Living with husband or wife with big age diff

[riri82 8]

Hi, I able to breath finally , my husband company's decide that he'll better stay at US instead moving him to S Africa, so I could continue my GC process.

I just curious now, I know that a lot of VJ member have spouse with big age diff ( mine is 15year, hubby 45 and I'm 30 ), I've been know him for pretty long time before we decide to marry so I'm aware of some of his bad habit ( he know mine too lol ), but sometime I just can't help myself notice how big age diff is make a gap sometime, like how we're react about a problem, how's he's more mature than me and the most annoying things is bcoz he's been through a lot way before I was born, sometime he just being smart ####, gee...

What about you guys, how you deal with living in big age diff ?

[Therealworld 90]

There is a 22yr age difference between me (wife) being older than my husband. For the most we get along really well because our interest are the same. The only time there maybe an issue is when it comes down to handling business. I am a on point and timely person. He at times when it really counts is not. I think because he raised himself for the most since he was 13 he has a lot of maturity about him. For me I am very hyper and playful. Men my age have told me over and over again to slow down. Ha for what! The reason y I can overlook the age difference is because again we are so compatible in almost every way!

[rlogan 2,036]

It isn't anything to "deal" with for us. She enjoys having a cool head and life experience. I suppose an older guy could use that experience for ill - by manipulating her maliciously - but you mentioned the same thing: he doesn't blow up like a teenage guy will do, acting more maturely.

I'm 30 years older and if you want the hot teen then sometimes you have to let her make the same mistakes you did when you were that age or she'll come to resent you knowing everything about everything. I didn't marry her before I was assured she was going to make the right decisions on the important stuff, and we had some critical events where she absolutely made the right decisions.

A couple of things for the guy: feelings are facts. It does not matter whether your wife's feelings are "right" or not. There is no right or wrong as far as I am concerned. If she feels hurt then I acknowledge that hurt and show compassion for it instead of dismissing it telling her she is being immature. I have never been wrong when I have started a sentence with "you feel like..." I stay on it and validate those feelings before I do anything else. This OP is an example. Your husband should be saying wow, it sure must be frustrating that I know everything about everything... and explore those feelings fully. Get them all out and validated - they seem to vanish just by doing that much, although the next thing is to talk about how to better handle things so those feelings can be avoided. Like having you make decisions on some things and have him keeping his mouth shut.

Communication is paramount, and this is the number one issue if you ask me. The older guy has to suck it up a lot of the time and be the one to act as the rock of stability when the young one is letting her emotions get out of hand. That happened in the beginning for us, but after four years going on five - it's just wonderful. We couldn't be happier and have two wonderful kids.

Another thing that maybe matters and maybe not - I was an athlete all my life and when I met my wife left her in the dust with everything we did. She exercises more now, but I doubt she'll ever beat me in the mile until they put me in a box in a hole in the ground.

Edited June 7, 2012 by rlogan

[sms78 18]

How do you two react differently to a problem? 15 year age difference sounds good though not that I know anything about being with younger or older partner but...

[Noth 4]

Hubby and I have 10 year age diff (I'm 32 he's 41 going on 42) and it's been great to find a man that is grounded and responsible The love stories i had before with guys my age never worked before, mostly because the guys i was with never kept their promises. My husband never made a promise he didn't keep, i think that's why i gave in to marriage with him.

Then, on a day to day basis, I have an explosive personality (very social and active) and he is more of a quiet one (discreet personality) so it balances us to be together, even though i think sometimes i bug him because i'm too much (I have to admit sometimes he bugs me because he's too quiet!! haha) but in the end, what happens is that he calms me down when i need it and I get him out of his shell when it's needed.

I don't know if these are traits we have in our personality or if really it's due to age difference though, to me the real challenge (even after 2 yreras and a half of being married, is that sometime he doesn't understand what i mean when i talk, though i'm fairly good with my english, but man, i'm not native and sometimes i put things strangely together and then gets frustrated when he doesn't get it (what? you don't read my mind? WTH??? ) but again, i guess this are just issues from being from different cultures, not really age difference issues.

hope this helps! have a great day!