divorce coming...

[MoCheese 0]

I can't believe it's come to this... I wanted so much for this marriage to work. But, fact is, I simply cannot bear it anymore.

I'll try to keep this simple, leaving out the sordid details, so that this doesn't become a novella.

My wife arrived here 16 months ago on K3 visa. We had known each other for about 2 years but I had only spent 2 months total with her in E. Europe. All the time communication was constant and fluid, as she speaks English better than most Americans. When I finally brought her home with me I was thrilled.

Unfortunately, things changed pretty quickly. At first it was easy to dismiss all the problems as "culture shock" and from being stuck alone in the house all day. Things continued to get worse. Problems related to alcohol (both of us I'm afraid) bitter arguments and her total unwillingness to do anything to try to integrate into the society of the family. No effort to acquire a job or move forward in any way. and much more than that, but, as I said, I see no reason to include these details. For the record: I know I haven't been perfect in this either.

I have begged and pleaded for changes and every time I heard empty promises. And, every time I believed them. But, I cannot any longer.

I have decided I must go forward with a divorce. She knows this and has spent the last month in her homeland visiting with her mother and trying to regroup herself.

Her conditional green card was issued in August. and I'm not sure how to proceed with everything. For certain, I don't want that affadavit of support haunting me forever. She has made it clear that she intends to return. She was supposed to this week, but, she missed her flight and now needs for me to make arrangements for another (something I find hard to do, as horrible as that sounds) She also made it clear that although she has an alternative to coming home to me and making life horrible and uncomfortable, she will not take that alternative. (Ex-husband living here in the states that she maintained contact with and never missed the opprotunity to rub in my face that he wants her back)

She has never had a job here. I never put her name on anything...I was too afraid to once things started to sour.

I'm sorry if I left out important details here...but, I'm still so heartsick and not in the best emotional state right now.

Any tips or advice will be much appreciated.

[chocolaterie 0]

Well you know you need a lawyer. I would say try marriage counseling first, if that failed, then you do what you have to do.

[Jaylen Brit 0]

I'd agree unless you are both sure that this marriage is over and that counselling CPR is not something worthwhile.

First and foremost you need a divorce lawyer - the immigration aspect is almost immaterial to your situation as your wife has a conditional green card, so I think she's already adjusted status. You are worrying about the affidavit of support you say but are you actually hoping to have her barred from the US? I ask only because this seems unlikely to happen - unless your whole marriage is based on farud (which from what you say seems not the case).

A lawyer can also advise you of your responsiblities as far as affidavit of support go. Get a few opinions, and you can ask USCIS as well - but double-check their info because the helpline often doesn't give the whole story (not everyone you speak to on the phone will be a qualified immigration official).

Best of luck

[Jasman0717 8]

Find an attorney and fast

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I am so sorry thing have not worked out for you both.... as others have said you need a lawyer....

good luck

Kezzie

[allserene 0]

No don't get a lawyer - they will rip you off deluxe....

divorce is quite easy in most states... and its just a couple of forms...

you can probably do it for a 100 dollars rather than the twenty or thirty thousand you will pay with a lawyer...

lawyers are like cat psychiatrists - you don't really need them..

really - i know many people who have run up massive bills - you do NOT need to. It is simple to do yourself.

alan

Edited February 18, 2006 by allserene

[diadromous mermaid 36]

No don't get a lawyer - they will rip you off deluxe....

divorce is quite easy in most states... and its just a couple of forms...

you can probably do it for a 100 dollars rather than the twenty or thirty thousand you will pay with a lawyer...

lawyers are like cat psychiatrists - you don't really need them..

really - i know many people who have run up massive bills - you do NOT need to. It is simple to do yourself.

alan

The ease of DIY divorces is related to:

Is the marital estate large?

Did both contribute?

Are there any items of separate property?

Are there any child custody issues to resolve?

Is one a bread-winner and the other not?

How co-operative both are in the process?

If the answers are

yes

no

yes

yes

yes

no

then an attorney is a necessity

[Welshcookie 17]

No don't get a lawyer - they will rip you off deluxe....

divorce is quite easy in most states... and its just a couple of forms...

you can probably do it for a 100 dollars rather than the twenty or thirty thousand you will pay with a lawyer...

lawyers are like cat psychiatrists - you don't really need them..

really - i know many people who have run up massive bills - you do NOT need to. It is simple to do yourself.

alan

DIY divorces are only relevant if both parties are happy to divorce...

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

No don't get a lawyer - they will rip you off deluxe....

divorce is quite easy in most states... and its just a couple of forms...

you can probably do it for a 100 dollars rather than the twenty or thirty thousand you will pay with a lawyer...

lawyers are like cat psychiatrists - you don't really need them..

really - i know many people who have run up massive bills - you do NOT need to. It is simple to do yourself.

alan

DIY divorces are only relevant if both parties are happy to divorce...

Rather if both have come to the conclusion that it is inevitable and both are still able to think and act rationally. Happiness of either or both parties in this process is not necessary.

[Welshcookie 17]

No don't get a lawyer - they will rip you off deluxe....

divorce is quite easy in most states... and its just a couple of forms...

you can probably do it for a 100 dollars rather than the twenty or thirty thousand you will pay with a lawyer...

lawyers are like cat psychiatrists - you don't really need them..

really - i know many people who have run up massive bills - you do NOT need to. It is simple to do yourself.

alan

DIY divorces are only relevant if both parties are happy to divorce...

Rather if both have come to the conclusion that it is inevitable and both are still able to think and act rationally. Happiness of either or both parties in this process is not necessary.

True. I was just trying to get across the same point. My fiance's ex filed a DIY petition a year ago....and now we are dropping $3000+ for a lawyer because she won't finish it....divorce is rarely simple.

[allserene 0]

when you buy a car you should have an eye on the day you sell it - buy it to sell it. Same with houses.

Same with spouses - figuring on their response if it gets impossible is as important as their other attributes.

Even if they have it in em to be totally horrible, and many people can be, figuring out their basic decency as far as ripping each other off is a necessity.

Some people are very honest that way and they are gems - some will skin you alive given a chance.

Figure out what you are dealing with first , allowing for a 180 on every other subject.

Anyway check State laws - they are very different and don't be persuaded at first reading - many are very reasonable if you read deeper. Wisconsin is a joint property state to some degree and everyone thinks it is all 50-50 - but prior property and short marriages are taken into account so gold diggers get dug - contrary to popular belief.

I had a girlfriend who ran up 40k just swapping lawyers letters over who owned the stone horse trough - dont go there - talk it and sort it .

My divorces never cost me more than a couple of hundred because I am reasonable and dont get huffy.... Donald Trump may look smart but we can do it smarter. Ask Ivana

alan

[Welshcookie 17]

when you buy a car you should have an eye on the day you sell it - buy it to sell it. Same with houses.

Same with spouses - figuring on their response if it gets impossible is as important as their other attributes.

I have missed you Alan.....Hope you had a good holiday back in the UK .....welcome back to VJ...