is marriage to USC all about AOS?

[Eagleeye 1]

This is site is quite expository, big thanks to all of you.I would simply say i have concerns in my marriage, and its based on trust.i came in on a K1 visa i have filed for EAD and AOS but they are still pending.I love and respect my wife before coming here i invited her to my home country to meet my family.

We both have high potentials to excel and everything seems to be smooth now.the little problem is that i think she is biased and concious of being used for papers,i have talked to her about it and she repeatedly says she would never believe i married her for AOS.We have problems with communication and somehow i always have to apologise even when i know i am not wrong.

We had a row just before we where about to file and i thought it was just a regular marriage issue we had to solve but she told me she was no longer willling to go on with the AOS.I was dissapointed that she would link our misunderstanding to filing but told her i was OK with whatever she decided.

She apologised and acknowledged she was wrong obviously she had taken the advice of a friend who told her to use that to see my reaction.I do not deny my flaws but she keeps fussing over them.i have told her that she also has flaws but i would not exagerrate them beacuse i want our marriage to work.

Sometimes i cant help but feel tolerated,is it because i am basicaly idle now? we seem to go from three days of joy and peace to four days of silence and resent .Can i break this cycle? Do i have to constantly validate myself?or is it just what marriage is?

thanks for your input!

[Fandango 1,439]

I think you both could benefit from a marriage counselor.

Good luck!

[kim&james 0]

I agree. A informal chat with a counselor for both of you. Marriage takes 2 people, you both have to work at it. I am a bit concerned about her baiting you like that... thats not right. I am also absolutely against and abhor the US citizen spouse withholding adjustment papers while trying to prove a point, or hold over an immigrant during arguments, that is just one more thing that needs addressing. Unless of course it really seems obvious that the immigrant is just in it for the card. But thats just my pet peeves.

See a counselor.

[Ta Ta 1]

From what I hear the first year is hell to adjust to each other if the cultural issues are involved. Misunderstandings and different perspectives

due to cultural upbringing can be smoothed out with counseling from a counselor who understands these issues.

What country are you from ? If you are from a 3. world country you can try to establish friendships with couples from your area who have

already overcome this and on whom you can draw for support.

[chris4gretchen 1]

i would have to say that if she is listening to a friend tell her to test you, and then acting on it, you guys need to talk with a professional. the time to test you was when you were dating BEFORE you got married and did a visa and left your country and life behind. Now you are married, and trust needs to be there. sounds like she is lacking that.

Chris

[reach449 2]

I think you both could benefit from a marriage counselor.

Good luck!

Yes

[Jasman0717 8]

I think you both could benefit from a marriage counselor.

Good luck!

[Ladylethal 12]

Ditto on the above.

[joelunchbox 0]

i would have to say that if she is listening to a friend tell her to test you, and then acting on it, you guys need to talk with a professional. the time to test you was when you were dating BEFORE you got married and did a visa and left your country and life behind. Now you are married, and trust needs to be there. sounds like she is lacking that.

Chris

I had a student in a class who had been with his high school girlfriend for over ten years. They had broken up and gotten back together twice-once because of him and once because of her. But....she got a full time job. And then her coworkers needed a hobby and so the decided to "fix" their relationship. They are not talking to each other att. There are friends and then there is everyone else. A friend wants your relationship to succeed, the others want someone to join their inner circle of pain and suffering.

Get marriage counseling, learn better communication. It is scary to think that if she had tested you on a different day (something going bad at work or somewhere else) that you might have answered "incorrectly". Relationships are based on faith. Build that up. You know how you feel, but everyone has little voices that we listen to sometimes--drown out those voices!

Even a self help book on couples communication will help a lot.

good luck, you guys sound like a nice couple! Keep working at it!

Mike