Steve & Rema

The wait was actually really hard for me, I got depressed a lot and I was always very moody and snappy, my husband can note that clearly lol. But I always made sure I explained to him when I could, how I'm feeling the way I am because I was dealing with a lot of stress, and I was away from him and stuck somewhere I really didn't want to be anymore (I just wanted to be with him!). We argued sometimes while talking on Skype/phone over really silly things because we were feeling stressed. It's hard to wait to be with the one you love. What helped me a little in the end, was the fact that I realized that I need to stop taking the time I had left with my family/friends for granted, and make the best of what time I have left! I went out a lot with my close friends, with my mother and younger sister. I tried to spend quality time with everyone so that I wouldn't regret not doing so in the end. It was still hard to deal with waiting, especially when I'd hear his voice or go to bed.
You need to stay strong, and realize that you will eventually be with the one you love, and believe sincerely that it is worth the wait. Once you finally make it home, you will realize how worth it all that time really was. It is an amazing feeling to have accomplished making it home to your loved one. But this doesn't mean that everything after POE will be 100% smooth. We have had a few rough moments, but a lot of it is due to home sickness on my part. Also just getting used to living with each other can be difficult if you haven't really lived together before. Despite this, you need to make sure you always work hard at making things work, don't let breaking up be the first solution to silly arguments. You will have tough times, but you will have good times too. If both of you work hard to make each other happy, it'll get a lot easier.
Sometimes when we argue or when I'm in a bad mood, I just look at him and remember how I felt when we were apart, how all I wanted to do was just feel his arms around me. That thought itself, is enough to snap me back and realize how precious every moment I have with him is..

Dear yakasushii, I went through the same thing you are going through.
I started dating my fiance in February of 2010. I told both of my parents about him from the beginning, and they were fine with it even though he was white and I am Middle Eastern and Muslim. He is a Muslim convert. They were fine with it for the whole 5 months prior to when we met in person. My entire immediate family met him, and my father changed his whole mind about everything from that moment. Suddenly he did not want me to be with Steve, and he turned down Steve's first request for my hand in marriage. Steve went back home and we were really stressed on what to do. I knew that if I wanted to keep a healthy relationship with my family, I would need my dads approval. My mother was weary of the relationship, but she trusted my judgement and she was still ok with it.
My father put SO much stress on our relationship, he would not let me visit Steve (I still lived in their house, if I disobeyed them would cause serious fights, and I didn't want to do anything that would harm Steve's chances of getting approved by my family). My fathers reasoning for not liking Steve was because of how he looked (he is is chubby and wasn't very well-dressed) and his financial status (he was living at home with his parents and he had a shitty job). Steve and I decided to hold off the engagement, and work on getting his act together so that my father could accept him. Steve ended up finding a good job, and he moved out on his own. A year later, Steve called my father and had a long conversation with him, and asked for my hand in marriage and my dad approved. A month after that I was on my way to spend 6 months with Steve, WITH my parents approval, and we started the k-1 process.
I could have easily not spent that year trying to help Steve get his act together, and I could have "ran away" with him. I knew that in the end, if my parents still did not approve of him I would have to marry Steve without their approval and I was ready to do that. Thankfully, the numerous phone calls from Steve to my dad, helped a lot. Steve made sure he called every month, even if my father did not want to talk to him, and he called on every holiday/special occasion. Steve tried really hard to create a relationship with my dad. There are many reasons why we decided to wait a year..
1) It gave Steve time to find a decent job, and to find a home for him and I to prove to my dad that he was ready for marriage. This wasn't only for my father's approval, we both realized he we needed this to happen in order for us to be ready for marriage.
2) If we "ran away" together, I knew my children would have no relationship with their grandparents.. I didn't want that
3) If I married against my parents will, I knew it would cause a lot of problems/stress in the future. I would be constantly sad and depressed over not having the support of my family.
4) I love my parents, I want them to be in my life
It is harsh for parents to deny someone you love, but even though it may not seem like it, they are usually just looking out for what is best for you. In the end, I am glad we waited a year, Steve is more stable now, I feel more secure, and we have both matured greatly and learned a lot about how much we love each other. A few weeks ago, Steve flew up here and spent 4 days at my parents house during the time of my interview. He was welcomed with open arms, my dad respects him because of how hard Steve worked to get his approval.
For me, moving out wasn't really an option since girls in my culture do not usually move out until they get married (I know that's hard for some people to understand, but if I did move out it would cause way more problems than I needed). I'm not sure if moving out will make your situation better, it'll only just keep you away from the comments your parents make, but in they end they would still be against you marrying him. Has your bf tried to speak with your parents? It helped a lot when my fiance did, maybe your parents will get to know him more as a person?
In my opinion, if they never end up changing their minds, then go be with the one you love. This is your life after all, your parents got to live theirs.
EDIT: It may seem like I'm suggesting that you should wait like I did, but I'm really not. I'm just sharing how I went through something similar. I know that what worked for me could easily not work for you, we do have different parents/cultures after all. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Dear yakasushii, I went through the same thing you are going through.
I started dating my fiance in February of 2010. I told both of my parents about him from the beginning, and they were fine with it even though he was white and I am Middle Eastern and Muslim. He is a Muslim convert. They were fine with it for the whole 5 months prior to when we met in person. My entire immediate family met him, and my father changed his whole mind about everything from that moment. Suddenly he did not want me to be with Steve, and he turned down Steve's first request for my hand in marriage. Steve went back home and we were really stressed on what to do. I knew that if I wanted to keep a healthy relationship with my family, I would need my dads approval. My mother was weary of the relationship, but she trusted my judgement and she was still ok with it.
My father put SO much stress on our relationship, he would not let me visit Steve (I still lived in their house, if I disobeyed them would cause serious fights, and I didn't want to do anything that would harm Steve's chances of getting approved by my family). My fathers reasoning for not liking Steve was because of how he looked (he is is chubby and wasn't very well-dressed) and his financial status (he was living at home with his parents and he had a shitty job). Steve and I decided to hold off the engagement, and work on getting his act together so that my father could accept him. Steve ended up finding a good job, and he moved out on his own. A year later, Steve called my father and had a long conversation with him, and asked for my hand in marriage and my dad approved. A month after that I was on my way to spend 6 months with Steve, WITH my parents approval, and we started the k-1 process.
I could have easily not spent that year trying to help Steve get his act together, and I could have "ran away" with him. I knew that in the end, if my parents still did not approve of him I would have to marry Steve without their approval and I was ready to do that. Thankfully, the numerous phone calls from Steve to my dad, helped a lot. Steve made sure he called every month, even if my father did not want to talk to him, and he called on every holiday/special occasion. Steve tried really hard to create a relationship with my dad. There are many reasons why we decided to wait a year..
1) It gave Steve time to find a decent job, and to find a home for him and I to prove to my dad that he was ready for marriage. This wasn't only for my father's approval, we both realized he we needed this to happen in order for us to be ready for marriage.
2) If we "ran away" together, I knew my children would have no relationship with their grandparents.. I didn't want that
3) If I married against my parents will, I knew it would cause a lot of problems/stress in the future. I would be constantly sad and depressed over not having the support of my family.
4) I love my parents, I want them to be in my life
It is harsh for parents to deny someone you love, but even though it may not seem like it, they are usually just looking out for what is best for you. In the end, I am glad we waited a year, Steve is more stable now, I feel more secure, and we have both matured greatly and learned a lot about how much we love each other. A few weeks ago, Steve flew up here and spent 4 days at my parents house during the time of my interview. He was welcomed with open arms, my dad respects him because of how hard Steve worked to get his approval.
For me, moving out wasn't really an option since girls in my culture do not usually move out until they get married (I know that's hard for some people to understand, but if I did move out it would cause way more problems than I needed). I'm not sure if moving out will make your situation better, it'll only just keep you away from the comments your parents make, but in they end they would still be against you marrying him. Has your bf tried to speak with your parents? It helped a lot when my fiance did, maybe your parents will get to know him more as a person?
In my opinion, if they never end up changing their minds, then go be with the one you love. This is your life after all, your parents got to live theirs.
EDIT: It may seem like I'm suggesting that you should wait like I did, but I'm really not. I'm just sharing how I went through something similar. I know that what worked for me could easily not work for you, we do have different parents/cultures after all. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Dear yakasushii, I went through the same thing you are going through.
I started dating my fiance in February of 2010. I told both of my parents about him from the beginning, and they were fine with it even though he was white and I am Middle Eastern and Muslim. He is a Muslim convert. They were fine with it for the whole 5 months prior to when we met in person. My entire immediate family met him, and my father changed his whole mind about everything from that moment. Suddenly he did not want me to be with Steve, and he turned down Steve's first request for my hand in marriage. Steve went back home and we were really stressed on what to do. I knew that if I wanted to keep a healthy relationship with my family, I would need my dads approval. My mother was weary of the relationship, but she trusted my judgement and she was still ok with it.
My father put SO much stress on our relationship, he would not let me visit Steve (I still lived in their house, if I disobeyed them would cause serious fights, and I didn't want to do anything that would harm Steve's chances of getting approved by my family). My fathers reasoning for not liking Steve was because of how he looked (he is is chubby and wasn't very well-dressed) and his financial status (he was living at home with his parents and he had a shitty job). Steve and I decided to hold off the engagement, and work on getting his act together so that my father could accept him. Steve ended up finding a good job, and he moved out on his own. A year later, Steve called my father and had a long conversation with him, and asked for my hand in marriage and my dad approved. A month after that I was on my way to spend 6 months with Steve, WITH my parents approval, and we started the k-1 process.
I could have easily not spent that year trying to help Steve get his act together, and I could have "ran away" with him. I knew that in the end, if my parents still did not approve of him I would have to marry Steve without their approval and I was ready to do that. Thankfully, the numerous phone calls from Steve to my dad, helped a lot. Steve made sure he called every month, even if my father did not want to talk to him, and he called on every holiday/special occasion. Steve tried really hard to create a relationship with my dad. There are many reasons why we decided to wait a year..
1) It gave Steve time to find a decent job, and to find a home for him and I to prove to my dad that he was ready for marriage. This wasn't only for my father's approval, we both realized he we needed this to happen in order for us to be ready for marriage.
2) If we "ran away" together, I knew my children would have no relationship with their grandparents.. I didn't want that
3) If I married against my parents will, I knew it would cause a lot of problems/stress in the future. I would be constantly sad and depressed over not having the support of my family.
4) I love my parents, I want them to be in my life
It is harsh for parents to deny someone you love, but even though it may not seem like it, they are usually just looking out for what is best for you. In the end, I am glad we waited a year, Steve is more stable now, I feel more secure, and we have both matured greatly and learned a lot about how much we love each other. A few weeks ago, Steve flew up here and spent 4 days at my parents house during the time of my interview. He was welcomed with open arms, my dad respects him because of how hard Steve worked to get his approval.
For me, moving out wasn't really an option since girls in my culture do not usually move out until they get married (I know that's hard for some people to understand, but if I did move out it would cause way more problems than I needed). I'm not sure if moving out will make your situation better, it'll only just keep you away from the comments your parents make, but in they end they would still be against you marrying him. Has your bf tried to speak with your parents? It helped a lot when my fiance did, maybe your parents will get to know him more as a person?
In my opinion, if they never end up changing their minds, then go be with the one you love. This is your life after all, your parents got to live theirs.
EDIT: It may seem like I'm suggesting that you should wait like I did, but I'm really not. I'm just sharing how I went through something similar. I know that what worked for me could easily not work for you, we do have different parents/cultures after all. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.