Engagement parties? Input please!

[--- 42]

Though me and my fiance have already gotten engaged we are debating on having a formal big engagement party since both our families are already aware and supporting of our relationship and future marriage, I wanted to get some input from the ladies (and gentlemen) that have already been through it! I wasn't sure if this was appropriate to post in the K-1 discussion forums so I decided to post it here.

~Did you have an engagement party?

~What was it like? [foods, # of guests, etc] (feel free to add as many details as you want)

~Where did you have it?

~Which family members attended?

~Do you think it's mandatory to have an engagement party? Did you include basic evidence of the party in your packet? [photos, receipts, etc]

~How much was spent on your party?

[msheesha 548]

We didn't have one, and it wasn't a factor in approving the visa or not. I can't remember if my husband was asked about it or not. I believe it wasn't a factor because we were both in our later 30s at the time of our marriage & it was my husband's 2nd marriage. If they asked him about it he answered honestly saying we were having a celebration in the USA bc it was the way I wanted it.

I would say if you don't want to have one, don't have one & be able to explain why.

[tweety&irv 5]

yes i had an engagement party

it was great i used a restaurant and i had about 22 guests

my mom sisters and close friends were there

it is not mandatory to have an engagement party at all thats your choice

i am not sure whick packet your talking about but we had a party after we got engaged so none of those pic were sent in with our packet but we did send pics, ticket subs, stamps from passport to show how much time he visited

the amount of money you spend on your party depends on the place and the amount of persons you invite

good luck

[--- 42]

yes i had an engagement party

it was great i used a restaurant and i had about 22 guests

my mom sisters and close friends were there

it is not mandatory to have an engagement party at all thats your choice

i am not sure whick packet your talking about but we had a party after we got engaged so none of those pic were sent in with our packet but we did send pics, ticket subs, stamps from passport to show how much time he visited

the amount of money you spend on your party depends on the place and the amount of persons you invite

good luck

Thanks lady! Oops, sorry I forgot to specify on the packet! I was referring to the I-129F fiance visa packet! Thank you for your response :")

We didn't have one, and it wasn't a factor in approving the visa or not. I can't remember if my husband was asked about it or not. I believe it wasn't a factor because we were both in our later 30s at the time of our marriage & it was my husband's 2nd marriage. If they asked him about it he answered honestly saying we were having a celebration in the USA bc it was the way I wanted it.

I would say if you don't want to have one, don't have one & be able to explain why.

We may or may not. It's our first marriage but it will be extremely expensive and difficult to not only bring both my parents to Morocco during the summer months (most expensive airline tickets urrrghhh) but also to buy all the food, outfits, etc. We haven't decided but we were just curious as to what others did and if this was a matter we could possibly put off until a later time when the funds permit. Thank you for your response though! It was helpful so that we can successfully deal with what is to come.

[John and Camie 39]

~Did you have an engagement party?

Yep, after John received his K-1, I flew over to England

~What was it like? [foods, # of guests, etc] (feel free to add as many details as you want)

It was a blast!

~Where did you have it?

We had it at the local pub with friends and family

~Which family members attended?

My mother-in-law and brother-in-law. John's father was in France at the time.

~Do you think it's mandatory to have an engagement party?

No. We wanted to celebrate the K-1 and our engagement, and nothing is more fun than sitting in the pub with everyone you love, getting hammered and singing cheesy jukebox songs We had a blast. My mother-in-law and I shared a shandy. It's one of my favorite memories, ever.

Did you include basic evidence of the party in your packet? [photos, receipts, etc]

No. We did, however, include the pics in our AOS packet.

~How much was spent on your party?

Maybe about £200 ($300). The booze was a-flowin,' haha. John's best friends also bought us an expensive bottle of champagne. Honestly, my advice is to keep it simple. We only had drinks, so that's about as simple as you can get. Everyone met after dinner, which kept costs low. If you want to incorporate food into your party, consider a potluck, where everyone brings something. But is it essential for K-1? No.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Honestly, especially given your demographics, a big engagement party is highly unlikely to make a difference in getting an approval or not, much less be remotely necessary or required. I wouldn't take any visa stuff into account re an engagement party, but that's just my opinion. If you want to, and can comfortably afford to do it just for kicks, that's cool.

This summer will probably be really expensive for travel to morocco especially with Ramadan almost smack dab in the middle of it.

[Peace.... 281]

Hi Margaret,

Gonna get off the topic for just a sec as I think it may help just a bit for you both. After reading so many good and bad stories regarding couples getting engaged to soon or getting married to soon just after meeting, made me realize something about our case that may have helped Mohammed get his visa since our red flags were huge.

I met Mohammed in 2008 online and travelled to Morocco in March of 2009 for 3 weeks. I didn't spend the entire time with Mohammed as I had another good friend and she lived here in the States and was going back home and wanted to know if I would like to come to Morocco and spend some time there with her and her family. I agreed and off I went. Actually, I only spent the last week meeting up with Mohammed and sharing some dinner time and lots of coffee time at the coffee houses. It was until the last few days of my trip that I met his Mother, and two sisters and their family.

I found Mohammed's home to be filled with love and kindness. They opened their arms to a stranger they had never met or even seen online. Believe it or not, I never showed my face to anyone online and never ever showed Mohammed. We only chatted via yahoo and My Yearbook and only shared pictures of the two of us. The first time he saw me was at the lobby in the hotel. I got off the elevator, and there he was with a beautiful smile. I didn't know what to do, I knew, I couldn't just go and give him a nice to meet you hug as we do here in America. Honestly, I froze and didn't know what to do as I never thought that part out very well. All I could do, is smile and greet him with a hello and it's nice to finally meet you. We spent a few hours walking downtown Casablanca and having just a nice time getting to know each other better.

To make my story a bit shorter, I made 4 more trips to Morocco and spending much quality time with Mohammed and his entire family and closes friends. We never spoke of marriage at all until one night a year later, he said, Darlene thank you for making so many visits to see me, and I would love more than anything if you would share your life with me. I cried ..... he cried.... the end (of course I said yes LOL)

Now onto your question:

Engagement party: One year later + after meeting the first time.

Where: His sister's home

Food: His sisters and mom made all the food (yummmmmmmmmy)

Cost Well we had a ton of food so unsure of the cost

What I wore: His sister gave me a beautiful off white lace, silk, beaded with stones .....just beautiful

Pictures: I took many, but only sent 10 of them on a 8x10 sheet including all members of his family with us together and only one of me and him (where he kissed me on the forehead)

The reason, I had the little story before I answered your question, is I do believe that the Consulate could see we took it slow and I made multiple and multiple visits before we decided to make a commitment. A year and a half passed of our visits together, etc. before we applied for the K1 visa.

So maybe just maybe considered your next visit if possible to have your party.

Margaret, you mentioned that you may go back in December, why not wait until your third visit to maybe have some kind of engagement party. This third trip before his interview could be the deal breaker in so many ways. When I was interviewed by the Consulate, he was very impressed with how we took our time, all my visits, etc. I know so many other couples have made it through with no party and not many trips, but I just wanted to share our success story with you.

[--- 42]

Hi Margaret,

Gonna get off the topic for just a sec as I think it may help just a bit for you both. After reading so many good and bad stories regarding couples getting engaged to soon or getting married to soon just after meeting, made me realize something about our case that may have helped Mohammed get his visa since our red flags were huge.

I met Mohammed in 2008 online and travelled to Morocco in March of 2009 for 3 weeks. I didn't spend the entire time with Mohammed as I had another good friend and she lived here in the States and was going back home and wanted to know if I would like to come to Morocco and spend some time there with her and her family. I agreed and off I went. Actually, I only spent the last week meeting up with Mohammed and sharing some dinner time and lots of coffee time at the coffee houses. It was until the last few days of my trip that I met his Mother, and two sisters and their family......

Thank you for your response and help! We were just throwing the idea out there since we didn't really know when we were going to have it (summer or winter) and seeing what the feedback would be. I was actually thinking about the January engagement party, hopefully all our family members will be able to attend so we can have it then. His mother might be going to live with his sister in Mozambique so we'll see what happens! Thank you for your feedback though, it made me reevaluate what we should do... and not do! Helpful as always thank you again.

@John and Camie That sounds like a lot of fun! Too bad me and my fiance don't drink lol but all that matters is that you are in great company and spirit!

@sandinista! You're so right! The prices are out of the roof. If we have one, we'll probably go with what Darlene [foreverwaiting] suggested and wait until January when we have more time to plan and decide what we want to do. The only downside is that our plans might not go as we wish because family members might not be in the country. We'll see what Allah and time determines and we'll decide then!

Edited June 8, 2012 by Margaret n Ahmed

[Moh&Tamz 3]

okay i would do it!!! we had a very small wedding party because his family was still in mourning due to a death in the family and it was second marriage for us both!

now back to your situation just do it!! especially if his mom move's from there. it can be in moderation have one for family in morrocco and a second when he comes to the states. you can never repeat this time again so do it for yourselves celebrate your love and future lives together insha'Allah

[Sarah B 26]

we did not have an engagement party for two reasons:

1. we were in Paris, my family was in the US and his was in Tunisia. It was too complicated to deal with all of that.

2. we were poor and wanted to save money for moving to Tunisia and for the visa.

When we got married in Tunisia a few months later, I didn't allow his family to have a big party because I knew it would bankrupt them. They were not happy about it, but I knew that it was the right decision since I could not afford to have a party as well as do the visa paperwork. To this day, Anis's mom still wants us to have a party in Tunisia. Sigh.

[nicky&imad 16]

~Did you have an engagement party?

yes, because Imad's mom wanted me to experience one and she knew I was sad because we had planned to get married but because I didn't bring the correct divorce papers the judge said no So she had a party for us anyway

~What was it like? [foods, # of guests, etc] (feel free to add as many details as you want)

It was amazing! There were maybe 20 to 25 people. Different kinds of cookies and cake and tea of course, lol. Wonderful music and dancing. His family was dancing all around me, lol. Oh I also had 3 different dresses that his cousin brought for me to wear. They were beautiful, first one was red, second one was green and last but most beautiful was white

~Where did you have it?

It was all done in Imad's apartment.

~Which family members attended?

his sister, mom, grandmother, aunts, cousins, uncles, his brother, nephews and some family friends

~Do you think it's mandatory to have an engagement party? Did you include basic evidence of the party in your packet? [photos, receipts, etc]

I don't think it is necessary, but it is nice to experience it. I really felt accepted by everyone and they were all so kind and loving

~How much was spent on your party?

I did not spend anything. Imad's mom and sister arranged everything. I didn't even know until the day before, it was a surprise, lol After the party we went out for kofta and tea with his cousin and his wife , it was a perfect night.

I hope this helps you to make your decision, I feel that it would be great for you to experience it. Good luck in whatever you choose :)

[Dfibus 16]

Hey you guys!!!

This topic looks great I am planning our engagement ceremony with Naoufal and am so excited. Check out our webiste naoufaldominique.weddingwindow.com

I am super excited and its in December we dont plan to have an official wedding until 2014 just to be sure of the visa and save our money.. but the engagement ceremony will be so nice and my family is very excited to come. I say do what you want and what makes you happy def dont think about the visa process and what they might think just be yourself

[--- 42]

@Moh&Tamz Yeah, we are thinking about it and throwing ideas out there. I think you make a great point of "you only do this once in your life". We began to think about the engagement party because we don't want to leave any of our family members out especially since Ahmed's mother won't be able to come to the U.S for our wedding so I thought it could be nice to plan an engagement so that everyone can be there and see us together in one place at least once! We'll probably have a Moroccan style wedding in Morocco later in life when we can afford it but we don't know yet, like I said in previous posts it seems to be out of our financial capabilities. We are just getting all excited now and sharing ideas lol

@SarahandAnis Yes girly, I know where you are coming from with this. There is a line between what you want, what you need, and what is financially possible. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some things to be able to achieve the big stuff. Insha'Allah you will have a Tunisian party one day! Like I said before, we are just seeing what others did and taking it as it comes! If it happens, great. But if we have to prioritize other things, then that is just how it is!!!

@Nicky&Imad That sounds WONDERFUL! I'm so glad that you had such a wonderful time! Yeah, if we do it, it will just be for our enjoyment and memories not solely for the process. We were just curious if it played any part in the process especially since these parties are really integrated in Moroccan culture, but again it will be for our own benefit. We already promised each other to not do things just because a long process awaits us and we need proof but to do things because we have a life to live and enjoy with each other and we deserve to do these things without the k-1 process looming over every decision we make! Of course we think very seriously about how decisions will effect our process but we told each other we won't base our happiest moments around it.

@Dmiles I read your website and it's so nice! Your guests will have such a wonderful time attending and seeing all the sites. Did you make that site yourself? I hope your ceremony goes beautifully and like I said I wish I would be in Morocco at the time so I could maybe see you briefly and atleast give you my well wishes!

Edited June 9, 2012 by Margaret n Ahmed

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Echoing what others have said, you should make the decision on whether or not to have the party based on your emotional and financial needs as a couple and not on how it will look to immigration. Weddings and engagement parties are special and you'll remember them forever! I do remember someone posted a WikiLeaks article from Casa some time ago that suggested that the consulate had seen a fraud pattern including wedding or engagement celebrations that looked more like photo ops to the CO's than like culturally appropriate large parties typically seen in Moroccan-Moroccan relationships, so I guess that's something to be aware of. On the other hand, we've seen plenty of couples on VJ who provided evidence of engagement parties who were successful whether because of or in spite of that evidence. I especially agree with what Sandinista and Foreverwaiting said. I don't think you two are starting off with the demographic that causes the most suspicion to begin with, and I think taking things slow and having lots of visits is beneficial both for immigration and IMHO even more important for the natural development of the relationship.

Congratulations, by the way!

[--- 42]

Echoing what others have said, you should make the decision on whether or not to have the party based on your emotional and financial needs as a couple and not on how it will look to immigration. Weddings and engagement parties are special and you'll remember them forever! I do remember someone posted a WikiLeaks article from Casa some time ago that suggested that the consulate had seen a fraud pattern including wedding or engagement celebrations that looked more like photo ops to the CO's than like culturally appropriate large parties typically seen in Moroccan-Moroccan relationships, so I guess that's something to be aware of. On the other hand, we've seen plenty of couples on VJ who provided evidence of engagement parties who were successful whether because of or in spite of that evidence. I especially agree with what Sandinista and Foreverwaiting said. I don't think you two are starting off with the demographic that causes the most suspicion to begin with, and I think taking things slow and having lots of visits is beneficial both for immigration and IMHO even more important for the natural development of the relationship.

Congratulations, by the way!

Thank you ma'am! Yeah, that's what I was saying earlier. I don't want to spend my happiest moments thinking what "looks good" or as you said, just doing it for a photo op! lol. I want it just to be natural, mutually agreed upon, and for our personal benefit. If we have a party we'd do it in a typical ceremony except it would be at his house but it would be the usual gathering with all his family and my parents there celebrating with us. We rather have a well thought out and genuine event rather then something just for the sake of immigration, like you said. This is something for us and only us, regardless of what it will (or won't) do for the results of our process. As for the visits, yes you are totally right. We enjoy them for the sake of being around each other while learning and loving more about each other! I really appreciate your response and I can't thank you enough (and the others) for replying because it gives me a lot of insight and help! Thank you!!!

Edited June 9, 2012 by Margaret n Ahmed