lost in space

lost in space · December 19, 2011

hi everyone, i am new here, and just browsing for some topic that is related to my situation and i came to this site, i need your advice. I am new here in US about 8months,came on CR1,married to US citizen, I thought when i decided to married this man, it will be the best decision i've ever made, but i am started to think this is the worst decision i've ever made. We've been on and of for 3yrs until he pursued me and we ended up getting married, no doubt i love this man so much and love his son too. When i was in the phils,we tried to get pregnant but to no success,but when i came here in the US he doesn't want a child anymore,once his son told us,he doesn't want me to get pregnant,and he decided not to have another child with me,it hurst me and broke me BIGTIME,how i wanted to have a child, i love him and forget it, but everytime i have a period and everytime i see kids and pregnant women,it really hurts me and i am very jealous to the point every month i have an emotional breakdown and we argued about it, knowing its hard to ajust here too,that makes me emotional unstable,but he is firm to his decision of no more child, even told me to marry somebody and have a child with somebody if i really wanted too,every time we argue that is his statement to me, since his only and first priority is his son. I am so hurt,being a second wife and out of his priority, then why he married me in the first place? i don't understand. Until now I am emotional unstable because of the situation i am in, and he is doing everything for his son and his ex-wife, even lend her money, got car emergency card for her, and everything she requested he is willing to do,i feel like neglected and forgotten wife. I love him, but i dont want to stuck in the situation where i am left out. Last night i decided to tell him that i want to go back home and he is into it. mAybe this is the end,it's christmas time and this is the saddest christmas in my life.

lost in space · December 19, 2011

Additional: We dont have time with each other, he leave house to work 3am,and back home 2pm and pick up son at school 3pm and stayed with us earliest 6pm,late 9pm per ex-wife request sometimes stayed with us and ex-wife pick up in the morning to send to school , 9pm go to bed ready for tomorrow. and on the weekend he stayed with us till sunday pm ,sometimes late as per x-wife request. we dont have time for ourselves, lucky if he and his mom has something to do on the weekend, that's the time we can have time with each other. we are lack of intimacy. and he is ok with that. and i am not. so sad. very sad. He doesn't want to make love with me anymore. since i insist to have a child. (life is unfaire)

LIFE'SJOURNEY · December 19, 2011

So the question you need to ask yourself, would going back home be so bad. What do you want, is the question becaue he has told you what it is that he does not want.

Dan & Jenni · December 19, 2011

if you told him you want to go back home and he is ok with that then go back home. it sounds like you couldnt possibly be any unhappier than you are now so why stay anyway??

Leatherneck · December 19, 2011

if you told him you want to go back home and he is ok with that then go back home. it sounds like you couldnt possibly be any unhappier than you are now so why stay anyway??

:thumbs:

Leatherneck · December 19, 2011

Additional: We dont have time with each other, he leave house to work 3am,and back home 2pm and pick up son at school 3pm and stayed with us earliest 6pm,late 9pm per ex-wife request sometimes stayed with us and ex-wife pick up in the morning to send to school , 9pm go to bed ready for tomorrow. and on the weekend he stayed with us till sunday pm ,sometimes late as per x-wife request. we dont have time for ourselves, lucky if he and his mom has something to do on the weekend, that's the time we can have time with each other. we are lack of intimacy. and he is ok with that. and i am not. so sad. very sad. He doesn't want to make love with me anymore. since i insist to have a child. (life is unfaire)

Your husband has told you that he will not give you a baby and he makes it pretty clear that you are not very important or high on his list of priorities based on the way he treats you.

What is it that you really want? He has told you what he wants.

Are you willing to remain as miserable as you are now and try to just deal with it? And for how long are you willing be miserable the way you feel now?

How long can you deal with being the 3rd priority and not the 1st priority of your husband?

Your strong desire to be a mother will not just fade away as a distant memory. Everytime you hold someone else's baby, see children running around playing, see the cute little baby stroller with an adorable baby/child inside or see a pregnant woman, you might start to feel anger and resentment about your situation.

Ask yourself, how important is what you want and desire? What will be the reward for sacrificing your chance to be a mother?

Like they say-you can be miserable by yourself, you don't need any help to be miserable.

Good luck.

RandR333 · December 19, 2011

Sounds like the decision is already made. I think you should make sure you are divorced before leaving, so you can get on with your life. There are plenty of good men out there who would be happy to start a family with you.

Tahoma · December 19, 2011

You love him, but you can't live with him. I understand.

Sorry for your troubles.

rlogan · December 19, 2011

The indecision is what's killing you. Once you make up your mind to leave him, you will feel a lot better.

Crashed~N2~Me · December 19, 2011

For those prepared to leave...

Edited December 19, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

lost in space · December 20, 2011

You love him, but you can't live with him. I understand.

Sorry for your troubles.

thanks everyone for kind words, and definitely tahoma is right,i do love him so much,that i am hurting of leaving him, we had good times together and he's a wonderful man, but if he is not willing to compromise with me,it will just hurt the both of us, and we are uncofortable living together now, we are not talking right now. its up to me when i want to leave and go back to my country. we dont talk, and it's killing me, seems like i wanted to disappear for good!

You love him, but you can't live with him. I understand.

Sorry for your troubles.

thanks everyone for kind words, and definitely tahoma is right,i do love him so much,that i am hurting of leaving him, we had good times together and he's a wonderful man, but if he is not willing to compromise with me,it will just hurt the both of us, and we are uncofortable living together now, we are not talking right now. its up to me when i want to leave and go back to my country. we dont talk, and it's killing me, seems like i wanted to disappear for good!

lost in space · December 20, 2011

Your husband has told you that he will not give you a baby and he makes it pretty clear that you are not very important or high on his list of priorities based on the way he treats you.

What is it that you really want? He has told you what he wants.

Are you willing to remain as miserable as you are now and try to just deal with it? And for how long are you willing be miserable the way you feel now?

How long can you deal with being the 3rd priority and not the 1st priority of your husband?

Your strong desire to be a mother will not just fade away as a distant memory. Everytime you hold someone else's baby, see children running around playing, see the cute little baby stroller with an adorable baby/child inside or see a pregnant woman, you might start to feel anger and resentment about your situation.

Ask yourself, how important is what you want and desire? What will be the reward for sacrificing your chance to be a mother?

Like they say-you can be miserable by yourself, you don't need any help to be miserable.

----

thanks leatherneck, the problem is i cant leave him,and you are right,we just make ourselves miserable,and i am jealous of the ex-wife, he do everything for her and never dare to risk with me,it hurts me the most. i think this is why mostly second marriage never works. i dont know, i dont know what to do about my situation. im praying for God's guidance and heavenly wisdom.

Good luck.

Deputy Purple · December 20, 2011

thanks leatherneck, the problem is i cant leave him,and you are right,we just make ourselves miserable,and i am jealous of the ex-wife, he do everything for her and never dare to risk with me,it hurts me the most. i think this is why mostly second marriage never works. i dont know, i dont know what to do about my situation. im praying for God's guidance and heavenly wisdom.

Lost,

He obviously wasn't read to move on from whatever happened in his first marriage, that is why HIS SECOND MARRIAGE WILL NEVER WORK.

I'm on my second marriage (will celebrate 3 years in just over a month) and Anna isn't my 2nd wife or my current wife, nope she's MY WIFE period. My ex-wife isn't allowed inside my house when she comes to pick-up our daughter for her visitation.

I'd do just about anything for my daughters (both from my first marriage) but I did throw my oldest daughter out twice within 16 months of her 18th birthday because she had become a disruptive force in my household. My other daughter has accepted that Anna is my equal in the household and after a bit of friction things have worked out okay.

You deserve to be loved & respected, neither of which he is doing. Ask him to file the divorce and then decide if you want to stay or return to the Philippines but take charge of your future and leave him in the past.

Leatherneck · December 20, 2011

"thanks leatherneck, the problem is i cant leave him,and you are right,we just make ourselves miserable,and i am jealous of the ex-wife, he do everything for her and never dare to risk with me,it hurts me the most. i think this is why mostly second marriage never works. i dont know, i dont know what to do about my situation. im praying for God's guidance and heavenly wisdom."

"Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

The vows your husband took when he married you, did they include those words above or similiar? Those 3 words have a powerful meaning and serve as a command of sorts for a man to make his wife his priority and allow no one, not even his own children to come between or before his wife.

You certainly seem to have taken your vows seriously. You have but two options here, to stay and accept the status quo and the misery that comes with it or, well, you know what the only other choice is. Which I understand is extremely difficult to even consider.

You have every reason to be jealous of the ex-wife, but guard your heart with your head, jealousy is a poisionous and dangerous emotion.

Crashed~N2~Me · December 20, 2011

Those vows only matter when marriage is bliss. :whistle: I mean...c'mon..."better or worse"?? :wacko: That BS vow only applies when everything goes the way I want it... and only...if...I get EXACTLY what I want. Compromise shmompromise. Work it out?.. :wacko: to find a resolution? :wacko: NO WAY JOSE! :bonk: ....and besides.... That's what marriage is all about!! right? ME!! :girlwerewolf2xn: and...whoever said marriage is "work"? I say...poppycock!! My marriage came with a satisfaction guarantee warranty! Didn't yours? :blink: I bought the extended red carpet maintenance agreement. Didn't you? :blink: