Superficiality and the Greencard

[Jenn! 918]

I see, so because I don't join the lynch mob against women with values other than your own, I must have a lot of money. It sucks, cuz I don't.

Hmmm, no I know you don't have a lot of money. That was a jab at Gary.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Personally, I feel fortunate that I was able to marry for love and the characteristics that are important to me and not have to "settle" because I needed financial security.

I can't help but think that people who feel like women marrying for security is a good thing believe that they might not have anything else to offer besides what's in their wallet.

+1. +1,000,000,1.

If I ever "settle," it's time I hie myself to the glue factory.

[^_^ 5,021]

Hmmm, no I know you don't have a lot of money. That was a jab at Gary.

Well, I don't really think there's anything wrong with women (and men) marrying for reasons other than love.

[Nina~ 431]

Some people need it, more than anything else. And I don't just mean the security of your spouse not cheating on you. I mean the security of a spouse who can provide for you. It may not mean much for someone from the first-world, but it may mean everything for a poor chick in the Philippines. It's a big world out there and your standards aren't universal.

By golly AJ, you actually made some sense with that post. +1 for you

I am from a 3rd world country too, so I can understand why a poor chick from the Philippines would want to marry an older "secure" man. However, there are A LOT of women (like me or my Ukrainian friend) who would never settle for any Tom ####### or Harry just for security.

[chri'stina 190]

In some cultures, love is considered a bad reason to get married. Not that I can relate to that myself growing up here. But in those cultures, security is a big factor.

[^_^ 5,021]

... you actually made some sense with that post.

KMA.

[Jenn! 918]

In some cultures, love is considered a bad reason to get married. Not that I can relate to that myself growing up here. But in those cultures, security is a big factor.

Right, but wouldn't it be a big factor in those places because marriage is generally the only way for a woman to be financially secure?

I guess I'm coming from the perspective (that obviously not everyone agrees with) that women being able to be financially independent is a good thing.

[IndigoSkies 168]

In some cultures, love is considered a bad reason to get married. Not that I can relate to that myself growing up here. But in those cultures, security is a big factor.

You lie. Name these cultures.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Cultures that do arranged marriages - Pakistan for instance.

[^_^ 5,021]

Cultures that do arranged marriages - Pakistan for instance.

Even in Pakistan, love isn't considered a "bad reason" to get married. It's just that other reasons are considered equally as important or even more important. Like social status, economic security, peer approval, etc.

[Nina~ 431]

KMA.

whateva. I was actually agreeing with you.

[^_^ 5,021]

whateva. I was actually agreeing with you.

oh

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Even in Pakistan, love isn't considered a "bad reason" to get married. It's just that other reasons are considered equally as important or even more important. Like social status, economic security, peer approval, etc.

Right, it helps - but it's more about what the family wants.

They used to do arranged marriages in ancient Rome along the same lines - social status, peer approval etc but also for political reasons.

[Mithra 1,185]

Oh definitely.

Where my husband is from, the ability to support a family is a highly valued and even necessary trait for a potential husband. Love is secondary or maybe not even that close to the top of the list of importance. Love, most of the time, isn't even a consideration and many figure love will come in time.

As far as superficiality, I don't think the women in the MENA forum (the female counterparts to the men who marry Filipinas and Russians, etc.) marry younger men only because they're hot (sometimes they are not hot, just young). I mean I'm sure it happens on occasion but I really don't think the older ladies only marry for that reason. The MENA men are charmers and sweep the women (young and old alike) off their feet. The women marry the younger guys for love and companionship (and sex) but the younger guys may marry for security (financial or to gain a GC). I'm not saying this is always the case but it happens, a lot.

In some cultures, love is considered a bad reason to get married. Not that I can relate to that myself growing up here. But in those cultures, security is a big factor.

[^_^ 5,021]

Where my husband is from, the ability to support a family is a highly valued and even necessary trait for a potential husband. Love is secondary or maybe not even that close to the top of the list of importance. Love, most of the time, isn't even a consideration and many figure love will come in time.

Well put.