John&Juvy

I respect you views and we all see life through differant perspectives but there area few 'For Sures' here. One is if you ever get involved with the law here..whether Innocent or not...you will never go to trial and the ONLY way you'll get out of the fix is to dig DEEP into your wallet..IF your a foreigner..your guilty EVERYTIME! Do a little research on foreigners arrested in the PI.
Do you REALLY feel safer with an armed guard at Mcdonalds? The armed guards you see at the every entrance to every buiness are very poorly trained and, in many cases, are more dangerous than the criminal themselves. Research the Mark Dizon murders in Angeles last year.OR the Billy Miller murder. And the list goes on and on...all unsolved or unprosecuted cases because no one wanted to pay the fee to pursue. The Philippines survives on corruption from the lowly guard all the way to the top of the feeding chain. Always has been that way ..always will. The Philippines was controlled and goverened by Mexico (not Spain) for 250 years. In most cases, they are twins...research...you may not feel quite so comfortable living here when you through..JMHO

LOL... this topic had me laughing because I am the Filipina, but American born- USC. One should note before reading my post that my blood is thicker than water and my roots still have some of these traits described earlier such as the dreaded "silent treatment".... uh oh.... what's K (my fiance) in for when he gets here??? lol Sheesh, why wait? I'll do it now.
I am currently, or should I say, HE is currently on silent treatment as I type this.
This will last for a hot minute. For some of you who do not know what a "hot minute" is, allow me to explain. It is the time period that you, the offender [and soon to be victim of said Filipina wife/gf/fiance], will have either said, didn't say, or was about to say, something ......but you didn't. Instead, you went staring into space while she was 'telling you what she wants you to do'. ***OH BOY, ARE YOU IN TROUBLE!***
For me, the first symptom of the hot minute begins with the deep sigh. This sigh is expelled slowly and it does not make any sound due to the restaint the body must take before it loses control, takes over, and the distal upper extremities pick up the nearest object to spank [him]!
Second sympton of a hot minute is the turning on the heel and walking, while thoughts of gestures using my 5 digits of the left hand begin. Maybe I get animated mentally. So I see visions of variations on how some of my fingers can be curled and maybe one extended for exercise. I term this my "Flip op exercises" [off --said with filipino accent].
Now the fun begins and the silent treatment is enforced. Now a little secret is that a Filipina who is in silent mode is deeply hurt and is refraining from saying something sharp because let me tell you the next thing that rolls off that tongue is equivalent to a spoon digging out your eyes! So, beware because she is basically licking the wounds off her heart. In truth, she loves you so much, please understand that her silence is gender sacred and it is universal among us Pacific Islander Girls. It's innate when we're born and our voice is louder when we are quiet; so it's really not intended to hurt her man, but to heal her pride. Know when a Filipina loves, she loves deeply; she protects that love intensely and with a fever. This explains why her man mustn't cease during attempts to correct, kiss and caress her so she can return to her beautiful self and love you more than she did the hot mintue before!
Good luck to every kano aka: Haoli boy, who loves us AmFlip / Pinay girls through thick or thin.
Mari
PS: Disclosure. Gentlemen, I forgot to mention I am not responsible for those of you who do attempt to 'correct, kiss and caress' her [the flip girl you love]. Please note that you could be subject to the following: a). a flying object b). the pinching of the smallest of skin on the fatty bottom part of your arm c). a greeting with her adobo spoon d). her left shoe -- we have lots of shoes btw e). your wallet getting kinda skinny in the deal.

The fact she was granted a visa does not obligate you to anything.
Hypothetically a manipulative person would still come here, despite your objection to continuing the relationship, using a combination of guilt-tripping and the occasional sop of pretended affection being thrown your way.
Hypothetically the target falls for both ploys, feeling guilty when they were the target of cynnical manipulation from day 1 and getting all giddy over the slightest morsel of fake affection. So he allows her to live with him.
Hypothetically the target marries, knowing it is wrong but feeling trapped and desperately hoping for a miracle - maybe she will love me in the end; I will prove I was a gentleman. I will suffer like Jesus on the cross.
Hypothetically the manipulator divorces the target after months of more misery than he has experienced in his lifetime. Hypothetically she is granted the green card on her own.
Hypothetically there are 2.7 million genuine, loving, wonderful Filipinas who would die to take her place and make this man the King of the World. But instead of doing justice and bestowing upon the deserving a wonderful life of family and security this man rewards the scheming evil witch. Thus the strategy of evil is perpetuated by virtue of its success and the strategy of honest and sincere effort is punished.
In the end then what this hypothetical man does is teach others that dishonesty, cheating, and evil intentions are the key to successful immigration.
His excuse will be that his intentions were good.

I think everyone else has pretty much said what I was going to.
I suggest you run. Fast. Do everything you can to stop her coming to America to stop her taking advantage of you further, because she WILL. She sounds like she doesn't love you and just loves your money. Call the embassy and NVC and tell them you -refuse- to marry this woman, if she already has the visa in her hand. Don't marry her, then she can't stay and take advantage of you!!!
You're being taken advantage of, and emotionally blackmailed, and in the long run, she -will- destroy you financially, and probably mentally too!
I know it's gonna' be hard for you to read this, and what everyone else has said, but if so many people here at VJ can see it, it's obvious that alarm bells are ringing - and they should be for you too.
Good luck with everything. You are NOT cheap, you sound like a really good, nice guy, who is being taken advantage of. Keep us updated.

She is nothing but a cunning and manipulative woman who is out to milk you for all your money. You need to use your head, you already know the answer to this, and when she's done with you and she has her greencard and you've filed for bankruptcy, watch her leave you for the next rich man she can target in America. There are girls like this and everyone here (except you) can smell her from a mile away. Sorry to be blunt, but you don't deserve this and you are just putting yourself in the path of the regret. I hope you realize this before its too late!

Yeah i aggree with the above comment!
Id have a good think about it before she comes as you are going to need a fortune!
Disconnect your internet for a while and avoid her she is just using you!
She will get to America and bleed you dry of every penny you have and then leave
you once she has all she can get and then find some other sucker to be with!

Whoah!
You already know the answer to your question "Am I Cheap?" .. You can read the posts on here, seems like half the people are needing co-sponsors for the 864 form because they are at the poverty level. There are all sort of questions that should be discussed before whisking someone form their country to come here.. First and foremost would be what is she planning to do when she gets here? What is the long term plan? This should be a team effort, both sides eager to contribute..
Seems like you already know where this relationship is heading though...

This is only my opinion as a woman, send her nothing! See her reaction, if she has a hard time with it then you know she's not worth it. Love comes from the heart, not the wallet.

So sorry to tell you this but you are being PLAYED!!!!.....WE are living in hard times, people are not sure if they will have their jobs tomorrow or next week and she wants the latest gadgets?? Honestly i don't see love and support here! I am sorry...

You do realize the average salary in the Philippines is about $200 per month.
You have sent excessive amounts of money, Even if you take out $12,000 for trips and Visa Cost, you have sent a small fortune to the Philippines.
She only wants your money.
A Good Girl in the Philippines would never ask for money they are way to shy for that. You need to drop her like a bad habit and find you another girl. The Philippines is full of beautiful good girls who are looking for love.

Dump her fast. I have seen your future, and it is not pretty.

Sounds like you need to get a second job to accomodate her spending habit.
She is a your common "Gold Digger"
Kick her to the curb, don't let her come to the USA she will break you and put you so far into debt that you will never see daylight again

Can't change stupid, and can't negotiate with crazy.... Pardon me for that... I just read it lol.

The OP states the relationship has suffered at least twice prior to this incident. So this does not seem like the average case of cold feet to me.
It seems the two families know each other. What part does that play in this situation? It seems like there is something cultural going on.
And I've got news for both the OP and her fiance. Marriage is supposed to last a long time. In that time, you both meet other people who are either attracted to you or to whom you are attracted. It's starry-eyed nonsense to believe that over the course of a lifetime you will only have desire for your partner. But a man (or woman for that matter) who is not mature enough to put their devotion to their spouse over those little fatal attractions will not make a good partner. My initial reaction to the OP's story is that her fiance's ego is so weak that he will (over the course of time) betray their marriage for the attractions of other women. Frankly, having only spent 42 days together, I doubt she knows him well enough to supply the answer. I truly hope he's not the type who wants a woman he can always return to while he dallies with others. Even though this relationship is two years old, it has been fractured by breakups in the past. OP, there are people out there who want a relationship but don't have the nature to keep up their end of the bargain.
I would only urge the OP to come over to the US if she can easily pick up her career and life in case she returns.

Opinions are what they are, but I think there would be consensus here and among clergy that this was not a real marriage in the sacred sense. I agree with your sentiment of trying to save a marriage when it was true to begin with, but this one obviously was not. I just find it frustrating that some Christians seem to remove all rationale and common sense when it comes to matters like this, and this line of thinking keeps women in physically abusive marriages. Marriage based on a real commitment and love is a sacred thing that I believe should be preserved through all kinds of troubles, but lets not equate all marriage ceremonies as magically making every union a sacred one no matter what kind of ulterior motives one or both partners have going into the marriage.

Can't change stupid, and can't negotiate with crazy.... Pardon me for that... I just read it lol.

As the saying goes "There's a time and place for everything". Just hope they are having this much fun if one of their planes goes down.

How is Inca offensive? It's describing a group pf people who lived in a region. Like calling you Anglo Saxon.
Nevertheless, thanks for illustrating two points again. First bringing up the past. Second, ignoring the reason for its use, like after an ambush of personal insults. Much along the lines of Cleo's mindset, being ambushed by posters does not warrant fighting back does it - it's fun right. You just have to sit there and accept the insults. Just don't use someone's background, as that is offensive in your book.
That's your rules mate, not mine. My rules back then were you ambush me, then you get attacked back and at any level.
Clearly you and your buds want the rules of the game changed back to suit you. It all makes sense. It's why Cleo has no problem with insults and only views them as childish, as it allows you guys to attack people; as you did in the past.

Are you sure your wife really love and care about you to care enough about your both future and marriage? Coz it seems like she's not. As what you posted, seems like your wife only care about her self and family in Philippines, and never have concern about you at all. Maybe for her your just a provider of her shelter while she's here in the US working, saving and sending her own money to her family. And then she was calling you cheap coz your not giving her any money so she can send it to Philippines, but you are asking her instead to share some of her money that making for the household . Lol I hope that's not the deal.
Anyway... does your wife know how much you making and how much you guys bills paying every month? Beacause the first time I saw my husband paying our bills online and writing checks for those bills I was in shocked lol. I was only thought my husband have nice job and making good money... and life was great lol. Then I found out that almost 70% of those income goes to our monthly bills lol. Then I realized, life is not that easy that I thought . But hey life still good with us and happy, and I am thankful about that. Atleast I also realized that I wanna help my husband even he asked and say anything about it. I am finally working full time now, and pay checks go straight to our savings... then probably once in a while I keep the 1/4 of it in my account when I wanna buy something then thats it .
Marriage is not easy... To keep the love and happiness of it both of you need to work on it, THAT if there is a real LOVE that really beggin with from both of you.... IMO, If theres's no love... Then no respect and care too. Damn love...