My Mother

[We Keep Receipts 9,238]

You have my deepest sympathies . If you need anything, hit me up.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

So sorry to hear this

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

My sincere condolences.

[GandD 5,966]

Condolences Janelle.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Sending my condolences to you and yours, Janelle. No one can ever equal or replace a mother's love.

[TBoneTX 43,059]

Sincerest condolences, J. May you be comforted among all who mourn.

[LibCampFireClub 635]

Such sad and difficult news Janelle. I extend my deepest condolences to you and your family during your time of deep personal loss.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all so very much for your condolences. As you all know, December has been a very hard and trying month for me. I lost my father in law and then I lost my mother. I went to Sri Lanka to help my grieving husband only to touch down in Sri Lanka, call home to tell my mother I had landed and to find out she was called to a better place. She was only 57 years old. She died in my stepfather's arms. She was my best friend, we talked numerous times a day. Words cannot describe how empty I feel at this point. At first, I literally thought I would die. I kicked and screamed at the ground for hours as my husband tried to pull me from the floor. She had suffered a heart attack a few weeks before her final day, but she was doing great. She was in good spirit, up and moving around. I had a choice to make, see my mother who had suffered from a heart attack but was doing better, or see my grieving husband. I chose to see my grieving husband. I cannot tell you how much the decision continues to eat at me. I felt as if I made the wrong decision and it cost me dearly. I thought I would get a chance to see her this March, I was soooo wrong. I would give anything to change that decision and be with her for her last breath, but I cannot. Who's knows what would have happened if I had made a different choice, maybe I would have lost someone else who was dear to me. This has been the steepest learning curve of my life; how to live without my mom, my love, my heart, my best friend and my world.

I am taking it a day at a time. I have decided to cry and pray once a day. I understand I will cry and there is nothing I can do about it. It is either the bubble bath she left here this October or the knife she got caught with at the airport because she forgot to check it. lol The coat that I now have that belonged to her. Her wedding ring that was given to me by my stepfather that also carries the original diamond my father had gave to her before he died of cancer. Or it can be remembering her teaching me how to skate or kicking leaves together at the park. I am glad that I have so many great memories of my mother and that God took her quickly without letting her suffer.

Thanks for listening VJ.

[LibCampFireClub 635]

Janelle,

It can be healing to express your feelings during this time. My relationship with my mother is similar to yours. I lost her in 1993 to emphysema. To this day, I talk to her as if she were right here with me. In my heart I believe she is. Someone suggested to to me years ago to choose a location, or monument, or building nearby your home as a memorial to her. This location need not be permanent and can change as you move from place to place, but will always remain a special place throughout your life. It's a place where her spirit and your spirit can spend quiet time. A brook, a beach, a mountain, a river. Your spirit will know what to choose and where; she is there.

Edited January 13, 2015 by ExExpat

[Operator 1,925]

In my opinion there is no point to second guess, your mom would want you to forgive yourself I think. Chin up.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Janelle,

It can be healing to express your feelings during this time. My relationship with my mother is similar to yours. I lost her in 1993 to emphysema. To this day, I talk to her as if she were right here with me. In my heart I believe she is. Someone suggested to to me years ago to choose a location, or monument, or building nearby your home as a memorial to her. This location need not be permanent and can change as you move from place to place, but will always remain a special place throughout your life. It's a place where her spirit and your spirit can spend quiet time. A brook, a beach, a mountain, a river. Your spirit will know what to choose and where; she is there.

I too am terribly sorry for your loss. I have a lake right next to me. I will choose this. She loved the water.

Thanks ExExpat

Edited January 13, 2015 by Janelle2002

[Janelle2002 3,865]

In my opinion there is no point to second guess, your mom would want you to forgive yourself I think. Chin up.

You are correct. Guilt can consume you. There are times when I think I could have saved her or that God is punishing me. I know this isn't right, but it keeps seeping into my head.

[TBoneTX 43,059]

Accept any emotion that you feel during this period, remembering that the only invalid one is guilt. Allow it to seep in long enough for you to recognize it, then tell it to seep out -- it's had its time with you "for now."

Hugs.

Edited January 13, 2015 by TBoneTX

[Janelle2002 3,865]

Accept any emotion that you feel during this period, remembering that the only invalid one is guilt. Allow it to seep in long enough for you to recognize it, then tell it to seep out -- it's had its time with you "for now."

Hugs.

You are absolutely correct. I wish there was a hug button in this thing. Thanks a lot TboneTX.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I won't give you any advice, as people usually deal with grief and loss in their own ways. My best wishes and condolences continue to go with you.