thisislove

thats right shems.. pretty soon she will be out of the house all together and him cyaan tell har nutting LOL

ohhh i didn't even realize damien came when she was 12, thats how old my oldest is, we must talk more often lol

i know.. we all come on here chat bout travelling other places..

but Jamaica LAND WE LOVE!!!!

alone next time...hmmm that could mean sooo many things.. i will wait and see what becomes of this LOL

You right about that we all love Jamaica, but i plan on going in Feb for a week i will keep you posted ok..

And you know when I was Tx my friends didnt want to do nothing so I cant travel with them, my cousin mad me miss my flight going to Jamaica last time, and this time she made me miss my flight going home, so alone I must travel...

okay.. i thought either your friends was wet blankets or somebody a wait pon ya for an exclusive meeting

awww girl,,yo cousin is outta there!!!

Dada I think we touched on a whole other issue, Grandparent involvement. Girl these issues with my Mom are gonna rip the family apart seriously. I jut hate the everyone see's Damian as the cause of the problems. Why can't the boys be help responsible for their actions they are not babies and I'm not raising babies either. Why are they not being held to the same standards as I was. I am just mad at everyone right now

Exactly!!!! The things my son say and do my mom nor dad would neva allow. My son complains about cleaning the kitchen. He tells me its too much. Cha!!! At your age I was damn near cleaning the whole house including washing the windows and blinds and you complain about doing the kitchen and you have a dishwasher to help you? At your age I was the freaking dishwasher!!!! And my mom asks me do I do the dishes sometimes to try and help him out? Hell no. Me buying the dish washing liquid is helping him out. He made me so mad I have band him from using the dishwasher since it’s so hard with it lets see how it is without.

Girl your situation is the same as mine so trust me you know, i need to know why it changes for the next generation. Of course I asked her and gave her examples but she couldn't give me none!

Did you get my PM?

but then isn't she the same grandma that couldn't handle him over there full time CHO!!!!

i know.. we all come on here chat bout travelling other places..

but Jamaica LAND WE LOVE!!!!

alone next time...hmmm that could mean sooo many things.. i will wait and see what becomes of this LOL

Hey everyone

nelly ya got some SPLAINING TO do!!! LOL

Quanna sorry my friend, I forgot to tell you have to get back on FB. I will let you know when I go back in a few months ok...

a few mnths??? what happend to "travelling somewhere else" LOL!!!

Dada I think we touched on a whole other issue, Grandparent involvement. Girl these issues with my Mom are gonna rip the family apart seriously. I jut hate the everyone see's Damian as the cause of the problems. Why can't the boys be help responsible for their actions they are not babies and I'm not raising babies either. Why are they not being held to the same standards as I was. I am just mad at everyone right now

Exactly!!!! The things my son say and do my mom nor dad would neva allow. My son complains about cleaning the kitchen. He tells me its too much. Cha!!! At your age I was damn near cleaning the whole house including washing the windows and blinds and you complain about doing the kitchen and you have a dishwasher to help you? At your age I was the freaking dishwasher!!!! And my mom asks me do I do the dishes sometimes to try and help him out? Hell no. Me buying the dish washing liquid is helping him out. He made me so mad I have band him from using the dishwasher since it’s so hard with it lets see how it is without.

oooohhh yo mama know she wrong for that.. all he do is put the dishes in the dishwasher.. you had to cook what the heck???

chores is the one thing roger thinks i put too much on the kids or more, he thinks they are not old enough to do it right, so why let them do it.. he said his kids (6 and 8) would not be cleaning bathrooms and kitchens yet, maybe they would take out the trash.. he laughed when i told steph to sweep the kitchen.. all she have to do is sweep the trash on the carpet to vacuum

thats true..thats why i capitalized TRUE LOL

but i dont really mean if you LOVE them or not.. i mean ppl's ideas about respect, and whats appropriate..

my ex demanded our kids called their aunts and uncles by that name "aunt shay" or whatever.. i however didn't mind them calling them by their name (remember we had our oldest at 18 so our siblings were teenagers)

that kind of stuff..

Ooh Nooo I agree with the X on this I don’t care if the aunt is only a year or two older then them. They have to call them aunt or uncle in front of their name. My one cousin has started calling our aunts and uncles by their first names. I looked at her as if she lost her mind. She tried calling my dad buy his name and he turned around and told her call me by my first name again and watch what happens. She laughed but you could tell my dad was dead serious. She never called him by his first name again.

LOL..right.. the ex wasn't WRONG in feeling that way, we just had different views.. stuff like that, you can't compromise either, the kids are gonna either say aunt or they are not.. somebody has to bend.. its hard man.. thats the kinda stuff im talking bout..

wat di rass?? ms nelly inna ja han mi nuh get no text or nutting.. RHATID ms nelly!!!

oops

lol..no problem, i just always am asking ms nellly where she going? i have to travel thru her LOL

Lawd, mi cyaan keep up with unno!

Q, thanks for the welcome back! I read your interview story, what a ting!

Congrats on the approval!!

I understand the struggle with different parenting styles... my son's father and I were COMPLETELY different where that is concerned. It lead to a LOT of our arguments and was a big factor in our split. A and I have a lot in common when it comes to ideals on parenting. We are both the "babies" of the family and were both a little spoiled, although still brought up to respect our elders. We talk a lot about the issues I have with my son on a daily basis and he helps me to think of ways to discipline or things I can do to help Imanni cope with life changes. Not to say that we don't still have a lot to learn about each other, but the basic parenting style is the same and I am grateful for that!

yeah from the outside looking in, the whole thing w/a one yr old from anodda woman i know is what had her suspicious, but it doesn't make our relationship any less real, in a LDR everybody have to make their own mind up about what is gonna be acceptable and what is not..

its good you and A think alike in that area, it will be such a big help down the line!

Thanks everyone else for knowing prayers mean good things!

So life is going by... the nursery is empty and mi friend dem ago paint this weekend!

The trip to JA was amazing and wonderful, and sad all at once...

Mi man love mi cyaan done and I sure do miss the belly rubbing and good food!

Him and my son bonded better than I could have hoped

The sunsets were beautiful:

I got to meet JaHoney and Ms.Nelly

wat di rass?? ms nelly inna ja han mi nuh get no text or nutting.. RHATID ms nelly!!!

hey jap..sorry i missed ur return, but i read a lil bit.. hold on my gyal, i know the worst part of a long trip is coming back home.. hope the bambino is doing well

awwww, honey I am sorry

I know the older the kids are the harder it is for them to adjust

Time, Philly... give it time

you!

I'm trying I thought we had moved past the foolishness but now its the older son and refuses to accept Damian period end of story and its not helping that my parents are basically entertaining his tantrums. I try to keep them out of my business especially when it comes to raising the kids cause they treat them like babies but my son keeps bringing them into it. I have a feeling someone is gonna get cussed out before the end of the day!

Philly I have the same problem. My oldest calls my mom every time we get into it and then my parents call me and want me to explain. Thy shall respect thy mother and thy father but I’m telling you I have had it with the questioning from my parents. I could see if I was beating the kids like I really want to well I did kind of take off my earrings and fought my oldest like he was a chic in the street but still besides that one time its not like I’m beating him to death. I had to finally stand up to my parents (shaking legs and all ) and tell them that he is MY son and I will punish him way I see fit. Then I turned to my son and told him he can call my parents the Pope and even the president. If you live in my house you will follow my rules!!!!

He is really challenging me lately. He turned 13 and now thinks he has a mortgage with a job.

good job dada.. im glad you stood up for urself.. u did nothing wrong, ur mom has to respect ur position just as u respect hers..

i should clarify.. i used to love to fight bullies, i didn't like when someone tried to gang up on someone else.. i wasn't scared of nutting and didn't mind showing ppl, even if i got a beat down a time or two (fought a girl 2 times my size once cuz she pushed my baby brother)

im nonviolent too.. well now anyway LOL..

used to LOVE to fight..

irie... yunno we have good days and bad days my gyal..im glad today is turning out to be a good one..its gonna be a process.. you already know.. i know ur just venting..im glad vj is around so we can vent.. nobody take stuff personal, we're just using this as a sounding board and maybe gain some good info while we're at it!

philly, im bout to go warm my bread and put some butter on it LOL

dara and philly.. my mama learned when taylor was a newborn and i was only 18.. I AM THE MAMA.. i think i hurt her feelings a bit, but we have been good ever since.. she prolly harbors a lil resentment, but whats right is right..

i will need her help, but she can't dictate me and my family..good luck you guys!!!!..

welcome blessmeindeed..

bway...mi no know, but my son is 6 years old and we don't have any problems between him and my husband. My son did spend 3 weeks with us in Jamaica a few times, not sure if that has a lot to do with it. If my husband tells him no, it's no. His father tried to run interference many times by telling my son that he should not listen to any other man but his father, thank God my son has my personality, mannerism and respect for people because I don't play. I'm 39 years old and I cannot answer another person WHAT! I just can't -- I think it's rude. My grannie taught me things like that and to always say good morning, please, excuse me or thank you those things jus buried in me.

you and your husband have the same ideas about how kids should act... that helps!

Believe it and it more than helps. I can't even say hell in front of my parents...I would feel horible and shame!

i know.. i wish before you marry ppl you could find out their TRUE views on things like kids, but when you don't have any or are not around yours THEN WHAT???

Sometimes you can't get the true views well, 100% of it...that's why I say, you have to talk and talk and talk and ask questions, but most important your kids have to meet this person that's about to be a part of their everyday life.

You can't really get a true view on anything until you experience it yourself. People say they love kids......yeah, until it turns out you are living with Chucky or Dennis the Menace every single day of your life. You don't know till you live it.

thats true..thats why i capitalized TRUE LOL

but i dont really mean if you LOVE them or not.. i mean ppl's ideas about respect, and whats appropriate..

my ex demanded our kids called their aunts and uncles by that name "aunt shay" or whatever.. i however didn't mind them calling them by their name (remember we had our oldest at 18 so our siblings were teenagers)

that kind of stuff..

the first time i walked into a club, i was 21

but my mom let us go to movies, roller rinks and house parties..

chiney for aftanoon snack mi ave pumpkin bread from the box...

Quanna u eat bluedraws? I'm having some now, my aunt brought them up lastnight...she can't wait to leave for TX...she say it's too cold up here...don't look like she going anywhere if we get bad weather tomorrow.

never had them yet.. alway hear yall talking bout them..

TX is cold now.. altho i know yall gonna throw a brick at me if i try and complain bout 40 degree weather

No, he didn't meet her before. Not sure if would make a difference at this stage...we've been living together as a family for 5 years. I've know plenty of couples who kids met their spouses before and things did not work out. As times goes by, things change.

My daughter has never given us a reason not to trust her...he just feels like if something happens to her (kidnap) he will be responsible.

Is this causing argument between the two of you? I think it's a bit much, especially if ya'll are at the same mall. It's not like she's 6 years old, come on.

i know alot of men that OVER protective of daughters, the ooman usually hush them up

chiney for aftanoon snack mi ave pumpkin bread from the box...

lol dara.. ya nuh guh vex me tideh

I totally agree Chiney , its important for us to recognize our faults and individual parent, communicate and stay consistent together.

PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats it!!!!

but oh how it hurts to be questioned as a parent.. but when we make ourselves vulnerable and hopefully our spouse will too.. its a beautiful thing!

I feel 'ya but in our situation...things slowly changed over the years. Like he still treats her like a baby...he doesn't want her to walk around the mall by herself (even when we're at the same mall). At 17...she's old enough to drive to the mall.

I'm not sure if D met your dawtah before he came to the US some couples don't have that option -- with me, I couldn't move forward until my son met my husband a few times.

Why doesn't he want her to walk around the mall alone? Why does he feel that way?

cuz men dem CRAZY bout dey dawtas!!! lol

shemmy! thats gonna be roger girl!!!

i asked him what is a good age for a young girl to go w/ a group of kids to the movies.. him say 17, and that would be okay for alot of parents, but i think i would be ready to drop off and pick up my daughter fromt he movies at 13 even

I don't like it when one parent lets the child do whatever they want and leave the other parent to deal with discipling the child when the get out of line...that is not right. That's the problem my brother had when his daugther was 6 years old...her mom let her do what she wanted now she's 16 and her mother can't tell her what to do...u can't bend di tree when di tree start bloom...it's too late.

babay!!! my mama had to learn that! my brotha acted a plum fool at 16 and BEYOND

and yes, my brotha told her that he didnt feel loved by her, even tho she spoil him so and let him do whatever the heck he wanna do, kids want boundaries sometimes

exactly.. tre..

roger and i talked sooooo dang much.. like i said, thats what makes it easier now even tho we have different views, we knew about it AHEAD of time, BUT i had to mess up w/ my ex before i knew this..

bway...mi no know, but my son is 6 years old and we don't have any problems between him and my husband. My son did spend 3 weeks with us in Jamaica a few times, not sure if that has a lot to do with it. If my husband tells him no, it's no. His father tried to run interference many times by telling my son that he should not listen to any other man but his father, thank God my son has my personality, mannerism and respect for people because I don't play. I'm 39 years old and I cannot answer another person WHAT! I just can't -- I think it's rude. My grannie taught me things like that and to always say good morning, please, excuse me or thank you those things jus buried in me.

you and your husband have the same ideas about how kids should act... that helps!

Believe it and it more than helps. I can't even say hell in front of my parents...I would feel horible and shame!

i know.. i wish before you marry ppl you could find out their TRUE views on things like kids, but when you don't have any or are not around yours THEN WHAT???

roger knew i was a bit lenient w/ my kids, thats why he doesn't argue w/ me about how i do, i learned from my ex that i did spoil my kids a bit and i wanted him to be aware of that.. i will try not to be sooooo lenient tho cuz again, i don't want my kids to be UNKNOWINGLY disrespectful, just cuz i don't see certain things as being "out of control" doesnt mean that society doesn't.. they will not be at home forever.. I tell my youngest all the time.. you are so intelligent and a born leader, but w/ your bad attitude NOBODY will even care..

Hey, Shemmy.....do you think you really move on? Or do you harbor stuff that later surfaces? Just wondering. My ex and I had different parenting styles. He has since learned my way was actually the better way cause trying to actually control their every movement was not working for him.

We had a lot of recurring arguments over the same damn stuff.

exactly.. that why it will never REALLY be resolved UNLESS one parent takes on the ideas of the other,the only thing you can hope for when you compromise is that both parent is WILLING to give and take, w/out holding any resentment

if BOTH parents are okay w/ that, it can work..

but if one parent feels his or her way is the only RIGHT way, then

OK, here is where I am going to completely disagree. Maybe sometimes one needs to take on the idea(s) of the other. But, on a whole, I think compromise is the way to go. No one wants to be agreed or disagreed with ALL The time.

im not saying they should.. im saying tht this is the only way the problem won't ever be a problem again..

even tho ppl compromise, there will still be a little part of you that wishes you were doing it your way, and if the person knows how to deal w/ that (like myself lol) GREAT no problem, but if they don't, that resentment WILL come back up again later.. .. thats all im saying..