Lee&Ana

I think it was a 2 month fling. I don't know why he would go to China to meet a girl anyway. There are beautiful women in Holland

Hello, the answer may well be obvious that I cannot file for a K-1 visa until my 6 month waiting period is up for my divorce in the US.

I just need to know for sure if I can or cannot complete any steps in the K-1 petition process until my divorce is completely final?

Also just FYI I have filed a K-1 petition 11 years ago, which is the one I am now waiting to complete divorce with. Thanks!

Are you the petitioner?

If you are, I am curious if your former spouse was from the Philippines as well?

I am a Filipina and it seems to me that your wife happens to be the typical Filipina growing up with the culture that men do provide for everything. I dont know if she takes care of the household like cleaning laundry etc. you didn't mention that. so basically for her she was doing what she was suppose to and yes expect you to provide. If your wife came from a quite low income family back home she might be overwhelmed of what she is experiencing right now that you may think its about the money. I hope it isn't so I may say there are people motivated by such but not all. It is best to talk to her as far as what do you really have in mind about your finances as husbands and wife. Me and my husband did discuss money even before we get married, his stand is whats his is also mine and mine is just mine. But that doesn't stop me from paying bills I would like to pay though he never oblige me. I like monitoring his expenses hehehe well he trusted me enough to let me but he doesn't mind mine so I've learned to zip my mouth when he does his video games spree. I think communication is the key and about her vacation I am not even there I already lay down my longing to be home once in every 2 years so me and my husband already set up a travel savings plan. I hope you can actually talk to each other and be very open about the culture differences and needs of each one and be supportive. If you wont know how to communicate with each other then both of you are heading for disaster

Before my wife started working, she cooked, cleaned, did the laundry etc. Now that she is working, she is only working and not doing anything else. I am doing everything myself and paying the bills. She is hoarding her money for her trip to the Philippines. On the surface it started as a "vacation", but lately she says she is not coming back. Her parents think she is being foolish. My wife doesn't communicate well and when she does it is usually negative. I think my wife had different expectations about the USA and she is seeing things for what they really are. Or she could be incredibly homesick and a trip home is in order.

When she originally came up with the idea for a "vacation", she said she wanted to go home with $5,000. I told her she was crazy. I told her the average American(not me) has $500 in savings and that she was being unrealistic in the amount of "spending" money she wants. I do not have any incentive to do anything for her, so I don't. Her line when she wanted me to pay for AOS and her work permit was "I want to help you with the bills and I feel useless". But it was all BS. Once she started working, she wanted to keep all the money she made for herself. In the 4-5 months that she has been working, she contributed about $350 towards our life together. I believe we should both contribute 1/2 of what each of us makes towards living expenses and the other 1/2 is for whatever each of us wants to do. All she cares about is the trip to the Philippines. I have given up trying to rationalize it and I feel as though her coming here was just a waste of time and money.

I would give it more time, most people feel some homesickness and regret/change of mind at some point in the beginning. My wife had a major case of it, almost went back. But it passes.

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On a side note, I'm always amazed at the fact that USC bring foreign fiancees/spouses to the US and then "realize" that they can't afford to support them.

He can't afford a plane ticket? What a measly $1500? How does he plan to support you? I bet he's just stalling so you change your mind. I mean it's $1500.

Did he sponsor you or did he need a co-sponsor? I don't think co-sponsoring should be allowed at all, why should somebody in your extended family or friend be responsible for supporting your spouse if you can't, or worse, your ex-spouse. And the 125% of US poverty level should be raised to at least 200%. Nobody can survive on 25k per year.

A plane ticket is less than that. It isn't that he cannot afford the ticket, it is he just spent all this time and money and has nothing to show for it. He is tired of flushing his money down the toilet. My wife just booked a one way flight to the Philippines for $500 and she is leaving in November

My fiance is also very jealous of my xwife, i find it funny until i realize thatvfor her it is a very real jealousy, not a mood.

My wife became jealous of an email from an ex that I haven't seen in 10 years. She also got jealous because of pictures from 19 years ago. She actually burned them on the back patio.

Who has time for all these games? If I have to spend all my time trying to comfort a sulky, petulant child, how can I accomplish anything. This sort of behavior may be amusing or entertaining if you are in your 60's and retired but I am too young to waste my life with someone ungrateful that had nothing when I met them

When I was working overseas in Afghanistan I was literally paying for everything for my now wife then GF because I told her to stay home and not go back to work in Qatar as a Domestic Helper. So I gave her a stipend of $1500 a month for her to live off of in MIndanao. You know what she did with that money? She lived off of that money and saved it up to where she built a brand new kitchen tables/chairs, and cabinets for her dirt poor family. So when I was on vacation and I saw what she did, I was very pleased with it because I could see where my money went too.

Yes, my wife does like very nice things on occasion. She bought a nice pair of shoes for like 5000php one time when I was there and I paid for it. She had those shoes for 3+ years and wore them until they literally died on her. She knows how to be frugal when she needs to be.

The thing that I am saying is that sit your wife down and go over the house hold budget with her. Show her how she can help you out with it, and how it will help in the long run.

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I guess you were a government contractor and they get paid way more than most people in the States. That being said, I have no idea what someone would spend $1500 a month on in the Philippines, much less in Mindanao. My wife didn't make in a year what you were sending to your fiancé in a month. I can think of a lot of things I can buy in a month for $1,500 and still have money left over.

I didn't make my wife pay for everything. I am "asking" her to contribute to our expenses. We don't have 3 children with one on the way that you do. But to expect to be driven to work and to not contribute is unacceptable. I feel as though I adopted a child from a 3rd world country as opposed to having a wife, partner and a friend which was the purpose of bringing my wife here.

There have been many times that she didn't show gratitude and even had attitude with me. When I had those feelings I would just try to tell myself that I don't do things for my wife for gratitude, but instead because I love her. We have to have an understanding of how hard it is on them. Sure things here are likely much better than things were back home in PH, but it still takes time to learn and adjust. We diminish these differences because we view life here as better, so why should it be hard to adjust to. But in reality it is still hard to adjust. Leaving your family, friends, and country behind is not easy for anyone. Some people are able to adjust quicker or better than others. Lifestyle maybe easier here but life is overall more complex here.

If the script was flipped and you were placed in a remote village where everyone spoke a different language (I know our wives know English but it's not their native language), did task you were not used to like daily hunting (for survival not sport) for example, the adjustment would be difficult for most. I just use that example to try to point out potential vast differences.

I've mostly solved (or helped) the "tampo" and sulking issue by showing compassion and love when she acts like that. At times we all feel down an upset about something... just or unjust the feelings are real. Sometimes all we need is someone to not try to prove to us we are wrong and just show compassion for our current feelings. We did pre-marriage counseling when she arrived on the K-1 before we got married. One of the assignments was to read the book "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman. I really feel like this helped us out a lot and one of the things we use from that book is the policy of never going to sleep mad at each other - it's hard some times, but worth it to try.

My suggestions are don't try to change your wife, but change yourself. At the end of the day the only control we have is over ourselves.

Don't do things for others (wife or otherwise) and expect anything in return - you will be disappointed more often than not.

Have love and compassion for everyone. Especially those you think you should be upset with.

Let things go! If someone does something that upsets you, let it go. Forgive them and forget about it. In the grand scheme of things most of the ####### we get upset over doesn't really matter. So forgive your wife for her tampos, lack of gratitude, etc, etc. And hopefully she will forgive you for the things you have done (don't act like you are a saint none of us are we all do dumb things from time to time).

And from what you have posted I would highly recommend some counseling if you want to save the marriage. From your multiple post on this topic it is clear you are unhappy with your wife's actions and it sounds like the marriage is coming to an end when she goes back home.

Regardless of what happens show your wife the love and compassion she deserves as a human. Don't try to make her life more difficult over petty things.

If the script was flipped I would hold on to that person and make them feel fantastic. I wouldn't make them miserable to the point that I was questioning why I brought them there

I view marriage as a partnership and all assets are shared. My wife and I have joint accounts that we deposit to and spend from. It was a little rocky at first since both of us were spending and I was only used to just me spending, but we solved that with a budget. Now we use software called YNAB to track income, expenses, and our budget. If one of us needs to spend beyond our personal monthly allowance we have a talk to see where that money will come from (savings, or another budget category). It's not perfect and sometimes we spend too much without that talk, but we are working on getting better at that. It lifted a lot of the burden from me of keeping track of our joint finances and eliminated the need for her to ask me if she could buy something (I didn't like that question).

My wife had a lot of things to learn when she got here. Driving was one of those things and one of the biggest nightmares for me. It was nearly 2 years of me driving her to and from work making my commute 1 hour instead of 10 mins. We spent a lot of money on driving school and I came close to many heart attacks, but I'm happy to report that she passed the test a few months ago and landed a new job that pays pretty well and she loves. I've made it a point to help and teach my wife the things she may not have known from her life in PH. I provided support and encourage she needed in tough times, like when she was trying to get a new job and was not having any luck and when she didn't pass the driver's license exam. So, to me the couple years of discomfort were worth it.

I recommend the book, The Obstacle Is the Way, for anyone that is facing obstacles or trails (so everyone) to get a different perspective on facing life challenges and why they are actually good! Marrying someone from a different culture is not an easy thing and I know my wife and I still have a long road ahead.

Props to you sir! You are a much more patient man than me, especially with the long commute. I have been very patient with my wife. My question to you is that through all that sacrifice and struggle, was your wife appreciative and did she show you gratitude? Mine has zero appreciation and has ATTITUDE instead of gratitude. I get the Tampo, sulking and laying in bed for 3 days at a time treatment.

Cool story

Actually, I paid for half of my immigration expenses and I'm paying for my ROC myself. I am 31 and he is 35. And I will never charge him for things I do for him out of love. He'll teach me to drive if I asked without putting a price tag on it.

I know of some couples who split things down to the last penny and that's fine, as long as both of them agree to that. From what you're sharing with us, it seems that she has different views on how to use her money. That's fine too. Agree to disagree, divorce her and do away with all that stress.

That is fantastic that you paid for 1/2 of your immigration expenses. Sounds like a good partnership. That is a totally different story. My wife couldn't even pay for her luggage to come here.

File for divorce first. This gives you the upper hand. Secondly, move out and rent a room somewhat close by. When they don't have your income to help pay the bills, they may reconsider. What country are you from?

You also want to get all documentation of joint bills, assets etc as you will need them when you remove conditions on your own. You have rights as a 2 year gc holder and as a father. Pm me if you want to talk

Interesting topic

When my wife(then fiancé) first came to the USA, I did everything I could to be supportive. I tried to create a "Filipino" life here for her except with modern American conveniences. I got her a top of the line Filipino Directv package($40 month), we ate nothing but Filipino food for 6 months, went to every Filipino market and restaurant here in town. I even introduced her to every Filipino I knew, male and female. I would ask female Filipina coworkers if my wife could be friends with her on Facebook. To no avail. Homesick was the state of mind and an excuse to act anyway she wanted.

The problem as I see it is that foreign beneficiaries from 3rd world countries do not contribute to the immigration process. So they have no idea what the cost was to bring them here or what was sacrificed in order to do so. Even when they start working they still may not be able to grasp the concept. The k1 visa is not something that you can mess around with. It is more of a you want it or you don't situation. There is no time and space for indecision. If there is doubt it should be communicated before the k1 visa package is filed.

I am fortunate that my wife tries every chance she gets to save me money. Both times I went to visit her I heard the phrase "that is too expensive" from her every time I tried to buy her something. I can't believe the wedding she put together for us by herself with $1000 I sent her. She tells me almost every day that she can't wait to get here and get a job and help me save money so we can buy a house. She is going to school right now while she waits for her visa (only cost me $20 to enroll her). Maybe it is because of what she went through before I met her. When I first met her she was working mostly 12 hour days 6 days a week in a factory for not very much money. Before that she worked overseas away from her family and son for 2 years. In other words she is used to working hard to survive. I think it is fair that if she is working when she gets here she can send some money to her family but we have agreed that will not get in the way of paying our living expenses or our savings goals (unless there is an emergency). I don't know your wife's past work experiences or what agreements if any you two had before she got here so I will not try to judge your situation either way. That is just my situation. I wish you the best of luck.

We had all those discussions prior to her coming here. My wife worked 5-7 days a week, 8 hours a day for 4000 pesos a month. She has things that she would never dream of. I was totally honest wife her about everything. There were no surprises for her in regards to me or our living situation. The problem is they can tell you what you want to hear and then change everything when they come to the USA.

I even paid for my sister in law to go to college for a year, because my in laws wouldn't pay. The sister in law stole money from my wife and her own family and ran off with a 23 year old guy(she was 16) and is probably pregnant now.

She ran the same line with me about wanting to work to "help pay the bills". Once she started working, she kept the money for herself. She got mad when I made her buy her own iPhone instead of using what I wanted to buy her.

If my wife doesn't get enough hours at work, the attitude and silent treatment come out to play. That was my birthday present this year was silent treatment and 3 days of her laying in bed. If she gets too much work, she complains.

She sent quite a bit of money to her family for the rice farm because the sister stole the rice farm money as I mentioned earlier. I didn't object.

All I have heard about since April is she wants to go to the Philippines and is only worries about her "spending money"

Whatever you do, don't file for the AOS. It is expensive. Right now you can cut ties and just send him back

So the few female beneficiaries all have the same answer: they love their fiancé/spouse, which is the correct answer. Being with the one they chose to be with and love should override homesickness. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. This whining about being homesick is nauseating. It sounds like children that want ice cream before dinner and their parents won't allow it. They all need to grow up because all of us who entered this visa journey,which is unique, are involved in an adult situation that only adults can make it work. This includes my wife. I have been dealing with this homesick bs for 14 months now

I think all the foreign female beneficiaries should chime in on why they came to the USA?

If my husband charged me for driving lessons, that conversation will end quick too. Maybe I should charge him for the cooking and cleaning I do around the house. But thank god we're not that petty.

I didn't charge her for driving lessons. We didn't get to that point. What I was referring to is that cars aren't free. Even if a car is paid off, there is gas, registration, insurance and other operating costs. If I added my wife to my insurance policy, the premium will double. There is nothing free in America or anywhere. If someone is in a partnership with another person, the expenses are shared. Not necessarily 50/50, but there has to be some contribution.

As far as the cooking/cleaning, did you help pay the immigration expenses? If not, your husband was already charged for them(lol).

Might I politely inquire as to you and your husband's age?

My guess is that she was keeping her money close to her chest because once she goes back home, there's no coming back. She might use that money to start a small business or open a sari-sari store or whatever. She did buy just a one-way ticket, right?

I think you are right on the money with this statement

If my husband charged me for driving lessons, that conversation will end quick too. Maybe I should charge him for the cooking and cleaning I do around the house. But thank god we're not that petty.

I didn't charge her for driving lessons. We didn't get to that point. What I was referring to is that cars aren't free. Even if a car is paid off, there is gas, registration, insurance and other operating costs. If I added my wife to my insurance policy, the premium will double. There is nothing free in America or anywhere. If someone is in a partnership with another person, the expenses are shared. No necessarily 50/50, but there has to be some contribution.

As far as the cooking/cleaning, did you help pay the immigration expenses? If not, your husband was already charged for them(lol).

Might I politely inquire as to you and your husband's age?

I don't call this homesick, you just realized he is not thE one. If he doesn't have money to buy an airline ticket then imagine to support you until you get a job,or for an emergency.

I heard about people saying they feel homesick. I am glad I never experienced this at all,not even for one single day.

I agree 100% with this assessment. I think it is the same thing with my wife. Homesickness is just a lame excuse. If it was so great at home, someone would not move across the world to another country. I wish these ladies would figure out that their fiancé is not the one before all this time, money and energy is spent on immigrating them.

Didnt you discuss expectations BEFORE she came? My fiance and i have, i think it only makes sense to plan ahead, not complain in arrears.

We discussed everything. I told her exactly what to expect and if she could deal with it. She told me what I wanted to hear. Once she got here, her attitude was different and felt that she had to "change" me.

I agree with her decision. But she is upset that she had to pay for her ticket. Now I just have to get along with her for the next 4 months. I wanted her to go home sooner than that, but she has a steady amount of work now and doesn't want to give it up.

I do think that once she goes home, she is going to want to come back.

Wow. That is crazy. How did you find out that she was here for the last 2 weeks?

I eliminated the Filipino package on my Directv subscription and told her if she wanted it, she would have to pay for it. She just bought her own plane ticket for her trip to the Philippines, one way. We will see what her attitude is once she is in the Philippines. And I stopped driving her to work and losing my sleep because of it. She now takes the bus and pays for the ticket.

She wanted to learn to drive in the past, but I told her she would have to pay for some of the operating costs of one of the cars that I own. That pretty much ended that conversation.

I cannot comprehend why women from the Philippines look for an American, come to America and then cannot wait to go back to their country. They should just stay in their country and find a pinoy to marry.

I haven't been to my home state in over 10 years and I don't sit around complaining about it.

If it is so great in the Philippines, then why leave??

For the readers' information, I did purchase my wife a ticket 2 months ago to go home because I had enough of her nonsense. She didn't feel as though she had enough "spending" money, so she tried to extort me for spending money. My car had broken down that night, 36 hours before she was supposed to leave and she could care less. So I had to cancel the flight.

To all the guys that brought their pinay fiancé to the USA and then got married: when your wife started working, did she contribute to the household expenses or did she keep the money for herself while expecting you to pay for everything?

My wife expects to be chauffeured to work by me, especially during my normal sleeping hours, but keeps all her money for herself.

She has been talking non-stop about taking a vacation to the Philippines and could care less about contributing to our lifestyle here. She is obsessed about how much money she has. When she doesn't get that much work she complains but also complains if she works 6 days a week.

Recently, a job was offered to her that pays significantly more than she is making now and has steady hours yet she is not interested because she wants nothing to stop her from vacationing in the Philippines.

For those curious, my wife has been here almost 14 months and married almost a year.

How are all the Kano husbands dealing with the homesickness, immaturity and possible money grubbing that they have to endure like I do. Anyone who is not married to a pinay need not reply.