time, right?
Well, whatever happens, good luck with your process, and come back soon!