slk1995

1 hour ago, David & Zoila said:

CR-1...  He could work almost immediately upon arriving in US.  But I would be willing to bet he will be unwilling to put in the work required for that either.

EXACTLY! That's my point I will most definitely be making. Just "getting married and waiting" doesn't dodge paperwork. At all. 

OKAY, EVERYONE. Let me most a major, in general response to everyone's comments. 

I talked with him last night about the issues. And yes, the answer is correct: he is unsure of the K-1, due to the fact he'll have to wait awhile before he can work. 

So I'm not sure. I appreciate all the insight, but I've just got to decide how to move on on my own. Or maybe go to Sydney for a month or so, if this full time job offer isn't made for me tomorrow. 

8 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

Oh honey, you are still living with your parents, don't make enough to sponsor him yourself, and they aren't supportive?  It sounds like maybe this is just not the time for this relationship.  Where are you going to live and how are you going to support yourselves after he arrives?

 

Trust you me, there are so many great guys out there who will be completely into you and you'll have no doubts about moving on to the next stage of life together.  For the moment, it seems like you may need to turn your attention domestically.

Okay, again..there's a whole other part of this story. 

I was living out of the house for 10 months. I only moved back in July because I was living with a crazy woman who'd threaten to hit me, etc. So I had the only choice of going back to my parents', at that point. Or staying there and who knows what else. 

Thanks so far everyone. 

I forgot to add the major problem: we USED to do frequent visits, and the nightly calls. But, my parents have threatened to kick me back out if I go visit him. So, there's a lot more to this story. He doesn't want to see me go homeless. 

1 hour ago, R&OC said:

I didn't read all the replies. But I would like to add that some are better with paperwork than others. If everything else is going well between the two of you, then be a team. 

 

If you think, however, that he is trying to signal you that he really doesn't feel like immigrating to the US: talk to him or think about going to Australia if you want to be with him?

 

It is a big step for both of you. And he may be leaving a lot behind.

 

Communication is the key.

I talked to him a bit last night on a call. 

Not really sure if I can handle the guy living with a drug addict. Actually no, I really can't. Thats what has changed things so negatively. 

5 minutes ago, Dee elle said:

You deserve to be treated with respect. You are worth more than this. Hard to hear, but you are young, focus on your own goals, growth and journey of life, take the time now to stand on your own two feet, get yourself pointed in a good maturing adult direction, give yourself permission to cut yourself loose from this man, choose to close this whether or not he gives you closure like you asked. Don’t look back. Breathe, then take your next step. 

It's pretty depressing. 

Somehow, I still love this person. I think I haven't left because I literally already lost close to everything from him. I have little to no friendships anymore. Most of those so called "friends" ran off the moment they heard his age. So, I sit in a delicately isolated world now. I basically hide in a bedroom now and escape reality on Youtube. 

I've sent a message to him. All it says is, "I want closure. I want you to admit you no longer are interested or care." 

I've been beyond miserable in the last like two months of this. It used to be far better. 

33 minutes ago, Boiler said:

That is understandable.

Yep.

8 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

OP: Why do you feel a potential cosponsor would not take you seriously? Asking someone to cosponsor is a serious situation - if they don't take you seriously, then you need to ask yourself some questions if they are the right person to assist.

 

His roommate should not be involved in anything regarding your relationship or past career choices, and if his opinion matters this much to your fiancé to not stand up for you.. you've got bigger issues coming.

 

If your relatives do not feel comfortable with assisting, is their a particular reason why? Is it something to do with his overall behavior toward you right now that may have put up red flags for them? There are of course persons that feel uncomfortable getting into a legally binding government contract for financial and personal responsibility reasons - but this is often compounded if they don't feel the individual trustworthy.

I'm not sure. I just don't want to be the one to ask about it. Agreed about the roommate part.  They are against the relationship. He's 53, I'm 22. So that's why. They want me with someone from the US and someone my age. 

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

A joint sponsor does not need to be a mutual friend. Not sure I have seen this situation before.

I know that; but who else would I ask? Relatives are against this, so who else? Can't just go randomly asking strangers on the street to do that. Lol. 

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Do you know anybody who can joint sponsor, odd when it is the foreigner finding one.

No, no. He's not the one DOING the looking. I would prefer it if he is the one who talked to our mutual USC friends about it. That's all. I don't think they'd take me as seriously. 

Just now, Boiler said:

I thought he was the USC, sorry.

All good; I'm the USC, he's the foreigner. 

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

What were they, may have an issue with US Immigration and they check.

 

If he is working 6 days etc why does  he need a joint sponsor?

I'm not posting it here since it was supposed to be private. It wasn't very long lived. And I'm confident it wouldn't cause any issues. 

I need a co-sponsor financially; I don't make the minimum requirement to sponsor him alone. 

2 minutes ago, EandH0904 said:

If he was using you to get here I think he'd be doing everything he could to get the petition filed so he could get here. 

 

People are people and sometimes things don't work out. Do you have to do the petition RIGHT NOW? 

 

If he's not on board, maybe you can wait? Your relationship will either continue to grow with love or will just file out. It doesn't sound the strongest right now. 

You make an extremely good point; if he had that bad intention, he'd be rushing the paperwork to the extreme. 

Yep. I have the petition out on my bed as I type this. We've been engaged for 8 months. Haven't seen him in person since late June. At this point, I'm only sticking around if we actually start a process up. I don't see the point of me or him basically dating thin air, with no progress made.  It's not very strong right now. I basically just intend on asking him how he's currently feeling about his immigration, and where he stands with such a concept. 

4 minutes ago, TNJ17 said:

Follow your instincts. 

That's all you can do at the end of each day. 

3 minutes ago, TNJ17 said:

I agree that most of it is the USC who is required to do, but I honestly think that’s a joint process for the whole thing. We both filled out all paperwork together regardless of who the form was about. Just because having two sets of eyes is better than one for catching mistakes. Plus it helps to know that you are both doing this because you both want to be together. 

E-x-a-c-t-l-y. That's the thing. So if I can even him on the phone tonight, I'll be asking where he really stands with me. I'm getting extremely ready to move on and return to the freedom of single life. 

4 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

Hi OP,

 

I think the big thing is needing to talk to him in a way that you can determine if you are both on the same page. Is he ready for it? Immigration is a serious process - and it requires I think both individuals involvement to ensure it goes smoothly. If he is resistant to the idea of even contributing, how will he be when it comes to something as important as marriage and starting a life together? I say this in earnest... LDRs can be difficult as it is, but so are any relationship.. without both acting equally and responsibility it will be difficult to achieve success. You have to be ready. Of course it's possible, when it comes down to it, he could be afraid of leaving everything he has behind. I once said to my husband that I did not want him to have any regrets looking back, and if he did then I couldn't in good conscience start the process yet. It's also possible something else is going on in this relationship.. but only you would know this. Why does his roommate dictate his life and whom he loves and speaks to, for starters? Why is he not more actively involved? Why does he not have any passion or excitement about starting a new married life?

 

When it comes to paperwork, it's the USC who will need to do most of it initially. There's only a few bits and pieces from him required. But after that process is complete, the rest will be up to the foreign fiancé... and without their participation in the matter of gathering documents, going to appointments, etc.. there's no way it's going to work. You said that you are the USC, if that is the case, why is he the one in need of finding the cosponsor? Do you not have any prospects or way of sponsoring him yourself? How well do you know the prospective cosponsor and do you know if he is telling the truth about them? After the K1 process and marriage, you will have AOS to file - and that will also require his involvement, which is critical in him remaining with you.

 

It is best to know where things stand in this relationship, before you proceed..

Thank you again. Extremely helpful to get other ways of looking at this. 

The roommate dislikes me because of some "exotic and/or controversial" things I did in the past to earn money. It was all legal, but I'm pretty sure he discovered my secret a few months ago by chance. The guy has mental health and drug addiction problems; so he tends to explode. I've watched it happen countless times now. So I'd prefer to not hear the guy in our calls, either. 

I don't think he honestly loves me anymore. I just really don't. I'm almost starting to believe he is out to use me to get here. 

2 minutes ago, TNJ17 said:

It takes two to tango. That’s all I gotta say. If he’s not willing to work on this so that you can be together, it’s unlikely the relationship will survive the madness and the stress that USCIS processing does to you. It is a pain in the a-hole and if he’s this uninterested in the beginning, then is it worth going through the process at all? 

THANK. YOU! That's my favorite quote for this situation. Tonight dictates if I'm leaving him behind. 

He already stated he doesn't want to even come VISIT me until he can legally make the big move, for financial reasons. So I've been pretty weary the last few weeks about his ulterior motive at the end of the day. So yeah, if he isn't going to start creating the most simple documents (like letter of intent) to start tonight, I guess it's time to close the door. Lock it. And throw the key. 

Hey VJ family, 

I need some general advice. Any experiences or stories you may have would be totally appreciated as well. I'm the American, preparing to begin the I-129 process for the K-1. But, I'm getting a little skeptical and scared... 

Every time I bring up the step by step process to the paperwork I'd be filing on my end, he doesn't seem to budge or act at all. The first step for him personally is talking with his American friends about possibly co-sponsoring. Once that's settled, I'll be good to make sure filling this all out will actually be worth the time.  I can't get through the first form WITHOUT the documentation that's required (his passport picture, letter of intent, his sons' addresses, etc) . He works 6 days a week, 12 hour days. Opposite time zones play a major role into this as well. He's in Australia. I've tried talking to him about what I will need, but lately he hasn't been participating in the process....so, now I'm questioning things. He just doesn't seem to be on board with taking some time once a week (his off day) for us to work on the petition. My ideal goal was to hopefully get it completed and sent to USCIS after the holidays. I no longer know what to do. I don't think he is on board with putting in the work with me to make this start happening. I honestly think he's hoping that I'll basically be the full time secretary...alone. I think he is beyond frustrated with the reality of how complex this process/our situation really is. Also, we barely call anymore, due to his roommate disliking the idea of me. So, I'm not sure if he is running, or is honestly just pausing to really think and prepare for this mentally. 

Has anyone ever went through this with their partner? Should I be running, or should I just fill in on what I can...until I somehow get his required parts for the petition? If any of you went through this with your foreign partner, how did you overcome it, or ditch it altogether? I plan to politely address this with him further tonight when he is awake. Any thoughts/comments are greatly needed. 

20 hours ago, adil-rafa said:

the assets have to go under same rules as ours / so if they do not fit the criteria, then they are not acceptaed

biggest is they have to be easily liquidated 

 

Thanks! 

19 hours ago, TNJ17 said:

Don’t forget that the I-864 is only for adjustment of status after the K1 immigrant lands, or for CR1. But if you choose to file K1, you will need the I-134 and they only require 100% poverty line. 

Ahh, I see. Thanks for the reference. 

52 minutes ago, adil-rafa said:

you can use beneficary assests according to  affidavit of support 

 

https://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/files/form/i-864instr.pdf

page 8 of 17 under these instructions for I 864 

Item Numbers 6. - 9. Assets of the Intending Immigrant. You may use the assets of the intending immigrant regardless of where he or she resides. The intending immigrant must provide evidence of such assets with this affidavit. Add together Item Numbers 6. - 8. and enter the total number in Item Number 9. Form I-864A is not required to document the intending immigrant’s assets. Item Number 10. Total Value of Assets. 

this is offical USCIS government site

 

 

Thank you! 

4 minutes ago, iamdegie said:

OP - from what you wrote it seems that your your AUS fiance is more stable and is living comfortably than you at this stage (ie has the funds, i assume is not sharing a house, etc), your fiance has sons in AUS which I assume he would like to be around with while you don't really have the best relationship with your parents so if i were in your shoes i would definitely look at what illiria above is suggesting. instead of him moving to the US on a k1/cr1, why don't you do the moving yourself? this would give you some form of independence from your parents and it will be less stressful in terms of both your finances. i understand that you have school figured out but i am sure AUS has a lot of equally good schools and programs you can consider?

I'm definitely not interested in moving countries. He has always wanted to come here, anyway. Technically yes, me going to him would be easier..but in this case, I'm far too uncomfortable making the sacrifice. Doesn't mean I don't love him. I'm just simply not interested/never was interested in leaving America. I simply will not obtain a work or student visa; I have nothing to technically offer in that way right now, even if I wanted to make the move myself. I'll easily move out of my parents in a few months and this time, stay out. 

15 minutes ago, iamdegie said:

yes, this is what the USCIS website "officially" states but in all my months here on VJ, I have yet to see a single case where the beneficiary's assets were considered. so do not count on this is my personal opinion.

Understandable. Definitely the co-sponsor and myself are the biggest parts of the financial requirements. 

50 minutes ago, TNJ17 said:

For K-1 the USCIS stage doesn’t want to see any financial information. The petition stage, which is what you the US citizen files is just to prove your relationship is bonafide and basically you are who you say you are and you are able to marry. Once the petition is approved is when you start gathering evidence for financial support, you have to show that you are at 100% poverty line. That is all. If you meet that, there is no need for a co-sponsor. And should you end up needing one, it can be anyone at all. It doesn’t have to be a family member, it just has to be a US citizen or a permanent resident. You literally do not need your family  for this process at all. They have no way of stopping anything you wanna do in this matter. Like, seriously. There is absolutely nothing they can do. You need to stand up for yourself and for your relationship. If the two of you really do love each and want to be together, go through the process and don’t worry about family. You’re an adult and you can literally gather all the documentation necessary without having to go through your parents. If they have your passport, file a police report and get a new one. If they have your tax returns, call the IRS and get second copies. Whatever it is that you need, you are the only person who can get it. It sucks not having the support of your family, but to be honest immediate family can be a hassle sometimes. Just stick to your guns. K1 is a faster process than CR1, that’s why we choose it because the long distance and the constant travels back and forth sucks. But CR1 may put a little less stress on you financial wise because he’d be able to work almost right away. But that takes a while. And remember that because of the current administration, USCIS is on overload of work and things are taking much longer than usual. So you have to take that into consideration too. We chose K1 because at least we’d be together sooner and the stress of a long distance relationship is awful on us, Even if we have to blow through our savings to live off until we can both work so be it. Such is life. 

Thanks! It all comes down to choosing if you want to resolve the distance first or the foreigner being able to work right away upon POE first, basically. 

8 hours ago, Christy&J said:

I sent you K1 Fiance letter of intent, but then I saw your timeline that you are applying for CR1 ?

 

Not anymore. My fiance and I are looking at the options carefully first. Minds have changed to K1.