user19000

Meg, my heart goes out to you.
In the end, whatever decision you make, everything will turn out OK. People have a way of rationalizing their decisions after the fact.. If you end up keeping the baby, i'm sure you'll always say that your child was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you'll mean it. If you end up not keeping it, you'll be able to do so many more things job wise, financially and in terms of meeting someone else and raising a child together with someone you love.
What ended up happening on tuesday? I hope everything is well with you, and know you have so many people's support on here.
Also, your ex sounds like a complete jerk. Breaking up with you over the phone so out of the blue, and being so un-empathetic.. I think he did you a favor by ending it before making this important decision and before moving to a different country to start a life with him. Can you imagine marrying someone THAT flaky??? Sheesh.

Hi Meg, my heart goes out to you!!! While I'm not a pro-lifer, my thought on this subject is that if you wanted to have children someday anyway, maybe this is really the child you were supposed to have. Fate sometimes is a funny thing and opens one door when another closes. Raising a child alone is no easy feat, but raising a child while being married to a jerk is probably much harder.
Listen to your gut, not your heart or your head (or other people). We sometimes have an amazing clarity when we imagine one thing or another. If you feel a rock in your stomach imagining an abortion, but the rock is not as heavy imagining having the baby, then you have your answer.
If you can, talk it through with councelors, planned parenthood, friends, family....but don't listen to their advise, listen to how their advise makes you feel.
Whatever path you choose, tell yourself it was the right one for you. The worst thing is regret. I wish you all the love in the world! I'm so sorry you are hurting!

Question: Do you really want to have "his" baby?
That is really the most important question you need to ask yourself.
And to all the posters telling her she should have the baby; are you willing to take care of that baby?

***** several posts removed. This is not the thread for your religious or political judgements. Advice the Op in a constructive manner and do not bicker amongst yourself, or more thread bans will follow *****

At 30 you are still plenty young to find someone else to have a baby with, a stable partner that WILL be there when the going gets rough.
The way you expressed yourself in the initial post, I thought you were close to 34 and a half.
Neither of us can tell you what to do, nor should we impose our views on you (be them pro-life, pro-choice and everything in between). Personally, I believe he might have a change of heart, because of the sudden way in which he called it quits. Sounds like a major case of cold feet more than anything.
See your counselor and try to chose what it is best for YOU. Not for a clump of cells, not for your ex, for YOU.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please take the advice people give you on this board with a grain of salt because there are many VJers that come from different cultures / countries where terminating a pregnancy is seen as "wrong or immoral". I am sorry that judgmental people will be immigrating to this country. It's a shame, really.
There is no right or wrong answer. What you need now is a strong support system. You need lots of love. Turn to your family for love and support. I have no doubt they will help you the best they can. I don't know if you believe in God or a higher being but pray for the answers - for they are in your heart. This is an extremely personal choice that only you can answer. No one else.
I will keep you in my prayers and I am sending positive vibes your way. Life throws challenges at as but I can assure you that once you work through this challenge, you will be stronger than ever before.
And for the people who are borderline trolling here (calling her a control freak, etc.) I hope that your visas get denied and you never come to the US.

Sorry about your situation. I know it doesn't matter now, and maybe im wrong, but it seems to me that you obviously had doubts about him way before you were going to get married. Already in therapy together just to learn to get along? I can't understand why you would want to work that hard at loving someone. I know you say a relationship is hard work but I can tell you that it's not. And it's not meant to be. He obviously wasn't the one for you, and I'm sure you probably knew it deep down. But, I understand wanting to be loved. Just know that there is an amazing kind of love out there waiting for you. When you find it you will probably look back and realise you dodged a bullet with this one..
I'm really sorry.

Single parenthood is very challenging. Be sure you get a good support system in place - not just your family - to help. La Leche League and other groups are great to visit during pregnancy to meet others.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm also sorry it will tie you together with him for at least 18 years. Single parenthood with a lousy dad/ex is even more challenging.

shameless manipulation.

I am very sorry to hear all you are going through, I can only tell you what someone else already said, dont listen to anyone trying to push their beliefs on you. They will not be there in the days weeks and years to come. You only know what is best for you. I believe that no one should have the right to tell you what to do with your body, there are many good reasons to decide either way. If you need open honest ears to listen you can find them here hidden among the overbareing better than tho zeloits. As for him, it sounds like he would have been bad for you in the long run, hard to see him being a loving supportive husband.

Nope, disagree. I think the only answer to her question (if she indeed asked us in the first place) is "only you can decide that".

I am terribly sorry to hear about your personal circumstances... I can't even imagine what you are going through, especially when you were supposed to be starting a new and amazing chapter in your life.
I will back up what a few others have said and advise you to ignore the bible bashing pro-lifers in this thread. VJ is sadly overrun with people that want to force their own lifestyle opinions down your throat rather than give simple visa advice or congratulations on visa progress which is what we are supposed to be here for. If you two had come to the decision to abort the baby, and you felt comfortable with it, why would you change your mind now, especially considering the circumstances and considering the position of its potential father? People on this site just make me shake my head at humanity sometimes... people that I'm sure have no qualms walking past a homeless person on the street but feel the need to convince someone they don't know and will never meet to make an intensely personal decision with huge and lasting ramifications. These people don't know you or your situation so the advice they give can only be misguided, misinformed and most likely for selfish reasons to do with their own personal views. I advise you to make this decision yourself without any outside influence. That is the only advice anyone here should be giving you, and shame on anyone that does the opposite.
Once again, I am terribly sorry to hear that this has happened to you. My thoughts are with you.

It's only been a couple of days. Any chance he might change his mind?
Also, Holy Pro Life on this thread! Shame on everyone for trying to sway you on this very personal decision.

Because it would have to be pinned in every single forum - and if you just continue reading to the little blurb at the bottom of every single page instead you will see in the Important Disclaimer:

Just as an FYI, this is not a pinnable thread.

I have to ask why does it matter, she may receive a letter, it won't be a notice to appear, it will simply state she has to leave the country. If she scammed you I doubt she will leave the US. She will most likely continue to live here out of status as millions do. Immigration will make little to no effort to find her unless she commits a serious crime. She is out of your life so I suggest you just let it go and move on.

My wife is from the Philippines and also had a hard time adjusting and getting over missing home. The first year and half had many bouts of homesickness. Many times she asked if it was ok to go home and we'd just live separate, and I'd visit there when I could. The first year was the worst, then I noticed it finally started easing up. By a year and half, it was pretty much gone, but still pops up a little when she's stressed out. Next month will mark two years in the USA.
Its not easy when you think there's prejudice against you in your new country. Its not easy when you don't feel totally accepted in the workplace, because you're not from this country. Its not easy living with weather so different from home, foods so different from home, culture so different from home, etc...
Again and again I waited out the homesickness bouts and got her back on track. I again and again reassured her that she's doing good here, even when she continually doubts herself. It hasn't been easy at times, but I fight for us and I can be the strong one when she's feeling weak. I kept telling her we're doing this one step at a time and it will take time. There are many times I felt doubt that it would work. I think it was about a year ago I was talking to a very good friend with tears in my eyes afraid if I'd lose her. I tell you it was truly a relief when I realized the homesickness bouts were getting less intense and less frequent.
Now when we talk about going home its to visit. Now when she's feeling worried or stressed she leans on me, because she knows I'm always there for her. It wasn't easy, but I'm truly happy we've reached this point. I never guessed it would be so hard on someone adjusting.
I'd advise trying to talk with him about his fears and stresses. My own experience with my wife taught me that things she was afraid of or stressed out about would bring out homesickness bouts. I've spent a lot of time helping her get over those fears. Some just take time. Some she has to solve on her own. But a big thing is her realizing no matter what, I'll be there to help her through anything.

From what I have heard from my Canadian friends it is all location dependent. None of my friends in Toronto have ever complained about having problems with the health care system there but they have heard these stories from different areas of Canada having problems.
Canada's system is not perfect but it is a whole lot better for the majority of the people than the US health care farce.

It's the price you have to pay when immigranting someone from another country. It's not like the people in the US had a say in it when they have to pick up the tab. Nothing in life's for free, ultimately someone has to pay for it.

The OP profile has Seattle listed as his city, so he should check out Washington State Medicaid to see if he qualifies:
http://www.hca.wa.gov/medicaid/Pages/index.aspx
This will probably will offend the OP, but he chose not to cover his wife when he got married back in 2012 because adding her would be too expensive (it gets more expensive when the baby is born). If he had added her then, he wouldn't be in this situation. You buy insurance in case you need it, not when you need it. If we all did this, imagine how much more expensive it would be.
Ultimately the OP will need to do what's in his family's best interest.

Yeah when i was pregnant with my son, thanks god i was covered by my school insurance and only had to pay a 50$ deductible and one of the ultrasounds that wasn't covered. I looked at the billing after i had my baby and the hospital by itself was 10K (uncomplicated vaginal delivery), an extra 3500$ for the epidural and the prenatal care another 3k + around 3k for the OB for his presence during the delivery.
I honestly don't know how going through pregnancy without an insurance in this country is possible without filing for bankruptcy or using federal programs for help (which in our cases would violate the I864).
To the OP, i know you are happy with that pregnancy but think on the long term like someone advised you. After the baby is born you will have to spend even more money for well check up, imunizations etc... and you don't know yet how the expenses of the pregnancy and delivery will be covered. Have you thought of other options? I don't want to say the word here because i don't want to ofend some people with strong religious beliefs.

And, don't forget that you will need coverage for the baby once it arrives. You have to visit the doctor a lot for well baby visits and immunizations during the first two years. Do what's best for your family long-term. That's the responsibility of being in a family.

Trust me, that's exactly when you want your insurance to exist. I just looked into the hospital bill for my pregnancy. Without insurance for an uncomplicated vaginal birth it's anything from 5,000 to 15,000 dollars. It almost makes me wanna to a homebirth. . With insurance, if I am lucky, it may just come down to 2,000-3,000. You should care. Really care. The Prenatal stuff isn't really that expensive compared to the hospital bill.

The Health Insurance industry in this country has no morals. Completely pathetic. The sooner we get a Canadian system in America the better.

After January 1, 2014 pre-existing conditions can no longer be excluded from insurance policies by federal law. Thank you President Obama. Your employer will have to cover her and if not you will be able to buy her a policy on the new insurance exchanges and they have to cover pregnaency and you could get a tax credit because your employer refused to cover her and they would be fined. I am not sure how old she is but here in Maryland the premium will be about $250 per month for a 30 something non-smoker woman for full coverage halth insurance including pregnancy.