taal

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.

Update: My soon to be x husband told my parents he feels uncomfortable leaving with them now, and would prefer to move to Texas and live with his cousin. He told my family he wanted them to side with him when this divorce trial came forth. I called my family and agreed to give him a second chance. He did not ever imagine that would occur. He was hesitant and when he was holding back it made my parents suspicious. That he was the one that has been pushing for a second chance since I left, and now when I agreed, he decided other wise. When my brother pushed me to come inside, my family was glad to see me. But it didn't go so well with my x.....Instead he called extended family and left the house. Which proved to my parents that maybe I wasn't entirely at fault...But I refused to remain at my residence, I don't need to deal with added stress, my parents disagreed, but am grown.

I got away this weekend my friends took me to Napa, its been a nice get away. My brother joined and was proud of me said he understands what I'm going through and wants me to stay happy... I love my brother so sweet, always trying to make the situation better than it is. He was always against arranged marriages especially overseas, for me. Said it will be a setback, trying to get someone settled being a woman. But I am still in Napa and enjoying every minute of it. Away from the chaos, some where quiet and relaxing. Away from the world. Glad am a short drive away from this place.

Taal, my husband's mother went through a similar experience, though his parents are both Americans. I don't really like to talk about them since it is their life but when I read your last post, I can just connect one thing, one behavior from both men (your soon to be ex-husband and my husband's father), they are manipulative.
When my mom in law told us everything it was clear that she finally stood up for herself and left that cloudy marriage. 30 years she endured because she tried not only once but many times to save her marriage. Sometimes we try to give people a second chance, and we do, but it is up to the other person that they will appreciate that opportunity and become better people.
My father in law, when recently married her, told her parents that he only married her because he needed someone to take after his kids from the previous marriage.
We lived with them for the first two years of our marriage (not because we wanted but our economic situation and my husband's health was in danger). After we moved to our place, she seemed more sad and alone... my father in law had the nerve to say to my husband, when he was so sick that he did not love his wife anymore, however, he loved her in his own way. (We always wondered what way he was referring to)
One day my mom in law came to visit us alone and told us that she was filing for divorce. The man was shocked. Why? He was always saying to her: I want divorce, I don't want to live with you anymore, I want divorce. But he never filed for it either. When she finally stood up for herself and said: Fine, you and I are divorcing and she gave him the papers, he could not believe it.
Although until today he says to others that their relationship was loving, caring and faithful. None of these are true. When someone takes ownership of your own salary and hides financial information, lies about affairs, and is always controlling your life, it is not a loving, caring and faithful relationship.
And without letting her know that he was thinking to leave her, one day she came home from work and found just a note. He was gone. Well, he is an old man and accountable for his actions. That was enough for my husband and brother in law to lose all trust in their father.
My mom in law is an amazing woman, after everything she went through, her now freedom was almost scaring for her, but she is fine and living on her own and embracing her life.
This is your time too and embrace life at full!

so, you called his 'bluff' on the second try/chance,
and the result was that he left?
IMO - that proves up (to your parents) all of this prior stuff, to an extent that's meaningful.
Stay strong, and IMO, continue on with the filing of the divorce/annulment.
IMO, an annulment is more powerful, as his basis of receiving a green card is yanked, and once it's granted (the annulment) then you have a pile of evidence to give to USCIS/FDNS.

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

I got away this weekend my friends took me to Napa, its been a nice get away. My brother joined and was proud of me said he understands what I'm going through and wants me to stay happy... I love my brother so sweet, always trying to make the situation better than it is. He was always against arranged marriages especially overseas, for me. Said it will be a setback, trying to get someone settled being a woman. But I am still in Napa and enjoying every minute of it. Away from the chaos, some where quiet and relaxing. Away from the world. Glad am a short drive away from this place.

I got away this weekend my friends took me to Napa, its been a nice get away. My brother joined and was proud of me said he understands what I'm going through and wants me to stay happy... I love my brother so sweet, always trying to make the situation better than it is. He was always against arranged marriages especially overseas, for me. Said it will be a setback, trying to get someone settled being a woman. But I am still in Napa and enjoying every minute of it. Away from the chaos, some where quiet and relaxing. Away from the world. Glad am a short drive away from this place.

I got away this weekend my friends took me to Napa, its been a nice get away. My brother joined and was proud of me said he understands what I'm going through and wants me to stay happy... I love my brother so sweet, always trying to make the situation better than it is. He was always against arranged marriages especially overseas, for me. Said it will be a setback, trying to get someone settled being a woman. But I am still in Napa and enjoying every minute of it. Away from the chaos, some where quiet and relaxing. Away from the world. Glad am a short drive away from this place.

clingy I am not, that's the last thing I am all about. 3 years for a relationship you forget its pretty much one year after marriage of living together, prior to that it was a phone call once a month. He had other obligations, his cousins and sisters were getting married.
I can also contact the embassy of his dads illegal status of being here so long, but won't do that. I am not that spiteful, and fully believe in karma, what goes around comes around. My faith is strong with God, and he sees all.
And because he offered me money, I would never take it, I can't be bought this wasn't a paid venture for me, it was a lifetime commitment. But just because he says he'll give me 20k do you think he has it? No, if he did he would have helped his parents out with all there debt and not have been sending is income to India. I guess I expected to much with sharing finances in a marriage, or being honest.

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

I got away this weekend my friends took me to Napa, its been a nice get away. My brother joined and was proud of me said he understands what I'm going through and wants me to stay happy... I love my brother so sweet, always trying to make the situation better than it is. He was always against arranged marriages especially overseas, for me. Said it will be a setback, trying to get someone settled being a woman. But I am still in Napa and enjoying every minute of it. Away from the chaos, some where quiet and relaxing. Away from the world. Glad am a short drive away from this place.

I got away this weekend my friends took me to Napa, its been a nice get away. My brother joined and was proud of me said he understands what I'm going through and wants me to stay happy... I love my brother so sweet, always trying to make the situation better than it is. He was always against arranged marriages especially overseas, for me. Said it will be a setback, trying to get someone settled being a woman. But I am still in Napa and enjoying every minute of it. Away from the chaos, some where quiet and relaxing. Away from the world. Glad am a short drive away from this place.

Simple test for personality disorders.
If things you do bother yourself, those folks tend to be neurotic. Not necessarily pathological but they are anxious, nervous, lower self esteem, wonder what others think of them, but not totally paranoid.
If someone constantly and pervasively puts others on the defensive and the recipient feels pressure or under attack or belittled, the person inflicting those feelings may have a personality disorder.
Neurotics feel bad. Personality disorders make others feel bad (think the super strong personality who is always right and makes you feel stupid or wrong, or the passive-aggressive who always is driving you mad)
My ex is the super charming type who wins everyone over...for her own gain and you never feel the pain...until it is too late. Divorce was right for this OP.
Wow, gaslighting on wikipedia, interesting, but totally geared towards men as employing it. Women do it too. My wife flat denies the horrific things she did and everyone believes her. Glad I kept all the pictures and emails as evidence.
This OP should chronicle with a timeline and amass evidence for court.

How many times have you heard that "He will grow up"? And that is coming from his mom? Nope. He will never grow up. And now that he sees that his chances to bring his family are so narrow because his only way to do it so is not with him anymore... yeah, I get it. He will come and beg you and cry and ask for a second chance... The point is, he had chances already but he ignored. People thought you were not that strong, but they are wrong. You are strong! This is your time so take it and don't let anyone to take away your freedom.

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.

Unfortunately some of us on this board have individuals with personality disorders in our lives. So it is easier to spot these patterns of behavior. What you describe in your soon to be X is typical behavior these folks engage in, in order to generate self-doubt and guilt. Actions speak louder than words and right now it appears he is wearing the schmoozing, charming, and victim mask before you family yet attempting to manipulate you into not taking action. Cut him off. They are cunning, cold, and very aware of their own behavior.

Ya, he's going to squirm a bit, IMO, this week and next.
He'll squirm more once the court sends him the divorce filing and he reads his name as a defendant.

Kudos to you, Taal. You are on the right track!

Day two of this process and seems like its not getting easier, but I'm not hurt as much...Surrounding myself with positive supportive people is benefiting me. Thankful, my husband called me and wanted to fix things, and wanted a second chance. I just don't understand I asked him to head to counseling several times and wanted a second chance. It seems like he realized that his parents will have a longer journey to immigrate to the USA once we are divorced. He didn't call me the day I left or stop me when I walked out of my house, instead was smiling. Just irritating, that my parents are seeing a man wanting to work things out now.....His mom started calling me as well and this woman was aware of our situation and told me to wait and he'd grow up. Changing my phone number today, don't need this negativity.