Arguments About Sending Money Back Home?

[Blue Bianchi 77]

One thing about most Filipinos are, they ask indirectly. Typical Asian nature. I've heard a lot of Americans say that but when you hear their family say; "My dad is hurt, he needs medicine and nothings left.", "We have been hit by a typhoon last week, house is a wreck.", or "Your sister needs this in school. That's kinda costly."...that means- I NEED MONEY.

Believe that they're not really asking if they just plainly said it and there's a follow up statement that there's something being done to solve it.

If they think you should have done something and you didn't and it resulted to worst they'll say "Eh, kasi ikaw."..meaning.."If only...this would not have happened"

This is so true. I was probably guilty of this indirect form of communication when I moved to the US. But I think I am more direct now, so I do notice this when I interact with friends back home. It is typically Asian. Asking for help directly is akin to losing face.

[manila123 0]

I am getting tired of sending money to the philipines to help my wifes family. My wife does not work to help with the bills. But

she expects me to keep sending her family lots of money. Do you feel this is ok, for the wife not to work to help her family?

Expecting her husband to support all her brothers and sisters, mom and dad all by himself. I am getting very tired of it !!!

[Hank_ 9,173]

Well best I can suggest is turn 180 degrees in your chair and talk to your wife about this...

... if it really bothers you ...

[actob99 156]

I am getting tired of sending money to the philipines to help my wifes family. My wife does not work to help with the bills. But

she expects me to keep sending her family lots of money. Do you feel this is ok, for the wife not to work to help her family?

Expecting her husband to support all her brothers and

sisters, mom and dad all by himself. I am getting very tired of it !!!

Don't do it!!!

Of course there are different situations for everyone. After I moved back to the states and started the fiancee visa process I supported my then fiancee which in turn supported her mother and two young brothers. Dad died many years ago and its just them trying to make ends meet on a little Island where fishing is it. Mom can't go out in the ocean and the boys are too young. They have no

Means for money unless the boys go stay with a relative where they will work on a farm and they won't stay in school. And then mom can go to the city 4 hour away and work as a maid.. I don't want the family broken up again and I don't want mom to have to find work or a Lasingero on the Island to add to the issues. What I give is very little and I can afford it.. It's two less good nights at the bar a month, which I don't do anymore anyway. And the wife is looking for a job right now and then she will start senfing some of her money, but she knows our family comes first...

Its ok to send money, its ok to help, its ok to help taje care of the kids education.. Not everyone has opportunities... But when it starts to make you mad, or it is expected or there is chismosa accompanied with it, its time to take a step back and re- evaluate the situation.. I never signed a contract and its my finger pressing Enter on the keyboard to send it......

[madtownguy 164]

I am getting tired of sending money to the philipines to help my wifes family. My wife does not work to help with the bills. But

she expects me to keep sending her family lots of money. Do you feel this is ok, for the wife not to work to help her family?

Expecting her husband to support all her brothers and sisters, mom and dad all by himself. I am getting very tired of it !!!

It seems to be the trend that when someone starts sending money it is expected to continue, and usually more is asked for eventually. I have not sent any money back for my fiance's family. When I met them I made it clear to her father that I was not raised to support anyone else in my family other than my kids. I said my fiance is more than welcome to send back 100% of what she makes to them but I will never send back anything other than the normal family money for graduation and stuff like that. Now they still probably ask at times but my fiance filters it and doesn't let much through. The only time she told me they asked is when an accident happened that I was surprised she didn't ask for money, but even then I didn't really send much. When talking to her she agrees that when we have kids or over a period of time she will probably not be as likely to send money back. I feel that sending money back doesn't really help. Paying for a kid to go to school or something like that might be something I consider but that would be after I have enough time to form some kind of bond with the child. Someone should start a non-profit for sending money back to Philippines, it would at least give you an easy write off. Preferably a true non-profit not the kind where you make 400k a year.

[Tahoma 2,291]

I am getting tired of sending money to the philipines to help my wifes family. My wife does not work to help with the bills. But

she expects me to keep sending her family lots of money. Do you feel this is ok, for the wife not to work to help her family?

Expecting her husband to support all her brothers and sisters, mom and dad all by himself. I am getting very tired of it !!!

What did you and your wife agree to before you got married?

[Troll 42]

People change. She may have an understanding with you now about your willingness to help out when the circumstances meet your criteria. But i have seen it with multiple couples including my own that things will change. Just stick to your guns about it. Its human nature to over step bounderies with people and she could try to do it once she settles in. I have given in when it comes to sending an excessive amout of money once before and now i am paying for that mistake. I have seen others in the same boat. I am sure that you will have to deal with this in the future so stick to your guns about it. I love my wife's family dearly. They never ask me for any money. Its my wife who wants to send them as much as she can and i have to constantly stay on top of her about it or else my checkbook will be light as a feather.

[Rio_Joy 2]

[Blue Bianchi 77]

I am getting tired of sending money to the philipines to help my wifes family. My wife does not work to help with the bills. But

she expects me to keep sending her family lots of money. Do you feel this is ok, for the wife not to work to help her family?

Expecting her husband to support all her brothers and sisters, mom and dad all by himself. I am getting very tired of it !!!

Don't do it, especially if its making you mad. You will just have to sit down and have a long talk with your wife. Perhaps it's time for her to get a job.