Rohit004

On 8/12/2019 at 7:15 PM, ohcoffeeeyes said:

You know I wanted to say try marriage counselling but this is just ridiculous...

 

I hope everything goes well with the divorce. I am just wondering, when you were filing for your petition, was it all flowers and honey? Cause I'm sure you didn't predict this! (or maybe you did...)

This was not predicted. She had small drama but over time it became worse. I would later resent my GC as it brought me more pain than good. I took care of her while I was an International Student with little money. We got married.  More money flowed in. Problems started. She wants to control account and shop all day. Nervous breakdown. It's too much to bear.

@PolarPear and me have the same EXACT story, we are both immigrants, both treated in a not so nice manner by our partners, we are in the same age group- Mid 20s, live in the same city, married US citizens with Salvadoran heritage, we are both in the same profession, are divorcing at the same time, GC expires the same month this year and our soon to be exes have an almost similar educational background. 

We are like siamese twins in this walk of life. We are definitely meeting to laugh over this. Hahahah. I really cannot believe this.

2 hours ago, KelsJosh said:

I hope everything works out for you, what an awful situation!

Hahahha I am hoping to file divorce by Friday. I will update

4 minutes ago, PolarPear said:

I'm crying...I'm literally crying because this is the SAME DAMN STORY FOR ME!!! 

 

I CANT TALK ABOUT ANY GIRLS IN FRONT OF MY WIFE. 

 

I can't go to the gym because there are girls there. I can't watch game of thrones because of sex scenes. I have to look on the floor if a girl walks past me!!! We went on a vacation to mexico and It was horrible because all she cared about was girls walking in bikinis. I'm like what do you want me to do, tell them to leave?

 

I just sent you a PM..

12 minutes ago, PolarPear said:

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW SIMILAR MY SITUATION IS!!!.

 

My wife got me arrested for abuse and the case was dismissed so good job by going outside. My wife called her mom and said "should I call the cops?" She says yes and then calls the cop like she's scared of her life. 

 

My wife and her mom are the same way!!! I have the same money situations, she spends a lot and acts like I'm not supporting her in anyway. I pay for all the apartment bills and she says "well your supposed to because you would be living  here alone anyways" and says the same thing like "because of me you have a job, you are traveling". ALSOOOO SHE TAKES MONEY OUT OF THE BANK ACCOUNT to get my attention and sometimes she would call the bank to close the accounts.

 

I'm calm and cool just like you. To them is all about showing off to their friends and family (ex. Graduation party / vacation). Ever since I told them I'm filing for divorce, she started crying and saying I will be better. I'm scared she can get me arrested again. 

 

Whenever she doesn't get what she wants, she will not let me sleep and she knows i value sleep. She will break everything, throw my clothes, hide my car keys, threaten to call the cops!!! I try to not respond to anything about cops, she knows if I talk about it, it scares me and it pushes her to do it. Does the make sense?

 

Over the years, I learned to be nice with her mom so I can get help from her to talk to her daughter. 

 

I have already filed for divorce but I am trying to be REALLLLY NICE TO HER because she wants to contest it. I just can't bear it. 

 

WOW. I cannot believe how similar this is. I know, there a re  some people out here who do not value good partners

Will upload remaining 3 later. I cant figure out why I cannot upload all 5 at once

By midday when I get my break, I will upload screenshots

4 hours ago, Going through said:

Nice...she's asking you for money and then on the flipside refusing to pay her share of the insurance.

 

My suggestion is to retain a lawyer, and then communicate with her only through them.

 

Please tell me you don't have any children with her.

Nope. I don't have any kids. 

I sent her the paperwork for uncontested divorce.  I am to get some $4000 from insurance due to my car getting damaged. She just called me and threatened that she's gonna contest for that. So I told her to go ahead and since we're contesting, I'd be contesting her $30000 car too. So she's gonna owe me $13000 more. What a fool. 

Her lawyer has already scooped up $1500 and now since she's turning this into a contest, I'll sit and wait. Then drag it so that she ends up paying the lawyer more. Why would I let your lawyer contest my car payment and not contest your car??

And by the way, her mom called me too this morning trying to sweet talk me. We talked for an hour. She's trying to make me forgive her daughter. 

1 hour ago, Going through said:

Notaries normally will not agree to post-dating signatures/stamps, if this what you meant.

 

If the document itself is post-dated in the future, that's one thing and it can be notarized...but if you're asking the Notary to write in a different date as to the actual date they notarized your signature(s), unlikely to happen.

OMG..time for plan B..

Anyway, I talked to her. Rude as hell. And she's asking for $500 as a favor 

11 minutes ago, Going through said:

Did you take her off the policy?  Let her figure it out on her own now.

I am doing that tomorrow.  

I came off work early today so that I can fill out the divorce forms. I am hoping for a easy uncontested divorce.  I just sent them over to her by email so that she can look at them and we can meet at notary and all she does is sign. My game plan is to have her sign before I waste money and then she refuses to give me a divorce. I know some documents have to be filed in court first before she signs the remaining set. But I am hoping to "forward date" her signature when we meet at the notary. This will give me atleast some time to file the first set of papers and then the rest will all fall in place perfectly

She's now busy calling. 4 times in 2 mins.  Probably she is gonna throw insults. I will call her in a few and update here. I have to play nice so that she can not retaliate and refuse to show up at the notary.

I have been asking her to pay up her portion of the insurance. Seems I will not be getting the money. Yes, i can pay for it. However, the agreement was that she would pay her portion as I literary pay for everything. 

40 minutes ago, Boris Farage said:

I read your other thread. Take it from another immigrant who propped up and spoiled his American wife, divorce is an excellent option. Doesn't sound like there is much left for you to save. Don't end up like me, six years invested in the marriage and I find out that not only have I been bankrolling her for years (she was a housewife), she was also having an affair with my best friend. As they say in this country, lawyer up. Get the best representation you can afford, because it sounds like she will. 

 

Best of luck to you. One day this will all be in the past. 

Sorry to hear about you experience.  I hope you're in a better place now.

25 minutes ago, Cryssiekins said:

Your wife is disgusting.  I know there are plenty of immigrants with malicious intent against USC’s, but your USC wife is taking extreme advantage of you.  

 

I’m sorry your wife has treated you in such a cruel way- but you have done everything you can (and then some) to make it work.  She is a spoiled little brat.  

 

Divorce is never easy, but in 5 years you will be in a much better place than she will.  

I have decided to move along. Best of luck to her.

43 minutes ago, Going through said:

I've asked the  Mods to merge the two threads, since this one is an update of that, so all info is in one place (and makes for easier reading).

 

Best of luck to you---you tried to make this work with her, and hopefully you can move on to a brighter future.

Thanks 

Well, I am back. I had promised to give update on my situation. I hope I linked it up correctly for those who missed the first thread.

As stated, I am a known member, posting under a pseudonym.

Saturday June 22nd 2019

My now wants to do the tax returns- remember she had refused to do it a while back ( refer to my intial thread to refresh). I agree. I will only get like 1/3 of my taxes if I do it alone. I am a gentle guy, so I had even agreed to do it together even after the first fight cz it's  best for her to atleast get the money than leave it for the government. Three weeks ago, within a week of each other, one of our cars broke down and the other got involved in an accident. So we had no choice but to plan for new cars. We agreed to buy one, then lay low and buy another.  So hers was first. I am glad I did not sign for it. Her mom was the cosigner. My excuse was, " I can't cosign cz I also need a loan." It was not easy . We had to fight over this cz she wanted me to cosign. Now she has a new car. 

So come Saturday, she wouldn't leave the house even after her mom called her to go fishing. I knew the reason why. She wanted to make sure the money goes to her own account. 

We agreed to split 50/50 on tax return. We thought the system would allow us to put 2 accounts and allocation on how the money should be disbursed to each. When we got to that point, we found out that we could only put one account. Knowing her, I told her I'd put it in mine and transfer 50% when we get the money. She flatly refused and said we are not doing taxes. 

We went to bed. She later told me the money goes to her account.  Period. If not, she will be leaving again. I said okay okay okay just to shut her off and went to sleep. Apparently,  she thought this was a sign that I had agreed to remit the money in her account. I have no access to her account and I know she was going to use all the money to pay her car off. The only one who has access to her account is her mom. So why would I send it there? We are getting nearly 5 figures in tax returns. Remember,  I am the only one who worked last year. She was a student. So technically,  this was my money.

Sunday June 23rd 2019

My wife woke up before 9am. This is one lady who wakes up at 12 noon. So her waking up before 9am is a sign that there is something of interest to her that she is chasing. This time around, it was the money. Most times it is shopping. 

She got the laptop ready that she wants to finish the tax returns. I told her we'd finish it but it will be going to my account. Hell broke loose. Within 1 minute, she called her mom and said I have refused to remit the tax returns in her account as I've always done in the last 3 years. Next thing her mom is bad mouthing me and tells her to leave. She agrees. 

She comes to the room and asks me to leave the house so that she can pack. As I walk out, I realize I don't have my debit. She had it from previous day's shopping, where she used it to buy birthday presents for her little brother.  I asked for it. She refused to give it back. She would later give it back when leaving in her new car. While she was packing,  she trashed the bedroom and said, " I will throw these here. Pick them up after I leave." I remained calm, lest I get accused for domestic violence.

Well, I took everyone's advise here. I tried to work it out. It never happened. Now I will be taking the advise of the other half and file for divorce. I am done this time around. I already printed out the divorce papers and filled them. All I need is to smitten her one last time to sign all at once so that I don't have to deal with her drama later on. 

My wife has a job now. She only pays for 3 things; her student loan, her insurance ( which brought another fight as she wanted me to pay for) and her car note (which her mom is a cosigner. I won't be surprised if her mom ends up paying this loan and not my wife). My wife's money is her money. Mines is for both of us. I have never been given access to her account,  but she's always lurking in mine and has access. She woke up the other day and told me she was going to transfer money from my account to hers so as  to maintain a certain balance in her account. At that time, she claimed to have $500 and was going to buy breakfast for herself and as such, her balance would fall below $500. 2 days later my eyes caught her looking at her account.  It had $1600.) Basically, she wants me to pay her to maintain a certain balance. At that time, I only had $300 as I am the one who pays ALL bills. 

Divorce is my best option here. USCIS just sent me a notice 2 weeks ago that my 90 day window for AOS just opened. I know she won't sign it. So that option is dead. The only viable one left is divorce option. I have to look after my well being now. 

https://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/707482-just-a-rant/

23 hours ago, Koko4Evans said:

Well i was reading your title of you just venting to others. If you are ready to divorce thats a decision for you to make.  This stuff you complained of seems fixable you spoiled your wife iz all and some ppl love that. It seems to be in you. The main issue is her mom right? Seems your spoiled wife had a temper tantrum to you telling her no about the vacation. Some ppl learn different so maybe school and working at the same time wasn't a good idea. You can't help her and get upset about how she's behaving you were part of the problem. All through this i never once heard you say you don't love her or she doesn't love you. Spoiled and out of order yes but marraige is for better or worse.  You're a smart man you will make the decision that's best for you. Calm down and think clearly. Try. Marriage counseling maybe the vacay would be a good idea for the 2 of you to get away and talk things over without her mom on your back. 

Thank you for your wise advise. It was appreciated 

18 minutes ago, theresaL said:

OP, I'm sorry things are this bad. I can tell you from personal experience that financial issues such as these never get better when one half of the marriage is so immature and irresponsible. They only get worse. I'm sorry but I don't think your situation is going to improve since it's a habitual pattern.

 

You know the steps to take immigration wise. One question though, is there an I-864 in place? and since your wife didn't work I'm guessing if there is it's the parents who signed as cosponsors if this situation applies to you.

 

As one poster already said, time to lawyer up. Become very familiar with your state's laws and know your rights. Depending on how large the city is where you live and the number of divorce lawyers, if you really want to make things difficult for your wife, schedule a consultation with every divorce lawyer in town as most will do a free 30 min. consult or charge a small fee. This will prevent her from hiring any of the local lawyers because it creates a conflict of interest. Good luck.

No. Thank goodness I found an external sponsor, a family member of mine. I would be owing them the world had her parents co-signed. 

45 minutes ago, The_Empyrean said:

Holy moly She's acting like she's 15... My advice along with everyone else's . 

File for Divorce. ASAP. Money can be replaced, mental health not. Do NOT blame yourself for ANYTHING, and don't take anything she says at this point.

I believe (not 100% on that) if you can prove to the judge that she hasn't worked a minute while you were married, you might be entitled to the house/apartment/bank account savings etc. NOT SURE. 

Secondly, file a restraining order ASAP, as it seems like they wanted to make a Domestic Violence report, but your neighbor shuffled cards there, and they called the cop off for that exact reason. 

thirdly, separate ALL of you assets that she has access to. ASAP. 

lastly, you'll have the upper hand. I'd also file for harassment on her mom. If you start all the proceeding, THEY have to defend themselves. Her mom is just trying to milk YOU now, and they are doing it by all means. DO NOT be alone with her, DO NOT meet her alone anywhere, ONLY TALK THROUGH the lawyer. 

Dude.. I'm so sorry you're going through this.. Immigration is hard already, and dealing with nuthead like that... is shattering. Be proud, stand your ground, and in no time you're gonna find someone who appreciates you like you should be appreciated. Don't give in to those sobs and crocodile tears. If you want to talk, feel free to message me here privately.

Will surely get in touch.  Thanks 🤗

I will also update when I take the next step. Just held up, work load

1 minute ago, NikLR said:

I didn't say to tell her.  I mean for your own peace of mind, make sure YOU know the laws.  Best wishes. 

Ooo heheh. I know. Trust me. 

9 minutes ago, cd37 said:

Looks like gold digger who intentionally doesnt work so she can get alimony and other free stuff. Runaway from this child.

It was her mom who apparently advised her not to work while in school. A blind leading a blind. She's  the same mom who keeps jokingly telling me she's broke and asking if I could give her some money. 

6 minutes ago, Mike E said:

You are confusing the asset settlement with alimony.  

 

They are two separate things.  

 

Because she never had a job and you did, you will be paying a portion of your income  to her for a few months to a few years.  

 

In terms of the asset split she will get half of the difference between your total net worths before the marriage and after the marriage, possibly excluding the appreciation on assets each of you brought into the marriage and left titled individually.

 

 If you are in a community property state, the rules can be quite different too. 

 

Finally, she will have a claim on part of your 401k. 

 

Lawyer up. 

😟

Just now, Mike E said:

The bad news is you are getting a divorce. Those are never fun and yours will be especially acrimonious.  

 

The good news is that you’ve  been married for under two years so your alimony will be short and sweet.  

 

 

Well, she took everything. I have nothing left to give. More so, she never worked. I paid everything. 

4 minutes ago, NikLR said:

You may want to check the laws where you live on recording someone without their permission.   That goes two ways as well and an edited recording isn't good evidence in divorce. 

I know. I just don't wanna tell her cz "she knows it all."

Nope. On my end, I don't record. I just mind my own business 

7 minutes ago, Bynx24 said:

Divorce and move on, theres nothing else that you can do at this point. It's clear that you still love her and are looking for comfort in the midst of this but if you continue in this relationship you will only be continuously abused and heartbroken. Your eligibility in this country is not at risk, you have plenty of proof that you have done your part and all they are trying to do is intimidate you using tactics that are abusive and manipulative, this lady is clearly not right in the head.

 

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and will make it out of this. How old are you if you dont mind me asking?Country? I ask because it's surprising to see the immigrant being screwed over. It just goes to show that bad behavior can come from both sides.

 

Good luck.

Check your PM. 

55 minutes ago, boris64 said:

Time to fly....But, you know this already....Good Luck...

I know the options. Just trying to tread carefully cz I know she has "evidence" as she calls it. So it may not go down easily.

She starts a fight, then secretly records what she deemed as useful to her. She's recording with the phone hidden. Found that out a while back. 

My wife has developed this attitude of shaming people. If she has something to use, she will wait till in presence of her mom and then start asking questions to "expose" you. But behold, if she is wrong, don't even dare bring it up or you will not hear the end of it. A time back, she bought a dog car seat for close to $100. She told her mom it was $20. I was told not to speak about it. 

The 3 of us were in a car driving home. She asks if I ever had any past girlfriends back in my home country.  I knew where this would lead to and try to change topic ASAP. She persists. Next thing I know, she's on my phone's FB page. She found the girl and started a fight asking me why we are still friends. I informed her that I have not spoken to the lady in like 4 years since I left. She dint wanna hear any of that. Her mom jumped on this to help, but to no avail.  I had a 1 hour rough ride. 

6 hours ago, little immigrant said:

This is my story. I was the worker and immigrant. However for me he forbid me to buy necessities like bread and I often went to work hungry. He also forbid me from buying birth control because he wanted a baby so badly but I'm chronically ill and I can't handle a pregnancy and a baby. The mother always sided with him and they always ganged up on me and I never had someone to fight for me. But enough of that. 

 

She has to agree to be taken off the bank accounts. Trust me I went through this. I went to my bank to give my signature and he threatened me that I have to take myself off the account but I told him you need to go to the branch and sign too otherwise it's not valid I can't legally take myself off of the bank account without your signature too. He didn't believe me but later went to the branch and gave the signature. So please double check with the bank because she has to agree and she sounds like she's not agreeing so she is legally still on your account. 

Sorry to hear your account of things. It is indeed stressful 

On this allegedly new job that she got, I asked her last Thursday how much she'd be getting paid. She refused to tell me. She gave me some excuse.