Is it bad that I want to change my maid of honor?

[~Nini~ 2]

Liz - I just finished reading this thread, and good on you for doing the right thing! I'm so happy that you kicked that ex-MOH to the curb. You handled the situation really well and quite frankly you're better off without her unsupportive derriere.

I'd offer to be the e-maid of honor, but Len already beat me to it

Edited October 16, 2007 by Nini & Bee

[L_n_O 3]

no no.. it helps hearing similar wedding stories/situations..

more please!

Liz - I just finished reading this thread, and good on you for doing the right thing! I'm so happy that you kicked that ex-MOH to the curb. You handled the situation really well and quite frankly you're better off without her unsupportive derriere.

I'd offer to be the e-maid of honor, but Len already beat me to it

K, Nini, you're an e-bridesmaid now!

[Donna A 4]

more stories: my first pick of maid of honor said yes and when i wanted to go looking for gowns she said...oh sorry i cant afford to be in your wedding. second pick said yes until i told her the wedding date and then all of a sudden it was ohhhh my boyfriend was going to take me away that weekend. why she couldnt re-schedule was beyond me. after all none of her plans were set in concrete and i already had deposits made and everything booked. both of these girls were my best friends all thru high school. funny thing was she never did go away that weekend that ended our friendship.

my sister finally did the honor. should have picked her first to save a lot of hurt feelings.

[L_n_O 3]

more stories: my first pick of maid of honor said yes and when i wanted to go looking for gowns she said...oh sorry i cant afford to be in your wedding.

What did you say to her then??

[Sister Fracas 5]

and another (short) MOH story..... hubster and I got married in UK, the friend I chose to be my MOH said she would be thrilled to go to England, had always wanted to go, would even make a vacation of it. We agreed that since I wasn't having a formal wedding party, that she could pick her own dress with my color approval. Since she lives one thousand miles from me, I knew she wouldn't be involved in any pre-wedding stuff.... I was fine with that. She WAS just going to be a figure-head, but important to me because I did consider her my closest friend. Well about 3-4 months before the wedding, she calls me to say she just can't do it.....too expensive.... So, I had no MOH. Since hubster had a best man, and a few friends as ushers already lined up, I just picked my future brother-in law's sister to be my bridesmaid, and my future niece to be my flower girl. I guess that's what happens when you have your wedding in another country....only a few people go.

[Kajikit 65]

Also consider that you may not only be getting rid of a maid of honour but also the loss of a friend.

If she's that selfish, she's no true friend... dump her and don't look back. Better not to have a maid of honour at all than to have a b#tch ruin your wedding!

[girlafraid7 0]

Well, this is sure hitting home with me. I had my wedding planned for over a year. First of all, my best friend and roomate from all of college did not speak to me again from the moment I told her I was engaged, until SHE got engaged 7 months later (i guess she was mad that I beat her to it? huh?). And I told her (she lives out of state) that she'd need to rent a car because our family will be too busy. No problem. Well 5 days before the wedding she said that she hadn't bought a plane ticket, but was coming on standby. And by the way, wouldn't be renting a car cause it was too expensive. And not to mention, were all the pre-wedding activities mandatory because she and her boyfriend would prefer to hang out with their other friends while they are in the bay area. But could we pick them up from hanging out with other people. Well my sister/MOH told her to forget about asking anyone to drive her around...she will have to manage. But she kept asking, then after I had gone to bed the night of the rehearsal dinner, she asked my fiance to drive her to her hair appointment, then she called my little brother. Finally after they all said no, she took the bus. How much is a one day rental, people! $30?

Well I didn't speak to her for several weeks after our wedding. Finally I emailed her that she deserved to know why I wasn't returning her calls. I told her that her actions had really hurt me and added unneeded stress to my wedding day. She defensively replied that she wanted examples of what she had done and if I was mad at her she didn't feel like reading about it, and if i want to talk i can call her. So after another week of cooling down, I sent her the examples of her behaviour and how much it hurt me. And how I need her to know that she hurt me if I am going to feel comfortable being in her wedding in April. Well, that was like 2 weeks ago and haven't heard a thing. I hate it when people get mad at you just because you are mad at them!

I totally know how you feel....I know this is not a real friendship, but its hard to erase the good times you've had and to accept that this friendship is potentially dying. Best of luck, just think that if your friend was this bad now, she would probably be even worse than my bridesmaid at the wedding!

[L_n_O 3]

wow.. I'm sorry things are still up in the air with your friend and her upcoming wedding..

I'm hearing that weddings make or break friendships a lot.. never realized, I guess..

Feel free to post here once you hear anything from her...

[L_n_O 3]

and another (short) MOH story..... hubster and I got married in UK, the friend I chose to be my MOH said she would be thrilled to go to England, had always wanted to go, would even make a vacation of it. We agreed that since I wasn't having a formal wedding party, that she could pick her own dress with my color approval. Since she lives one thousand miles from me, I knew she wouldn't be involved in any pre-wedding stuff.... I was fine with that. She WAS just going to be a figure-head, but important to me because I did consider her my closest friend. Well about 3-4 months before the wedding, she calls me to say she just can't do it.....too expensive.... So, I had no MOH. Since hubster had a best man, and a few friends as ushers already lined up, I just picked my future brother-in law's sister to be my bridesmaid, and my future niece to be my flower girl. I guess that's what happens when you have your wedding in another country....only a few people go.

I think my situation might turn out similar too...

My MOH will be my high school friend and bridesmaids might be Ol's sister & a cousin of mine from Montreal maybe...

the friend of my ex-MOH (the other bridesmaid) hasn't called me back since that short convo we had the other day after all this happened.. we ended that conversation on a weird note though.. she was saying that she can't afford a $150-200 dress.. and I just told her I can't commit to paying for people's stuff right now especially when I have $1010 AOS, EAD, AP coming up, MOVING expenses, Oliver's FLight, and 3 months of not working!!! oh, AND A WEDDING!

so who knows? maybe she'll drop out too!

I don't know what these people expect! me to pay for their dress, flight, hotel??

Oliver and I went to a friend's wedding in Alabama this year but we made a vacation out of it! the whole thing cost us easily $1000 but we saved and prepared! and that was only with a few months notice!

I've given my ex-MOH and bridesmaid (her friend) A YEAR!!! It's not even til Next AUg!!!!

OK, DONE venting.

sorry for all the exclamations and caps locks.

[girlafraid7 0]

Man you poor thing....people suck.

good luck with it all.

[Karen_L 1]

I dunno if it's bad to change the maid of honor -- if you really feel strongly that she isn't committed to the role I think it's acceptable to sit her down and tell her that this wedding is very important to you and that you chose her bc you love her, etc and want her to be part of your wedding, but you don't feel she is putting the time and effort into the position as you'd hoped. Obviously you don't want to come off like you're her boss or something, but maybe you can express how her lack of enthusiasm for the job is putting a damper on the whole wedding for you. Maybe she doesn't even realize how she's been acting or the effect it's having on you and if you talk to her, it will make her realize she needs to be more excited about all this. If she gets offended or whatever, then I think it's fine to ask someone else... though of course the new maid of honor would need to feel like you aren't just picking her bc your first choice flaked out.

I have kind of a similar... story, in a way. Since I was in high school it was always assumed that I would pick the one particular friend as my maid of honor. After I met my husband, though, this same friend was pretty weird and judgmental about my relationship, even insinuating that my then-fiance would beat me for not getting dinner on the table fast enough and saying "You will be poor forever if you marry him." I never out-right confronted her about it, but needless to say, that behavior kind of soured me on her. My husband and I are planning a big church wedding and reception for next October. I have asked this friend to be in my bridal party, but I chose my other equally close friend as the Maid of Honor because she has been supportive of my relationship from the very moment I told her I met someone while in Italy... So I didn't actually 'switch' really, but it's kind of similar anyway...