Martiniolive

Well everyone we did it After that dark period around my husbands first two interviews and than both of our depressions and uncertainty (for anyone who did not witness it) and than our frantic desperate actions to avoid his petition being sent back to USCIS...he was called to return to the consulate and was again interviewed by the consulat chief himself. There were alot of questions again and a much happier sort of interview (the chief has a much sweeter personality from the first lady interviewer!) the chief even mentioned to my husband that he had talked to his wife on the phone . My husband said "darling he knew you! " what a persistent wife I am LOL. Than he told my husband he could pick up his visa and passport in the next day and as of this morning he has it in his hand. I wanted to wait until he actually has it to tell you all so as not to "jinx" our luck. My husband wanted me to put our pictures on here so that people would see us together since we had both talked on here and he felt so many of you were so nice and helped me and us thru some bad times so you should see who are. We both concider you all friends and will never forget you. We also want to stay present here time to time to help other people with encouragement when they need it. We are not sure exactly the date he will come yet but I am thinking by the next week. So after ward we might be mia while we settle in but will check back time to time and keep in touch. God bless you all. Abdou and Carol

congratulations we are so happy for you. Enjoy your holidays

God bless you and your family...may he give you alot of patience

I guess I'm weird... I actually was relieved about the not-celebrating-holidays/birthdays thing. We're both very hit and miss about it, and I even worried at times it might 'bite us' if he gets called for a ROC interview (I heard they sometimes ask what gifts you bought each other). We went so far as to 'assign' certain gifts to certain occasions after the fact (um... ok, if they ask, the GPS we bought in November last year was really a Christmas present). Even that sort of went by the wayside. I think if he gets interviewed, we'll just tell them we decided not to do gifts for celebrations, we just buy each other what we want when we can (I've always liked that philosophy, even before I met him).

As far as buying things in general - we get more starry eyed over thoughtful gestures than things that cost money anyway. For example, my ex is trying to take full custody of my kids. When I got in the car to go to see my lawyer one morning, I found a note from my husband (who had worked overnight) on the steering wheel, encouraging me and reminding me just to say "bismillah" and things like that. It made me very teary eyed, and I was so happy about it. I made sure to mention it to him as soon as possible (after I was home and he woke up).

OH I LOVE the leaving the notes thing! Personally I like sweet thoughtful gestures more than material gifts...with the exception of the wedding ring thing *eh hem* so if my husband leaves me notes, cooks me dinner or even makes me some really good mint tea, there will be a happy ending LOL for sure

LOL that's funny I was thinking "Juicy Jackie" but I like Just Jackie..what's wrong with that? Jackielicious is yummy too. Maybe "Jackie Oh!" for the extra "O"

Jackielicious

sorry im hungry and thinking about chcolate, hence the name. LOL. i been craveing it all day. I will sit and try and brainstorm for a name.

EEEEwwwwie! God Save Obama and protect his family

Mug shot of Tharin Gartrell, one of two men suspected of an assassination plot against Sen. Barack Obama. (Photo/Aurora Police Department)

Because they are all "primates"! It's the missing science has been searching for all along! Everyone that seeks employment with a government organization has his or her origin from monkeys/apes! They should start the DNA testing to prove it asap! Than we can start shipping mass quantities of banana's and get some stuff done! I swear girl nothing suprises me anymore with immigration etc..... But be sure, there is a special place in heaven for all of us going thru this stuff. Our reward is coming, when our spouses finally DO arrive and second when we are joined with allah believe me! Martiniolive

I am sorry "hanging in there" but you are taking things I said in my original post WAY OUT OF CONTEXT and I can't stop from pointinf that out before you go too far. I did not say my husband said he would not wait out the AP. He wants to wait out the AP, he never said anything about leaving me or divorcing me I thought I made that clear. I ASSUMED THOSE THINGS! In my original post I said repeatedly "I FEEL and I FELT" that is clearly my own feelings not his. Do not put words into his or my mouth and run with it because people will start to read only your posts and run with that idea. Not that it will matter because this is a message board and everyone is FREE to post here even my husband. It made me feel very good that he came here to post on my thread to support us. I think it is wonderful that both husbands and wifes are involved in the process. There are yahoo groups and other PRIVATE forums to vent privately. This is not a private forum it is a public one. I am not going to post here anylonger in this thread, I am finished with this topic now. It has been resolved between my husband and I and we do not need to discuss it further here. Thanks everyone for your help and answers about living in morocco (the original topic). God bless you all, Martiniolive and her husband

Dear Martiniolive:

It was not wrong of you to post here on the board. I know you say that you were emotional and should've waited until things settled down. However, in that particular moment, you needed to vent your feelings. It is totally understandable. All of us have different opinions on the matter and we just tried to help the best way possible.

As for learning Darija, it would be good to learn just for the fact you are married to a Morrocan. It will help in understanding the culture better and getting closer to his family.

Secondly, Morroco is FULL OF TOURISTS. The three languages used are native (like Darija), French (because of the French controlled Morroco at one time) and English (for all those tourists).

I really don't think Morroco would be such a bad place to live.

You remember my thoughts for you was very very different. All situations are different. Culture shock is a whole hell of alot different than opportunism. I treasure the advice from these boards. You gave me stern and amazing advice when I was in crisis and it wasnt to stay together or coddle him. It was divorce. I think she should give him a chance but pay attention. How someone acts in crisis or things not going their way is pretty indicative of everything else they will do

Experience a huge loss, death, lose all your money and you will figure out real fast where u rank... Leaving after a visa turndown? I am not buying it. I stand behind what I said and I doubt his intentions 200 percent

Oh Pattu I hope so too. I hope your eyes will see forever and he will be with you so soon. God bless you!

as they say, idle minds is the devils playground. Thinking too much will cause paranoia. keep busy and stop ruminating . The goal is to get him here, that why the petition was for him to come here. thats a given seeing the economy et al is better here. You causing him stress im surprise he not upset. Keep fantasy away from reality. Soon inshallah you will have hard working hot hubby with you. Stop picking battles within.there is enough ####### outside that hits and knocks you down for awhile inthis life..

Too true - at this moment I am losing my sight gradually in my one good eye thanks to a cataract so visa journey is taking a temporary back seat. I have a disease common in premature babies(I was born 3 months early) that makes the retina very fragile and so cataract surgery is more risky than it would normally be. This is putting everything into prespective for me - I just wish my husband were here with me now, thinking I may never see his face clearly again if the surgery goes wrong scares the living ####### out of me... I have been calling doctors right and left and at the same time trying to move forward with NVC so if the surgery is successful and I have it next month as scheduled then he will have his interview in January and I will go to Nepal in the late spring. The prospect of him scamming me is the furthest thing from my mind at this point, I just want him here to give me strength and to be a shoulder to cry on. Be thankful for every day you are healthy, compared to that everything else is minor. So many people have lost their sight to this disease including Stevie Wonder and I lost my right eye to it so I thank God every day for the sight I have and pray I can keep it to see my husband's face again.

Hanging in there:) thanks for your concern and sweet words. I really do appreciate your energy and passion. It is easy for me to misunderstand my husband from so far away especially when he sometimes uses the wrong english words to explain his thoughts. He did not mean Morocco was "dangerous" he meant "difficult or hard". He only wants the best life for me (with him) and does not see that happening in morocco. He is very protective of me and also I do not know much darija and I must become fluent in it before I can live there. He was not wanting to divorce me but I "assumed" that because he ignored my very harsh frustrated text messages and emails that he was accepting that possibility when it was my "assumtion" I should not have posted on the forums until more time had passed and I was calmed down. I was far too emotional! I learned a harsh lesson and am so sorry that my fears and assumptions have "pushed some bad buttons" and injured my husbands reputation and intentions. He is a good man I am not one to dawn rose colored glasses or I would not have vented in the first place. I am guilty of jumping to conclusions! And I appologise to my husband and anyone else. He loves me. He wants to keep me forever and will live in morocco with me if i promise to learn darija. But I no longer want to live in morocco after weighing all the pro's and con's of that idea. We will wait for his visa approval. I will not air our personal and private life on any forum ever again. We will not divorce ever!!!! We will grow old and wrinkly somewhere on this blasted planet married to each other and with any luck at all...we will become better people because of it.

I'm in.... It must be epidemic lately....I am watching Ab Fab DVD's hoping for a few laughs....Chin up Dalink!

You do realise you are killing me with these things don't you

ohhhhh you guys the fact that he is even here says something to me...

To be honest my husband knows i served in Afganistan, been all over the world am a Muslimah, fast at languages, can teach there STILL wouldn't want me to live there. Why???? in his words "morocco broke me and I don't want it to break you" what does that mean???? I have no idea but he is a man i love and respect.

I already "tested" him he saught an apartment for us and was prepared for me to live there (Spain). To leave morocco and that area is terribly difficult because of his family ties but he loves me and truly believes to be with his wife is what our God/Allah wishes for us to do. I know there are bad people out there... I know some of us have been used and have been through some horrific experiences....

A man I deeply respect said to me "Always say Hamdolah (thank God) for good or bad there is always a reason." ~Reda (my husband)

Martini, it's your life this is just a board you and your habibi have to do what is right for you. Never forget Hamdolah either way

~Rajaa

1.Moroccans love Morocco. Not wanting YOU to live their shows very clear ulterior motives. I live in a community with thousands of moroccans, have moroccan clients presently...this smells

read thisTberguat 21 November 2005 11:57 21 November 2005 11:57

If you see yourself you want to settle in this country and have a future here, I agree in marrying a US citizen just for green card, and suffer emotionally for couple years and secure your future..., things these days are only getting harder for the illigal immigrants, they even been called terrorists Shno? Kifash?, because the paths to legalize yourself here are so long and uncertain. If your employer want to sponsor you it will take years and years I think between 7 to 10yrs and you have to stuck with that same employer for years with low pay and sometimes no benifits. If you have a US citizen child, he has to be 21yrs old before he/she can apply for you, so the only way is marriage!!

I remember back in the early nineties, the new comers had to find the least attractive woman in the city, all the 200lbs and up were married to Moroccan men, happy with their little toys just arrived from back home (skhoun) that he tells her horror stories about what had happened to him back home and how miserable he was back in Morocco so she'll love him and feel sorry for him and do all possible way for him not to get deported, and she will never dare to think visiting Morocco with him!! They use to call the period of their marriage "passer le service millitaire" ... If they see an ugly, old fat lady (shayta 3la 7babha) she will be perfect for lwri9at.

So, the only way to build a future here and be one of the crowd, go ahead do it, the only thing is the ugly, fat, old ladies 3a9o .. Kifash a zin.. Man Shofoksh?

Berguag: 31 | Fin saken daba? Wh

Matthew 18 verses 18 to 20: Take this most seriously: A yes on earth is a yes in heaven; a no on earth is a no in heaven. What you say to one another is eternal. I mean this. When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action. And when two or three of you are together because of me, you can be sure that I'll be there.

Psalm 34 verse 10: Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing

I do not think you will need to mention any cause for her decision to divorce or getting a divorce from her first husband. But just be prepared in case they ask you about it in your interview. They might want to know that you know details about her and her past. But you/she don';t need to have an excuse or reason for getting together at that close a time. Hey she made a mistake...now she has her true love...it's simple..best wishes to you both

I am glad that you want to be honest with them. They have ways of knowing things, so if you hide anything it can and will come back to bite you. If she never petitioned him then I think you are safe in that arena, but you will want to make sure that she has evidence to prove that the marriage was already failing before you came into the picture. They have denied petitions of some that they feel the recipient broke up the marriage.

Another thing, you say she doesn't have much money, will she need a co sponsor?

no she doesn't need a co sponsor she makes enough to support me .

i don't know what kind of evidence she supposed to have to prove that the marriage was already failing before i came into the picture?

yeah i forgot to say something i have some of her emails to me when we just met talking about that she have problems with her husband and she want to divorce him cause he treating her bad and he says bad words to her ...... and we sent that emails to uscis

will that be good ? and is that will be enough ?!!

How soon will you be together???? Will he come here asap or will you go there for na while and come here together????? I am so happy for you two

Thank you all so much!!!!

It is a surreal feeling and will be nice for us to finally live as a REAL married husband and wife!

All your positive vibes and prayers are a major contribution.

I will continue to stay with you and praying everyday for all friends still waiting for news.

DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE!!!

I am sure everything will be perfect at his interview in Dec and you will be together forever by jan I am praying I will be with mine by than also!!!!!!! It is too hard to be far and especially as long as you my sister! God is with us! But remember after his interview sometimes they make us wait in AP for a while. I am not sure about you tho because you have been together already many years. But just to know ok.

it takes 2 days to get there by going by new york, 2 days, 1 month it's never enough. I want to let all of you know I alledthe NVC and he is schedule for december . Keep us on your prayers . I putting all his packages together wish me good luck

thanks for all your support

I really do not know what to say in response to this post by hanging in there. I know she is looking out for what she feels is in my best interest according to her feelings about this issue. I have asked my husband to respond to it himself in his own words soon, hopefully he will have time to do it. He has read these posts. Martiniolive

I ask this because I have spent 5 weeks at a time in morocco and felt very safe and thought the local people were actually very kind and warm and I felt very safe. However my husband (from morocco) tells me that he does not want us to live in morocco (as a last resort) because he feels (altho visiting morocco is ok) alot of people are prejudiced against Americans because of the war and will be unkind to me. He feels living there would actually be dangerous for us both. He feels that if I knew the native languages fluently at least than I could defend myself if the say bad things to me but because he feels I do not understand and am too nice, I would just smile and somehow that would be worse. also we would be reprimanded if we show affection in public if we forget to control our actions. And that the government is very protective of americans and if anything happened to me he would be prosocuted and punished. WOW! He also said he would be so nervous to leave me alone that he would not be able to work like he would have to watch me all the time. I have not heard anyone else say this stuff. I mean he said he would love it if we could have a home there and visit but he just thinks it is not possible. What do you all think? Is this true? It seems crazy. He sounds like my parents before I went there the first time.

This is complete ####### martiniolive. I want to start by telling you, you are a beautiful woman. You are also very dedicated to your husband. True love does not abandon when you get a turn down from an embassy. It doesnt when you face crisis. Or death. Or tragedy . I think I have a right to talk about this. My suggestion? Return to Morocco. Go there and look in his eyes and listen to all the reasons he doesnt want you to be in Morocco,etc. Make sure you have money and resources for a hotel in another city. Better than this, go unannounced. My gut feeling? If he was saying anything else other than some bs Morocco is dangerous statement, I would say you are in clear water. I think its about papers. When love doesnt prevail over getting what someone wants and they are clearly disposable,that isnt love. Love is eternal and lasts past death, tragedy, barreness. It lasts as the ship is going on. There have been many people here whos marriages have survived ap but BOTH people have got to fight like hell for it. Some engagements have been kept in ap more than one year and they are finally getting their visa

Was my marriage legit? On my end. The death of my child showed me that it wasnt for him. At least you didnt have to endure what I had to. My husband was all about getting the best deal for him. The work was too hard, the sacrifice too great..and then trying to get support from someone who was just hedging his bets on the best place to plant his feet was harder.

For gods sake, divorce him. Go to Morocco first and talk to him before you file the papers and talk to him face to face about what he really wants. If you cant survive ap, how could you survive breast cancer, being in a wheelchair or death? Marriage is about commitment and sacrifice.

ITS ABOUT SURVIVING TOUGH TIMES. NOT ABOUT DUMPING YOU BECAUSE THE VISA DIDNT COME QUICK ENOUGH. Sugar coating this for you will not help you. Just thank god you havent had to go through what I endured... Love does exist. It is big enough. It is all encompassing . But when you have it with an immature self serving ####### who tells you things like morocco is not safe, you need to go to morocco to face your demons and say goodbye. Divorcing from back here with bullshit text messages will not give you closure. A trip to morocco will. Get on the plane. Face your demons. Say goodbye if you have to. If you have to text him back, IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDNT DUMP ME WHEN THE VISA DIDNT COME FAST

I would be very curious to see why the interviewer turned him down. I would contact the embassy while you are there as well. You really really really need to go to Morocco. Stop smiling at people and figure out when you are going and get on a plane. I know I sound crazy but to say goodbye you need to see someone. Finding out what the real deal with him face to face is going to solve things

By the way, Meknes is a conservative town but getting screwed over for a greencard isnt Moroccan. It isnt just done to the old and fat. Young, vibrant and pretty women, old , small tall and fat ones can get taken as well. It doesn t matter. It very much sounds like you have been victimised. You can ALSO have him file for divorce in Morocco and find out what you need to do to finalise your divorce in Morocco. That way HE PAYS FOR IT. Ask him to file there and that you will come and sign everything for the final hearing. That way it becomes his problem and his mess and not yours to clean up.

Place a call to him and ask him to look into divorce in Morocco and that you will come for the final hearing. The situation sucks and unfortunately when he is so quick to dump you after an ap, fraud is all you have left ..Thats why I am telling you to try to go to morocco. At least he didnt get here and screw your life up beyond belief. TRUST ME AS BAD As YOU FEEL, it could be worse .. MUCH worse. Believe me. You were saved from years of screwing

love kat

If anyone is able/old enough to remember the days before the big "psychotherapy movement" when we were all about getting in touch with our feelings and crying was encouraged etc.......LOL....well clearly that was an all american tradition and completely bi-passed MENA! They seem to be the old time men that try to be strong and keep emotions and thoughts to them selves. Don't want to worry their wife try to stay controlled. My husband was telling me to be strong like him while he was clearly emotional after his terrible interview. I felt so bad but he was determined to not show me, even tho it was clear.

Dear Sandrila:

My husband also does not understand what "venting" is...I guess in his culture, people keep things bottled up. At least the men do...I think my husband does not have a clue about women. Women share their feelings with each other.

Thank you Nutty for you comment.

I would say my sweetie has alot to learn about women

basically the consulate is god. They do whatever they want with no concrete rules and sometimes even go against what is written in the so called guidelines. They have some kind of topsecret carte blanche it seems. But as long as it works in my favor let the games begin.

Rajaa is correct because my husband had a dismal interview and they gave back his passport with the 221 slip but they are still not returning our petitn to USCUS and are still letting us bring documents for review.

Rajaa is correct because my husband had a dismal interview and they gave back his passport with the 221 slip but they are still not returning our petitn to USCUS and are still letting us bring documents for review.

I tried to explain Halloween to my husband and realised it is one of the most rediculous holidays I mean........we dress up in costumes go door to door say trick or treat and they give us candy or scare us???????????????? Try to justify this.......LOL

Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you GOD

Thank you all MENA

I dont believe what timing when things were more than dark

TARIK GOT THE CALL TODAY TO GO MONDAY FOR HIS VISA

I am just overcome with emotions right this minute and he just now called

omg thank you

thank you

there are no words now

and Happy Friday Mena Peeps MUAH!!!!!!!!

Congratulations!!!

I just got my visa in hand today....

Interview date 1st-Aug-08

Administrative Processing took 74 days

Passpost submitted at American Express on 16-Oct-08 got it back with visa after 15 days today....

"Spinster Virgins" OUTCH! Hey is there a spinster code of ethics? Or a club? what is the age requirements of the average spinster? Who created that category anyways? If you are really strikingly gorgeous and a virgin and a spinster...does that put you in a special category of ELITE spinster hood? Spinster princess

Well after the wedding night, whats a virgin have that a well seasoned veteran can't top Did I say that out loud???????[/color]

OK - don't want to offend, but if I do it is the nature of the topic.

I think older woman/younger man marriage can work well, as long as the couple accepts that there will be certain barriers within their relationship. And really, all relationships will have barriers and naturally, SH!T does happen.

To bring this issue on to an immigration website is the fact that age differences -significant ones - are typically viewed as red flags for visa fraud; this goes for both men and women petitioning for significant others. One other thing that I believe gives the MENA USEMs pause when approving visas is that many MENA men typically want to marry a virgin. Thus, the idea that he is marrying a 40+-year old woman with 3 kids might raise a few eyebrows. I'm not saying love doesn't exist, I just believe that these couples will have a few more obstacles (USCIS/DOS) placed in front of them.

Just food for thought.

OH!! SNAP

I think it is the idea to some of the MENA guys that a "well-seasoned" veteran is just that - well seasoned - not fresh as she's been around the block with a few guys. Some of my MENA guy friends used to say that they could never marry a non-virgin as she was not pure. It seemed to be a very big deal to them. Furthermore, if it wasn't such a big deal in many MENA countries, young girls wouldn't be victims of mercy killings over challenges to their virginity from instances of rape, incest, or boyfriends.

I realize that some countries like Morocco and Jordan might be a little more progressive, but in some other MENA countries this is still a major issue. Also, older women marrying younger men does happen in MENA countries, but they are often older spinster virgins or young widows who have lost a husband.