prenup

[jrmejia 31]

Hi guys,

I hope my question does not sound offensive but I need to ask it. Like many of us, I met this wonderful filipina on the net. We are net dating for a while. She is mid 20's and I am mid 40's. Recently I went to meet her and I was very happy I did. We spent a very wonderful time.

For some reason, many people think that every one in USA is rich. Which is not the case. I am not a rich guy. I am a regular guy with an engineer job who works to pay his expenses including: car, house, utilities, and a little bit to save.

I am having a hard time believing that she actually likes me. I am not even near Danzel Washington in look. Not at all. (I am a Latino with very dark skin.)

My co-worker from china saw the pictures that I took on my trip. She said," wow..she is so beautiful". Then she looks at me and said "You are a wonderful person. No kids, not married, hard-worker, and have a nice profession. Why dont you try to find a professional lady here in usa? I would hate to see you getting hurt or taking advantage of"..then I said why? she said, " I dont like to read a book by it covers but just think about it, a very beautiful and young girl what do you think she expects from a guy your age $$$$$" For a moment I did not want to face the true..and I said..well..hmmm.....then she said, " exactly". ...then she continues by saying, "do me a favor..... tell her you will marry her with one condition, with a prenup. It is easy to say I love you but not so easy under those terms"

What do you guys think? I really do not want to ask her because I know that will be the end of our relationship...

[Krikit 1,163]

The post in the attached link should assist you with your thought process. There are some interesting posts in that entire thread if you're willing to take the time to go through it. Anyway, here you go:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/37855-length-of-stay/page__view__findpost__p__520072

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I personally don't like the idea of a prenuptial agreement, and especially in the context that you wish to use it for. IMO, if you are that unsure about this young woman's motives for wanting to be with you, then maybe you should take more time with the relationship before deciding to marry. If you used an international dating service to connect with her, chances are she's thought about a life here in the states, married to an American, and all that that entails. I think what matters most is compatibility - what kind of family life that you both had growing up, both of your levels of education, etc. I'd talk with her about her future career plans (if she were to stay in live in the Philippines) as well as talk about your future plans. If you both have a good sense of where the other is coming from and where the other is heading (with or without a future that includes the other), then you'll feel more at ease about wanting to enter a marry built on mutual love and trust.

[ceziepie 0]

You should probably get to know her more. Find out things about her background like education, family, past relationships. You could tell a lot from those simple things. I won't deny it, a lot of Filipinas who were brought up poorly or lack education may take advantage of you. Especially if you plan to take her to the US and marry her. My advise would be to be vigilant. Watch out for signs that she may be using you for financial or whatever reasons. Like for example, when she asks money from you early in your relationship.

I'm not trying to bring down Filipinas. I'm a Pinay as well. It's just that facts show that there are A LOT who use American citizens to gain access to the US. She may stay with you, but that doesn't mean she's in love with you. If she is a well-educated person, it will show in her attitude towards the relationship. Oh well, just my opinion. Not meaning to disrespect anyone.

Hope everything works out well for you and your girlfriend.

[jrmejia 31]

I personally don't like the idea of a prenuptial agreement, and especially in the context that you wish to use it for. IMO, if you are that unsure about this young woman's motives for wanting to be with you, then maybe you should take more time with the relationship before deciding to marry. If you used an international dating service to connect with her, chances are she's thought about a life here in the states, married to an American, and all that that entails. I think what matters most is compatibility - what kind of family life that you both had growing up, both of your levels of education, etc. I'd talk with her about her future career plans (if she were to stay in live in the Philippines) as well as talk about your future plans. If you both have a good sense of where the other is coming from and where the other is heading (with or without a future that includes the other), then you'll feel more at ease about wanting to enter a marry built on mutual love and trust.

I did not use an international dating service. A friend introduced us online. She wonderful and after I met her, i dont think i can find anyone who makes me as happy as her..i just have some doubt..i am sure many of us do but we try to avoid it? thanks

You should probably get to know her more. Find out things about her background like education, family, past relationships. You could tell a lot from those simple things. I won't deny it, a lot of Filipinas who were brought up poorly or lack education may take advantage of you. Especially if you plan to take her to the US and marry her. My advise would be to be vigilant. Watch out for signs that she may be using you for financial or whatever reasons. Like for example, when she asks money from you early in your relationship.

I'm not trying to bring down Filipinas. I'm a Pinay as well. It's just that facts show that there are A LOT who use American citizens to gain access to the US. She may stay with you, but that doesn't mean she's in love with you. If she is a well-educated person, it will show in her attitude towards the relationship. Oh well, just my opinion. Not meaning to disrespect anyone.

Hope everything works out well for you and your girlfriend.

I will give you a thumb up with your reply!

[evli1966 88]

I personally don't like the idea of a prenuptial agreement, and especially in the context that you wish to use it for. IMO, if you are that unsure about this young woman's motives for wanting to be with you, then maybe you should take more time with the relationship before deciding to marry. If you used an international dating service to connect with her, chances are she's thought about a life here in the states, married to an American, and all that that entails. I think what matters most is compatibility - what kind of family life that you both had growing up, both of your levels of education, etc. I'd talk with her about her future career plans (if she were to stay in live in the Philippines) as well as talk about your future plans. If you both have a good sense of where the other is coming from and where the other is heading (with or without a future that includes the other), then you'll feel more at ease about wanting to enter a marry built on mutual love and trust.

[rlogan 2,036]

I vote "no" on pre-nup.

First of all, your state has standards on divorce and what she is entitled to if it happens. Our state has a basic 50-50 rule on assets acquired during the marriage. But you can agree to anything if it is a dissolution not contested by either party. So look into your state laws on divorce and property, child support or even alimony because that alone may be satisfactory to you and a prenup would be moot in that case.

Second of all, don't be suspicious that this hot babe likes you. That's just the fact of the matter with women in the third world and men from the first. It's awful tough to get used to being a superstar. Be prepared for fat old arrogant women in the US to have their heads explode as you pass by with this sweet, loving, yummy dollup on your arm as you pass by.

I actually moved in with my wife and her whole family before applying for the fiance visa. I built a house with her father. Nice young man. (Younger than me.) I cannot recommend strongly enough to really get to know the family, not just her.

There is quite a bit to learn and respect about her culture. Make the effort. Yes there are scammers everywhere in the world including the philippines, but they have a VERY strong committment to family that I like.

In answer to your Chinese friend who questioned the love a young Filipina could have for a man like you: Best to be thought merely a retard than to open your mouth and sound like a catty, envious bi#@h too. Heh.

Filipinas generally like an older, more stable, and secure guy. Be a good man to her and she will love you from head to toe.

[CATHYlovesRICK 2]

My fiance and I have been so open with each other..Before knowing me he already is coming back for 5 times in the Philippines plus he have a lot of Filipina friends(nurses,since he worked in a hospital).He also have a lot of Filipina Ex Gf's.So he knew so much about all this things. He knows so well too that SOME filipina are visa hunters(they just want the greencard)..even his Filipina co workers especially his mother doubts me still..But as for me, that is understandable..I will give them them enough time to know me and see who I really am..We knew each other August 2007, got engaged june 2008!And now we have a baby. I MAKE IT A PROMISE TO MYSELF THAT I WILL NEVER ASK A SINGLE CENTAVO TO HIM TO JUST GIVE MY FAMIY,I WILL ONLY SEND MONEY TO MY FAMILY IF ITS FROM MY OWN HARDWORK.Unless he will give on his own.

DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT AND WHAT YOUR HEART WANTS...As for my fiance he said NO NEED for pre nup..COZ I'M HIS SOUL MATE, AND HIS EVERYTHING AND HE WILL GIVE AND DO EVERYTHING FOR US, AS LONG AS HE LIVES..Even he's own mom didn't do nothing to stop him from proposing to me..

[Richard90027 1]

If you own property and have large investments it's a good idea, but if you marry and have children and it does not work out your screwed anyway, if she has children and you adopt them your really screwed. I myself just like you am just a working guy with not a lot to lose so I did not get one or think it needed. If I had asked my wife for one I really don't think she would have been offended at all because she expects that I will take care of her. This is a tough choice that only you can make but keep in mind that most Filipina's, especially from the provence are very sweet and if you treat them half decent they will be with you forever. Making a Filipina your wife is a great choice...

[omahagreg 2]

From my perspective, a prenup is unnecessary. They only make sense if you have a whole lot of assets going into the marriage ($1 million plus), a very high income ($300,000 plus per year), or if you are a politician/public figure/celebrity, and depend on your reputation for your livelyhood.

It was mentioned earlier, but it is worth repeating; it is marital assets that get divided in a divorce, not non-marital assets. For example, if I have retirement accounts, stocks, and savings accounts worth $500,000 when I get married, then if I were to divorce after 10 years of marriage, and my accounts are now worth $800,000, then only the difference ($300,000) is considered marital property, and is subject to division. Additionally, family inheritances and legacies are considered non-marital assets, so your concerned mom that expects to leave you $750,000 inheritance can also breath easy---marital property laws protect these funds also.

Many are misinformed, and think the instant they wed, their spouse is entitled to half of everything they own. As explained above, this is not the case. They may be, however, entitled to half of what is earned during the marriage.

The 'prenup' that most think of comes into play with the very wealthy, in situations of alimony, and lifestyle maintenance demands. For example, if a person marries into wealth, and becomes accustomed to lavish vacations, expensive wardrobes, high priced restaurants, luxury cars, etc., then they can successfully argue that they should be permitted to maintain some aspects of this lifestyle, even if non-marital assets must be transferred. In these potential situations, a prenuptual agreement can help put limits on how much wealth will be shared. Very few of us will ever face this concern.

Lastly, even if signed and agreed to, if a judge feels that a prenup is unfair and unequitable, they will just invalidate it anyway.

But, beyond that, I plan my marriage to be a one time occurrence, and to last for my entire life. To ask for an agreement to be signed kind of jinxes one's chances for a long marriage. To me it would be preparing for divorce before the marriage even starts.

[justashooter 430]

prenups are normal in the developed world if there is a disparity in posessions on entering a marriage. things can get very murky years on. the most valuable thing you can put in a pre-nup is a waiver of increase in value of real property you own before marriage. this will protect your strategic position, as well as your cash.

if you just took out a 30 year mortgage then you have nothing to lose, but if you are advanced in the mortgage and reducing principle by $800 per month that increase in actual value can add up fast. this increase is based on your good choices made before the marriage, and is not suitably marital property, though it would be without pre-nup in most states. it is an opportunity for an unscrupulous woman to take advantage of your strategic position, and don't think that all pinays don't understand this principle. there are as many "seminars" in phils on how to get a green card, a car, a credit rating, and a pile of cash out of an American guy as there are in ukraine.

pre-nups make sense for people with less than a million in cash. anybody who thinks otherwise is dreaming of a happy life, nad projecting his own trust onto a stranger who may knife him in the back.

good on the idea of becing a member of the entire family. this increases the obligation and makes divorce less likely.

[Twinkles 10]

Hi guys,

I hope my question does not sound offensive but I need to ask it. Like many of us, I met this wonderful filipina on the net. We are net dating for a while. She is mid 20's and I am mid 40's. Recently I went to meet her and I was very happy I did. We spent a very wonderful time.

For some reason, many people think that every one in USA is rich. Which is not the case. I am not a rich guy. I am a regular guy with an engineer job who works to pay his expenses including: car, house, utilities, and a little bit to save.

I am having a hard time believing that she actually likes me. I am not even near Danzel Washington in look. Not at all. (I am a Latino with very dark skin.)

My co-worker from china saw the pictures that I took on my trip. She said," wow..she is so beautiful". Then she looks at me and said "You are a wonderful person. No kids, not married, hard-worker, and have a nice profession. Why dont you try to find a professional lady here in usa? I would hate to see you getting hurt or taking advantage of"..then I said why? she said, " I dont like to read a book by it covers but just think about it, a very beautiful and young girl what do you think she expects from a guy your age $$$$$" For a moment I did not want to face the true..and I said..well..hmmm.....then she said, " exactly". ...then she continues by saying, "do me a favor..... tell her you will marry her with one condition, with a prenup. It is easy to say I love you but not so easy under those terms"

What do you guys think? I really do not want to ask her because I know that will be the end of our relationship...

Im not offended by your question. I have a Fiance patiently waiting for me in the USA. I love this man to pieces. Eventhough he has told me he trusts me and he is the one with the $$ btw and not me.

It was me that brought up a pre nup. I simply took a step back and thought if i was in his shoes, how would some others be looking in on our relationship.

I dont want to start our marriage with whispers about me being a gold digger. Its bad enough for me him getting the "oh your marrying a foreigner comments"

I cant change the Country i was born in, but i can certainly address any gold digger concerns.

There are people who find this whole meeting on the internet hard to grasp. I advised him as a friend would have. Protect your assets!

Crikey i have watched some of my own family get screwed over in divorce. I can say till the cows come home "hinny dont worry *bats eye lids* i wont screw you over if we ever divorce"..But those words mean jack all if god forbid we ever did divorce.

With a pre nup, im giving a legal declaration that im not marrying him for his assets only his asse <3

I hope it sends out a clear message to anyone with doubts about me of what my true intentions are and that is to love this man with all my heart.

He of course didnt like the idea but im not asking...im insisting.

[omahagreg 2]

The other sticky issue not discussed too often are the religious implications of a prenup. For example, the Roman Catholic Church looks at prenups as going against the whole concept of marriage. In fact, Canon Law deems a marriage to not be valid when it is subject to a condition in the future. The Church also holds it immoral to enter a marriage having already made arrangements for the possible dissolution of the union.

Judaism, on the other hand, celebrates the use of prenuptial agreements, with newlyweds sometimes reading them as party of the wedding ceremony.

[tallcoolone 102]

From my perspective, a prenup is unnecessary. They only make sense if you have a whole lot of assets going into the marriage ($1 million plus), a very high income ($300,000 plus per year), or if you are a politician/public figure/celebrity, and depend on your reputation for your livelyhood.

It was mentioned earlier, but it is worth repeating; it is marital assets that get divided in a divorce, not non-marital assets. For example, if I have retirement accounts, stocks, and savings accounts worth $500,000 when I get married, then if I were to divorce after 10 years of marriage, and my accounts are now worth $800,000, then only the difference ($300,000) is considered marital property, and is subject to division. Additionally, family inheritances and legacies are considered non-marital assets, so your concerned mom that expects to leave you $750,000 inheritance can also breath easy---marital property laws protect these funds also.

Many are misinformed, and think the instant they wed, their spouse is entitled to half of everything they own. As explained above, this is not the case. They may be, however, entitled to half of what is earned during the marriage.

The 'prenup' that most think of comes into play with the very wealthy, in situations of alimony, and lifestyle maintenance demands. For example, if a person marries into wealth, and becomes accustomed to lavish vacations, expensive wardrobes, high priced restaurants, luxury cars, etc., then they can successfully argue that they should be permitted to maintain some aspects of this lifestyle, even if non-marital assets must be transferred. In these potential situations, a prenuptual agreement can help put limits on how much wealth will be shared. Very few of us will ever face this concern.

Lastly, even if signed and agreed to, if a judge feels that a prenup is unfair and unequitable, they will just invalidate it anyway.

But, beyond that, I plan my marriage to be a one time occurrence, and to last for my entire life. To ask for an agreement to be signed kind of jinxes one's chances for a long marriage. To me it would be preparing for divorce before the marriage even starts.

Sorry, but you post is full of lots of misinformation, You need to study up or read up on Pre Nups and you are giving a lot of bad information.

prenups are normal in the developed world if there is a disparity in posessions on entering a marriage. things can get very murky years on. the most valuable thing you can put in a pre-nup is a waiver of increase in value of real property you own before marriage. this will protect your strategic position, as well as your cash.

if you just took out a 30 year mortgage then you have nothing to lose, but if you are advanced in the mortgage and reducing principle by $800 per month that increase in actual value can add up fast. this increase is based on your good choices made before the marriage, and is not suitably marital property, though it would be without pre-nup in most states. it is an opportunity for an unscrupulous woman to take advantage of your strategic position, and don't think that all pinays don't understand this principle. there are as many "seminars" in phils on how to get a green card, a car, a credit rating, and a pile of cash out of an American guy as there are in ukraine.

pre-nups make sense for people with less than a million in cash. anybody who thinks otherwise is dreaming of a happy life, nad projecting his own trust onto a stranger who may knife him in the back.

good on the idea of becing a member of the entire family. this increases the obligation and makes divorce less likely.

Agreed............

[jrmejia 31]

I vote "no" on pre-nup.

Second of all, don't be suspicious that this hot babe likes you. That's just the fact of the matter with women in the third world and men from the first. It's awful tough to get used to being a superstar. Be prepared for fat old arrogant women in the US to have their heads explode as you pass by with this sweet, loving, yummy dollup on your arm as you pass by.

Yes that is why i am so confused. She treated me so so so so so well.. all I can say wow..i am not danzel washington no Bradd Pitts but she is treating as if i am one of them. Sorry guys, I dont get that kind of treatment from ladies in the state. I think i need to slow down and face the fact that I have a HOT BABE (like you stated..) but I like to use beautiful lady as my wife. .