reputation

[rlogan 2,036]

Must be from the Spratley Islands. So they alternately live in Philippines, Vietnam, China, or Malaysia etc. depending on which Navy is there at the moment.

Edited January 10, 2012 by rlogan

[LSnBigBear 61]

my fiance dont want his family and church to know about our relationship. he said that he want everyone's respect. do u think this is reasonable? we are already married in our marriage tradition in the philippines.

Great question as I have somewhat taken the same approach as your fiancee due to a couple of reasons I will explain. First: I have gone through 2 divorces in 7 years. 1st wife I was married 21 years and 2nd only 10 months. So my family gives me hard time to not marry again unless they can interview my fiancee. It is a joke but for us due to my failed relationships I just keep my personal life to myself. Second: When I did this process in 2007 and then stopped it late in the process I felt both like a failure and embarrassed. So this time I am playing it more superstitiously and will wait until my fiancee is approved and ready to come to USA. For me I know this process is not easy and stressful. People may change as it is stressful. I feel so good with my fiancee that I want to tell everyone, but feel it is best to wait for her approval. I am waiting until after we celebrate our first year of dating to start K1 process as we lived together some in the Philippines for 6 months when I lived there. Now we are long distance as I am in USA and she is in Philippines

I have on my Facebook that I am in a relationship and no one has asked me so I am living with the "dont ask dont tell" policy. Maybe it is just I am odd but I want this to work out. My fiancee is okay with it. I live 1200 miles from my family so they will not be a large part of our life anyways. I do not know your fiancess's past but if he is older then there may be many reasons similar to mine..]]\

These are my thoughts as a man. Can't say your fiancee is going through the similar..

[LSnBigBear 61]

Okay I need to defend her fiancee just based on my crappy love life luck..... For example my brother knows about Carmela but does not know that we are engaged and starting the process next month. He even waved to her one Webcam just last night.. But he is going through a nasty two year divorce and I just mentioned in passing while he was here for 5 days visiting that " i think I will be married by years end as I love being married" He knows I was married almost 21 years first time. He said and I quote "you don't need to bleeping get married again. Save your money" Now it is nothing against Carmela but more his current situation and my past two failed relationships. My sisters feel the same way.. 2 of 3 are divorced.. We are a close family in terms of being there for each other even though they all live 800 miles away.... Since they live so far from me I plan on just saying "hey I got married to Carmela yesterday" I know my family then will say congratulations and even chip in for a gift. They will love and be supportive.. But prior to marriage they will give me all sorts of BS as I am the youngest.. They have seen me travel to and from Philippines about 18 times since 1998 so they are use to me doing as I please and working where I want. They are homebodies from the midwest. My brother visiting me in Florida is a big ordeal for him....

And my lovely fiancee has not mentioned it much either. Her employer gave her hassle when she said she had a foreigner BF. Her Manager gave her all the bad things about how foreigners come to Philippines to play etc. Carmela never got a chance to tell them she lived at my place often while I was in Cebu. She mentioned just briefly to her mama.. All her mama said was "goodluck".. She lives away from her parents and works on her own....

I also have an odd relationship with my youngest son.... He is a Military Officer and his wife is something else. She will just use this to fuel more of separation between my youngest and me. He has a child and I don't want to cause him more issues with his nutbag wife. My oldest son is okay and will just be happy I am happy and not alone. He worries about me being alone... I know he will just say "congrats dad" and move on when I tell him...

So there are circumstances to everyone's reasoning.. We don't hide as our Facebook both has us in relationships. We share photos... We are on the dont ask dont tell... I've been down the K1 process before. Made mistakes, talked to much, got my hopes up and I got burned by a woman..... So now we are just loving each other from afar, missing each other and will have this process started after our one year anniversary and I start my new job end of this month... Wooo I am tired after my L O N G rebuttal. lol Just don't shoot the fiancee so fast until we know his reasoning is all I am saying in one sentence ,,

[actob99 156]

Okay I need to defend her fiancee just based on my crappy love life luck..... For example my brother knows about Carmela but does not know that we are engaged and starting the process next month. He even waved to her one Webcam just last night.. But he is going through a nasty two year divorce and I just mentioned in passing while he was here for 5 days visiting that " i think I will be married by years end as I love being married" He knows I was married almost 21 years first time. He said and I quote "you don't need to bleeping get married again. Save your money" Now it is nothing against Carmela but more his current situation and my past two failed relationships. My sisters feel the same way.. 2 of 3 are divorced.. We are a close family in terms of being there for each other even though they all live 800 miles away.... Since they live so far from me I plan on just saying "hey I got married to Carmela yesterday" I know my family then will say congratulations and even chip in for a gift. They will love and be supportive.. But prior to marriage they will give me all sorts of BS as I am the youngest.. They have seen me travel to and from Philippines about 18 times since 1998 so they are use to me doing as I please and working where I want. They are homebodies from the midwest. My brother visiting me in Florida is a big ordeal for him....

And my lovely fiancee has not mentioned it much either. Her employer gave her hassle when she said she had a foreigner BF. Her Manager gave her all the bad things about how foreigners come to Philippines to play etc. Carmela never got a chance to tell them she lived at my place often while I was in Cebu. She mentioned just briefly to her mama.. All her mama said was "goodluck".. She lives away from her parents and works on her own....

I also have an odd relationship with my youngest son.... He is a Military Officer and his wife is something else. She will just use this to fuel more of separation between my youngest and me. He has a child and I don't want to cause him more issues with his nutbag wife. My oldest son is okay and will just be happy I am happy and not alone. He worries about me being alone... I know he will just say "congrats dad" and move on when I tell him...

So there are circumstances to everyone's reasoning.. We don't hide as our Facebook both has us in relationships. We share photos... We are on the dont ask dont tell... I've been down the K1 process before. Made mistakes, talked to much, got my hopes up and I got burned by a woman..... So now we are just loving each other from afar, missing each other and will have this process started after our one year anniversary and I start my new job end of this month... Wooo I am tired after my L O N G rebuttal. lol Just don't shoot the fiancee so fast until we know his reasoning is all I am saying in one sentence ,,

Nicely said...

[Hank_ 9,173]

Okay I need to defend her fiancee just based on my crappy love life luck..... For example my brother knows about Carmela but does not know that we are engaged and starting the process next month. He even waved to her one Webcam just last night.. But he is going through a nasty two year divorce and I just mentioned in passing while he was here for 5 days visiting that " i think I will be married by years end as I love being married" He knows I was married almost 21 years first time. He said and I quote "you don't need to bleeping get married again. Save your money" Now it is nothing against Carmela but more his current situation and my past two failed relationships. My sisters feel the same way.. 2 of 3 are divorced.. We are a close family in terms of being there for each other even though they all live 800 miles away.... Since they live so far from me I plan on just saying "hey I got married to Carmela yesterday" I know my family then will say congratulations and even chip in for a gift. They will love and be supportive.. But prior to marriage they will give me all sorts of BS as I am the youngest.. They have seen me travel to and from Philippines about 18 times since 1998 so they are use to me doing as I please and working where I want. They are homebodies from the midwest. My brother visiting me in Florida is a big ordeal for him....

And my lovely fiancee has not mentioned it much either. Her employer gave her hassle when she said she had a foreigner BF. Her Manager gave her all the bad things about how foreigners come to Philippines to play etc. Carmela never got a chance to tell them she lived at my place often while I was in Cebu. She mentioned just briefly to her mama.. All her mama said was "goodluck".. She lives away from her parents and works on her own....

I also have an odd relationship with my youngest son.... He is a Military Officer and his wife is something else. She will just use this to fuel more of separation between my youngest and me. He has a child and I don't want to cause him more issues with his nutbag wife. My oldest son is okay and will just be happy I am happy and not alone. He worries about me being alone... I know he will just say "congrats dad" and move on when I tell him...

So there are circumstances to everyone's reasoning.. We don't hide as our Facebook both has us in relationships. We share photos... We are on the dont ask dont tell... I've been down the K1 process before. Made mistakes, talked to much, got my hopes up and I got burned by a woman..... So now we are just loving each other from afar, missing each other and will have this process started after our one year anniversary and I start my new job end of this month... Wooo I am tired after my L O N G rebuttal. lol Just don't shoot the fiancee so fast until we know his reasoning is all I am saying in one sentence ,,

I got a little flak from my sister in the beginning but after a short time all was good and she is very supportive. Too many "nutbags" around be it family or friends, one past friend made the mistake of referring to my Fiancee as "my little friend" twice, once I let slide second time was telling me they are being nasty on purpose.... now past friend.

I totally understand "enjoying being married", I am happiest then also. Now to get happy!!

Edited February 7, 2012 by Hank_Amy

[Ugly_American 11]

Sounds fishy to me.... like he's already married. No idea what I'd do. In the US there's no national record for who is married. If there were I'd check into him.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

my fiance dont want his family and church to know about our relationship. he said that he want everyone's respect. do u think this is reasonable? we are already married in our marriage tradition in the philippines.

I think a lot of us go thru the thing, when people hear we are marrying " A foreigner" . I had some comments made to me and some got back to me. " Oh he just wants a maid, or he is getting one of those asian submissive wives, or "he could not get a woman here. All of these things are so not true.

Here is the thing, it's going to be an adjustment, some people are going to judge him, that;s just the way it is. However they way it should not be, is for him to hide you or be ashamed in anyway of you or what he is doing. He better make up his mind real quick what is more important his wife or what some judgmental jerk thinks.

And I would also add it is the best thing I have ever done. My wife is a wonderful person and I treasure every day with her. She is and will always be first in my life. If your Hsband can't make that commitment you need to rethink things.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

and I will add that my sister told me I was "kinda of out there" and still had not met my wife. She is currently divorcing her second husband of 25 years, who she said she has hated for years and not made love with since her 20 year old son was conceived.

But I am kind of out there LOL :dance::dance:

[Loida and Ed 11]

this doesn't sound right at all.

[brandonbeth 2]

Guys I'm glad this forum is still getting comments. But me and my finance have moved on and I told my family. It seems that I was just making it a but deal in my head due to the disappointment and hurt I had in my first marriage.

My family was supportive when I explained to them all the things I learned in the first marriage. My mom even said she wants some grandchildren...

Should have been big deal not but deal lol

[B_J 2,752]

Guys I'm glad this forum is still getting comments. But me and my finance have moved on and I told my family. It seems that I was just making it a but deal in my head due to the disappointment and hurt I had in my first marriage.

My family was supportive when I explained to them all the things I learned in the first marriage. My mom even said she wants some grandchildren...

Should have been big deal not but deal lol

Good to hear that everything worked out.

[brandonbeth 2]

Thanks Bro should have done it a long time ago

Edited February 11, 2012 by brandonbeth

[rlogan 2,036]

I think a lot of us go thru the thing, when people hear we are marrying " A foreigner" . I had some comments made to me and some got back to me. " Oh he just wants a maid, or he is getting one of those asian submissive wives, or "he could not get a woman here. All of these things are so not true.

They know they aren't true, but the magic of nasty manipulative comments like that is to put you on the defensive. The best one is insinuating you are a pedophile if your wife is a lot younger than you.

Once they have you on the defensive, it will never end. There is no defense you can make to a nasty person that will get them to stop being nasty. No matter what you offer in your defense, it will be twisted into another nasty attack. These comments do not come from your friends. The fact they've made them prove they are your enemies. They are trying to make you angry and hurt. Don't take the bait. Because once you show any kind of anger or hurt - then they attack your anger and hurt, and use that against you.

Once you have set your mind right - that this is my enemy and he wants me to react with anger and hurt - that alone is going to make you smile and laugh at him instead. Watch their heads explode when you laugh at them instead of showing anger or hurt.

He better make up his mind real quick what is more important his wife or what some judgmental jerk thinks.

Right. and it is important what the OP learned:

Thanks Bro should have done it a long time ago

Exactly so, brandonbeth.

When we show our wife that she needs to be hidden away - she doesn't feel very good about that. When people have family that are judgemental jerks we just don't interact with them. But we need to be open with our wife about that: tell her who the judgemental jerks are and don't interact with them. Sounds like you underestimated your family.

[Hank_ 9,173]

Guys I'm glad this forum is still getting comments. But me and my finance have moved on and I told my family. It seems that I was just making it a but deal in my head due to the disappointment and hurt I had in my first marriage.

My family was supportive when I explained to them all the things I learned in the first marriage. My mom even said she wants some grandchildren...

Should have been big deal not but deal lol

Good to hear all is well with your family~

Now we need Darren to come back and post about his!!

[brandonbeth 2]

Yeah it was a relief.. I never had any intentions to keep her locked away lol as some suggested. It just took awhile for me to get guts