Is this all worth it?

[jeanie 0]

Hi everyone. I've been a member of this site for a while now, but had yet to post (honestly I just figured out how to today! And I thought I was computer saavy...guess not!). I've very much enjoyed reading everyone's posts over the last couple of months (since THAT I could figure out!). I haven't added a whole lot of information on my profile as of yet, since I guess I'm not so sure how I want to go about this process. Let me give you a run down of where I am (forgive me for sharing my first time out of the gate):

I met my SO a few years ago...on the internet of course. I wasn't actively looking, but it just happened. I was married at the time, though we were having some issues, we have 2 small children. We have subsequently divorced, and my SO and I talk when we can, try to everyday, and I love him...he's understanding, he tells me what I need to hear, makes me feel wanted and needed. Meanwhile, my ex is in a relationship, and I just discovered that he is getting married...now he's a good guy...never did anything really WRONG to me...we have 2 children together...and he seems really happy, which is good, for him and the kids...but I guess I'm jealous...he is able to get married, and he lives with his fiancee, and I have only seen mine in person for the total of about 3 weeks...even though we've been "together" for a few years. I have to admit that I even did attempt to do the "friends with benefits" approach with the ex (though he refused) right after we split up for good...I guess that was something I didn't quite want to give up...so I'm wondering what everyone thinks about this? My family has been somewhat supportive of me, though sometimes I think they'd rather keep my ex His family, on the other hand, hates me! We were married for quite a while, so that's an adjustment...I don't know...am I alone in feeling this way? Everyone on here seems so sure! My SO is wonderful...but my ex doesn't look so bad from a distance either, and he doesn't require all this paperwork!....maybe I'm jealous of his happiness...or maybe you don't know what you've got til it's gone.

[sarah and hicham 3]

So you're jealous that your ex can have sex whenever he wants with his new wife, but you can't?

I don't really understand what you're looking for in your post. Long distance relationships are not for some people.

[aj1 1]

Well honestly i don't have the right to judge you because i don't know you but i can say that if you still have feelings for your exhusband if i were you i would stay single for a while until you are completely over him, because who ever you are with you will compare them to him, and you will only be giving 1/2 of yourself to your other half and not all of yourself the other half will be with your ex husband and that's not fair to your new love. I know how hard it is to get over an ex i am divorced i have been for 3 1/2 years but there was a reason why we divorced and for the different reasons is why i would never go back. I have 2 small girls to this is one reason why i left because i wanted my kids to see me in a healthy relationship which i have with my fiance from Egypt. Its hard at times with all the waiting but in my heart i know he is worth every second that i wait for him. I was completly over my ex when i met him so i was able to give my heart to him and him only. So i would wait awhile before i got into another relationship again just because it seems your not ready to be with anyone new. Whatever you decide i wish you all the best.

AJ1

[Ban Hammer 12,861]

So you're jealous that your ex can have sex whenever he wants with his new wife, but you can't?

i'm not sure the ex's new wife swings that way.......

Edited November 16, 2007 by charlesandnessa

[sarah and hicham 3]

So you're jealous that your ex can have sex whenever he wants with his new wife, but you can't have sex with your SO whenever you want?

I don't really understand what you're looking for in your post. Long distance relationships are not for some people.

[jeanie 0]

So you're jealous that your ex can have sex whenever he wants with his new wife, but you can't?

i'm not sure the ex's new wife swings that way.......

Thank you She's nice and all...but....

[allousa 1]

IMO, the whole process of bringing a foreign SO to this country is NOT for the faint of heart or those unsure of their feelings. This process takes committment and can either make or break a relationship.

I would make sure that I was not using the person you met online as a way to relieve your jealousy or loneliness regarding your ex.

The sheer emotional and financial costs of going through this process is CERTAINLY not worth it if you aren't completely invested with the person you met online.

Sounds like you need to drop back and regroup, perhaps.

Again, just my opinion.

[ya falaha! 0]

Are you asking us if you should try to steal your ex back from his current fiancee?

[sarah and hicham 3]

Are you asking us if you should try to steal your ex back from his current fiancee?

Sounds like she is dsperate for a man.

[♥JP♥ 5]

who wants popcorn?

[~~~water~~~ 0]

If I was not 100 percent sure of my feelings for my fiance, there is no way in hell I would still be involved in this process. It's an emotional rollercoaster, but knowing he's the one for me makes the wait/seperation all that more painful..

About your situation:

I wish you luck try to focus on the future he is your X for a reason, right.

who wants popcorn?

lol

Edited November 16, 2007 by water is wide

[MrsAmera 41]

I don't think she's desperate for a man - but she did say she was in a relationship for a long time with her ex-husband and from the sounds of it, it was an amicable break-up - no hostility. And honestly I can understand the jealous feelings. Is it worth it - meaning your relationship with your bf - only you know that. If you are going into the process thinking "well I just want to be happy" there are going to be A LOT of bumps on the road to that happiness, and even then when/if he does get a visa, it's not all peaches and cream - it's rough. Marriage is hard as it is throw in cultural differences and adaptations and it's whole other ball of wax. So what I'm saying is if you are not 110% committed to him and your relationship, it won't be worth it - honestly - it's going to be a lot of heartbreak and waiting, and patience and frustration. Are you ready for this based on physically being with him for only 3 weeks? (I know I'm going to get flamed for that one...) Only you know what your answer to that is.

[Ban Hammer 12,861]

Are you asking us if you should try to steal your ex back from his current fiancee?

Sounds like she is dsperate for a man.

i fail to see that.

[yassmine2878 1]

If you are ready for a new husband, then yes, its completely worth it. But as mentioned above, only you know when you are ready for a new relationship. Whether your new fiance is from the US or Jupiter, its important that your past is behind you and you are ready to commit to a new partner. If you are still hanging on to things with your ex (aside for that which is necessary such as custody, etc), perhaps its time to take a breather before you jump into a new relationship. That being said, I dont regret one second of the whole ongoing visa mess my husband and I had to (and still) endure. If he's the right man, then he's worth every minute of craziness. And believe me, there will be craziness. Even if you have a painless visa process, there's still culture shock to deal with. It can be extremely stressful on a marriage and has been known to destroy them in some cases. I wish you the best of luck in whatever choice you make, and should you pursue your relationship with your fiance I hope you'll join us here more often

[amal 4]

My thoughts are ...its way too soon to be seeking a relationship/marriage out if you are still wanting ur ex. You aren't going to make the ex jealous if you marry someone from another country...you aren't proving anything to yourself by doing it either. You need to be ready mind, body, heart, and soul if you want to take this step coz lemme tell ya girl, its long and painful. ESPECIALLY from Egypt as I'm sure you've seen the posts from all of the other girls going thru Egypt and how long their waits have been. As someone said earlier, this process is not for the light of heart and it is definitely grueling. Step back and take a breather from ur first marriage and get over him so you can hand your new man all of ur heart and not just the pieces ur ex still holds.... thats just mho and nothing more. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

amal