Is it in my best interest?

[azcactus 0]

Dear Members,

As some of you are aware my fiancee has decided to cancel our K1. I have no reasons other than that her family advised her not to, what about discrimination here, what if her daughter wanted to go back and questions about support of her family as she is the only peso maker in her household.

Is it in my best interest to notify CSC and the USE in Manila and make them aware of this? I am almost certain that I will be down this road again, but what about now. Would notifying them with her email attached saying that she does not want to pursue this K1 anymore help?

I need your helpful suggestions not judgement.

Thanks to all who reply.

Kevin

[msu17 0]

Dear Members,

As some of you are aware my fiancee has decided to cancel our K1. I have no reasons other than that her family advised her not to, what about discrimination here, what if her daughter wanted to go back and questions about support of her family as she is the only peso maker in her household.

Is it in my best interest to notify CSC and the USE in Manila and make them aware of this? I am almost certain that I will be down this road again, but what about now. Would notifying them with her email attached saying that she does not want to pursue this K1 anymore help?

I need your helpful suggestions not judgement.

Thanks to all who reply.

Kevin

Are you 100% sure its over? If she changed her mind before the interview, would you take her back? If you're not 100% sure, I'd wait till after your visit at least. Good luck with whatever you decide

[Bulanglang 1]

Dear Members,

As some of you are aware my fiancee has decided to cancel our K1. I have no reasons other than that her family advised her not to, what about discrimination here, what if her daughter wanted to go back and questions about support of her family as she is the only peso maker in her household.

Is it in my best interest to notify CSC and the USE in Manila and make them aware of this? I am almost certain that I will be down this road again, but what about now. Would notifying them with her email attached saying that she does not want to pursue this K1 anymore help?

I need your helpful suggestions not judgement.

Thanks to all who reply.

Kevin

Are you 100% sure its over? If she changed her mind before the interview, would you take her back? If you're not 100% sure, I'd wait till after your visit at least. Good luck with whatever you decide

I am sorry to hear that...I came from the Philippines and just been here for about 6 months. The adjustment is really a big issue but it takes two to make it work both in the relationship and each other. Write or talk to her family if you really wanted her and likewise if she wanted you then give it a try -- that's what the 90 days for as a K1 visa holder. It's really her call to decide whether to continue it or not but as a fiance you are there to encourage her and assure her of your love. Being the peso maker in her household is another issue it is to your discretion if you wanted to help financially her family while she is with you.

Make it sure first before you decide to cancel the petition. Give another chance. And if not, then notify the offices concerned.

I hope it will work out. God bless to your journey.

[ManuNSam 1]

i previously cancelled a K1 (we got married and filed cr1 instead)

i was instructed by a lawyer to keep the cancellation letter brief and general but give a reason.

so - write something like............

Due to family reasons, we need to cancel application #12345790877

i also agree witht he previous post...

talk more about it before cancelling it.

and if you really want to be with her, try to find a way to make it work.

first - if you LOVE her - you would want to fight for her.

If her family wants her to stay and pass up marriage to you simply because they need someone in the house to work - in my opinion this is a form of slavery. I see this alot in india actually. Quite often a family member is married to someone simply for the purpose of business agreements, or someone has to pass up school because the family wants them to work. This is different from our culture. many cultures see a family member as just a family member - not an individual. Meaning - they view her decision to marry you and leave them as a decision against the family, not a personal choice of marriage. In india i noticed many people cannot make individual decisions - the family makes decisions for all family members, nobody makes thier own decisions. (in particular was my husbands aunt that didnt approve of me, and promptly ordered him to dump me. she didnt approve because he didnt consult her before making the decision).

anyways - my husband and i have always agreed that we would be sending money back to his family. we know how far a dollar goes for them. and its not like they are lazy, there just isnt any work for them.

soooooo.........

have you considered discussing with your fiance any agreement to sending money back to the family? once she is here and starts working you will have the extra income and sending a portion back may not be so difficult. and - it beats not having her come at all. we all have to make sacrifices of some sort. I would talk it out with her and find options ito solve the issue f you really want to marry her.

sam

[ELW 5]

I agree with the others, best not to cancel now. Her interview is in late April - a lot can happen before then. Her family should know that she probably will be sending back a lot more money than she is earning now there, that she will have plenty of people from her own country here as friends, and her daughter probably would be quite happy here! Good luck to you both!

[AngelD 0]

I gotta say again--as the Non USC in the relationship--that it is a very very big step to leave your country, family, HOME. Even if it is for love. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be and scarey when your family is not emotionally supportive on top of all that.

The question I don't think I have seen you answer yet is "DO YOU LOVE HER?" I know you've mentioned other women, more fishies in the sea, and having met online. Are you simply looking for a wife--any wife--any foreign wife? Or have you spent all this time with this woman and her child because you love them? I know that you must be heart broken about her sudden change of heart--but honestly, it may be the fear speaking on her part. She may simply need you to go and reassure her. It may not be fair to you emotionally-but she may be testing you to some degree. Or she may seriously be that afraid to go and abandon her family.

Personally, I wouldn't cancel anything yet. You are already going there, you have nothing to lose (not even the monetary since it's already booked and paid for) you may find that things can be worked through and- if not -at least you know you went down fighting.

either way, good luck

[ready4ONE 5,400]

I gotta say again--as the Non USC in the relationship--that it is a very very big step to leave your country, family, HOME. Even if it is for love. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be and scarey when your family is not emotionally supportive on top of all that.

The question I don't think I have seen you answer yet is "DO YOU LOVE HER?" I know you've mentioned other women, more fishies in the sea, and having met online. Are you simply looking for a wife--any wife--any foreign wife? Or have you spent all this time with this woman and her child because you love them? I know that you must be heart broken about her sudden change of heart--but honestly, it may be the fear speaking on her part. She may simply need you to go and reassure her. It may not be fair to you emotionally-but she may be testing you to some degree. Or she may seriously be that afraid to go and abandon her family.

Personally, I wouldn't cancel anything yet. You are already going there, you have nothing to lose (not even the monetary since it's already booked and paid for) you may find that things can be worked through and- if not -at least you know you went down fighting.

either way, good luck

I am going to run with AngelD on this one. If you truly love her, and are going there again soon for a visit, don't cancel anything until you get back. Good luck, and don't cancel anything until you get back.

[misa 2]

I'm also with AngelD on this. Leaving behind everything and everyone you have known is really tough and I don't think a lot of USCs realise how tough that can be. It'll be hard for me to leave everything and I'm just north of the border. I can't imagine how difficult it would be if I was from a country where things are totally different.

I'm the non-USC in the relationship as well and if I broke it off with my husband for the reasons that your fiance stated (lack of family support, fears of moving, etc.), he would be on the first plane here to reassure me, my family and to try and work things out. Cancelling the petition and meeting other women would be the last thing on his mind.

[David-and-Mae 15]

I gotta say again--as the Non USC in the relationship--that it is a very very big step to leave your country, family, HOME. Even if it is for love. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be and scarey when your family is not emotionally supportive on top of all that.

The question I don't think I have seen you answer yet is "DO YOU LOVE HER?" I know you've mentioned other women, more fishies in the sea, and having met online. Are you simply looking for a wife--any wife--any foreign wife? Or have you spent all this time with this woman and her child because you love them? I know that you must be heart broken about her sudden change of heart--but honestly, it may be the fear speaking on her part. She may simply need you to go and reassure her. It may not be fair to you emotionally-but she may be testing you to some degree. Or she may seriously be that afraid to go and abandon her family.

Personally, I wouldn't cancel anything yet. You are already going there, you have nothing to lose (not even the monetary since it's already booked and paid for) you may find that things can be worked through and- if not -at least you know you went down fighting.

either way, good luck

I am going to run with AngelD on this one. If you truly love her, and are going there again soon for a visit, don't cancel anything until you get back. Good luck, and don't cancel anything until you get back.

I definitely agree! Since you are going back here in PI this March, try to talk to her one last time. If she's really decided and stay firmed, the you can cancel the petition. I understand how hard it is for your fiancee to be the bread-winner in the family. I, for one is supporting almost everyone. It is tiring and frustrating but because I'm the only one who can help them, I just embraced the responsibilities. My fiancee promised me that once I made it to US, the money that he sends me monthly will automatically goes through my family here so I won't have to worry about having no one to help them. We have agreed on this and we're both ok. I think your fiancee is torn between two decisions (and probably confused and at the same time, scared)... Talk to her again, at least give it a try and if nothing progress, then I suggest you move on and start afresh...

Sorry again for what you have to go through... Always remember that things happen for a reason...

Good luck!

Mae

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

What I see from this man's post is 'should I cancel because I know I'll be importing some hapless woman to be my wife just as soon as I can'.

In my opinion, he doesn't love this woman, he's only sore because she's rejected him despite the 'obvious' financial benefits.

As well, as the fact she's 'wasted his time' when he could have been busily getting any other woman who would have him imported.

God spare me from a man like him...I pity the woman he will most likely eventually procure.

[azcactus 0]

Dear Members,

As some of you are aware my fiancee has decided to cancel our K1. I have no reasons other than that her family advised her not to, what about discrimination here, what if her daughter wanted to go back and questions about support of her family as she is the only peso maker in her household.

Is it in my best interest to notify CSC and the USE in Manila and make them aware of this? I am almost certain that I will be down this road again, but what about now. Would notifying them with her email attached saying that she does not want to pursue this K1 anymore help?

I need your helpful suggestions not judgement.

Thanks to all who reply.

Kevin

Are you 100% sure its over? If she changed her mind before the interview, would you take her back? If you're not 100% sure, I'd wait till after your visit at least. Good luck with whatever you decide

Absolutely I would take her back. I pray she changes her mind.

[azcactus 0]

I gotta say again--as the Non USC in the relationship--that it is a very very big step to leave your country, family, HOME. Even if it is for love. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be and scarey when your family is not emotionally supportive on top of all that.

The question I don't think I have seen you answer yet is "DO YOU LOVE HER?" I know you've mentioned other women, more fishies in the sea, and having met online. Are you simply looking for a wife--any wife--any foreign wife? Or have you spent all this time with this woman and her child because you love them? I know that you must be heart broken about her sudden change of heart--but honestly, it may be the fear speaking on her part. She may simply need you to go and reassure her. It may not be fair to you emotionally-but she may be testing you to some degree. Or she may seriously be that afraid to go and abandon her family.

Personally, I wouldn't cancel anything yet. You are already going there, you have nothing to lose (not even the monetary since it's already booked and paid for) you may find that things can be worked through and- if not -at least you know you went down fighting.

either way, good luck

Yes I LOVE HER very much!!!!!! I have been sending her an email everyday asking why, but so far no reply.

[azcactus 0]

What I see from this man's post is 'should I cancel because I know I'll be importing some hapless woman to be my wife just as soon as I can'.

In my opinion, he doesn't love this woman, he's only sore because she's rejected him despite the 'obvious' financial benefits.

As well, as the fact she's 'wasted his time' when he could have been busily getting any other woman who would have him imported.

God spare me from a man like him...I pity the woman he will most likely eventually procure.

I see what a BAD Reader u r or just a mean ol bitty. Didn't ask for judgment, just advice on canceling.

[LookyWhatIFound 38]

I gotta say again--as the Non USC in the relationship--that it is a very very big step to leave your country, family, HOME. Even if it is for love. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be and scarey when your family is not emotionally supportive on top of all that.

The question I don't think I have seen you answer yet is "DO YOU LOVE HER?" I know you've mentioned other women, more fishies in the sea, and having met online. Are you simply looking for a wife--any wife--any foreign wife? Or have you spent all this time with this woman and her child because you love them? I know that you must be heart broken about her sudden change of heart--but honestly, it may be the fear speaking on her part. She may simply need you to go and reassure her. It may not be fair to you emotionally-but she may be testing you to some degree. Or she may seriously be that afraid to go and abandon her family.

Personally, I wouldn't cancel anything yet. You are already going there, you have nothing to lose (not even the monetary since it's already booked and paid for) you may find that things can be worked through and- if not -at least you know you went down fighting.

either way, good luck

Yes I LOVE HER very much!!!!!! I have been sending her an email everyday asking why, but so far no reply.

Sorry about this ugly situation, and how hard some people here are on you without even knowing part of the story.

Gosh, when part of your title is, "stop the world and let me off" that sounds like a man that is feeling extremely depressed.

If you do end up cancelling the interview, yes I think it would be in your best interest to notify the Embassy, especially if there is a chance that you may have to setup another interview with them someday.

I don't think USCIS cares anymore as they approved your petition and its out of their responsibility at this point.

I hope it works out for you.

Edited February 25, 2007 by LookyWhatIFound

[britty 1]

This does sound monetary in its entirety, and if your fiance is an earner then naturally her family are terrified that without her working, they will suffer. Maybe you could offer a dowry when you visit? and like others have said, promise to send a regular monthly amount to the family. Your fiance is probably torn between being with you and ensuring her family are ok. Personally if I thought something would adversely affect my family then I would be torn too no matter how much I loved my fiance. I know its sounds harsh but money could resolve this issue.