The more I read the more I worry, of course

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

So, I just realized my fiancée (we're getting married and then filing because I like my independence and I can't bear the idea of spending months and months unable to work and depending entirely on her. It seems unfair and working will help me adjust to a new country better!) and I have a potential red flag?

Several years ago, I was engaged to an American out of Dallas, TX, and we filed for K-1. He cheated on me nearly at the end of our visa journey and left me for a younger girl. I never received any paperwork notifying me that he had withdrawn the petition or anything like that and I stopped talking to him immediately after the breakup.

Shortly after the breakup, I met a girl who became my friend, my best friend and then my everything. She's been my partner for the past two years and we're getting married either in December or March (we're debating the date because we want December, but may not be able to get the vacation time since I'm going down for a visit in November). We started tossing the idea of getting married around when DOMA was overturned. She lives in Austin, TX for grad school. We'll be filing for IR-1 immediately after we marry because we cannot wait to start our lives together and build a home together.

Could the previous K-1 petition from four or five years ago come back to bite us? Is there anything we can do to keep it from coming back to bite us?

Ironically, I really don't want to live in the US. I love my OHIP card (healthcare!) and the better environment for ####### people here (I live in Toronto and will be moving to the southern US. Austin's supposed to be pretty good, but I think it'll still be a big adjustment). In an ideal world I would be bringing my fiancée to live with me. Sadly, she's got several more years of grad school and can't relocate until she's done because of ongoing research work, so the US it is.

[Harpa Timsah 13,260]

There is nothing you can do about it now except explain. It is a bit odd that the old relationship was opposite-sex and this one is same-sex. No judgement, but I did read about a failed case with a guy who was gay but then said he had found the love of his life in a woman. I am sure that case was decided on a lot more than the plain facts, though. You will get a chance to explain and prove your bona fide relationship. Best of luck.

Edit: The cure, of course, is to quit reading and trust in your relationship

Edited October 4, 2013 by Harpa Timsah

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

We're both research nuts and reading like crazy is what we do. I trust in my relationship. Just, it seems like no matter how careful you are, there are always more rules you didn't put much stock in or that you glossed over. I want to make sure we follow all the rules in order to make sure that our relationship has a chance to be looked at on the same playing field as anyone else's.

It doesn't really seem odd to me to have had male and female partners. I've had both, both short and longterm. It's always been about personality for me. About someone making me laugh and making me cry. About how someone made me feel about me and made me feel about them. About sharing dreams and ideas and tossing around thoughts idly. About looking at someone and knowing that this person, this human being, is someone who you want to always feel good and happy and that you will do everything you can to be part of making that person's life be good and happy.

After all, I could date someone I found terrifically physically attractive, but in fifty years, they would look very different and I probably would not find them as attractive, physically speaking, as when they were young and beautiful. I'd only be seeing the way we feel together and the memories we'd made, at that point. So I just don't ever pay attention to the physical when I start a relationship. Honestly, most of my relationships, even long-term live-in ones, have begun online. I'm terribly shy, in person.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Not a Tailor

[Darnell 8,479]

The prior K-1/I-129F will get you some additional scrutiny, to be certain.

IMO, write up a letter of attestation about it, submit with the I-130, when yer ready to file.

[Not a Tailor 1,370]

So disclose before they ask and explain that the relationship broke up due to infidelity on the part of the petitioner? What should go into that letter, exactly? I'm very happy to write it and sign it, even have it notarized if necessary, I'm just not entirely sure what goes into it. Do you think we should make a point of providing extra evidence of bonafide relationship just in case?

We're going to get affidavits from the people who know us best both online and offline because we haven't had a lot of travel freedom due to her being in grad school (she spends part of the year in a THIRD country due to her research) and me having had family responsibilities until recently. We're also planning to get together every single break she has from school now that my family responsibilities are gone and she's gotten a little nestegg she can put towards travel expenses to be able to get away on her breaks. We've been talking without a gap of more than perhaps 10 hours at any time for three years and have been together for two and she has, remarkably enough, kept every single chatlog of every single conversation we've had since we got together. She says they make her smile. Her place burnt down over the summer and we've been making all the furniture purchase decisions together--the one item she bought on impulse, I knew her so well that when she told me she'd bought it I was able to tell her exactly which one she'd bought. Should we save evidence of those choices and turn that in?

[Harpa Timsah 13,260]

FWIW, your explanation satisfied me. You will get a chance to explain at the interview, if they even ask. A letter for the petition might be a good idea, but keep it factual and back it up with proof of your bona fide current relationship.

The thing is that there is only a limited amount of research to be done, because all cases are private. When people self-report their case, they often don't tell the truth, because they are lying or embarrassed or whatever. Beware of that.