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thongd4me

Psych 101 - Did you expect the unexpected?

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Surprises in Your New Marriage  

11 members have voted

  1. 1. Did (male) surprise her?

    • No, it was the Female
    • No, I don't think so
    • Yes, but it was no biggie
    • Yes, it caused some concern
    • Yes, she was taken aback
    • It's the only thing that gives constant stress
      0
  2. 2. Did (female) surprise him?

    • No, it was the Male
    • No, I don't think so
    • Yes, but it was no biggie
    • Yes, it caused some concern
    • Yes, he was taken aback
      0
    • It's the only thing that gives constant stress
  3. 3. How soon did the surprise surface?

    • There were no surprises (so far).
    • Years before getting married
    • Just before getting married
    • Just after getting married
    • It took a few months
    • 1 year+


22 posts in this topic

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In life there are always unexpected things.

My ex wife was very good at numbers/math and I was not as good.

Sometimes we have a "transference" of expectations from one relationship to another and I think this was mine.

My new wife is so much better than my ex in every single way except one.

She sucks at numbers/arithmetic.

It's no biggie.

I realized it a few months after we were married.

I am helping her in that regard, it's not a problem for me.

It wasn't a problem of "disclosure" because the issue never came up

during the many years we knew each other before we got married

and she was certainly NOT to blame in any way.

Edited by thongd4me

02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

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I love to have my back scratched and she's terrible at it. I've been tempted to hire someone to scratch it for me but I'd be afraid she'd find out.

She's good at the back scratch department, but since she's had 2 bunionectomies after her arrival

I've been giving daily foot massages. I'm the masseur in the family so that was kind of a surprise

having a Thai wife. She's still fabulous. star_smile.gif

02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

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Filed: Other Country: Canada
Timeline

I love to have my back scratched and she's terrible at it. I've been tempted to hire someone to scratch it for me but I'd be afraid she'd find out.

bamboo20back20scratcher.jpg

mvSuprise-hug.gif
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bamboo20back20scratcher.jpg

That one's right next to my computer desk tongue.gif

02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

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Share on other sites

Another thing (no biggie) that wasn't expected was that she expected me to

make all the phone calls for and escort her to all the prospective job interviews.

I work full time so that is not practical nor is it considered a plus by the companies

seeking employees. I think this was a case of a cross-cultural miscommunication

because there is a lot more family participation when a Thai is seeking work in Thailand.

Once she realized that she had to do these things herself she had 3 prospects

for part time work, two of which she accepted. She will start the second job today

and she worked over 25 hours for the first job last week.

I did help her with the research and filling out of application forms, but where

the applicant is concerned, it has to be the applicant alone that does the

follow-up and makes all the phone calls. Let this be a word of warning to

USC's who tell their fiancé(e)s that it's easy to find work in America (I did).

If you tell them it's easy, they might expect you to present them with a job

on a silver platter. :rofl:

We successfully resolved this snafu and all is well now :)

02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

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Filed: Timeline

Another thing (no biggie) that wasn't expected was that she expected me to

make all the phone calls for and escort her to all the prospective job interviews.

I work full time so that is not practical nor is it considered a plus by the companies

seeking employees. I think this was a case of a cross-cultural miscommunication

because there is a lot more family participation when a Thai is seeking work in Thailand.

Once she realized that she had to do these things herself she had 3 prospects

for part time work, two of which she accepted. She will start the second job today

and she worked over 25 hours for the first job last week.

I did help her with the research and filling out of application forms, but where

the applicant is concerned, it has to be the applicant alone that does the

follow-up and makes all the phone calls. Let this be a word of warning to

USC's who tell their fiancé(e)s that it's easy to find work in America (I did).

If you tell them it's easy, they might expect you to present them with a job

on a silver platter. :rofl:

We successfully resolved this snafu and all is well now :)

Just remember, you are not just getting a wife, you are also raising a daughter. :lol:

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My wife had the same conceptions about work in the US as well. I'm happy to help and I have flexible hours so I often can but I told her if I do, it's unlikely anyone will hire her if they don't she can manager to apply to work on her own. It's played out that way so she understands now. She got one part time job offer already but it was too far away-- proving the need to get serious about driving.

Another thing (no biggie) that wasn't expected was that she expected me to

make all the phone calls for and escort her to all the prospective job interviews.

I work full time so that is not practical nor is it considered a plus by the companies

seeking employees. I think this was a case of a cross-cultural miscommunication

because there is a lot more family participation when a Thai is seeking work in Thailand.

Once she realized that she had to do these things herself she had 3 prospects

for part time work, two of which she accepted. She will start the second job today

and she worked over 25 hours for the first job last week.

I did help her with the research and filling out of application forms, but where

the applicant is concerned, it has to be the applicant alone that does the

follow-up and makes all the phone calls. Let this be a word of warning to

USC's who tell their fiancé(e)s that it's easy to find work in America (I did).

If you tell them it's easy, they might expect you to present them with a job

on a silver platter. :rofl:

We successfully resolved this snafu and all is well now :)

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Share on other sites

My wife had the same conceptions about work in the US as well. I'm happy to help and I have flexible hours so I often can but I told her if I do, it's unlikely anyone will hire her if they don't she can manager to apply to work on her own. It's played out that way so she understands now. She got one part time job offer already but it was too far away-- proving the need to get serious about driving.

Same from my side too. After she had 3 minor operations following her POE,

she had been not working for around 9 months since she worked for 26 years

continuously in Thailand. She was getting antsy and for her the priority was

finding a job; I tried to get her to obtain her driver's license before she got a job

but now that she has 2 she won't have the time to work on the drivers' license,

especially to prepare for the written test which she hasn't taken yet. She will

have to fit in that preparation when she can now. One job is very close to where

we live but the other one takes about 1 hour total (one way) using 2 busses.

That one would only take 15 min. to get to if she could drive. Thai drivers who

have driven their whole life in Thailand are at a disadvantage here; she

instinctively fumbles for the hand controls on the wrong side and thought

she should be using 2 feet for the brake & gas because she drove a clutch

over there and my car is automatic. Driving on the right side of the road?

Fuggetaboutit! :bonk:

02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

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my husband has one beside our bed but we use it to turn off the light ..lol

I misread that at first as "we use it when we turn off the light".

at-first-i-was-like.jpg

Edited by trillium13
24q38dy.jpg
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So far all have responded as reporting the female was the "surpriser" and the male was the "surprisee."

Are the men so boring as to not have any surprises? rofl.gif

02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So far all have responded as reporting the female was the "surpriser" and the male was the "surprisee."

Are the men so boring as to not have any surprises? rofl.gif

Maybe women aren't as easily surprised?

24q38dy.jpg
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