fcchief

13 hours ago, Lemonslice said:

good lesson also to call the ambulance next time someone needs treatment. Sad. 

I had no idea of her condition when I go her over here, wasn't until she was back in Japan that she was diagnosed.  Yes a good lesson.

Thank you. I have little hope she will get better. Even last year when she was in hospital near Tokyo a Japanese friend talked to her on the phone and she could not remember her children's names. Sad. As far as divorce, need to save up since Notice by Publication will be expensive. Run an ad once a week for 6 weeks, figure about 15,000 yen or $150 a week plus court fees, paying for them to certify they ran the ad and return it to me here in the states. I am in no hurry. Again thank you and wish you and yours the best! 

6 hours ago, bubblyheather said:

This was painful to read. We all have our struggles. I felt bad for both of you. I wish you both find happiness eventually. 

  Well she changed her mind but in Aug 2019 again she said she wanted divorce, even pulled my hair from behind me. I told her I would get divorce papers in morning but once filed it would take 90 days to finalize. She didn't quite grasp that since in Japan you could do it in an hour if both parties agreed. I went to bed, she decided to start drinking, (had a 12 pack of Corona in the fridge). She came in twice to bedroom and wanted to talk, but I refused said she was in no shape to have a conversation, she pulled our wedding pics off the wall and smashed them on the floor and left. In morning I got up and she was out on the Futon. I tried to get on my laptop but she had yanked all the cables out of the modem, router and my desktop. Once she woke she went into kitchen to get coffee and came out with a large cheese knife waving around me (I was on the couch) saying "I am Crazy, I am crazy". I stood up and told her no you are not, just put the knife down, which she finally went back into kitchen and put it away. I went outside to let her cool down and she locked me out of the house. Would not let me in and I told her let me in so I can get my car keys, she said F**k you and I told her I would call the sheriff, she said F the police. Well I called them, they took her to jail. She went to court which I was not allowed to attend. I paid her bail and a Japanese friend (her only friend here) picked her up. She stayed in the house and I stayed at a friends house. One day I went to take some groceries to her and she was standing on the side of road in her house dress and slippers. I pulled into driveway and walked over and asked what was she doing. All she said was I can't find my ID , I can't find it. Basically she was looking for her Philippine ID, said she wanted to take bus. I said where? She said she did not know. I stayed with her for a few hours and then left, later she was picked up by sheriff  and taken to jail again because she was in 500 ft of my residence even though I told the prosecutor and her attorney she could stay there. I went to prosecutor and explained again, they released her but it was cold and raining. Found her walking soaking wet.  Anyway I got sick with pneumonia and she was not happy, I sent her back to Japan in Nov 2019. In March 2020 I heard from her friends there she had a stroke and was in the hospital. also found out she had incurred 3 strokes(brain) before she even arrived here and was in early dementia. They let her out of hospital after a Japanese friend got her on Japanese Welfare. Ended up in a home for disabled due to her right hand and leg still not 100%, a month after getting out of hospital had another stroke. She ended up in hospital near Tokyo for 9 weeks. June of last year she was put in a Disable assisted living apartment. But welfare won't tell anyone where she is due to privacy, not even her family in PI. I called and they said no they cannot release that. She posts on FB but will never tell me where she is. Much of it is gibberish and does not make sense. I feel if I would of known of her prior strokes which she must of passed off as just being overworked or whatever, I probably would have never brought her here. Or if I had known while here, would of gotten scans done and treatment for her.  It is sad and I feel sorry for her, all her friends gone, her closest family member, her sister passed last October.  We never know in life that is for sure. Now I cannot get divorced until I save up in order to do a Notice by Publication in Japan Times since there is no way to serve her papers or if she would even understand them.  All I can do is pray. Thank you for the kind words. Hope this is a lesson for all, make sure you understand the person your are marrying, getting visa for. Ensure you know their whole history, I learned other things about her after the fact, her marriage to a Japanese man and how he treated her, etc  Better to find out now than to go thru the pain and sorrow later! 

 

3 hours ago, Elle29 said:

Thank God I don’t have that tampo anymore or my husband will enroll me to a drama school 😂  

kidding aside, OP, I do understand where your wife is coming from but coming from someone who came here on a K1 visa, if she’s really unhappy in here and refuse to make a life in here with you, you have to let go of her. Easier said than done, I know. On my first month in here, I refused to go out and mingle with our roommates or other people until 1 day, I just got bored and went out. I made my husband worried sick 😁 Now, I take the bus, went to apply for my ssn and state ID on my own without my husband taking me.

It’s not fair on your part to suffer like this. Clearly, you’re hurting and she’s obviously not trying to play her part on your marriage. Best wishes to you bro. Withdraw her AOs and let her go. 

Thank You,  we finally talked today or rather I did most of the talking. I told her I could not read her mind and this Tampo is not doing either of us any good. I asked here, what is it you want from me? She say I want to go home to Japan (even though she is pinay). I said you know what, I want you to be happy, so I will send you home. She still was very bummed, and I told her that I warned her before coming that you could not just walk to stores, shops etc. I asked if she wanted me to follow later, she said "Up to you, just don't want to see your face everyday" That told me everything I needed to know. Hard but I love her. Got her a ticket back, she will fly later in May.  Then she started drinking Jinro and Ulong tea chu hais Got pissed and accessed my FB account and was deleting all her family and her accounts, I shut the computer down. I know I made the right decision, and I know she will at one point try to get hold of me, tell me she needs $$ to help pay her health insurance, or rent. I told her that is it no money. You can use the dependent ID card (Retired Navy) until the divorce is final, and that there is a 90 day "cooling down' period here in WA. After that, well she is on her own.  When I said would cancel her AOS also which she could care less about.  Now she is passed out on the couch, had to tuck her in.  Live and learn! She probably would of been fine if I had just gone there and gotten married since she is a permanent resident, but cost was just a litte too steep unless I wanted a 2 room apt 500 or so sq ft! To thank you!

  A truly appreciate the comments, suggestions, thanks and now to dust myself off, get back on the horse and ride again!  Thanks, Maraming Salamat

If I filed an I-485 and as of yet have not gotten any confirmation as to receipt (had the email form attached) and the check has not been cashed, can I cancel the petition and cancel the check so they don't cash it?

Well if she would be willing to meet other FIiipinos that would be great but she doesn't. (The filipino community center is used by mostly elderly 60+ filipinos, not her cup of tea)  I know now she does not like not being able to just go on her own outside (meaning into town etc) We are in the outskirts of our city, bus service is mariginal at best. She stated on FB only go out 1,2 3 times a month to get groceries. Can't go anywhere alone. Board. Well we have gone out more than what she stated, but she is definitely missing Japan. Now that weather is changing will try to get her out and get her practicing driving. She had an international license in Japan when she was married, other than driving on the other side most everything else would be the same. We will see. Also she is afraid of losing her Japanese permanent residency. Which could very well happen if she stays and gets her green card.  Apparently she did not think this through completely.  Going to discuss sending her back and following her at later this year since as her spouse I could get a resident card. And work would not be required since I am retired.  So going to try a couple options first and if she is dead set on going back to Japan, will send her. Have not discussed divorce as she is staying pretty much to herself and avoiding me.

Thanks for the suggestions. I will make every attempt to get her out more often, even if it is just for a drive. As far as Filipna's there are a lot here in the area but just one community group made up of mostly 60+ Filipino's. Not sure she would take to them but am going to try and get her to go to one of the events they have each month. In the meantime, silence prevails, almost Tampo (already went thru that once) but at least she asked if I wanted to eat and if I wanted tocino, rice, asparagus. Since then no words, patience will be key I guess.

I wish she would want to meet other Filipino's but whenever I ask her she just says she does not need. I have asked her several time what would you like to do? What activity would you like to participate in? I have asked if she has any hobbies (I already knew the answer to this one). Her former life was wake up, have coffee breakfast then go play Pachenko all day (if she was off work that day) or go play until before work then go to work, go home, maybe stop have a Chu-Hai at a little place which we visited and had made friends (mostly Japanes but owner was Filipina). She has not talked to me and has ignored me for the last 24 hrs. Tampo setting in again it seems.  I love her and told her so and that I want her happy but don't want to lose her. Just frustrated!

Wel my wife has been here since Dec 18th, we got married 31 Dec 2018.  Have had a couple episodes of homesickenss, and one tampo. She as of late does nothing but some housework and cook dinner, the rest of the day she lies on the couch on her phone, either watching videos (Filipino) on facebook or playing games. She said to day she is bored, nothing to do and wants to go home. She has had a couple bouts like this. I am at a loss, I am retired and our age difference is 10 yrs (she is 53, me 63). Prior to coming here she had a job on a naval base in Japan and worked as a counter attendant 6 hrs a day. A lot of her free time was playing Pachenko. I have asked what she would like to do, day trips, meet other filipino's (I don't want, she said), also if she wanted to get a part time job, but she said no. We have Filipino television stations, we eat a lot of fish, adobo, dinuguan, shrimp and visit asian stores a couple times a month. I got her to start a vegetable garden letting her pick the veggies, even ampalay and long beans. She talks to family in Philippines and to her daughter and son in Japan, although she just got in touch with her son and wondering if that call yesterday triggered feelings of being back in Japan. He is 13 and she would see him once a month since the father has custody.  I am trying to find a place to teach her to drive even though she had universal drivers license in Japan when she was married but that was 15 yrs ago. I am clueless as to what to do, maybe hoping this will pass after a day or so?? Any help? Oh she has  a Japanese friend but she is on vacation in Japan. She takes my wife out shopping, lunch once or twice a month.

Ok everyone, I appreciate all the advice. She came out of it last Tuesday.  I found out it was a jealousy issue. Seems a local band I worked for on the weekends had asked me if I could help load equipment for a gig as my replacement was sick. I asked the wife if she would mind, knowing it was a bar where they were playing. She said go ahead hon. Well when I got home around midnight she was still up. I told her all went well, and a certain lady (who incidentally is just a friend, she does the publicity for the band on Facebook) was there (she attends all their gigs). Well wife does not like this woman because A) She has insisted wife get up and dance with her at a couple shows we attended and B) She is always inviting me to the bands shows as well as a show on Sunday where the guitarist plays an accoustic set with another guy, blues, country. I guess she saw the invites as her asking me to go out, even though over 100 people get the same requests.  I apologized and told her we would not go to any even where she might be.  No skin off my nose and I kind of understand since this woman is very vocal, talks your head off and after a few minutes even I tire of listening to her. So all is good, also had her Japanese friend her ask her out for a day date and then her and her husband came out later that night for drinks.  Thank you all for all the advice, some I did not agree with and other advice was very insightful. Maraming Salamat!!

5 hours ago, sandranj said:

You said she has a Japanese friend here in the U.S.Are you sure she is planning to return to Japan or is she planning to go to her friend’shouse in the U.S?

 

Sleeping in the couch every night is a BIG red flag, and she said she doesn’t love you . What else do you need to hear from her to understand what she said ?

She would take her sleep aid then watch tv falling asleep. When she was back in Japan she would commonly fall asleep watching movies on her iPad or when I was there would fall asleep watching tv, in Japan there was no couch so she would be in bed and fall asleep there. Her Japanese friend is 68 yrs old (she is 53) and happily married. 

18 hours ago, carmel34 said:

She's in a new country for the first time, this is a HUGE adjustment for some people.  She has no family or friends other than you.  You're probably at work all day and she can't work or travel outside the US until EAD/AP, which takes 6 months after you file AOS.  What does she do all day?  Watch TV?  It's a very tough situation even for an emotionally stable person.  She's taking Chantix, also anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills.  Chantix as you say can cause depression and sometimes it takes a few weeks for a new medication to show side effects.  All of this combined and she's not happy and wants to go home.

 

If you really love her, don't give up so quickly and file for a divorce on Monday morning.  Of course she is an adult and can do what she wants to, but I would suggest, given her fragile condition and three medications she is taking, to get another medical opinion about her medications if she is wiling.  Also try to go to a good marriage counselor together.  She needs professional help but she will have to be on board.

 

If she is determined to leave, even after you offer to help her in overcoming the depression, anxiety, homesickness, and the doubts she is having about your marriage, there's nothing you can do but offer to get her a plane ticket home and wish her well.  Would you be willing to move to Japan to live with her?

 

So sorry this has happened so suddenly, but based on your post she is clearly struggling on many levels and I hope you can help her to get through this.  Good luck.

I will call her doctor tomorrow and see if I can find out if it is depression. She won't even talk to me today, just grunts and once I got up this morning she went to bed (she has been sleeping on the futon in the living room) she has not left the bedroom other than to go to the bathroom.  Either sleeping or looking at her phone.  I will try to get some answers tomorrow. If she does not snap out of this funk or is unwilling to talk, then will institute dissolution process, and then send her back to Japan.  In the upcoming weeks. I appreciate everyones input. After knowing her for 10yrs and dated off and on over those years, even living together for months at a time it is just mind numbing.  To say nothing of the heart.

What is an AP?  And I appreciate your responses.  I am doing some prelim research on non-contested divorces here, I do know there is a 90 day cooling off period so to speak in WA state. I am going to try and give her some room and wait a couple days and see if she still feels the same.  Not sure why she would say she does not love me after all this time.

Have not filed for AOS, we are suppose to have dr appt for her vaccinations on Tuesday, I thought about a therapist but she has hard time talking to strangers. Before she was prescribed Chantix we had to see a therapist to ensure the Chantix would not cause any depression/suicide. During that 30 minute session she had hard time understanding the doctor and I had to paraphrase everything. I love her but a divorce takes 90 days here in WA state. Not sure if she has to be present for finalization!

Got my fiance here in Dec 2018 from Japan although she is Filipina, having lived in Japan for 26 yrs and previously married to a Japanese (Divorced in 2004). I have known her since meeting in 2009 when there temporarily working. We dated off and on and finally on one of my 6 month visits in 2016 we decided that we both wanted to get married and she wanted to come to the US. After almost 2 yrs she finally got her K-1 visa. During this time I asked her time and time again if this what she wanted, she said yes, she loved me and yes she wanted to come to the states.  We got married on 31 Jan 2018. There has been a few bouts of homesickness but I have tried to make her feel at ease, getting Philippine tv stations, made an altar with Santo Nino, flowers etc,  we started a garden as she likes to do that. I introduced her to some of my friends, both male and female and they all really like her. I had just made an appt for her vaccination medical portion to be filled out by the doctor at the Naval Hospital nearby. Last night a friend of mine who plays in a band and I use to roadie for asked if I could help load some music gear for a gig (I quit when she arrived here), I asked her and she said yes go ahead. However when I came home she was aloof, and today has hardley spoken a word other than that she wants to go home. I asked her which home and she said Japan. I asked her why. She said that does not like it here. I tried to get some answers from her, even asking her if she still loved me, she said no.  She alluded to divorce, lets just do tomorrow (Sunday). She has on Japanese friend here and has not been to interested in meeting any Filipinos or others. I am at this point heartbroken and not really sure what to do. Ask about marriage counseling?  Just get a divorce and let her go back to Japan (she had a job on base for a vendor and lived in a very small place with an older Filipina) I asked what would happen if she could not get her job or a place to live, and she said that is my problem not yours. I do love her but really not sure where to turn or what to do right now.  I should mention she sleeps on the couch instead of the bedroom but I assumed that is because she would fall asleep to the tv like she did to her videos on  iPad back in Japan. She has been taking chantix to quit smoking but had evaluation done prior and she takes an anti anxiety medicine and sleep aid prescribed by her doctor here. I don't think that is the problem since she has been taking them for over a month now. Any recommendations, help, resources??

Ok thanks, although I see no other place to put her maiden name on this form.  I will just list her married name.  Again thanks and you are welcome!

My fiance arrived here 12/18/2018 we were married on December31st, 2018. I am filling out the paperwork for her AOS Green Card. In Part 2 it asks for information on the Prinicipal Immigrant. Since we are married and she has a SS# and Military Dependent ID in her married name, do I put my last name for Family Name (Part 2 1.a) or do I use her maiden name before we were married? Also she uses her previous last name for her middle name now. Both are reflected on her ID card and her SS card. Thank you for any assistance.

My Wife arrived on 18 Dec 2018 on K-1 Visa, we married on 31 Dec 2018.  She holds a Japan Permanent Resident ID and has Philippine Passport in her maiden name. She wishes to change her name on her passport to her married name.  It does not expire until 2020.  Her Japanese Permanent Resident ID is still in her maiden name.  I am finishing up the work on her Green Card application and will be submitting in March. She also has her Social Security Card already.  Can she do this at one of the Philippine Consular on Wheels since we live near Seattle and the nearest Philippine Consulate is in San Francisco.  Not sure if there will be any problems with her changing her name  but any advice or assistance would be greatle appreciated!! 

R/

Patrick and Emma Warsalla

My fiance is a Filipina, but also has Permanent residency from Japan as she was married for more than 10 yrs and lived there for 27 yrs. She has a Philippine Passport in her maiden name, and also a Phiippine Id Card with maiden name (as well as her Japanese Residency Card)  She arrived here in the USA on Dec 18, 2018 and we were married on the 31st. In Washington state the only way to legally make name change is to go thru the court and pay $150-200! This is even though she signed the marriage certificate with my last name, it does not make it legal. So if we want to travel to visit my mom here in the states, I assume she can just use her Philippine passport and either Japanese or Philippine ID Card. Once we make the name change how do we change her passport? Yes we do plan on filing for her Change of Status shortly. In meantime she will be getting a military Dependent ID card so I can get her on my insurance, and hoping they will issue in her maiden name for right now. I would get a lawyer but don't have the funds to do that so hoping I can get a little help here!  Thanks and if this is in the wrong forum feel free to move it to proper one.

Ok thanks, I know I will need it (Petition approval) when I apply for her Green Card. I was looking into some of the paperwork required and did notice they asked for this.   And according to the Embassy in Tokyo, the medical is good for one year from date of the exam.  I know the K-1 Visa is only valid for 6 months, and that is from the date of issue, not from the date of the medical exam, at least that is the information my fiance and I received from the Embassy, but  not a concern since already have purchased her ticket for December.

Ok my Fiance has received her passport with her K-1 Visa stamp. I have bought her ticket for the 18th of December 2018.  Her I-797 Petition extension expires on 7 December 2018.  Do I still need to file for another extension? I emailed the Embassy/Consular but only got the response that her K-1 Visa was issued.  Thank You!!

Ok Thank You all for your input. I found the info on whether she needed anything after Googling Transit Visa. Appreciate all the responses!!  Enjoy!

Got a question and have not seen an answer for this. My Fiance has her interview scheduled.  Now assuming she gets approved when I make her flight reservation from Japan (she is Filipina), I found it would be several hundred dollars cheaper to have her go from Narita Airport in Japan with Stopover in Vancouver CA for 1 hr and then continue flight to Seattle, WA. Does anyone know if she will be able to do this considering she is on a US Visa not a Canadian one?? Thanks

Well seems I can go 2 routes, I called PSA (old NSO) and they said they only deliver to the Philippines. Yes she has a sister who could receive the CENOMAR, BUT my fiance would have to mail her  sister a letter authorizing her to receive it as well as a copy of her ID. (Her sister would have to have these in hand prior to me ordering her CENOMAR. Then once her sister received it she would have to mail it to my fiance in Japan.   I did go to ecensus.com.ph and see that they will deliver to Japan. So will talk to my fiance and probably go that route. So will update as needed. I have not filled out her DS-160 yet as I am waiting for some paperwork to arrive from my fiance.

Ok thanks, once I do find out anything I will post here. Also if I just order it and let the Philippine Post do it's thing, I will also post as to the time it took.