Ula Svensson

Look at it from their point of view, the capital sum is nice but the big bucks is in the future income.
 
If you start low they will inevitably think a deal can be done somewhere in the middle, let them come back with a realistic number and start from that.

If I was in her position, I would feel very insulted and objectified if my parents were to ask for that much of dowry! But again, I do come from a different background and have a different mindset compared to a lot of Asian women so guess I'm just the anomaly 
 
Seriously, if they are still gonna push for the THB1.5 million, maybe it really is about the money and it was never about love. Money can't buy love. Even if you can only give them $5000 for dowry, that is still a lot of money. 

Ning, Yes ofcourse there are so many great Thai people, she is very stable but she is miserable because she has the world on her shoulders.. she is a nurse in a place very understaffed ad she works there most of her days, she gets very little sleep and then runs back to work more hours to save money for the house that her parents told her to buy them she believes its her responsibility...  We are talking about her coming to visit me first and that would be next year sometime, then I would go there for the Thai wedding and begin the visa process... she wants to be a nurse here and she does take english classes although her english is ok now

Yes some or all of the money can be returned.. according to her, her parents would give us half of whatever we pay back so we can start our life together.. I have seen hundreds of stories of where some or all of it was given back.. I doubt that if they agree upon something they would risk throwing everything in their future away...I would not feel comfortable paying more than 200,000 bhat but I would start the negotiations with 100,000 and see where it goes... Frankly all this talk about it is making me upset and makes me want to just go to the Phillipines to live on a beach and grill fresh fish.. I dont like regret and if they still think that they will ever get 1.5 million bhat then I will have to say goodbye because thats a huge insult to me and my senses and its their way of saying goodbye

My husband didn't even talk to anyone about this subject. He took care of our mom then & does to this day 12 years later but refused to put on a show for others. We are happy to help when we can like any family would. 
I suggest you pay what you feel is fair while realizing the family will need help in the years to come. Save a little for the beach house & fish. 

Please use caution here. There are many good people in Thailand of course but I suggest care in looking at all of this. She sounds like a picture of stability especially for a Thai. Why is she as you said " miserable "? 
She can obtain a tourist visa? Based of what she told you? Then ask her to come to meet you in the USA. 

All the talking of money, I'm doing here, her and I have barely discussed it for more than a few  moments... It is the topic I have here and I'm just getting information.. Thank you everyone

FYI, dowry is never paid back to the payer  No matter how little or how much you ended up giving to her parents for her hand in marriage, believe me, they keep the money. None of the money would even go to her. I'm Chinese by descent and we have the whole dowry culture too and I remember my aunt tossing her engagement ring at her husband-to-be when he was trying to negotiate the dowry down to an amount that he can handle. It was amusing! 

I am not surprised to find your questions and plans are about money from the beginning until I remember you haven't even met her yet. Everything you have discussed is about money yet you say it isn't important. Its one aspect that shouldn't be a part of the discussion at this point. 
I lived in Thailand for 35 years so have a good idea of how things are done. You may learn, but with what you know now you have a lot more homework to do. My advice is to begin at the beginning. 

KULtoATL, yes everything you said is true! Thank you and I am on top of it all believe me hehe... I grew up in Los Angeles, a very fast life and I won't get scammed, I'm far too cautious but I had already told her I was insulted by that amount and that it's not a realistic amount from ANYONE for her. If she was from a very rich family and a supermodel, yes, sure but they would give that money back to you anyways.. I basically told her that I wouldn't be upset if she wanted to forget me in hopes some billionaire would come along to make everyone happy but she gets very upset and cries easily hehe... even as I type she's texting me and she's so reserved and sweet so I thank you again my friend!

Hey  For starters, I am the foreign beneficiary of this couple and coming from Asia, I understand a fair bit about the culture of giving dowry to the lady's side. I also am aware of people coming from poor countries or backgrounds to expect the gentleman to support the lady's family after marriage (sometimes the support begins before marriage even) or even just for the sake of improving their reputation among relatives and villagers. If the guy is able and is willing to provide the support, to each their own. Obviously it is not my money and I shouldn't have a say in it.
 
However, I'm just a bit shocked by the amount of dowry that was asked of you. THB1.5 million amounts to $45,000 in USD (MYR192,000 in my currency), that is a sh-t load of money to say the least. It almost seemed like the lady is being sold to a bidder! 
 
As much as you feel like you are a couple, an online relationship is just that, before you actually spend time in person. Personally, if there wasn't already talk of marriage nor is she engaged to you, it really is kinda premature for that kinda discussion to have come up despite it being initiated by the both of you. As it was pointed out by others earlier, the sum of the dowry is not fixed. It's usually a negotiation between both sides. Once again, THB1.5 million/USD45,000 is an overreach. It is probably a whole lot cheaper if you were to just build them a house and pay for all of it plus forking out every dime for the wedding in Thailand. For real. 
 
Unless you are actually gonna get married, don't pay the dowry. Pay only a reasonable amount of dowry and within your ability when the time comes. Be very cautious because you never know if someone is trying to scam you or rip you off. Don't get reversed psyched into things. Sometimes people make you feel guilty or sorry for them just so they can gain what they want from you regardless of their reasons. 
 
All the best with your relationship! Hopefully it is as real as you think it is and it is a love partnership instead of a mere business relationship. 
 

Why not meet her first???

Call me evil but I wouldn't pay a dime. 

Not familiar with Thai custom but I am with Jane Austin, she is 30! Well past her sell by date, they should be paying you.

Typically sin sod is only for show and is returned once ceremonies are complete. (Bragging rights for the family to the village(

Well your description of the family and age of the daughter I would say no more than a few thousand dollars. This is generous especially with a tradition that is becoming increasingly rare.

Ouch 1.5mil?   Definitely taking the piss!!!!  (Farang price - certainly would never get that from a Thai lad more like I stated above)
 

The mere fact that her Mom is asking for that huge of an amount is a bad sign for the future. I can see her trying to get money for the family from you all the time if you marry her daughter. But if you intend to, know that It really doesn't matter that the sinsod doesn't matter to your girl. She reveres her parents above everything and will do whatever it takes to abide by their wishes. You can negotiate with the mother. Sinsod is not supposed to be a rigid price. Now as to how much you should pay. You didn't mention if your girl is a virgin or not. That makes a difference. Let's assume she is not. So your girl is already 30 and no virgin. Has a decent job, but no hiso by any stretch. She must have university education to be a nurse. But her family is from a poor farm background, also not hiso. The fact that she has never been married and no kids raises the sinsod amount. I'd guess all things in consideration, I'd tell the mom, after explaining that her daughter isn't young, isn't a virgin, has no high profile job, and comes from a poor background, that not much sinsod should be required. You are willing to come up with 100,000 baht and some jewelry. See what her counter-offer is. I personally wouldn't go higher than 200,000, but offer the 100,000 first. Explain to her that although you understand how much she value's her daughter, the kind of sinsod she is asking for is reserved for elite high profile hiso family's daughters, not hers. I guess I'm lucky that my girl's mom said she didn't need any sinsod. Good luck to you and let us know what the final amount came to.

This is a subject that few understand outside of Thailand. You are fixated on the money & even the amount which is typical of those that don't understand. . Find on Amazon the book,Thailand Fever. Have her find it in Thailand too. Read it & have her formulate questions from the Thai side to help you understand things about her. 
You are in love with a girl you never met & she is bringing up sin sod so early in what will turn out to be a long path to a relationship. Paying a fee this early is never done & I would question why she is bringing it up. I caution you to stay completely out of the subject of money until you have learned some things. 
She says she doesn't care but she does. Thais are never direct. Her parents are pushing her to find out what you are willing to pay. Tell them there will be no discussion of money at all until you have established a relationship. That must be built of a foundation of trust & mutual respect. There is no price to pay for that other than emotional costs. 
You ask what a fair amount would be for sin sod. That is very difficult to determine but it is to be no more than you can afford. The concept that you will be given the money back should be understood because its unlikely. The family needs to look good in front of friends but they are Thai & should know how. Keep in mind if you marry you will be expected to help the family in many different ways down the road. 

No that I know about Thai sinsod concept but I looked it up online and it's supposed to be a marriage dowry. I'm curious, unless you're engaged to be married, why would the talks of sinsod come up so soon?? Is that normal in Thai culture @Ning? Just want to learn about it and I mean no offence.

My fiancé is from neighboring Cambodia. I know some may get asked for money and nowadays it usually pays for wedding party costs. I'm strongly against it and the in laws didn't ask for it. 
 
My missus is a nurse as well, but in the dental field. She will be a dental hygienist and send a bit back to the family. I feel happy she will help them, even more because they don't ask for anything despite having nothing.  
 
That said I know others that paid, was closer to a few grand. 
 
 

Hey George and Roth!, hey that sounds great! What a beautiful family you have! The best of luck to you all!