adiiann

a Difference i noticed...

In America, A dad jingles the car keys saying "who wants to go for ice cream?" then loads up the gang, and drives for some 15 to 30 minutes to the local drive-in for ice cream cones....

In Philippines, a dad asks who wants ice cream (or frozen milk), then sends one of the kids to go get for everyone from the local sari-sari (on credit)....and pays for it later on....

Never experience your first statement.... I mean when my brother-in-law brings his kids to creamery, they just tell them, and they will just get in the car.

As for your second statement...... Never heard that before, usually, for non-necessary item, they don't get it and put it as credit. I've known this as when I was younger, we had sari-sari store.

I don't think you are trying to portray difference in culture, but difference in family perspective as it's not common practice in both countries.

No, he is the husband waking up to make me breakfast, he does all the house chores and gives me pleasure. What sort of justification is that? You aren't some submissive 17th century wife, whose whole life revolves around cooking and chores and who expects to be valued because of what she does, not because of who she is.

And the beneficiary should always be the children, sorry.

I do understand why it is disrespectful to you, and I agree to a degree that he should alter his behaviour, but you need to learn to get your rights in a more efficient manner.

I am not divorced as well as my husband, so I am hoping to make sense. What efficient manner you wanted to suggest to the OP after she already talked to him about her feelings? As for beneficiary, yes, children should always be the priority but I believe that you need to consider your wife. When you get older and kids will have their independence, who's going to stay with you?... your spouse. He/She is there for you to remember your birthday even though your kids forget it, he/she is there to take care of you when your kids are too busy with their lives. We marry our spouses because we love and trust them, that's why we make them part of ourselves, as part of ourselves, you don't want to hurt them and we respect them. But if you marry your spouse with different agenda and it showed on how you deal with the marriage, then he/she have the right to react in a way to cope up with the situation, as he/she marries you for the reason of loving you.

We're not in the shoes of the OP, to just say, "Hey, this... and that.... what you need to do.." She's in the middle of uncertainties, she's not happy and scared to loss her marriage. I guess she tried to gather experiences from VJ members, to analyze her situation as well as to make sure that she's not trying to justify her behavior.

It is called decency. People that are on decent terms with ther exes are rare, and they shouldn't be given grief about it. You, on the other hand, sound awfully insecure.

I don't think OP giving grief on that. It's more the lack of respect for your spouse. Talking more than the concerns of their kids is not necessary esp. if your wife is around. Their only binding string is the kids, and that should be the boundary of the communication. I think "decent terms" is you talked civilized, negotiate for the greater good and act accordingly(which mean also, respect individual's partner).

The OP's relationship was compromised when the CFO began manipulating it by requiring the beneficiary to say things to the sponsor that could potentially upset someone to the point of calling it quits. He was confused and hurt because his SO was saying hurtful things, and he couldn't decipher what was going on. That's what I gathered from the entirety of his posts anyway.

I asked about that statement, and this should be against the law, they can't require someone to say something against her will, they can ask for proofs and validity of the relationship according to their guidelines. I asked lawyer from the Philippines, it can compromise the eligibility of that CFO branch. Just saying..... when you know its overboard... speak out. As for those sponsor, if you are not confident the capability of your beneficiary, it would be better to accompany them.

You don't have a racist neighbor, trust me you'll know when you have one. You have a neighbor that wants peace and quiet or has a low threshhold for noise. I'm a motorcyclist also (I only ride Ducatis sports bike) and I always have high performance pipes on my bike. I try to be conscious of others (not saying that you Guys are not) especially when I get close to home and just idle in 1/2 gears.

Wish I had neighbor like you. LoL. We have young neighbor who is very idiot riding their tiny motorbike in front of our house, back and forth. I confronted them that they making noise pollution as its really noisy. They told me to turn on my tv and I told them that they're violating the city ordinance, and they better find place to play with their stupid bikes or I will call police as they are very disturbing.

Hehehehe.... Found out other neighbor called police as they endangering kids around the block aside from freakin' annoying noise.

Chinook is from the province. She now works as a registered nurse here in the U.S. She can afford to buy whatever she wants, but she's not really interested in designer items and name brands.

She's usually very thrifty. However, she bought us a seven-day cruise to Alaska. We're leaving tomorrow. Bon voyage!

...... All our travel plans cancelled this year.... something comes up.... Have fun!

I'm living here now for 4 years and I'm not really friends of any our neighbors, which is I honestly dont care. I am not in this country for them LOL. But we say typical " Hi and Hello and how are you ? :-h " everytime I seen them outside of the driveway. But we have this one neighbor across the street that so different. Never ever talk to her even ONCE. She is living by her self, driving BMW car and about in her late 50's. My husband told me that the first day that he moved in this house, this woman yelled at those mexican guys that he hired to help him move the furnitures, coz they talked loud and joked with each other. My husband also have a Harley Davidson bike that he ride during summer time only. It's understandable everytime she shut her garage, front door and windows of his house when my husband ride his bike coz it's really loud.

We have a 2 story house, and its a nice day here today. So I open our windows in our room, happened that it's facing also in to the windows of her room. Anyway, our 4 months old daughter already start rolling over from back to her belly, but can't roll yet from belly to her back. I dont want to leave my baby in alone for more than 5 minutes when she's up coz I am worried that she may start rolling over and god forbid burry her face in a mattress. So anyway, I took a shower and I put my baby in her bouncer and took her with me in a bathroom. We have this glass door in the shower room so she can actually see me while I was taking a shower. She started screaming and babbling alot and loudly, and lot more of screaming through the entire time that I was in the shower. She love water, so thought she may also want to take a bath or shower with me. SO I took her out of her bouncer and gave her a bath in her small bathtub in same bathroom. She scream more coz now she's happy and enjoyed the water. So when we finally done got out the shower and dried up, I put down my baby in our bed, and I went to her room to grab a clothes for her. My daughter still babling and still screaming, not a crying scream, but a happy playmode scream lol. So I guess our neighbor across the street had enough of my baby, She slammed her windows down, and shut the blinds ! ####### ! I have no control of her action and dont give a f**ck if she hates us, but with my 4 months old daughter ???

Sorry, just venting ! I guess I am upset... even if I call my mother about it, she wont understand. Coz in my country almost all neighbors there is like your all extended family lol. I may will just sugest to my husband to accept the offer the job that he got in Albany, NY and MOVE.

Me and my husband called them haters. When I was still in IL, there's this stupid lady blaming me for getting hurt herself because I startled her with my dog's bark. I was like, #######!, we were few feet away from her, she's outside, gardening beside the pedestrian lane, and I am walking my dog, its a public area and she should anticipated noises as she's on the pedestrian lane. Her husband approached my husband and told him to file for petition to get rid of my dog. Good thing, I wasn't there, because I will tell her that he can call police for disturbance of my pet and I will gladly explained to the officer what happened and that they're harassing us. LoL. Petition to get rid off my dog in the neighborhood, who will support them when more than half of the neighborhood have dogs. We have a beagle and she's always inside our house, she only barked when she saw people she didn't know in the condo. Another thing, I guess her wife get pissed off because she didn't expect that I will response sarcastically to her after she blamed my dog. Well, if she's not being grumpy and I will apologize but she's not worth of it.

Well, we moved here in St. Louis, and the house we bought have backyard and friendly with dogs esp beagle. Our neighbors are kinda old, but they're nice and they're friendly. Sometimes, their grand kids stopped by, to play with our dog.

Filipino have colonial mentality and doesn't care about the quality as long its branded, as its more pleasing to the eyes of other Filipino.

And please don't get me wrong, but most of the Americans that can afford to be generous with their wife are in their 40's+ because they don't have so much mortgage, lower insurance, paid off cars and of course, been working for so long that the salary been high enough. But if you're between 25 and 35, you just bought a house/paying rent that goes up every term, higher insurance, car loan and of course you are starting in lower position, so your salary is enough to cover household expenses.

Okey, Im at Kingshighway south city.. Think you and I might have spoken about meeting up before, but you ditched me

Oh... I'm sorry... was in the middle of relocation last year.... we're moving our stuffs from IL, then we're in the middle of buying a house.... was really busy... I lost track...

I think that "crab" mentality is universal not just Filipinos do that.

True. But I guess, it was more associated with Filipino culture because this is really one of the common traits.

Yes!! We don't have tornados at home.. There are a lot of jobs, or at least it seems so, it is just terribly difficult to catch one Where in St. Louis are you, if I may ask?

We're living in South County, about 15 mins away from downtown St.Louis

i've heard this in a facebook game group i belong to. what exactly is it?

It is a Philippine idiomatic expression pertaining to a Filipino attitude that characterize by the nature of crabs. When you put crabs in the bucket, they will start to crawl up to get out of the bucket but before they're be able to successfully get out of the bucket, other crabs pulling them down. This nature is common in Filipino culture but maybe existing in other cultures too. Somehow, there are Filipinos that are not happy to see the Filipinos they know becoming successful, and sometimes they do nasty things to pull them down.

Anyway, really nice to hear different insights from you guys. Now, I don't feel different or feeling arrogant as I don't want to join Filipino organization here in my area, just to have Filipino friends. Same as other's experience, I feel like some Filipinos will take advantage on us, for asking favor all the time. I help when I can and I believe in sharing blessings, but I hate when people taking advantage.

Hi, thanks for replying. I am doing all of that..the only thing is my commute can't be too far out.. I have even signed up with one of those emplyment agencies, hopefully that will get the ball rolling faster.

It's not all about the money, but being unemployed for this long is not healthy.. I am fairly young and its getting to me.. in a bad way.

And if you're in St. Louis, you must have noticed that it is too hot here

Yep! Weather here is weird, can go from very hot to cold temp in a few hours. Just keep applying, it will take time, and work on your certification because it will helps you a lot. It took me more than 6 months to get part-time job when we're still in IL, then more than a year before I got job in my field which is the reason we moved here in St. Louis. I don't know much in medical field but it seems there's a lot here, just don't focus in St. Louis area, search on nearby counties.

Hi. Tried not only St.Louis, but the Illinois side closer to St.Louis.

I would suggest to apply in hospitals or clinics as staff while trying to get your certification. You may want to try Kirkswood area, lots of hospitals and clinic there.

"How needy you are to have Filipino friends in your area"

This question popped up in my mind when someone told me that I need friends closer to me. Then, I started to analyze my situation. I am not socially isolated as I have good rapport with my co-workers, I talked to my neighbors once in awhile when we're out for gardening or cleaning cars, and I am fine joining the neighborhood meeting sometimes.

I just don't feel like I need to find Filipino friends in my area. If we meet some, that's great. Me and my husband both working, and I want to spend my time doing house chores or doing my handicrafts or read books whenever my husband is not around and I am home. Since, we're both working, we always spend time together either going out or just being home to watch movie or play games.

Our life has been in fast track and there's a lot of changes since I got here 3 years ago. My husband's friends become my friends, and I always have fun going out with them but when we move to other state, we just hang out whenever we're in IL. Right now, I don't have any close friends in my area. I am kinda too busy to really go out with friends right now.

I wonder if some have same situation as I am. Would like to hear some experiences from others.

Why are you so freaking right ?I feel frustrated reading the stuff dArren posts because I am from a third world country and I got married when I was the same age as his wife and I did meet people like him. People who did the whole ooo im the American with the money so I'm gonna choose what we do, and god forbid you don't like what I do.I find him incredibly self centered and narcissistic . I doubt half of his posts are real. I'm starting to think he is making some things up to stay relevant in the philippines forum or to prove to people who told him it wouldn't work, it's working, despite the hardship.I just wanna punch him so hard.

He was virtually punch in the face here many times because his egoistic ideas.

First, you should always make sure to tell everybody on VJ every time Chinook does something wrong like that. She definitely needs to do everything just like you do it.

Second, I believe the ice cream problem is a tribal issue. You should probably consult the village elders for help with that. Let them know how she's been acting and see what advice they give. Buy boats if necessary. But, again, make sure that everybody on VJ knows all the details.

Third, your Filipina eats ice cream? My Filipina eats ice cream too? That must mean all Filipinas eat ice cream. But, my Filipina doesn't really go for vanilla. Does that mean mine is the conservative, province Filipina or did I get one of the liberal, big city Filipinas?

Fourth, I must stress this to you one more time. Always share with us whenever Chinook does something wrong. This is the key to a happy marriage; sharing private issues with total strangers.

Again, I don't want to give marriage advice, but perhaps they could do things like my wife and I do. She takes care of the budget, she makes the shopping list, she decides when we're going shopping, she decides where we're going, she decides what we're buying, and she let's me follow along in the supermarket and push the cart.

Maybe let Gretchen make more family decisions would help.

ETA: she does let me pick out my own breakfast cereal.

That's the reason why I usually do my shopping with my husband. And I don't have to carry the bags inside the house because its heavy. Hehehe.

$3.54, 85 regular here in St. Louis

Proud momma of this pretty creature... She's our baby pup. Whimsy....

There is a lot of fast food in PI. Jollibee, Pizza Hut, Greenwich, McDo, Burger King, Chow King, etc. comes to mind. However my wife likes dried fish cooked. Why does frying dried fish stink so much. I mean like dried fish, but not fried dry fish. But the worse is microwaving dried fish. Some nanas did that at Walmart in the break room. So make sure to teach your wives never to microwave dry fish.

I wish I could find dried fish esp my fav dried squid, here in my area. I would love to have it and dip it in pinakurat vinegar. My husband like the pinakurat vinegar and sometimes used it as dressing. I might cook those outside though, no microwave on that coz I want it to be crispy. Hehehe.

Guess my post fell on deaf ears then...

He kept asking for some opinion but he never accepts opinion because he's too self-righteous.