Complicated situation... divorce, can't work, anxiety, depression... Huge mess!

[shadows 0]

My marriage has gone to hell and while I'm not in any immediate physical danger or anything like that, irrepairable damage has been done and I need to work on being able to remove myself from the situation. I have a feeling this could possibly take years to acheive but having some sort of plan will be of comfort. As of right now I feel trapped and hopeless.

I have severe anxiety as well as depression which is making it impossible for me to work. I've only ever hard part time jobs and those all resulted in me having panic attacks, stress induced vomitting, insomnia, thoughts of suicide. Daily. I currently work only a couple of hours a week for a local business that allows me to work mostly from home, and I even struggle with that. I have an Etsy and am okay setting up at craft shows occasionally but it's nothing I have hope of making a living from. I need some sort of financial assistance, or I'm dead.

I don't really know where to begin or what to look into. I know if it's even possible for me to get assistance they'll need some sort of record of my mental issues (I've not been treated in over 10 years). What I'm not sure of is if I'm better off going into therapy *now* or if I'm better off focusing my energy on completing the naturalization process first? (Can being this kind of crazy prevent me from getting citizenship?)

Any advice at all is appreciated.

[aleful 1,905]

hi

first of all you're not crazy and I'm sorry about your marriage

you are writing sentences coherently and your thought process is fine, you can understand and memorize the 100 questions

have you been a resident for 5 years?

I'd say forget about citizenship for now, your health is the most important thing, get therapy and medication to control the anxiety and depression, having to be in front of a IO is nerve racking for anyone and very stressful

[shadows 0]

Resident for 7 years.

I would prefer to get started in therapy sooner rather than later, if being formally diagnosed again won't be an issue.

Thank you, I appreciate the response.

[gwenstar 66]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through It seems like you have a lot of things on your plate and that can be very overwhelming. I agree with Aleful in that it could be best to focus on your health first. For instance to take one thing to focus your energy on out of a situation that altogether is overhwelming.

I know I have been very depressed and had severe anxiety at different points in my life. Its like I can see that I need to do things, but can't imagine how to get to the place where they get done. My best advice would be to go the route of working on stress related to the anxiety/depression and hopefully that will help open up more doorways for you to tackle the other issues you have going on. If there is something you have done in the past such as therapy or medication, maybe revisit whatever has helped in the past and see if how it goes. If it isn't helpful, then you can always try something new.

Even if it doesn't seem like much to you, it is great that you are able to work with a local company from home and that you have Etsy that you can set up. Think of those as victories and be encouraged that you have those things in your life that are positive.

Like you said, working on a plan would bring some comfort by knowing that you are moving forward and not trapped. If you have any close friends you can brainstorm with as far as making big goals or small goals, that could be helpful. Even if you don't want to share with them the extent of what you are going through, maybe making some short term plans with them could help. Like doing a 30 day challenge together or going on walks once a week together. Something that is comforting to you and also builds your confidence that you can create new paths in your life, no matter how small they are.

Anyhow, I am just sharing things that I have found helpful. I know, saying them is one thing, and actually doing them can be more challenging. So yeah, maybe talking to a counselor who knows your situation or could at least be a listening ear might be a beneficial thing in helping you create a plan to get you closer to where you want to be.

I think it is good you are reaching out here on VJ to get input from other people who have gone through the naturalization process and/or marriage struggles and so forth. Feel free to PM me if you want.

[shadows 0]

Thank you. Truly. I had a panic attack just before writing the original post. Comparatively minor (most of my attacks render me completely useless for the rest of the evening), however this whole thing is fairly terrifying. I worry that by trying to figure out my options I'll find that I have none..

I spent the night researching therapists in the area. I found a clinic within walking distance (I've never driven and having my husband drive me is... not ideal. He doesn't like being inconvenienced) and estimated costs with my husband's insurance. Unfortunately I'm going to have to talk with him about it as he'll be paying most of my copays. I know he'll think it's a waste of money though I think he'll agree to it, however reluctantly.

[gwenstar 66]

Thank you. Truly. I had a panic attack just before writing the original post. Comparatively minor (most of my attacks render me completely useless for the rest of the evening), however this whole thing is fairly terrifying. I worry that by trying to figure out my options I'll find that I have none..

I spent the night researching therapists in the area. I found a clinic within walking distance (I've never driven and having my husband drive me is... not ideal. He doesn't like being inconvenienced) and estimated costs with my husband's insurance. Unfortunately I'm going to have to talk with him about it as he'll be paying most of my copays. I know he'll think it's a waste of money though I think he'll agree to it, however reluctantly.

Good for you for doing some research and finding a place that is comfortable for you to get to on your own. While there may be some friction with your husband regarding insurance and such, I am glad to hear that you are willing to focus on your health and do what you know you need to do to feel better, even if he doesn't see it the same way.

[aussie_jason 195]

With being a resident for more than 5 years you can file for naturalization on your own so divorce will not effect that process.

[shadows 0]

Good for you for doing some research and finding a place that is comfortable for you to get to on your own. While there may be some friction with your husband regarding insurance and such, I am glad to hear that you are willing to focus on your health and do what you know you need to do to feel better, even if he doesn't see it the same way.

Awkward conversation. He was dismissive but eventually agreed, then proceeded to grill me about why I wanted to start going and if I was going to talk about him. Really hoping that's not going to happen every time I have a session.

[shadows 0]

With being a resident for more than 5 years you can file for naturalization on your own so divorce will not effect that process.

At all? We haven't discussed splitting up yet (I have nowhere to go) but it's obvious I'm unhappy. He's made a few offhanded, vague threats about potentially trying to make things complicated for me if I leave him. I don't actually think he would when it comes down to it, but still.

[gwenstar 66]

Awkward conversation. He was dismissive but eventually agreed, then proceeded to grill me about why I wanted to start going and if I was going to talk about him. Really hoping that's not going to happen every time I have a session.

High 5 to you! That great that you pushed through the awkwardness and that he agreed. I'm sure it can be unsettling for him to think that you could share things (his flaws or mistakes) with another person and he is not there to defend himself. But at the end of the day, it is what you feel you need and that is a decision you make for yourself. Also, it will benefit you and him as well for you to be feeling better. When you are feeling better you feel like you can move forward it's good for both of you.

Also yes you have been a resident long enough to continue your immigration process even if you divorce. But you can cross that road when you get there.