Mithra

Is this a joke?
Those are the profound, insightful statistics that are used to justify a husband's announcement that he's decided about his wife's motherhood status?!
This is my favorite --- "Divorce is hard on children". Whoa, that's deep; I never realized that before. Shocking & enlightening info from those medical journals.

Amen.

This stuff is basic common knowledge I do believe. I've read pretty much this same stuff just browsing the internet. Didn't stop me or my husband from wanting/having a child. Even if we divorced one day, I'd still have my children. Statistics are fine and good but every person/family is different. How one handles a divorce/child custody situation makes all the difference...not statistics. I do hope that one day, you don't look back on your decision with regret. It would be one thing if you never wanted children but the fact that you obviously did want them and were blindsided by your husband's "announcement" is incredibly sad. How you aren't insulted by his hinting that you wouldn't make an adequate mother because you're American and not Muslim is beyond me.

This stuff is basic common knowledge I do believe. I've read pretty much this same stuff just browsing the internet. Didn't stop me or my husband from wanting/having a child. Even if we divorced one day, I'd still have my children. Statistics are fine and good but every person/family is different. How one handles a divorce/child custody situation makes all the difference...not statistics. I do hope that one day, you don't look back on your decision with regret. It would be one thing if you never wanted children but the fact that you obviously did want them and were blindsided by your husband's "announcement" is incredibly sad. How you aren't insulted by his hinting that you wouldn't make an adequate mother because you're American and not Muslim is beyond me.

This stuff is basic common knowledge I do believe. I've read pretty much this same stuff just browsing the internet. Didn't stop me or my husband from wanting/having a child. Even if we divorced one day, I'd still have my children. Statistics are fine and good but every person/family is different. How one handles a divorce/child custody situation makes all the difference...not statistics. I do hope that one day, you don't look back on your decision with regret. It would be one thing if you never wanted children but the fact that you obviously did want them and were blindsided by your husband's "announcement" is incredibly sad. How you aren't insulted by his hinting that you wouldn't make an adequate mother because you're American and not Muslim is beyond me.

Agreed on both posts directly above.
I couldn't imagine not having my children. Being a mother is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. Everything else in my life has been secondary. I feel sorry that you're being coerced into possibly missing out on becoming a mother.
He knows exactly what he's doing in trying to delay motherhood until the time is right for HIM. Someone who truly loves you would never make you give up something as important as becoming a mother.

Agreed on both posts directly above.
I couldn't imagine not having my children. Being a mother is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. Everything else in my life has been secondary. I feel sorry that you're being coerced into possibly missing out on becoming a mother.
He knows exactly what he's doing in trying to delay motherhood until the time is right for HIM. Someone who truly loves you would never make you give up something as important as becoming a mother.

Agreed on both posts directly above.
I couldn't imagine not having my children. Being a mother is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. Everything else in my life has been secondary. I feel sorry that you're being coerced into possibly missing out on becoming a mother.
He knows exactly what he's doing in trying to delay motherhood until the time is right for HIM. Someone who truly loves you would never make you give up something as important as becoming a mother.

Agreed on both posts directly above.
I couldn't imagine not having my children. Being a mother is the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. Everything else in my life has been secondary. I feel sorry that you're being coerced into possibly missing out on becoming a mother.
He knows exactly what he's doing in trying to delay motherhood until the time is right for HIM. Someone who truly loves you would never make you give up something as important as becoming a mother.

Secrets and what is between you and your husband should be kept just that way, a fact that is reiterated over and over again, here in VJ.
Having said that, I wish only the best for you, Olivia. I'm sorry you would have to deal with such "heartbreaking" and possible "deal breaker" of a decision. No women should cry knowing she may not have children, with the man she loves, over excuses.
To be fair to you, Olivia...I ask the following questions? Why did Waleed even move to the U.S.? He was a successful doctor in Egypt, yes? Was it just for the education here in the U.S.? If so, why not start a family here and then once he finishes residency and/or his fellowship, move to Egypt? We have two friends like this. One is currently looking for a residency program (she just had a baby, four weeks ago) and the other, just yesterday, was accepted by a program in Texas. Both are Muslim and both had children in the U.S.
My mother, who is Coptic btw, raised two Muslim children in the United States, by HERSELF after my father passed. It can be done. If your husband is seeing "American children" in a bad light perhaps moving to bigger city with more Muslims will show him CAN be done. Knowing Islam and speaking Arabic outside if the Middle East is really not that difficult with the right influences.
Like many of the others, I believe these are all excuses. He knows that as a Muslim, a baby brings happiness and rizq to a home. So he should have no need to worry because God will provide as He sees fit for your family once a baby is born. Also, doesn't his sister or brother live here in the U.S. with their children? Aren't they in medical school or something like that and raising Muslim/Arabic speaking kids? I don't know....it just sounds like excuses to me.
Anyhow, sorry you have to deal with this and that you may never have children. Hopefully the love you have for each other will get you through this. I must say though, being a mother is a wonderful thing. Really it is. I can't imagine my life without my two boys. I've always wanted to be a mama.

Amen.
Olivia - putting aside everything - US/Egypt, medical school, defending your husband, visa, residency, Visa Journey & all its craziness and dynamics, etc etc etc, please think about being 50+ and looking back and possibly regretting not having children.
You don't have to defend your marriage and husband to anyone, but you owe it to yourself to not give up being a mother if that is what you want.
As I'm writing this I'm thinking about the selfishness that is involved in his "announcement", and it makes me crazy to think about a woman accepting someone else's decision/"announcement" about something as precious as that woman being a mother. It's ghastly that he feels that he can take this away from you, and sad that anyone would accept it.

Olivia, no one forced you to tell us about Waleed's flip flopping. You volunteered all of the information, in detail. If you're cool with him taking away your opportunity to be a mother that's all that counts. It's just that some of us here think its kinda shitty the way he pulled the bait and switch on you.
Oh thank goodness I wasn't the only one confused by that. Lol! She kept saying marriage and I was like since when do medical journals address marriage?

I'm glad I'm married to a man who gets it that Bill Maher is a misogynistic and bigoted little dog #######. And that he also gets it that 4 more years of Barack "I can kill whoever the ** I want with a drone" Obama is as heinous a proposition as any "republic" getting elected.

In regards to half mena kids growing up here - I have two teenage sons who are half arab/muslim. I don't feel they are any less well mannered, well behaved, religion minded as any full arab/muslim kids. They speak arabic because their father took the time to teach them and expose them to arab speakers. He's a busy man who works 12hr days. Being busy isn't a good excuse imo. As far as behavior, they are more well behaved and well mannered than any of the full arab kids I know. Not saying full arab/gmuslim kids are bad. Just saying religiousness of the parent doesn't guarantee a good kid. Actually the worst behaved kid my sons know is the Imam's son who sneaks peeks at Playboys and chit chats and laughs during prayers.

I feel totally left out, nurses always get the shaft I guess, because none of my nursing school lectures I attended or my textbooks talked about high risk mena/american marriages :'( it must be just for those special special drs.

Yeah, it is totally sh!tty that he did this.
Olivia,look at it from my perspective: You're a woman with semi-Christian beliefs/practices, a westerner and he knew that when he married you. He knew you did not speak Arabic, and you weren't a Muslima. However, you were good enough to marry, to cook for him, clean, bring him here, support him while he's doing his studies and residency, to ** him, and all the other components that a marriage entails. But ultimately, YOU and YOUR COUNTRY are not good enough to have his children and raise them here. What type of fvcked up bullsh!t is that? You're a smart girl, Olivia. But do not be deceived - you're being taken for a ride, no matter what secret you or anybody else knows about him.

Not to offend anyone who loves it but the terms "my queen" and "my king" make me gag.
About the topic, while there is tons and tons of fraud going on in regards to MENA relationships there really are some successful relationships. There isn't a magical formulation for the success other than maybe two compatible people (in many ways) getting married and making it work. Making it work is key and both parties have to work at it. I don't know the OP or her husband personally and I'm sorry this has happened to her. It's awful. That being said, I doubt the guy just suddenly turned into a scumbag. Scumbags don't become scumbags overnight.

We always hear from the ladies about how our husbands have adjusted. I'd like to hear from the guys. How have you adjusted? Is life here what you thought it would be? Is marriage here what you thought it would be? If you haven't gotten here yet, what are your concerns? Inquiring minds want to know.

We always hear from the ladies about how our husbands have adjusted. I'd like to hear from the guys. How have you adjusted? Is life here what you thought it would be? Is marriage here what you thought it would be? If you haven't gotten here yet, what are your concerns? Inquiring minds want to know.

I'm in total agreement with this. I can't give it a plus one because of my phone, but Olivia, your husband is taking you for a ride. If you want kids, it will not be with this man - I believe he's playing you and that excuse is as big a lie as I've ever seen told. Good luck, girl.
Let me say, from my experience, the clock ticks fast and having babies in your late 30s and 40s is the suck. I had E when I was 36 - and that high-risk pregnancy thing is no joke. The dr told me that I cannot have anymore and that another would kill me or the baby, or both. Hence, I'm good, but when I see my son look at other babies, I know he would love a sibling - but my body and my marriage are not on a place where I can do that.

I guess you will find out when he finishes his residency where you stand
...sigh....

It was a beautiful, warm day here today. Unfortunately, I spent most of it cooking in the kitchen. Ah well, at least the kids got to enjoy it. . DH brought the little one outside to enjoy her first Spring like day. She loved it! She esp. loved visiting with the neighbor's dog.

It was a beautiful, warm day here today. Unfortunately, I spent most of it cooking in the kitchen. Ah well, at least the kids got to enjoy it. . DH brought the little one outside to enjoy her first Spring like day. She loved it! She esp. loved visiting with the neighbor's dog.

I can see a lot of reasons the CO denied you just based on what you wrote.

Has it been a year already, Danni? Seems like just yesterday I was looking at your wedding pics. I'm happy to read that everything is going well for you two.