Dependecy on your spouse...

[Yellowhead 12]

Maybe i missed something...but why can't you drive in Cali with ur Canadian license? I have cousins who visit all the time here in VA/NC and they drive their vehicles and mine all the time! Just apply for ur CALI DL and keep driving on ur Canadian DL till you get ur CA DL!

Definitely missed something

California police are very strict about foreign drivers. If you plan to stay in California, even if you are not yet a formal resident, they consider you a resident, and you are only allowed to drive on your foreign license for 10 days after arriving. It is easy to try to bypass the system with that, and some do, but if you get caught it is a misdemeanor and your changes for passing AOS are hindered greatly by this. Criminal records look bad and often require a lawyer.

My fiance lives in a massive city and the police have no patience or sympathy for people who "didn't know the rules". So basically, I am without a vehicle until I have some form of documentation that they will accept. For some DMV's this is a GC, for others it is a SSN.

[Yellowhead 12]

I tried to get my driving license in Los Angeles last year but I let it drop. Unlike you I couldn't drive already in my own country and I had 60 days after passing the theory to learn and pass the practical. It's just too busy here for me to have the confidence to move the car and not freak out. I need a big open space to practice and hubby and I havent found it yet. From memory you need Photo ID in the correct name you wish the license to be in, ssn in that same name(first attempt they couldn't process my learners permit cos it was under my maiden name still) , plus proof of .......not sure residency is the right word for it, but ead will work. There must be at least 60? days (my memory is bad i think it was 60) left of validity on your proof I think it was too so it you go with your k1 and there's less than 60 days left on it when you pass your test they won't give you the license till you come in with a renewed proof on residency. License will only be valid for the same amount of time as the proof you use too so if you use ead the license will void the same day as ead.

My FILs wife is quite a dependant person and she used tO take the bus a lot to places. I haven't yet as it confussed the he'll outa me. It's not like the London tube I rely on hubby and MIL To take me places

but hoping next year i'll have the guts to try again for my licence. As far as not being safe to walk. In LA some are safer than others. I would walk to albersons on my own from FILs place easily and if I wasn't so lazy I would prob walk to cvs from our place and not feel too freaked out. But our areas are not that bad and area

Once the license expires, do you just renew when you get the GC? or do you have to go through the licensing process and testing again??

And it is 10 days until you can no longer drive.

[LoveMyMiky 35]

Don't have an answer for all of the dependency stuff, but do understand where you are coming from looking at it from the other side of things.

As far as the DL I have used International Drivers Permits that must be obtained in your country of origin and are good for one year. I in-fact used 2 of them over a 2 year period in Korea and in at least another 20 countries. My fiancée also got one in South Korea to drive in the US this summer. While a country like the US can frown on them for long term use (there are stipulations) you would just be using for a short time during a visit (if I am reading correctly) for which is what they are intended.

[Yellowhead 12]

Don't have an answer for all of the dependency stuff, but do understand where you are coming from looking at it from the other side of things.

As far as the DL I have used International Drivers Permits that must be obtained in your country of origin and are good for one year. I in-fact used 2 of them over a 2 year period in Korea and in at least another 20 countries. My fiancée also got one in South Korea to drive in the US this summer. While a country like the US can frown on them for long term use (there are stipulations) you would just be using for a short time during a visit (if I am reading correctly) for which is what they are intended.

For the K-1 it is actually for permanent residency, so international DL are not accepted. The US also won't accept them from Canadians generally, and either way, once you enter on the visa, with the intent to stay, you have 10 days to drive on any license, aside from a California license in my case. So after 10 days, nothing else would be valid.

[LoveMyMiky 35]

For the K-1 it is actually for permanent residency, so international DL are not accepted. The US also won't accept them from Canadians generally, and either way, once you enter on the visa, with the intent to stay, you have 10 days to drive on any license, aside from a California license in my case. So after 10 days, nothing else would be valid.

I understood she was visiting, not on a K1 visa. Either way CA troopers are not immigration officers and more than likely would give a warning if the response were that she was not aware of the restriction, which most people in such a situation would not. Not so sure about won't accept from Canadian’s. Sounds a bit odd to me as I lived in CA for 10 years and now reside in border crossing city and have many Canadian friends...we Americans love Canadians!

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

hithalynn -

I hate to burst your bubble, but just because you consider yourself "independent" doesn't mean your adjustment will be any worse than anyone else. Everyone who moves here from another country has these problems. Now, you can make it worse by focusing on your treasured independence. Or, you can look at it as an adventure.

I remember a good friend of mine who moved here when she was in her late 40's. I only mention her age because (if you haven't reached that stage in life yet) you may not realize how "set" in your ways you can be by midlife. Anyway, I remember her telling me how she walked out of her home in the US one day and realized she didn't know how to post a letter. She felt quite helpless. And a bit pi$$ed off.

This same friend took a job with a major US retailer and her first day running the cash register was Black Friday. She was a bit intimidated but, she said she just concentrated like hell on making the change and her drawer balanced just fine.

I kind of think this is not what you want to hear, but here it comes anyway. Some days moving to the US is going to $uck. Other days it won't. But it will be exactly what you make of it. Focus on what you are learning and how you are growing. Not on what you think you are losing. Life will take you back to where you need to be if you concentrate on making the most from it's challenges.

[Yellowhead 12]

I understood she was visiting, not on a K1 visa. Either way CA troopers are not immigration officers and more than likely would give a warning if the response were that she was not aware of the restriction, which most people in such a situation would not. Not so sure about won't accept from Canadian’s. Sounds a bit odd to me as I lived in CA for 10 years and now reside in border crossing city and have many Canadian friends...we Americans love Canadians!

I am visiting right now, but I am talking about after POE in the summer of 2011 (fingers crossed).

This is just what I was told. I had some people inform me not to risk it, as it entirely depends on the officer you get and the mood said offer is in upon pulling you over. I would rather not risk it, as we don't have money for a lawyer should anything happen. This is just what people on VJ have told me, definitely not gospel.

The DMV website has no clear information on this, and I have been told that "residency" for DMV purposes is very different than residency for immigration purposes. A resident is anyone who intends to stay permanently in the USA, regardless of status. Therefore, anyone staying over 10 days with the intent on remaining in the state, is required to have a Cali license. The timeframe which one must wait to get a license seems debatable at the moment, and that was my original concern.

As for driving on my Canadian license while visiting, that is totally fine. I often drive from BC to California and stay for a month or two when I have some time off school, and have never had an issue. It just gets sticky upon planting yourself and your belongings on american soil.

[Yellowhead 12]

hithalynn -

I hate to burst your bubble, but just because you consider yourself "independent" doesn't mean your adjustment will be any worse than anyone else. Everyone who moves here from another country has these problems. Now, you can make it worse by focusing on your treasured independence. Or, you can look at it as an adventure.

I remember a good friend of mine who moved here when she was in her late 40's. I only mention her age because (if you haven't reached that stage in life yet) you may not realize how "set" in your ways you can be by midlife. Anyway, I remember her telling me how she walked out of her home in the US one day and realized she didn't know how to post a letter. She felt quite helpless. And a bit pi$$ed off.

This same friend took a job with a major US retailer and her first day running the cash register was Black Friday. She was a bit intimidated but, she said she just concentrated like hell on making the change and her drawer balanced just fine.

I kind of think this is not what you want to hear, but here it comes anyway. Some days moving to the US is going to $uck. Other days it won't. But it will be exactly what you make of it. Focus on what you are learning and how you are growing. Not on what you think you are losing. Life will take you back to where you need to be if you concentrate on making the most from it's challenges.

I didn't say my experience would be worse than anyone else's, or better for that matter. I am quite aware that I have an advantage in many cases, due to the similarities between my culture and my fiance's. I have also been fortunate enough to have spent atrocious amounts of time exploring the western USA in the last 1.5 years and familiarizing myself with the differences. I am also very lucky to have his family nearby who supports us 110% and are always willing to help. Luckily, I won't have the culture shock that many immigrants face and I am very grateful for that.

I think my independence will aid me in this situation in many ways, but I was simply seeking advice about how to make the transition easier. Dependency is the issue, not facing a new world. When you have been let down by many people repeatedly in your life, these insecurities creep in without warning. I am just glad that I have somewhere like this (VJ) to turn when I get a bit freaked out by the thought. You need not remind me of my age, and lack of experience, or about what a positive perspective can do. I wouldn't have made it this far doing long distance and making this work in the face of all those people who said it wouldn't work without a positive perspective. Moving is a bit of a bigger deal, but it is not something I haven't done before, alone, many times.

No fear about bursting my bubble, as I don't live in one to begin with. Just a very real person trying to figure things out and enjoying the journey. Personally, I don't think that is too much to ask.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

hithalynn -

You started out your original post by talking about your independence. So - I brought it up.

And no, you are not asking "too much" with your query. That's why I wrote in your thread.

I wasn't ridiculing you for your age. You see, it's much more interesting to ridicule mine.

If you want to enjoy the journey, don't over-think it. You've been let down in the past? So have most of us. We heal by placing our trust again. Having a bit of "dependence" on your spouse when you first arrive isn't a bad thing. Really it's not. Providing that is, that the USC can handle it. VJ is full of stories of USC's who had no patience for the transition of their foreign partner.

I think you and your fiance should be discussing this. He needs to give you support and give you freedom. You need to trust and breathe. Then it'll be all right.

[LoveMyMiky 35]

Understood, especially from the perspective you don't want to mess up and effect the forth coming VISA. Regarding the DL, my biggest concern would be from the potential liability side of things in the event of a mishap.

I hope that you can quickly make good friends to help you along with your journey; it can really make a difference. I have seen trailing spouses (moves with other spouse on work assignment) do great and others do poorly. Those that get involved in activities quickly and make new acquaintances seem to do the best. I am concerned about my fiancée as well for many of the reasons you have mentioned. I have really tried during her visits to introduce her to friends which thus far has been successful in building a few relationships. I know there will be some tough times ahead as I travel a lot and she will not be able to leave the US for 2 years without approval. CA is really a great place both North and South, it is not a BC, but if you are going to need a place to adjust in the US, I can't think of a better place!

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Much of this thread has been a discussion on whether or not the OP will be able to get a California Drivers License soon enough or not. Quite honestly, I do not think the issue is about a Drivers License AT ALL. The main issue is confronting a new country and culture, and being "okay" with the transition and with the fact that she will have to depend so much on her fiance.

Now, I had already given my opinion earlier, but I think I would like to add that this is mostly a matter of attitude and perspective. My own case, for instance; I am a naturalized American citizen who has no family members anywhere nearby. Yet, am I distraught? No. I have made my own "family," a close circle of friends who I can trust, entirely. Yes, I do admit that the transition was not always easy and one can only put up with so much racism and discrimination without it bothering one too much. Yet, as I have grown older (and wiser) I can realize that I cannot change certain things and I definitely cannot change people's minds or beliefs. However, I can change my outcome by changing my behavior and perspective.

In the last few years I have been happier because I am seeing life more and more as an adventure. Rather than being in fear because of the unknown and unfamiliar, I welcome new challenges, situations, and people. As a result, I have been able to feel happier and feel more at ease. For example, last year when I went to Europe (Paris and London) for the first time ever, I was not afraid to tour the cities on my own, quite late at night, catching the metro and the underground. When I got lost in Paris I did not fee fear (even though my French is almost non-existent) because I was enjoying the moment. What a beautiful city to get lost in! As a result of my getting lost, I found a quite delightful little museum which I would not have visited had I not gotten lost. As you can see in my narrative, the key is seeing life as an adventure and having the wisdom to be flexible and learn from experience. Even if it is not what you hoped or expected.

The best advice that I can give the OP is to be flexible, to be willing to try new things, meet new people, to learn from the experience, and to have a positive view. As always, best wishes to all in this journey!

[Yellowhead 12]

I appreciate the little anecdotes from other members very much. I have talked to my fiance about this endlessly, but he cannot understand completely as he has never been without a family member nearby as a fallback. Although I am from Canada, my family is on the other side of the continent, and I rarely see them, so creating my own family here in California is going to be a priority. I am very lucky to have a head start on that with his parents, as I consider them nearer than my own parents, and we get along glowingly.

Seeing life as an adventure if definitely something I could stand to learn how to do. I am not fearful generally, but with such a change in atmosphere, fear can sometimes get the best of me. If I hear of a shooting in our neighborhood, I stay inside for a week straight unless accompanied by my fiance, so I could definitely learn from that change in perspective. Some people can only wish they have the opportunity to lead a completely new life at times. I guess this should be a transitional period for me where I try to expel my old fears, and live every day to its fullest in this new environment.

Thanks again to everyone I am so glad there are others who understand. I have been wonderful about the waiting period of the K-1 (no whining yet!), and have gladly accepted the timeframe with which I have to get my affairs in order back home. Now I just need to work on the calm and positive part!

[LoveMyMiky 35]

I think that some lose sight of real cultural differences as in the case that being able to hop in a car and go where you want when you want is an important part of independence to some as it has been their norm.

As in the case of my fiancée, South Korea has one of the most advanced public transportation systems -- you can go where you want when you want without a car. It is also a place where young school children can walk the streets safely at midnight. She will not be able to neither in the US where we live.

One shoe does not fit all. As a caution to those becoming liberated to US ways, just because you learn you can walk the streets alone at night in one US city, does not mean you should do it any city in the US or for that matter elsewhere in the world.

[Lise+Michael 13]

In MN you also have to take at minimal the written road test, it is not simply an exchange of licenses..wish it was lol

[Hannah+Vito 0]

Once the license expires, do you just renew when you get the GC? or do you have to go through the licensing process and testing again??

And it is 10 days until you can no longer drive.

I'm not sure exactly.....in that case I thought it would be a transfer because when hubby's license expired (he's the USC and I noticed cos we dont have to do this in uk ) he didn't have to take a test, I think he just updated his picture and eye exam. But it could be different for residents. I have to take my theory and all again I think because I didn't actualy take and pass the practical before the temp licence expired......I think they gave me the wrong one cos online the learners permit is described as 12 months mine was only good for 60 days . Oh well.

If you share which city in cally you will be living in perhaps others can come forward with more specific suggestions and advice...... Such as this is a good place to visit in walking distance or take this bus and that bus to get to etc....plus there are quite a few expat communities in Cali perhaps you can add to your support network.