Cute Qoutes !

[LuzyC 0]

Saw this in another board and feels like interesting to share here..

1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapeños -- you never know what's going to burn your butt.

2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, um...where's the ceiling?

7) My reality check bounced.

8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

9) I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier !

10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo.

12) Never argue with an idiot.. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

13) Be careful . . . a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

14) Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

15) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

16) So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

17) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

18) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

19) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

20) I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.

I like # 12--Gary taught me that 'and I agree!so true!so true!

and #19---most of the time I amuse myself lol

[Buttons 0]

lol

[almaty 19]

good stuff

[Marilyn. 340]

On the other hand..... You have different fingers....

[Sheriff Uling 3]

LuzyC - I have not been hanging around long enough to catch everything latey so I missed this yesterday. You are right about # 12, it's hilariously correct, and it's also my favorite. Cheers!!!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Luzy, I hope you don't mind if I add some. I've had these around for awhile ...oldies but goodies.

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome

things that money can buy."

--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."

-- Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd better have a good hand."

-- Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday

night."

-- Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual

arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."

--Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the

taxidermist."

--Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

--Camille Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are

unimportant."

--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole

relationships."

--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's

reading."

--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but

he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara

had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's

genitals through his wallet."

--Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable

undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They

say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just

grateful."

--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are

having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe

swelling. So what's the problem?"

-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I

know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."

--Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't

like and just give her a house."

-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a #######, and only

enough blood to run one at a time."

-- Robin Williams

[LuzyC 0]

:yes:

[LuzyC 0]

1.)The cutest kittens have the sharpest claws.

2.)You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

3.)People Create their own Drama,and they are effective comedianne.

4.)Life doesnt suck totally,we just havent gotten to the good parts yet...

5.)Life is like soccer... you need goals.

6.)Couriosity killed the cat but the monkey gets away with murder.

7.)Beauty is skin deep, but attitude is to the bone.

8.)Mystify people with your intelligence, and if u cant do that, mystify them with your B.S.

9.)When you're arguing with an idiot, make sure that the other person isn't doing the same thing.

10.)It's ok to live on the edge just don't fall off.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

I love these... Thx Steven_and_Jinky

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome

things that money can buy."

--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."

-- Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd better have a good hand."

-- Woody Allen

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's

genitals through his wallet."

--Robin Williams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

--Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable

undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They

say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just

grateful."

--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are

having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe

swelling. So what's the problem?"

-- Dustin Hoffman

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't

like and just give her a house."

-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a #######, and only

enough blood to run one at a time."

-- Robin Williams

Edited October 29, 2006 by Uling

[Aymerlu 3]

Cute!