I-751 and Divorce

[Golden Gate 530]

I will not treat any of you of fraud because I am nobody to judge you, this is totally uncalled for, displaced, rude, etc, you name it and I feel sorry that a fellow immigrant could throw things like that. What I would tell anyone in OUR situation is: I have ALWAYS being honest with USCIS officers and so far, I have been met with very very good reactions. So far ALL the people I have met at the USCIS are pretty much down to earth people, getting married or divorcing, raising kids on their own at the same rate than every one of us immigrants. Do you think they are lunatic utopians who believe that it is either all rosy or in family court already and nothing in between in all couples? Certainly not! They KNOW that 1 in 2 marriages end up in a divorce and that it does not go from passionate love to divorce court overnight. It takes on average a year to a USC couple to make the final decision, several years if there are kids and USCIS knows that. But at this stage and until the divorce is final, NOBODY can tell on which side it is going to go.

So of course keep track of everything that proves that you are working on your marriage (OLD AND RECENT counselors affidavits, etc) and that you have good hope.

THAT SAID, keep ALSO proofs that, in the meantime, you are still functioning like a regular couple (bank accounts, insurance, lease, car, personal emails, emails and text with you in-laws etc) I have NEVER been asked for personal details (Is everything OK between the sheets, or is he slapping the heck out of you and you are not even eating together anymore?) BUT if they ask for personal details be as honest as possible " I would not lie to you, like all couples, we have crossed some rough patches but we are working on our couple. Now if you meant to ask me if we are a couple, yes we are and here are the proofs - and you give the above listed proofs. Nothing talks more volumes that a picture with your mother in law or recent emails between the 2 of you or birthaday pictures). This is the truth because this is a snapshot of your current situation. You are NOT divorced, You have NOT hired a lawyer yet, you are still living with him.

Even if I would always encourage caution, I know that USCIS employees are not unrealistic people thinking that the ROC dead line ALWAYS falls at the right time (I.e before or after the couple's final decision of divorcing but NEVER right in the middle of a rough patch.) and that divorce decision-making process happens in a blink of an eye. They full well know that people try to work things out first, then if it gets better, the couple stays together or if it gets worse, they separate. If it takes years for USC couples to make the final decision, what is the rational reason why an immigrant spouse SHOULD be forced into accelerating the decision making process otherwise this immigrant spouse will be accused of fraud? It does not make sense! If you have proofs that you are honest, there should be no problem!

Now that I have given advice to the next person who will wonder what to do, I have a question for some people here: Why on earth are you people thinking you have any right to judge someone and treat them of fraud based on the problem they have in their marriage? People (most of them women) are DYING everyday because of such an attitude ( yes DYING) People come to this forum for help and advice from the immigrant community and instead of friendly advice, they are met with snap judgements "Sounds like fraud to me" from a fellow immigrants. I mean REALLY? Your marriage is doing fine? Good for you! But think for a minute that if it ever sinks and your spouse turns your life into a living hell, hearing people throwing accusations of fraud about you, will be the last thing you need!

Let's speak the truth here, most USC have already gone totally paranoiac with this immigration fraud creeping suspicion (amazingly, I come from a country where zillions of people would give their life to immigrate to & I have NEVER EVER witnessed such a paranoia there) and these accusations/hints -above all coming from immigrants themselves- add to this putrid stinking witch-hunt ambiance! Some abused spouses are being killed by their spouses or kill themselves every day just because they are already being told that nobody would trust that they came here in good faith by their USC abusive spouse and when they sought help on these forums, they grew even more desperate because they are met with these very same accusation of fraud by fellow immigrants this time! What way out do they think they have? NONE! Do you really think you, immigrants, need to bark with the pack here? Just answer the damn question! She is NOT gonna take the food from your mouth so you have nothing to defend! It is just shocking to read these accusation over and over!

Are we ALWAYS gonna talk of the OH SO VERY BAD immigrant who swindled a OH SO POOR USC, or for a change could we also consider the vast number of USC guys who are so twisted and abusive that they are totally unable to find a USC spouse who could possibly tolerate them, so they either arrange a marriage through meeting websites or seduce somebody abroad, lie their head off about their life, and bring them here in order to have the total control over them and therefore the possibility to treat them worse than they would treat the dog of a USC girlfriend? ( and when they figure out that their foreign spouse CANNOT take their behavior either - because no human being could -, they whine & sob that this spouse has been committing a fraud!)

Can't we just, us immigrants, try to AT LEAST be helpful to each other? Not belittling, angry, entitled and more xenophobic here than we were in our own country? Duh!

Why are you responding to a thread that is 3 years old? I am sure these people have already moved on by now.

[AT20000 33]

Because, first my experience could help someone else (aren't we here to help each other?) and then, I am trying to not leave this kind of things unanswered for the reasons explained in the body of my post. Immigrants are dying every day in the US because of judgmental behaviors like that.

What if a desperate battered spouse reads that and thinks " my husband after beating me tells me that I will have my ROC denied because everybody will think I am a fraud, and he is right, look,even immigrants will think that of me" and jumps out of her window to her death because there is NO other way out? What if she remains with her abuser one more day and it is this day that this guy picks to kill her?

This attitude between immigrants is despicable and you can find reference to fraud on almost every thread. Are we here to echo the USC fears? Or are we here to help each other?

I see this despair every day in my group and abusers are using this very technique to abuse and batter wife and kids every day. So this accusative attitude between fellow immigrants should not be left unanswered. EVER.

Does this answer your question?

[Golden Gate 530]

I guess. However, knowing the posting history of some of the people in this thread, I think your anger is a bit misplaced in this thread. JimVaPhuong has provided lots of useful advice to people concerning divorce and the legalities. He certainly does not intend to judge the people involved, but to give clear advice that he believes would be in the best interest of the poster. Making generalizations about USCs mostly being 'paranoics' and rather inflammatory comments toward your fellow immigrants seems more about you being angry than about most people on this site who try to help others. Anyway, sorry if you are going through a bad time here in the U.S. Hope things get better for you.

Edited April 25, 2014 by Golden Gate

[TBoneTX 43,057]

Old thread closed.