Sending Money Back to Family in Ghana

[a&o 4]

Hi VJers! I haven't posted for a while but I am going to break out of my shyness and ask for advice.

My Ghanaian husband and I have been married and in the US for over four years now. In general, things are good. We laugh a lot and have done a good job of dealing with the adjustments and such. We'd both like to be back in Ghana, but need to save a lot more to be able to get set up there in any kind of long-term way.

One persistent problem, though, doesn't seem to get resolved. My husband hasn't been able to get high paying jobs here, but he makes enough to take care of his share of our expenses and still have a good amount left over, usually. In the first couple of years when he would take that extra and send it back to his mother, brothers, and sisters in Ghana I understood: he was helping them get set up in apartments and doing the "been to" dance everyone expects. He also went back a couple of times, so that ate away at the wallet, too.

But at this point, after four years, I'd like him to save (as I do) for our future and not just live hand to mouth forever. I think helping to be sure his mom is ok is something that is important and I wouldn't expect him to turn his back on her, even to make her more than comfortable. The problem is that his brother always has these ridiculous ideas for "business" or buying land and my husband just can't see these things for what they are: nonsense.

Does anyone out there have spouses with expectations/financial pressures like this from their spouse's family? How do you deal? How much money does he or she send back regularly (if you feel comfortable sharing: mine sends at least $6k year, on average)?

[Mr. K 8]

I spoke with my fiancee about this before she arrived in the U.S. I was concerned that her family members would be hitting her up for money too much, and I wasn't going to have that. We came up with a certain amount (less than half of what you mentioned) to send only to her mother per month and I expect her to honor that agreement, unless we become very wealthy at some time. And that is due to the fact that we also plan to establish a presence in Ghana and maintain a U.S. residence in the future as well.

If it takes a village to raise a child, then one person sure as hell should not be expected to support a village. The perception is that the streets in the U.S. are paved with gold and everybody is swimming in money. Too many Ghanaians believe this hype, probably due to television.

Edited January 10, 2011 by Mr. K

[patient2010 93]

I spoke with my fiancee about this before she arrived in the U.S. I was concerned that her family members would be hitting her up for money too much, and I wasn't going to have that. We came up with a certain amount (less than half of what you mentioned) to send only to her mother per month and I expect her to honor that agreement, unless we become very wealthy at some time. And that is due to the fact that we also plan to establish a presence in Ghana and maintain a U.S. residence in the future as well.

If it takes a village to raise a child, then one person sure as hell should not be expected to support a village. The perception is that the streets in the U.S. are paved with gold and everybody is swimming in money. Too many Ghanaians believe this hype, probably due to television.

lol

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

My husband has 21 living siblings. The requests are pretty much endless but other than his mother and one medical emergency the answer has always been NO. That is a hard word sometimes but you have to have the backbone to use it.

[JustUs 3]

I like the advice given.

[reeses16 8]

Ethiopian families have similar expectations. We have managed by this situation by talking about it early and my husband taking the lead. Before we got married we talked about the expectation of sending money home- things like why are we sending money home (what is the goal?), how often, and how much. Before we were married, my husband gave most of his money to his family. But once we got engaged he told them that his priority was to take care of me and start a family and so he would not give them money like he had in the past.

We send money home to take care of his mother, and the family members that live with and care for her. We set expectations early: (1) At first we sent $100 each month, when we got the first paycheck of the month. We thought it was a good idea to let them know how much money they could expect and when they would get it so that they could budget and plan their expenses. (2) We will only send money as long as we are both employed. And (3) when we have a child, we will continue to send money only as long as it does not affect what we can provide for our child. We are lucky, because he has 2 older brothers (both which still live in Ethiopia) who contribute money as well. A few times a year we will send an extra $200-$500 for holiday or for shoes & clothes.

A&O, is your hubby naive about these business plans or does he have a hard time saying no? If its because he has a hard time saying no, one solution might be to let him pass the responsibility to you. Next time his brother proposes something your hubby could say, "my wife handles the money, let me ask her if we have enough." Then he can tell his brother, "We discussed it and we can't contribute to your plans at this time." If your brother-in-law hears that enough times he should get the point.

Also, it sounds like you have separate checking and savings. Maybe you could encourage him to save by helping him arrange monthly automatic transfers to a savings account. Also re-visit your financial goals as a couple, this might help him see that he is not meeting your common goals- inspiration to save more.

Best of luck!

[forchika 4]

It is much expected to send money home, I suggest that if your husband or wife has immediate family. That you discuss and work out a plan that you both can agree on before getting married. This is very important and I can see it being a major issue in a marriage. I pretty much let my husband handle those request from his paycheck, I do not interfere. When he is able I would like for him to send money only to his mom on a regular basis also to help the household. This would cut down on the requests for money. I would only send to others in case of emergency. The streets her are not paved in gold "BY NO MEANS" and living in the US is not like living there. By the time they nickle, dime and tax us here and you pay a bill for everything,and buy the expensive neccessities. You basically have little or nothing left. At this point, I am unsure of the amount and I am okay without knowing. I just know it to be minimum amount afterall ,he is still a fulltime student and works part-time. If discussed ...you should be able to come to a compromise that will benefit all parties.