Young filipino children adjusting to American Lifestyle

[Michael Ruffin 1]

Hello

I have question for any married couple that brought young children over from the Philippines. My wife has 2 young boys 5 and 7 this year currently staying with their grandmother in Manila. When I first met my wife original plan was to have the boys come with their mother but cost overruns prevented that option. Now, it is almost a year since my wife recieved her visa. I am going to have to repetition the boys because it will be longer than one year on the Join and follow. The boys are doing ok because the father is around! The problem on my end is money. I live in very nice area of PA where the public school is rank very high in PA and there is 3 Charter Schools in the area. The education for them is free both public and charter schools because the school taxes me and my with pay bi-weekly! The boys are currently learning english at their current school but to keep them there will cost about $1000 each per year. I am just wondering was there any issues with the kids adapting to an American lifestyles. Thanks for the input!

Michael

[Blue Bianchi 77]

Hi Michael,

Could you tell us more about the kind if education they had been getting in the Philippines? Were they going to public schools or private schools? What city or town do they come from? Are they at the top of their class or not so much?

The language of instruction in the Philippines is English and if they are still in grade school or high school, they will catch up with American peers in speaking and comprehension. But the learning curve will be steep and it will take them some time to adjust emotionally and socially.

You and your new wife will have to be supportive. It will make a huge difference too if you make the initiative to get to know Philippine culture. Get involved in communities where they can make friends with other young Filipino immigrants so they will know what what they are experiencing is common.

Blue Bianchi

[madtownguy 164]

Get the kids over here, they will adapt better the younger they are. Kids are kids doesn't matter where they are from. There are so few years left that the kids will actually want you in their life, when they are teenagers they will be through with you. Do the right thing and get the kids over here no matter what the cost. That should be expedited. You're certainly not the first to bring over fiance or wife and get kids later, but I just don't know how any mother or father could do that. I had a girl awhile back I met say the child could come later and that is when I knew she wasn't for me. Leaving a husband or wife is a piece of cake compared to leaving a child, so you're basically teaching someone to learn to live without someone they once loved. In some cases there is more to the story and yours could be one, but money isn't a reason to wait. Money is a reason to get a second job.

I don't totally agree with the post above, they don't need to keep customs or traditions they are at a age they will embrace what their friends are doing. I personally think it would be bad if you kept them around the filipino community it'd be best for them to dive in and get use to the culture here.

Edited March 25, 2013 by madtownguy

[Tahoma 2,291]

My wife's nephew came to the U.S. when he was six. He's now 12. Based upon his experience, here's what you can expect:

The kids will adapt so well that, in a few years, they won't want to speak Tagalog. They'll understand it, but they'll be shy to speak it because they aren't very confident with it anymore. When their mother speaks to them in Tagalog, they'll answer in English.

On the other hand, in a year or two, their English will be flawless.

[LSnBigBear 61]

Get the kids over here, they will adapt better the younger they are. Kids are kids doesn't matter where they are from. There are so few years left that the kids will actually want you in their life, when they are teenagers they will be through with you. Do the right thing and get the kids over here no matter what the cost. That should be expedited. You're certainly not the first to bring over fiance or wife and get kids later, but I just don't know how any mother or father could do that. I had a girl awhile back I met say the child could come later and that is when I knew she wasn't for me. Leaving a husband or wife is a piece of cake compared to leaving a child, so you're basically teaching someone to learn to live without someone they once loved. In some cases there is more to the story and yours could be one, but money isn't a reason to wait. Money is a reason to get a second job.

I don't totally agree with the post above, they don't need to keep customs or traditions they are at a age they will embrace what their friends are doing. I personally think it would be bad if you kept them around the filipino community it'd be best for them to dive in and get use to the culture here.

[LSnBigBear 61]

If you wait much longer you will most likely need to start them in grades under their age group. Keep in mind that Filipino public education is much weaker then ours. Even private, depending on type of private may place them behind. When I lived there I spent 3500p monthly on my ex Gf's daughter to attend a mid level Private School in Cebu. At age 5 then 6 she picked up on the new school but needed extra tutoring and had to attend summer school tutoring as well in a few subjects. Her English and Chinese speaking was very good with English being much improved. Actually I enjoyed talking with her about current events more than her mother and could understand her better. Like others mentioned, bring them here within the next few years is best. I would say if they hit age 10 or above that you may want to then wait until they graduate at 16 there as it would be harder for them to catch up here and adapt.

[apple21 953]

Our children were 5, 6, and 7 when they immigrated last 2011. No major issues whatsoever. Of course their first 2 weeks in school were the adjustment period, they were a little bit shy and apprehensive but after that everything went smoothly.

Just after a couple of months they were already speaking "slang" English. I can't keep up myself.

Don't worry, children adapt faster than (us) adults just as long as you encourage and understand them. They'll adjust in their own pace.

A little background though. Our children went to private schools here in the Philippines so they have above-average English language skills but at home (and everywhere else) we speak fully in Tagalog. I never encouraged them to be "English speaking" because I know they will immigrate at a very young age so they'll adapt English easily and most specially I don't want them to "forget" our native language.

[sunandmoon 450]

I am a strong believer that children should come at the same time as their mother. I know many have reasons why the children come here at a later date, but I wish they would consider an important reason for coming at the same time as their mom, family unity. the time lost not being together as a family is time that can never be replaced.

as far as adjustment to life in the USA, children seem to have a quicker and easier time than the adults.

[Caryh 5,206]

I am a strong believer that children should come at the same time as their mother. I know many have reasons why the children come here at a later date, but I wish they would consider an important reason for coming at the same time as their mom, family unity. the time lost not being together as a family is time that can never be replaced.

as far as adjustment to life in the USA, children seem to have a quicker and easier time than the adults.

I've know women that have waited because they want to be sure its safe for their children. They're willing to take the chance and risk that the person they marry is the person they thought they were for themselves but are not willing to extend that risk to their children. Given the horror stories told in the Philippines, and even some stories here, I can't blame them. Parents separated from the children is not such an uncommon thing in the Philippines, so its much easier to make that choice than it would be here. It seems that many children there have multiple mothers and fathers the family ties are so close.

[Tintin and Mike 127]

Many of my nephews/nieces/cousins came in here when they were around that age and grew up just fine and actually active with sports and community services now. I came in when I was 17 so that's different age group and I was in college in the Philippines when I left. I easily made friends with Americans than fellow Filipinos at that time

Good luck!

[sunandmoon 450]

I've know women that have waited because they want to be sure its safe for their children. They're willing to take the chance and risk that the person they marry is the person they thought they were for themselves but are not willing to extend that risk to their children. Given the horror stories told in the Philippines, and even some stories here, I can't blame them. Parents separated from the children is not such an uncommon thing in the Philippines, so its much easier to make that choice than it would be here. It seems that many children there have multiple mothers and fathers the family ties are so close.

I agree for some, the reason you mentioned would be a main consideration. for others, fiancial reasons could make it difficult for children to come at the same time as the mom or the children are near finishing their high school education. I've also seen many mention that they want to come here first to get settled in and adjust to life here in the USA. for those, maybe more consideraion should be given to having the children come at the same time as their mom. as has been mentioned, most children do not have a difficult time adjusting to life in the USA.

[Caryh 5,206]

I agree for some, the reason you mentioned would be a main consideration. for others, fiancial reasons could make it difficult for children to come at the same time as the mom or the children are near finishing their high school education. I've also seen many mention that they want to come here first to get settled in and adjust to life here in the USA. for those, maybe more consideraion should be given to having the children come at the same time as their mom. as has been mentioned, most children do not have a difficult time adjusting to life in the USA.

Most young children don't have an issue adjusting, that's pretty sure. Older children I think is going to be variable. Some will adjust easy, some hard, and everything in between. Its sad when they're separated just for money though. I've seen those cases stretch out too long at times. Waiting to finish a school year might not be a bad reason to, if the end is close. But then the mother can just delay and still come together.

As to the mother adjusting first? I can see how some would think that wasn't a bad idea, and may be a good thing for some. If my wife had a child, it might have been a good idea in her case. I never would have guessed it before hand, but she adjusted pretty darn slowly, lots of emotional ups and downs, which have moderated now. On one hand she may not have allowed herself to go through that if she had a child with. On the other hand dealing with a child may have been a breaking point.

[Michael Ruffin 1]

Hi Michael,

Could you tell us more about the kind if education they had been getting in the Philippines? Were they going to public schools or private schools? What city or town do they come from? Are they at the top of their class or not so much?

The language of instruction in the Philippines is English and if they are still in grade school or high school, they will catch up with American peers in speaking and comprehension. But the learning curve will be steep and it will take them some time to adjust emotionally and socially.

You and your new wife will have to be supportive. It will make a huge difference too if you make the initiative to get to know Philippine culture. Get involved in communities where they can make friends with other young Filipino immigrants so they will know what what they are experiencing is common.

Blue Bianchi

Hello Blue!

To answer your question, they are currently reside in Pateros (Sta Ana Barangay). They are attending a private pre-school in San Pedro called the San Pedro PECEP Center. The boys are doing very well academically. The youngest is on the Honor every period. I live in a very diverse community. I am not sure how many young filipino children reside in my communtity but there are alot of Asian children (Chinese, Japanese, Indian, etc...) and other minority groups here. There is a very good charter school that is part the of school district which they could attend but the public here is very good because of it strong ties to the university in my community.

[DaveE 178]

My daughter was 14 when she arrived and started school two weeks after she got here. She had a full day of international student placement testing prior to determining grade level. She did so well that they advanced her to 10th grade at 14 years old.

She will graduate high school this May at age 16, and start her freshman year in college. She is fully assimilated into the culture and is virtually accent free.

Kids will adapt much faster than adults, the younger the better.

[Blue Bianchi 77]

Hello Blue!

To answer your question, they are currently reside in Pateros (Sta Ana Barangay). They are attending a private pre-school in San Pedro called the San Pedro PECEP Center. The boys are doing very well academically. The youngest is on the Honor every period. I live in a very diverse community. I am not sure how many young filipino children reside in my communtity but there are alot of Asian children (Chinese, Japanese, Indian, etc...) and other minority groups here. There is a very good charter school that is part the of school district which they could attend but the public here is very good because of it strong ties to the university in my community.

Hi Michael,

I think they will do fine. It seems that the younger kids immigrate, the easier they transition. It's also great that you live in a diverse place. My very best wishes to you and your new family!

BBianchi