user19000

Why is it that we are so quick to judge? We only read one side of the story. Where's the OP now? He did not even post anymore. If he really feels like very aggravated, he will follow-up the questions here. How did he snap at her? What are the attitudes/character he showed to her while they were together? My only question is, why was she able stay at his mother's house? Meaning his mother is not mad or dislike her. She is supporting her. The sister drove her to the community center, right? Why they supported her to get away from him? Maybe because they know that this guy can be crazy and have an unstable mental state? Maybe he can hurt her physically when provoked? Otherwise the guy's family will help them get back, right? People just think that when a Filipina will leave, she was just after of GC. What if her life is in danger because of his aggressive attitude? What if he has a certain character that she really don't dislike and is scared of? Let's admit it, there's a lot of crazy American guys out there who are even Psychopaths or Schizophrenics. She's 38. A woman who's 38 are not suppose to cry that much? I am 38 too, I can cry rivers for God's sake! We always think that when an American guy will write something bad about their Fiipina wives, he's the God or the perfect guy and it is always the Filipina's fault. Fraudulent, user, scammer. Have we ever thought what could have possibly she went through with the guy for her to run away for good? Why can't she just wait for her GC and citizenship before she will run if she's. really a fraud? Why now if nothing bad has really going on? Attitude, abuse, fear, mental instability? God bless her wherever she is right now. I hope she's safe. We don't really know what she went through.

You’re in a difficult position but there is plenty in your post that shouts “warning” to any reader.
You wrote: “I thought she was intelligent enough…” That equates to: “she is not intelligent.” Starting your post out with a slur is perhaps not a wise thing to do. I fear you are not “getting over it,” but may be quite angry and perhaps not quite aware of that fact.
Your dad died and you were “a little upset?” Usually when people’s parents die they do get upset, but usually don’t snap at people. Yet anger is one of the always necessary steps to recover from a tragedy. I suspect that the way your family dealt with emotions was worlds apart from the way that her family dealt with emotions. What you may have considered “a little upset” may have come across to her as an enraged and violent and thus it is possible that you became an extremely frightening person.
Clearly there is no other guy involved as she went to your mom’s house for two weeks but what you say about the two weeks doesn’t make a lot of sense—didn’t your mom try to help out—try to mediate?
You wrote that she went to the Bayahihan Community Center and say: “she lied, no friend.” Uh, hmm… if she perceived you as enraged and thus dangerous and did have, for instance, a supportive female friend, and you at least thought that at one time she was intelligent—then don’t you think that she was intelligent to meet the friend in a safe neutral place such as a Community Center? Please explain how this scenario turns into: “she lied, no friend?”
The Bayahihan Community Center is a Community Center I don’t believe it has any residential facilities. It does have a Filipino worker’s rights support group that it supports, but it has no domestic support group. It does not appear to be a place where abused women go at all. You say that she won’t answer her phone for two months. Did you ever think to consider that she might no longer even have that phone or if you called repetitively that she blocked you. If so you may have called 20 times but she has not received one call or text.
You say that the police say it’s a place where abused women go but its main function is a community center. You think that she may have accused you of domestic violence but you have talked to the police. Well, if she even hinted at domestic violence (hitting, locking her in or out, etc.) you would have already been arrested and arraigned. You don’t even have a restraining order. Thus your facts seem very cloudy to say the least.
Yes, immigrant victims of domestic violence will find great support but I’m not at all sure that’s what’s going on. And “getting busted for Visa fraud” is a pretty harsh accusation. Is she defrauding you or running in fear?
A very important line: “This girl just was not a good listener, and refused to talk at length without getting angry herself.”
From a distance it appears that it may be that neither party can deal with each other civilly and now there is a “script” which goes no place. Such scripts are common in domestic relationships and often impossible to break.
She may be immature and selfish, or you may be immature and selfish—we can’t tell, and only you can decide; but if you really do love her and will “do anything” you might want to consider that it might be wise to try offering to “do anything” which includes an apology for being angry and a promise to never raise your voice in anger again. If not, then your relationship sounds to me to be long gone.
If that is the case what someone wrote earlier is sound advice. End the relationship earlier rather than later—in many states (state law rules) increasing length of marriage grants greater fiscal rights.
From a distance it’s hard to tell if you’re in the right, or she’s in the right, or it’s someplace in the middle—only you can tell.
As far as what can happen if she is indeed abusing you I suggest that you find a copy from your library or from half.com of “A Long Way to Go for A Date [Paperback] by
Henry Makow (Author). It’s a pretty convincing story of what happened to a guy who brought a fairly selfish and immature Filipino to America and it’s not pretty.

Ohh I read it... And I responded by referencing your minimization (A favorite tactic of abusers and manipulators). "Some" indeed. 1 in 4 is NOT "some." Get educated.
Genuine and fake cases exist in every sphere of human endeavor that results in conflicts. But some people feel they have the purview to declare that "most" cases are fake. How galling is that?
The OP has gotten his advice. The rest of this is off topic.

Way to minimize the sheer amount of abuse going on in this country, and to blow the immigration side of it out of proportion. I'm sure the many women who have died will thank you. The lack of knowledge on domestic abuse displayed on this board is staggering. I hope all of you are this diligent in vocalizing your disgust with the corruption happening in your neighborhoods.
Domestic Violence from a prosecutor's POV

Honestly I am pretty appalled at the level of blind support the OP has been given based on his rather shaky story.
First and foremost, marrying just a week after your fiance arrives in the US is not something to be concerned about. You are required to have full intentions to marry when the K-1 visa is issued. The 90 day period given is to allow people to plan and execute the wedding, NOT test drive your future spouse. To enter the US or to bring someone in on a K-1 visa without the express intent to marry them is immigration fraud.
Second, the OP admits to being emotionally unstable and volatile enough to snap at his new bride. The only fault here is that the young woman didn't fully know the man she was going to marry and was ill-prepared for the stress involved in moving overseas, getting married, and trying to make a life with someone that apparently expected a different woman. The OP blames everything and everyone but himself for his problems (his father dying, his wife, the people at the shelter). At no point does he admit that he was at fault for causing the initial conflict by snapping at her. He forced a confrontation about her lack of intimacy, not by being polite and reasonable about it at an appropriate time, but instead accuses her of deliberately angering him the same night a family member has died.
She has been living at a shelter for two months after first trying to live with his mother. If there was real fraud going on she'd have a more solid escape plan from the relationship (a boyfriend and/or local friends). Let's just ignore the fact that he blew her off by telling her to go ahead and leave his mother's house instead of trying to resolve the issue with counselling or speaking with her parish priest.
The workers at the shelter are likely the ones blocking contact as that is a core element of the support structure of those institutions. A major rule of almost all women's shelters is that they will lose the support of the shelter if they communicate with the spouse/boyfriend/abuser. It's likely she doesn't even have the same number she had when the OP last saw her.
It is clear that the OP was unprepared for the marriage given his admitted mental state and reaction to events. Divorce is the best option for everyone involved. If the wife wants to attempt to fix the marriage she can make contact after the papers are filed. As for the OP's final comment about still trusting Filipinas and wanting to marry another one, it should strike everyone as repugnant that the OP objectifies and classifies women of any particular ethnicity in such a manner. Women are women the whole world over, some good and some bad. Fixating on one specific country (especially one that is known for placing foreign boyfriends on a pedestal) is not just creepy but reprehensible behavior.

So what do you mean by "snapped at her?"
Something went wrong that she was crying quite a bit "for a 38 year old" as you so put it.
Let's not automatically assume she was a scammer.

Before we make any accusation remember we only hear one side of the story
My suggestion is you wait. You have waited 5 years to be with her so lets wait for another 6 months. Eventually they (police or lawyers) will have to contact you. Don't make any decisions that you might regret later.

What proof? Just not so long ago YOU provided proof to immigration claiming that your marriage was REAL.
If you have filed for ROC with her, just withdraw it and move on. Her immigration saga should not be your headache at all.

If your wife has a 2 yr GC shes not filing for typical VAWA, she would be filing to remove conditions on her own when the 2 yr green card expires.
The GC she was issued was a conditional GC. What that means is its was issued based on your marriage. Its valid for 2 years. 90 days prior to it expiring she needs to file an application to remove the conditions and a 10yr GC will be issued. Both spouses need to file the petition jointly to remove the conditions. However if the marriage failed before the 2yr period, the immigrant can file to remove conditions on their own. They just need to show they entered the marriage in good faith and it subsequently didnt work out. Its called filing for removal of conditions or ROC with a waiver.
You can ROC with a waiver because of divorce (married in good faith then divorced), or ROC with a waiver because of abuse (youre still married but your spouse is abusive and therefore wont participate in the joint ROC process or married in good faith and since divorced but since your spouse was abusive you have no proof of joint assets or a bonafide relationship)
So for your wife. It would depend. She could file based on divorce. She would have to show she entered in good faith and it didnt work out. In that situation she would have to submit the divorce decree and evidence that you resided together during the marriage, joint accounts, affidavits of people that knew you, photos, basically proof the marriage was legitimate and not for immigration benefits.
She could file based on abuse. For that she can claim she has no proof of the relationship being bonafide as you were abusive, therefore she was not on the lease, you had no joint accounts, there are few pictures, no statements from people that knew you as a couple- she was a victim.
Theres no way for you to know which way shes going to file (under an abuse waiver or a divorce waiver) You can submit any evidence you have or think you have to USCIS by writing a letter and attaching whatever relevant documents. However you should be advised that it may not do any good. Whether or not they approve her ROC and issue her a 10yr GC will be based on whether or not she can prove she entered the marriage in good faith and it just didnt work out.
Do you have evidence that she married you for immigration benefits?
In fact Im kind of inclined to think your letter may do the opposite of what you intend it to do. What exactly will your letter say? My wife and I got married in good faith. (Bingo) We lived together happily for a while and then things broke apart. (ding ding) Shes crazy. She attacked me. Her names not on the lease even though she lived here (so you admit she lived there (thats good for her case) We have no joint accounts. I supported my wife and gave her everything and she defrauded me (so youre admitted to co-mingling funds- another point for her)
Also youre not on any list. You can marry/petition any one you want again in the future.
Suing for 864 support is a whole other matter. IMO its a bluff. It would be a very difficult case for her to win and if she is on a limited income, she may not be able to afford an attorney for it. From a legal standpoint the 864 is vague. Its called an affidavit and not a contract. In court that makes a difference. The amount of potential liability, is also undefined. An enforceable contract should have at least an estimate of liability, and here the liability is theoretically without limit.The affidavit is also what you call an adhesion contract meaning the parties were at unequal bargaining positions, you either signed it or you dont get the GC. So she would have a lot to convince the judge that the contract is legitimate and she is entitled to compensation from you under it.

It seems like when a USC cannot have their way its alwaays about a GC.When would this nonsense stop.You know you are marrying an alien,then do not file any documents for them.USC marry USC and separate and divorce withing a month or so,but if an alien do that,the USC always claim its because of a GC.The BS needs to stop.Then the should stop all immigration procedure thru marriage.I am so tired of these USC wanting to control people and when they cannot get their way,they scream fraud.Just look for your USC like yourself and forget about loving or having a relationship with an alien.

Don't bother. She can petition for it without your help. She can also file for citizenship without your help, too. I don't know why USC spouse always use the whole green card status as a revenge/leverage for punishment. It's pathetic. If she plans to leave, divorce her so you are not liable for any welfare she might receive. I know people in despair can think of everything to try and prove to the other spouse that they're in the wrong, and you want to have the upper hand. In reality, you don't.

This also proves how evil people can be... and I am talking about both of them... ex-husband and, what it sounds to me as the ex-wife, known here as "the friend"...

Good for her. It seems she has gotten over him already. IMHO you might consider doing the same.

Did you file joint tax return?, get the IRS transcript and submit as well, submit bank statement spanning the last 2 years, some pictures, if you travelled with him submit some proof such as hotel invoice, airline reservation etc, utilities bills in name of both, or some bills in his and/or in your name. Write down your own affidavit stating how you met him, got married and divorced(not more than 5 pages). Get some notarized affidavits from friends stating your relationship was genuine.Good luck.

What exactly is it you want USCIS to do? Deport her on what grounds?
Had you divorced before her getting a 10 year greencard, she'd still be able to remove conditions on her own provided she proved entering the marriage in good faith. Since she got her 10 year greencard as still being married to you, there's not really a case of you being forced to put up with her behaviour. As you mentioned, you accepted her back.
If you don't have any proof of her entering into the marriage for immigration purposes only, then I'd suggest moving on.
Divorce and USCIS are two different things. Well, both USCIS and greedy exes may be out for your money indeed, it's not unless your exwife misrepresented herself to immigration that you have anything to bring to the table.

You seem to be taking two very different issues and crowbarring them into the same debate. Protecting your family and the issue of trust and respect are not the same thing at all. It's fantastic if a person would take a bullet for their wife (wouldn't we all), but if she's more than happy to sleep with other people then you have to question if she'd really do the same back.
They wouldn't be fatherless just because a couple split up - your reasoning is a bit of a slap in the face to all of those that are no longer together, for whatever reason. Would you not support your children even if you were no longer with your wife? And I like how you blame the person cheated on for marriage break-ups, rather than, y'know, the person who cheats. Bizarre and again, you don't have the right to question them or the choice they make after being betrayed.
You don't have the right to say this in such a generalised manner. And I can't speak for anyone else, but your thinly-veiled "I love my wife enough to die for her. If you break-up over this issue you clearly don't love her enough" approach is extremely lame.
With your particular stance I hope you don't give anyone ideas.

Heck, if another man is tapping her hard with his Honkey-Kong, it should be alright with him,.......it's just sex. no trust has been broken, everything can go on normal.someone who ses" it's just sex" is an indication that they themselves do it with other women while being married and then turn around and justify their actions.....

If that's your thought process, then fine, but I wonder if your wife feels the same about you sleeping with other women.

Again, it isn't just the sex and they don't have children yet, so I don't see the comparison. I know a few couples that have stayed together after cheating because of the children. They seem right miserable and the kids know there are a lot of issues. People think kids are stupid or don't see things for what they really are. "Oh, mommy stayed with daddy after he cheated on her, I should let men do that to me in the future." You know children model what they see, right?
People divorce all the time over the issues you mentioned. My step-father, who raised me from the time I was little was an alcoholic. It got very bad after his parents died. Between my mother divorcing him and me swearing to never to speak to him again, it motivated him enough to get sober for the first time in his life. He was sober 14 years when he died and we were still very close. This breakdown of the family doesn't have to occur at all. He and my mother were still friendly even after he did some trust violating things when they were married. He still came to Christmas and Thanksgiving and was there when I had my daughter. In his final months, he stayed at my mother's house. The love and friendship can still be there between mature adults, even if it is best they aren't married anymore.
I'm really failing to see your point with all this. A real man will be a father even if he is no longer married to the children's mother. Only a whimpy and pathetic man leaves his children fatherless. (Which doesn't apply to the OP at all so I really don't get where you are heading...)

I made another log-in because this message is not to be connected to me because I am not that person anymore. This was a long time ago. A long time ago I was the "other woman" in a man's life and my husband found out. It was horrible for both of us. But I begged to stay and he let me. It maybe took a year or more for us to get back to normal, and even though he said he could never forgive me, he eventually did because he realized we both had problems. So we raised our kids and went on with life, had good times, adventures, trips, plans along with all the other things that happen in life, bills and work and such. I was never unfaithful again. Then he died from cancer.
Looking back, why, I ask myself, did I do this, and I realize I have a relationship now with my new husband that I was missing in my marriage with my first husband. Did that give me permission to do what I did? No. Did it make what I did ok? No. I can't help feeling that if, just if we would have split then, first husband could have gone on to marry someone who REALLY loved and enjoyed everything about him including the things I could not enjoy with him, like drinking, and maybe I would have found a soul mate. Or maybe not. Like they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
So who was wrong in this scenario? The husband, who, after quite a few beers makes unkind remarks? Or the wife who meets a man on the sly that makes her feel like a million? Do you see yourself in a similar crash and burn situation or do you have something better, something that can be salvaged from the ashes, dusted off and begun again, better maybe, after the soul-barring and forgiving process?
I have spent probably an hour writing this. It's from my heart. It's a story almost no one knows about me. Thankfully my kids grew up good. And now I have my sexy soul mate who confides in me and cares for me and worries over me and we have darn wonderful fun together and laugh and play and enjoy life and each other. We have mutual respect and care and concern for each other's feelings. I didn't know a man could be that way. Can you have that with your spouse? I hope and pray that you do. Ok, over and out. Don't know if I will log in again unless someone has a question.

Maybe this will be helpful, maybe it won't. Years ago, when I was dating my first husband I discovered he had put ads on dating sites about 6 months into our relationship. I had been suspicious for some other reasons and had checked. I'm sure that he had cheated at some point before that and our relationship was really just a steaming pile of #######. I thought I loved him, I really did and I thought he loved me. Our relationship was rocky after that and pretty horrible. We ended up getting married when I was 20 and retrospectively I can say that I liked the thought of marrying him more than I actually liked him. I liked the thought of being with the rich trust fund brat who had an upbringing very similar to my own more than I liked him as a person. I stayed with him to save face and because I've always thought of myself as not being a quitter. I talked to the girls he cheated with, who he didn't bother to mention to that he was in a relationship, engaged, or married. His current girlfriend knows that he is divorced but doesn't know he has a 4 year old daughter. Once a cheater, scammer, and liar always one. What a waste of 3,5 years of my life.
It has been 4,5 years now that we've been divorced and I can't tell you the difference between a relationship like that and a healthy one. We've been through a lot in the time since we've been together, just the last 6 months has been moving countries and deciding to move again, the death of my father, immense drama with my daughter's school, and a painful miscarriage. There has never been drama or either of us looking twice at another person, even with sex being absolutely horrible for me with his size or when I was alone without him in America trying to handle my dad dying (trust me I could have used some in person emotional support then). I think when two people do really love and care for each other and throw themselves full on into making each other happy, cheating doesn't happen. I just can't imagine not being completely and utterly devoted to him, which I am. Even doing the slightest thing that makes him sad would break my heart over and over again. I know he feels the same way. I know he wouldn't stay if I cheated and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't if he did. I know it would mean that he didn't love me with his whole heart any more. Anyone that could purposely hurt someone like that isn't deserving of their love either.
Immigration-wise you might be in a bit of a sticky pickle. I think you know that one of the options is going back and the other is "trying to make it work for some period of time." That is something you are going to have to decide based on your own pride and ethics.
A person who loves you, respects you, and wants to make you happy doesn't cheat. They just don't.

Oh please no way can she make her friend stay. go, or be responsible for her, maybe mom was jusrt questioned because same address and name came up as the place the other visitor was suppose to be
staying, 4get about it and if they come enquiring of her point them in the big city direction and tell them you know nothing else, it will not affect your filings. At the beginning of the post I thought it was gonna
be that her friend took away her husband LOL, sometimes its best not to write recommending letters for immigration benefits for others when U yourself is not yet legal.

I would just move on. There are no consequences to her friend leaving. Everyone is free in the US to go wherever they want to go. It's not like she can force her friend to do anything. So she shouldn't feel responsible. It was her friend's decision and that's all that matters. Nothing can be done about it.
If she stays illegally, she risks deportation and being barred from the US.
If she doesn't have a way to immigrate, she should leave the US before her status runs out, otherwise she may not be allowed to come back unless that waiver is filed. If she filed it, then she might be allowed to wait until she can immigrate legally. Maybe she found someone and maybe she just thinks that she can stay. Who knows? I would just say move on with your life. Some friends aren't worth it. This one clearly isn't. And she isn't your friend's responsibility.

I'm not excusing your wife's behavior, nor am I condoning it, however I have to wonder if part of this is due to your wife's culture. You don't say where she's from (contaminated?), but it is not unusual nor is it unheard of - and in lots of place it's normal and expected - to raise and discipline child in a manner that we (meaning, Americans) would consider abusive.
Just some food for thought.

I was thinking that maybe instead of her family pressuring her with regards to her sponsoring them over, she may be from one of the cultures that expects her to send them money to help the family. That could be why the family is enquiring about her financial situation. They don’t understand why she’s not helping them out when she (in their minds) is in a situation where she can. You said that you save every dollar towards your son’s college is why I am speculating that you don’t help out her family. You may think that it’s not your responsibility to help out her family and this may be widening the gulf between you and your wife.
You don’t say whether or not she is working but if she’s not, she may be taking her frustration with not being able to send money home to her family out on your son. This is NO excuse for child abuse - there is never any reason good enough to abuse a child.
You clearly care about your son and seem concerned with him and his welfare. I don’t see anything remotely caring in your writing about your wife. Whatever happens, she IS and always will be his mother. You must take care in your dealings with her or it may come back and haunt you in your relationship with your son. You would like to completely cut her out of your lives but be prepared to answer the hard questions as a parent in the future if that comes to be for whatever reason.