Beauty for Ashes

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

Please please please read and internalize everything everyone's said so far. This is a disaster waiting to happen, I hate to say. This is not about how people behave here in the US. This is about how people behave in their native countries in contrast with how they behave with a USC. That's why there's so much fraud. So yes, some people here marry in a matter of days after meeting, but more than likely none of them have to go through the painful, legal process of immigration.
This is expensive, lengthy and tiring. So I will go ahead and say DO NOT marry while you're there. Do not sign any documents you don't understand and certainly do not commit to anything you do not agree with. Plus, someone already said the process is not as easy as you think.
When you meet him on your trip, evaluate everything. If you're still convinced he's the one, file a fiance visa and marry in the US.

What you can do is
1 - continue to get to know your new friend, find out about his life - does he have work prospects, does he look for work, does he work? How does he spend his time?
2- Get to know more about his family.
3- Enjoy your life, and do things to improve the quality and happiness of your life - you sound very lonely, and sound as though you feel like meeting him will be great for your life. Relationships work best when both people are happy going into the relationship.
4 - Read the DOS warning, and ask yourself if anything in your relationship sounds like that.
5 - Ask him if any of his friends are in relationships with American or European women.
6 - Ask him what he thinks life is like in America.
7 - Ask him how many other women he's met online, and how long the relationships with them lasted, and why they ended.
Those are a few things I can think of off the top of my head.
Anyone else?

you misinterpreted what I meant. I said NOTHING surprises me, meaning ANYTHING can happen..i was being sarcastic..why is it that every single word I say here people pick apart? seriously? when i started this thread I only wanted to meet people, plain and simple...you all can think or say what you want. why do I have to have a particular reason for posting something other than being curious?

Have you ever eaten at chuckie cheese?You know going in that the pizza is going to suck but you might have some fun while you are there.
This journey is like chuckie cheese, the pizza will suck, you are going to spend alot of money for a fleeting good time and you may or not feel at the end that the whole thing wasn't worth it. For me, I made a bad party planning decision. I should have planned my birthday party at home with the information I knew going in. Unfortunately, I thought I was DIFFERENT, that somehow the fact he never finished high school or ever read a book would some how mesh with my love of Steinbeck and Camus and VOILA, a toxic soup was created. LOL

Wow! No surprises...never?!? Either you're pretty lucky or pretty boring. We'll go with lucky. And yet, I'm pretty flabbergasted at least once a week with the sh!t that goes down in my life or that of my friends - and we're normal!
But don't worry, just wait till your man gets here...I'm sure he'll be able to surprise you with a few antics. They always do.

Okay, so here is a short description of the issue, and I will follow it up with what I have already done... and then you guys can hopefully tell me what else I need to do.
My husband is from Morocco. Getting him here was really easy. Once he was here he started drinking and when drunk physically abusive. He says he doesn't remember being abusive and agreed to stop drinking. Every time we come close to an immigration process he straightens up and becomes a wonderful husband. But right after starts drinking again and becomes abusive. We just had the most beautiful baby girl in November and he has physically assaulted me several times since.
In February of this year we both signed the i751 petition to lift conditions. That day he got drunk and assaulted me while holding my daughter. He has been verbally, and emotionally abusive every since. He is now out of the house... so please do not worry.
Here is what I have done:
* Filed a Domestic Violence Protection order. He has been removed from the home and is to have no contact with me or my children (this includes the baby we just had)
* I wrote a letter to USCIS requesting my name be removed from the petition, his visa and as his sponsor, and attached a copy of the DVPO to the letter.
* I filed an application with the Passport Issuance Alert Program for children so he can not get her a passport and attached a copy of the DVPO to that with wording "law enforcement shall use any and all means necessary to keep said child in the United States".
* Have secured an Attorney and just filed for a Dissolution of Marriage which requests him to get 52 weeks of DV treatment, 35 weeks of drug and alcohol treatment and parenting classes. Once finished he would get 2 hrs once a week supervised visits. He also will have to pay child support and 1/2 of daycare.
So that is the back ground, and what I have done. Here is my question. WHAT ELSE do I need to do? He has had his biometrics appointment, but does not have his 10 year card yet nor has he had an interview. His behavior in the weeks leading up to the protection order was bizarre and he was planning a vacation back to Morocco in June/July. I have no idea if he is planning on coming back or not.
So, what else should I do? What would happen to him immigration wise based on what he has done to me and my children?
Thanks for QUICK responses. *Please know that I love my husband and tried for 3 years to make it work. I begged him to get help and he had every opportunity to change and he chose to throw us away as I warned him I would do this for over a year.
Thanks
Mona

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married
So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.
But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.
Just my two cents.

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married
So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.
But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.
Just my two cents.

The hurt is different because of the emotional investment and chance that was put into the relationship that would not exist in the same fashion if it were USC and USC. I do think there is an expectation where one feels as though they are owed something. I feel like I was owed commitment and honesty. And keep in mind.....USCs do not put the price on this....give thanks to IMMIGRATION/the Gov for that. Maybe if there wasn't a price on every single thing involved in the process, it would be easier to remove that feeling of putting a price tag on a person.

Speaking from personal experience.....at no point did I ever feel as though I was "saving" my spouse from his 3rd world country but I absolutely felt that he would have many more opportunities to better himself here, than in a country where getting ahead is a rarity.
As far as wanting to send someone back to their country....I can relate to this immensely.
I spent a lot of money and time on my marriage and the visa. I spent many nights crying before and after it was done. I spent even more nights feeling destroyed, jilted and confused as to why this man, who said he loved me just hours before he walked out of my home 6 days after his arrival in the US, would leave me in an instant and throw away the memories and future we could have potentially had together.
Does he deserve to stay here after being a fake or feeling confused about his move to the US or choking me or cheating on me or lyIng to my face day after day?? I would say NO.
Asking how I can send him back is probably the nicest thing I can say because I'd LOVE to do much worse BUT, I think that it's fair enough to ask that question......not wanting to see his face living in the same city I live in, acting as though I didn't exist or this never happened. Yea, I'm all set with all that.
And I'm going to go out on a limb and speak for some others that ask that question. They may have deeper reasons why they ask that, more than what they'd want to share on VJ, because some people can be very judgmental. Not everyone is as vocal as I am....I give details because I know this will help someone else one day. Unless its happening to you, you will never understand.
On that note.....can anyone tell me how I can send my soon to be ex husband/abuser/fake/fraud/liar back to his country?

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married
So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.
But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.
Just my two cents.

As someone who believes and is pretty sure that I was used for immigration benefits, I have never expressed one moment of spite towards my husband ( not divorced yet) I do resent alot of the games he played with me and stringing me along till he passed each step in the immigration process coupled with finding out he had other relationships while I paid all his bills, his immigration fees, and physically and emotionally abused me, took my money, threatened me and abused me even in the immigration office, I feel alot of things. Sending him packing back home is not the feeling I feel. I do however feel that he should never ever receive his citizenship because of his general attitude towards my parents, my neighbors and how he generally treated me. Am I going to write someone and tell them that? No. I am not going to write USCIS a nasty letter about him. The fact they havent approved his citizenship in more than 13 months tells me that they are very well aware he is a scum bag. Saying you are single and divorced on facebook as long as 3 years ago is proof of that. Trashing your wife to anyone who will listen and saying I cant wait to get rid of her to anyone who will listen has bound to get back to USCIS. It did and it didnt get there from me. They are pretty good at spotting scammers and they have alot of experience with it. My face book said married. His did not. I wear a wedding ring. He refused. His general body language around me is absolutely atrocious. You would have to be retarded not to see that he is a con artist. Do I have to call immigration and tell them that? The fact they didnt approve him after more than a year waiting when his roc was approved right away speaks volumes? When he removed conditions, the real antics began. He had a weird online life. He added then removed me then added and then removed me from his facebook. He was single then divorced, then nothing...he had "friends" that added him that were women that were scantily clad and I guess he never bothered to think that perhaps someone was testing him.. and it wasnt me. USCIS looks at us and the things we do online and they can and do. Since the advent of facebook really exploding, your profile can be back doored and the government can use it to look at you. The only thing you would see on mine is farmville and poker. I am also married on mine. On his, well... um....pick a day. All I know is there are alot of women from backhome on his profile and none of them are me. And we are married
So my darling, USCIS is like karma but a hell of alot quicker. It might take a while, but when you really really screw an American over, she might not call on you out of love and sympathy for the time you had together, but USCIS itself can call a spade a spade. I dont plan on EVER petitoning anyone ever again so I am not going to have any dealings with them but I will forever somewhere in my heart say a quiet thank you to the officer who didnt fall for the monster I marrieds bs. He will get his karmic spanking when he cant go back home and bring ANYONE over here because they keep his application mired in paperwork forever .He did not do right by me, whatsover.
But I have never ever ever ever ever said I would ship anyone back. I think just watching everyone he knows getting their citizenship in months and his never coming should be answer enough.
Just my two cents.

they are also aware that some men are falsely using the vawa to remove conditions without the hassle of staying with a wife you never loved. What bothers me about the poster is that he says that hes worried that his wife will submit pictures. If hes completely innocent, then why would he worry if his wife submitted pictures of him? It also says that all his things arrived within 2 months. Who's to say that he didnt get his ead and then come up with a scam to set her up to get out of the 2 year requirement to stay with her to ROC? I wouldnt think that automatically normally but the fact he is afraid his wife would show documented pictures of abuse or witness statements screams to me that he has something to hide.
I was absolutely mortified that there are videos on youtube coaching men how to use vawa.. One of this guys statemnets was " Does your wife want to know where you have been or discourage friendships? Um..yeah if you are out partying all night and facebooking with half of the female staff of walmart...LOL
Here is the video I was talking about. I thought some of you would find it amusing.. Just find some female dupe to marry you if you are out of status, then accuse her of wanting to know where you are at night or limit your " friendships"
I am glad Americans cant be accused by Americans of VAWA. They would deport half of my friends somewhere LOL. I never thought I would as a woman criticise VAWA because there are women who really benefit from it but like EVERYTHING else , there are people abusing it with frivilous charges, falsely accusing american citizens as far as I am concerned. I d hate for my little brother to run into one of these visa overstays and get duped into marrying him and then..oh gasp, she accuses him of abuse. Most real abuse victims are so freaked out that they cannot plot there way through these processes. If lets say, a domestic violence group helps a woman get vawa and there are documented proofs of abuse, oh hell yeah. But some of these claims I think are just an easy way to circumvent the legal time frame for immigration and just a way to abuse american citizens, Men AND WOMEN. Lately it seems like the latest scam victims I have seen are women. Its ridiculous.. This lawyer says emotional abuse is asking your husband to account for his time. HELLO. Again , most of my american friends would be charged with vawa with their american husbands .. sheesh
just my opinion.. I know an american woman who wouldnt hurt a fly falsely accused by her husband and she ended up getting him deported but it wasnt before he tried every trick in the book to frame her

the video

I'm 37 and the thought of having to deal with a 20 yr old mate makes me kinda sick. I had a hard enough time with the almost 30 yr old (at the time of marriage; married 6 yrs) husband trying to help him adjust. I can't imagine having to wipe a 20 yr old's #### at my age.

fishin....lol yea what msheesha said.......but ya know, sometimes the family knows and give Oscar winning performances.
Jackie

I think she is just desperately in love with him and would rather rationalise away his bullshit then come to terms with the fact he is a creep. He was pretty much a creep when she was in the process of petitioning him. Maybe he is just glorious in the romance department and he is just able to sell her any bill of goods. I feel sorry for Olivia because I think she is a nice person totally in love with a manipulative sociopath. The minute he told her shes not good enough to be the mother of his kids, she needed to book it. He came with an IR1 if I am not mistaken and needs to get that golden citizenship ticket to be able to import a wife that he is ok with impregnating. The marriage will be over soon enough ( when he gets what he wants) so honestly, we should be kind to Olivia. Olivia, its not you, its him. Hes a twit and a user and has been this whole time. I dont think people really mean to imply that you are not bright. I think they just can see that hes a creep and have seen it for a while and you are making excuses for him that sound.. well.. not very bright. He is using you and when he gets what he needs hes out of there. He will then marry who feels DESERVES his seed and you need to either come to terms with that now and be willing to deal with it later or get out while you can. Hes not staying with you. Hes playing you. And you will see that the evil truth will come to pass later. If you want to stay in this, then just make some good friends, get a support group to help you survive whats inevitably coming. When you finally do meet a man who is not an arrogant jerkoff who honors you with wanting you to be the mother of his child, this will all seem like a bad dream.. At least you didnt get pregnant and me made you abort using this rationale. Imagine how you would feel thenPS. My daughter is 7. Her dad was MENA and before I got pregnant he was all lovey love. When I got pregnant, he said to me WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WOULD WANT A BABY WITH YOU? IF I HAD A CHILD IT WOULD BE WITH SOMEONE FROM MY OWN CULTURE. Needless to say, I left him 6 months pregnant and had my daughter and I have never regretted it since. The post mena import export relationship I got in afterwords turned out to be a total fantasy lie on his end ( my fantasy..his lie) and I got screwed.. ( You cant blame a girl for trying) But I have always been so happy that I had my kids and didnt miss out on being a mom due to some guys selfishness.
Keep your chin up. Please rethink this situation before your eggs are rotten and nothing will hatch..

I think she is just desperately in love with him and would rather rationalise away his bullshit then come to terms with the fact he is a creep. He was pretty much a creep when she was in the process of petitioning him. Maybe he is just glorious in the romance department and he is just able to sell her any bill of goods. I feel sorry for Olivia because I think she is a nice person totally in love with a manipulative sociopath. The minute he told her shes not good enough to be the mother of his kids, she needed to book it. He came with an IR1 if I am not mistaken and needs to get that golden citizenship ticket to be able to import a wife that he is ok with impregnating. The marriage will be over soon enough ( when he gets what he wants) so honestly, we should be kind to Olivia. Olivia, its not you, its him. Hes a twit and a user and has been this whole time. I dont think people really mean to imply that you are not bright. I think they just can see that hes a creep and have seen it for a while and you are making excuses for him that sound.. well.. not very bright. He is using you and when he gets what he needs hes out of there. He will then marry who feels DESERVES his seed and you need to either come to terms with that now and be willing to deal with it later or get out while you can. Hes not staying with you. Hes playing you. And you will see that the evil truth will come to pass later. If you want to stay in this, then just make some good friends, get a support group to help you survive whats inevitably coming. When you finally do meet a man who is not an arrogant jerkoff who honors you with wanting you to be the mother of his child, this will all seem like a bad dream.. At least you didnt get pregnant and me made you abort using this rationale. Imagine how you would feel thenPS. My daughter is 7. Her dad was MENA and before I got pregnant he was all lovey love. When I got pregnant, he said to me WHAT MADE YOU THINK I WOULD WANT A BABY WITH YOU? IF I HAD A CHILD IT WOULD BE WITH SOMEONE FROM MY OWN CULTURE. Needless to say, I left him 6 months pregnant and had my daughter and I have never regretted it since. The post mena import export relationship I got in afterwords turned out to be a total fantasy lie on his end ( my fantasy..his lie) and I got screwed.. ( You cant blame a girl for trying) But I have always been so happy that I had my kids and didnt miss out on being a mom due to some guys selfishness.
Keep your chin up. Please rethink this situation before your eggs are rotten and nothing will hatch..

I have compiled a list of women on facebook and talked to them both with children from their mena spouses and some without who are willing to help women who have been hurt. I would be glad to introduce you to them. I met them on various sites and we talk about it at length. I am still legally married to my spouse and he caused alot of problems even between me and my mother and extended family. Our biggest problem were other mena people and they would interject advice and he met some very intolerant mena people about a year after getting here and started acting like them. I honestly believe that alot of success can be had if your spouse is far away from some of the nonsense troublemakers who greencard frauded ahead of them. My husbands mother literally bullied me and bullied my husband everytime things would calm down between us and he befriended a man who literally said he hated americans and had like 7 kids with his wife who he refused to allow to complete high school ( great peer group huh?_I honestly will tell you that most women who get used could have seen signs if they looked hard enough but unless you have a strong grasp on their culture, you would never see it coming. I know them like the back of my hand and I know that I was a COMPLETELY innapropriate choice of a wife due to my past choices and kids all over the damn place. Love cannot survive the intense scrutiny of know it alls from back home. I literally had one sit down and tell my husband do this and that to me and this jackass even went to my husbands house back home and talked mad ####### about me to his family ( this is after my child died etc)This is a guy who I know for a fact horribly abused his wife and is a wife and kid beater... All involved in my marriage thank you very much. All I could say to my husband was I am sick and tired of your evil friends and after I took you all the way from Algeria and loved and invested time with you, you put these morons opinions over mine. They made my life a living hell ( the friends)and I know all about the so called friends because the guys wife told me that he beat her senseless all the time last year. Oh god. I could write a book about the domestic violence, the nonsense, the gossipy nonsense within the community. Just move on and honestly, theres no point to warn everyone against doing it because you wouldnt have listened would you? LOL. We all think we are immune to be used. Its really hard when you have to face the fact it happened. Love is right around the corner for you with someone else. You just have to have faith. I went through total hell and its just too much to talk about here on the forum but I would be glad to talk to you off the forums

Debbie, I am so sorry this happened to you. My situation was much more complicated because i was pregnant when he arrived and we lost our child. Mine was chatting on the computer, meeting with other women in town and basically made me live without physical affection and physically and emotionally abused me. We are still not legallly divorced and when I was the hospital recently, he did help me in some ways. I think their parents are very well aware of their intentions on leaving us and was the pregnant girl he was sleeping with pregnant by him? You cannot warn these girls against this because no one will ever think it could happen to them. I found that his family was much more complicit in this than even he was. I really really loved him and still do and we have raised my youngest daughter who met him at a year and a half together and had a buried a child together. You can do everything perfectly right and this still can happen. What you need to do now is write a letter to immigration and to the embassy in his home country telling them that you were defrauded and tell them about the infidelity and the only thing that can make you heal from this is the fact he wont have an easy time bringing anyone else over. I have been desperately sick from the stress of dealing with my husband but we had alot more stress than most people honestly. My family flipped out on him after 3 continuous years of abuse and even though he has tried to help me in the years that came, they never ever recovered. I have been living around mixed american and mena marriages since 2001 and honestly other than a few on here that have worked out, in real life, I know none still together, even ones with kids. I cant say its all greencard fraud. Some of it is differences in culture but its one thing to be in a foreign country. Its another thing to get here and start hanging around a bunch of arabs who have used americans for papers ( most were here and met them here and adjusted) They look to these peers alot as examples and literally I had one actually coach my husband of all the nasty things he could do to me to get rid of me etc. NO I AM NOT KIDDING. The one critical difference I had between me and the other american wives was a very strong knowledge of culture and the fact that I have a daughter from someone from MENA from before we married made me very connected to both language and what was going on around me. My husband would hold up all these examples of men who loved their wives etc ( this was 3 years ago) and I would just tell him as soon as they could be done with them, they would be. One by one, each one of them got divorced but it wasnt just mena american, it was MENA MENA LOL with older wives and one Algerian older guy left his older algerian wife with children for like a 22 year old moroccan. There is a whole undercurrent of how they know each other, gossip, perception of who is married and who is married just for papers ( VRAI MARRIAGE) and my name is KAFIRA LOL. I have a strong understanding of culture and believe it or not, even though we havent finalised our divorce, I am very on top of what has happened to me and for the most part it was my fault. He was too young. I had kids and a kid from a mena person I wasnt married to and that was shameful ( didnt you know that mena men dont do that to women LOL LOL AND SUPER LOL) You cant just blanketly warn anyone against doing this because you wouldnt have taken the warning. I think if there is a huge age difference, even if you love the guy, just please be prepared for things to end. If you cant have kids and he wants them, be prepared for things to end. Just be prepared for things to end and if they dont, then YAY you. But I have really come to the conclusion that not only should I have never brought any one over here, I shouldnt have thought that my measely life could over come an immense phobia and hatred of all things GHORBA. This is the GHORBA guy and if someone from their culture sympathises with you, they are a big SHEKAMA. For gods sakes, I lost a child and was deathly ill and neither his mom or any of his jackass friends cared about me. These guys are not american and no matter how much they all look like us, they arent the same and they have a whole set of values and backgrounds that after a year or so of living here, they decide that often the ticket that brought them here is just not what they want.I dont EVER warn women against the relationships because no one listens anyway. All I can say is mine pretty much ruined what was left of my life and I would not under any circumstances, no matter how nice the guy EVER recommend that any one I knew sponsor anyone over here. The relationships never last. The women always get screwed and out of my maybe 10 relationships, one lasts. You wont know your odds till 5 years out, post greencard and usually post citizenship because its usually post citizenship that they leave not post greencard. If you got rid of him without having to suffer another 2 years, YAY you.

I guess you will find out when he finishes his residency where you stand
...sigh....

I guess you will find out when he finishes his residency where you stand
...sigh....

I guess you will find out when he finishes his residency where you stand
...sigh....

I guess you will find out when he finishes his residency where you stand
...sigh....