Kate34

17 hours ago, Steeleballz said:

 

    There are a lot of sites out there that exist by aggregating information on people and selling it. The problem is, they don't do it very well and they don't really do much fact checking.  I've had credit card offers with my last name as my first name and my wife's maiden name as my last name. I've had a credit card offer with my cat's name as my first name. (At least I think it was for me. Maybe it was for the cat.) I imagine there are credit card offers for me going to all the other addresses I've lived at too.

 

   The best thing to do is not worry about credit card offers and just use a free credit monitoring service to make sure no real credit card is actually issued without your knowledge. They generally email you whenever anything changes with your credit history, including new accounts and large purchases. The other things you can do is opt out of marketing whenever you are asked that (ie. after making a purchase), and actively have your information removed from the data mining sites like mylife etc. Some sites have a relatively easy process for this and other sites make it very difficult. It's kind of an uphill battle, but it does work over time.

Now I'm curious where they got your cat's name from....lol 

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

Either you were added to something of his as a joint whatever user/owner or you did use his address at some point for something. I guess it could be a that you aren't really getting this junk mail and he is just telling you this. (This only applies if you have never seen the offers).

He sent me photos so he is getting it but I think I know how they have the address, he ordered a credit card with my name on it two years ago but we could never activate it because I didn't have a ssn, I contacted the credit card company and they said that they got the address from the credit bureau, but I didn't have ssn back then so it's still kinda strange.   

Just now, canadian_wife said:

Sites that you do give your address too, say for shipping goods bought online, sell your information.  

 

Good luck 

But I never used his address for nothing, the only place that has this address is social security because I never thought it has to be changed.

 I did not apply for credit cards and didn't open a bank account with the address the SSN has, I separated from my husband and opened a bank account only after I left him with my friend's address, my soon to be ex husband is constantly getting mail with credit card offers for me, do they get the address from social security? how do I stop this from happening? I don't know what info they have and I don't want my husband getting my mail. so annoying.

2 minutes ago, laylalex said:

What he does is on him. He made this mess and he gets to live in it. If he chooses to marry this woman, it has ZERO effect on your status. He on the other hand may need to do some explaining about the timeline here with the new woman. You have a valid green card that you obtained through a bona fide marriage to a USC. He can't take that away from you.

 

Focus on YOU right now. Get that divorce and get your life going on the track you want it to run on, a track that is far, far away from that loser.  I know you feel scared right now, but as everyone has told you: he can do nothing to harm you. My therapist told me something a while ago, about a really bad relationship I had as a very young woman that hurt me and left me psychologically scarred: remember that he cannot touch you unless you permit it. He cannot approach you unless you allow it. You are in control now, not him. Don't give this guy permission, Kate. Cut him free and let yourself soar. ❤️ 

Yes I will, I am coming to NY to do the divorce and then moving across the country to start my life without him.  Thank you for this comment

1 hour ago, JeanneAdil said:

then that part will not make issues at airport 

thank God he did not make trouble for you 

The only thing I am worried about is that he is cheating on me with some Colombian girl and I'm pretty sure she is using him for a GC and he promised her he will marry her when he divorces me, this is some 90 day fiance , he went to Colombia for 5 days to see her and proposed. I just discovered this today as he was trying to hurt me and sent me all the pics.

I am worried that they will investigate him for applying again for someone else and backfire on me, I don't want to deal with this.

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

then that part will not make issues at airport 

thank God he did not make trouble for you 

But do the actually stop people at the airport because their crazy spouse told lies about them? I doubt it 

Just now, JeanneAdil said:

at other airports (JFK ,  Chicago and Miami ) that we went thru,  the green card holder is in the line with USC 

and the officer will check your passport and green card ID 

they may ask about length of time you were out of the country if it was an extended stay

and ask about what countries you visited (because of the covid)

 

after the problems with him,  did he report an issue to ICE?

any issues before you left with ICE or police?

and so sorry about the filithy house he expected you to clean/  i once met a guy like that where you couldn't find a clean place to sit /no one should live like that

best to you after the divorce

No he didn't do anything, he was just threatening me, now he says he will sign the divorce papers, he said he cheated on me and sent me photos of him with other women, I just want to end this, hopefully file for divorce as soon as I get back and end this nightmare. 

I received my GC a few months ago and went back to my home country for 4 months, I will be flying back to the states in 2 weeks, what is the process at the airport (Newark) for green card holders? what line do I take? what do they ask people who enter with a green card? thanks

8 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Similar-themed threads have been merged.

---

[Mod hat off]

I've been told -- and I'm not an attorney -- that "who files first" doesn't really matter that much from a purely "divorce" standpoint unless it's expected to be a contentious divorce.  I can't comment about the interview aspect.  Consider filing, and avoid letting him bully you.

Why did you merge this thread? it's not the same thing at all 

I want to get a divorce, I already talked about my abusive husband here before.

I got all the papers ready and asked my husband if he will sign them and he said he won't sign them just because he doesn't want to be the defended, he thinks that if he files first this will make them question the marriage when I apply for citizenship and also because of ego and spite.

He said that if I file first he will contest and say that I scammed him into marriage.

I think to me who files first doesn't matter, but is it better for me to file first or just let him file and deal with this headache himself?

Will they look at it differently at the interview if he initiated the divorce and not me?

Anyone here filed for divorce online in NYC? I have a few questions so if there's anyone please contact me. thanks

49 minutes ago, rkshokz said:

Anyone with an approved CR1 enter in the US recently? My wife will be flying next week and I just wanted to make sure she has all the documents ready. At the embassy, they just said the only thing she will need is her passport with the visa stamp. The medical was all done electronic. 

 

Thank you.

All I needed was the passport

On 8/7/2020 at 7:16 PM, JFH said:

That would be for people to report organized marriage fraud where a criminal group is paying US citizens to enter into marriages with people overseas to file for visas for them. Your situation is not even close to that. 
 

I know you are upset and stressed but you really need to read the advice here. He cannot get you deported. There is no marriage fraud here. We have said it time and again but you still seem to believe him over the very experienced and rational responses you have received here. He doesn’t have a clue how ICE works. They are not interested in disappointed husbands who realized the marriage isn’t what they thought it would be. That’s not what we invest millions of taxpayer dollars into ICE for. For your situation we have divorce lawyers and therapists.  

 

You are right, he is just trying to get into my head, I blocked him everywhere and will file for divorce next month, I don't think he even has a lawyer. all lies.

I talked to him before blocking and he was saying some nonsense that he will file for divorce based on abandonment because he wants to do it his way, if he had a lawyer he wouldn't be saying such dumb things.  

1 hour ago, JFH said:

Report you to ICE for what? Unless you’ve hidden some huge pieces of information here you’ve done nothing wrong from what we have read. ICE are not there to mop up when marriages go wrong. They are there to protect the people of this county from criminally active illegals, and they assist in deportations after a judge has ordered someone to be removed and they refuse to cooperate. They don’t have a hotline where you can “report” your law-abiding wife that just didn’t work out. It’s not what they are there for. You have a green card. Both of you went to great lengths to convince USCIS and the embassy in your country that the marriage was genuine. You both provided documents and swore on oath that this is the real deal. By “reporting to ICE” he’s actually admitting that he lied and that he wasn’t in the marriage for the right reasons. He doesn’t even realize how stupid he looks when he makes such ridiculous threats.

Actually ICE have a report form on their website and one of the options there is marriage fraud.

I know that he is trying to play mind games but he also said he won't sign the papers and contest say it was fraud. 

41 minutes ago, Timona said:

 

Days when my memory goes on vacation. You're right. Thanks for correcting me. 

 

Been trying to piece together this American bed for the last 4 hours. Rooms-to-go dropped and pieced together my first bed that I got 5 years ago. Never even used a drill before till today. I sat there reading the whole damn instructions. Everything is new to me. I learnt the few handy-man skills that I currently know from my wife's dad. My parents worked in the health care industry back home, so noone taught me these things......hold it. Back home, health professionals earn peanut. Life would have been better had they relocated to the US. A boy gotta dream. Anyway, that's under the bridge now.

 

I was stuck wondering why these bed drawers aren't sliding in. I'm not even done yet. Tomorrow might be a better day. Gave up, that's when I headed to VJ. No excuse though. I am making light of this situation. I appreciate you cross checking me,  nonetheless. End of story.  Back to OP

 

 

Get in, be the first to throw the divorce. 

You can use apartments.com to locate apartments. I sure know it works in Texas. Should be the same for NY. https://www.apartments.com/

 

Otherwise, if you know which area you'd like to stay, you can also Google directly apartments in that location. I'd suggest stay far away from his locality, just so as to avoid potential drama.

 

Keep it cool. Ignore him and occupy yourself with things that make your life tick. 

I am afraid, if he reports me to ice there's no one who will back me up, all his friends are on his side, he prepared a detailed story about how I scammed him and how he didn't know what I was doing till it was too late, before he blocked me he was talking nonsense to make is sound as if he was a victim. 

22 minutes ago, Timona said:

Let him huff and puff. 

 

Take a breather.  He's not going to do anything. You have already been given solid advice. I think you worry too much and he may know this and is using it to his advantage. 

 

Anyway,  if I were you, I'd book the next flight to US ( I understand Europe is on the no-travel list. So I'll go through Mexico - many VJers have taken this route - , quarantine for 14 days and then to US and start the divorce process). Noone is gonna stop you at the airport. 

 

The sooner you get the divorce started, the better for you. Then and only then will you realize he was issuing empty threats. However,  since you're not taking any action right now, you are living in fear for no reason at all. 

 

@Villanelle also offered to assist you wherever possible. So you do have more people who are championing for you than he does (It's him and the lawyer vs VJers). 

 

Take action. Make that step. @Kate34

I booked a flight for next month, I hope he won't do anything till I get there, still haven't found a place to stay but I will, I am stressing out

I  wrote here before about my husband trying to get an annulment and take away me green card.

I wanted to file for a divorce but I am still abroad and I am afraid to go back.

he has been threatening me constantly with deportation, now he is demanding that I sign the annulment papers and confess to fraud.

His lawyer said that he should contact ICE and not the USCIS, he said that the lawyer said that USCIS will do nothing but ICE will.

I am afraid to go back, I am afraid they would stop me at the border, he has a bunch of friends and his family who are willing to testify that I used him for a green card (they will lie)  and I have no one on my side. 

He was constantly texting me with threats and since he talked to the lawyer he vanished and I don't know what is going on, I am very worried.

I am considering just staying in my country and never going back, this will destroy my business that I started in the US but I don't know what else to do.

7 hours ago, Villanelle said:

He cant file sooner. You can check your local courts website or just google in general for info on your state- but typically if the couple has conflicting dates of when the marriage ended the court will try to get them to agree to one. If they cant agree the court will decide what date and its usually when you stopped living together and/or having sexual relations if they continued when you lived apart. The date the marriage ended is important for asset division, alimony, in your case immigration , etc. So if he serves you and it has incorrect dates as to when the marriage ended when you respond you dispute the dates. 

Good to know, thanks!

If I come back to the US now with my green card, will they take me to secondary? will they ask me why my address is different than my husbands?

8 hours ago, Villanelle said:

@Kate34 You need to calm down. I honestly dont know if this thread is helping you or feeding your anxieties! 

 

There are certain things you can control and certain things you cant. 

 

You can not file for divorce in Germany. You must file where you live- which is in NY. If NY requires you be in NY when you file, then you need to be in NY. NY also has the 6 months thing. You can NOT backdate the 6 months. So when exactly did the relationship end? 5 months ago when you entered? 4 months ago? It is what it is. You have to wait 6 months from when it ended, so that means you probably have to wait another month or two to be able to file. 

 

As soon as you are able to file in NY- file. Thats all you can do. Expect him to contest it. You probably will want to find an attny, especially if he gets one. You will need to dispute any fraud claims he may make in the divorce. You do not want the divorce to be granted based on fraud. Your husband can not stop the divorce. The only thing he can do is delay it and cost you a bunch of legal fees. He doesnt have to agree to the divorce, it will be granted anyway even if he doesnt agree to it. Your husband is also responsible for you under the 864 which can be used to get a better settlement or a threat of using it to make him more agreeable to your terms. Speak with an attny about it.

You need to keep an eye on your mail and you can also check with his local court to see if he files. If he files then you have to respond. This applies to both divorce and annulment. Its unlikely he will be able to get an annulment based on how long you have been married. He can try though. If he does, you need to respond.

 

Block all contact from him. You can attempt to get a restraining order but you would have to be in NY to do such and its probably not needed. Once you file the divorce it typically has a 'no contact' provision so he shouldnt be communicating with you once its filed and hes served. But again because he seems crazy hes most likely going to make the divorce complicated and fight about it so you really want to get an attny. You can try to find one pro bono or based on the fact that you say you have 'no money' - if he was the primary breadwinner it can be possible for the divorce to order him to pay your legal fees. Get some free attny consults and ask about that. You may find an attny who is willing to take the case for no money upfront if they are confident they will be able to get the fees from his side. You can contact your local legal aid office. They are often understaffed and in many places will tell you they cant help you file divorce but if you are served with one from him they will represent you. They also sometimes help if you file and he gets an attny and you dont have one. 

 

So the main points are- you need to wait for the 6 months of being separated. You need to respond if he serves you with something or files. Once you are able to file- file. Explore how to get an attny. If you end up filing alone because you cant afford an attny at the time you can PM me and I can help you the best I can. But I really do encourage you to save up for one or to keep seeking pro bono help in that case, you can file alone and add the attny later. 

 

 

Yes this is what I thought, that I have to wait 6 months since I entered that will be next month, I hope he won't file sooner

2 hours ago, Timona said:

 

I really do not understand why he stated that you're from Spain yet you are from Germany. I mean, it's not as if we were going to hunt you down and ask for the story. This still baffles me.

 

As others have said, whoever your husband is, he is huffing and puffing against the wind. Take it easy. Seek happiness. I don't know what state you guys are in, but if not Texas, you can move here, establish residency for 6 months and be divorced 60 days after that. Seek your happiness and go for whatever divorce path suits you.

 

What state are we talking about? Maybe if known, others can give you better divorce answers...like if you can start it online while out of country etc.

State of NY, I tried doing it online but it's not possible from outside the country.

Problems started the moment I arrived and he welcomed me with a filthy house that he said it's my job to clean

And I'm not talking just dirty, it was so filthy even the floors were so dirty that it seemed like they were never cleaned, the whole place is filled with boxes of stuff he found, like a hoarders house.

and when I said something about him not working he flipped immediately and became verbally violent and made fun of my job.

4 hours ago, Timona said:

Then I don't think these posts are related. In his post, he said his wife was from Spain, but you're from Germany. 

 

@Kate34 Have you gone through his thread? Does some/all events, as detailed by him, relate to you? Like when did you leave the US? Or when did you come in? When did you guys marry? Did you come into the US and go straight to your friend's? Or did you ever leave your matrimonial home and go stay at a friend's? Those are a few key areas I can remember at the top of my head from his post. If your answer to these don't match his, it's either he's not your husband or he is but changed events. However, the latter can be easily deduced given substantial information. 

 

Just asking, in case his story was changed.

I didn't go straight to my friend but this is something he said he is going to say.

he keeps emailing me non stop for 20 hours a day every minute threatening that he is going to call the immigration to turn me in

He has a whole story ready to tell them about how he is this innocent man and how I've been scamming him all this time.

apparently for 3 years he was blinded by love and couldn't see the truth because of a midlife crisis.

Now he is also threatening to tell that I paid my friend to write me an affidavit and thinks my friend would get into trouble as well.

He said that he will do anything to deport me and this his goal now.

His words - I won't let you come into this country 

I just want a divorce at this point but he said he will contest and won't sign the papers.

1 hour ago, Timona said:

That's understandable and can be easily deduced from his thread.

 

Well, here's the thing. We don't know if that's her husband. OP hasn't said otherwise. So we might be linking up two stories and siding with one person yet the stories may not be linked. That's why I asked if she can confirm or tell us which country she's in right now. Then and only then can we atleast make substantial judgment. 

 

I am from Germany, but he could be lying