Wanting to divorce my spouse.

[Dodi 69]

Actually, a protective order doesn't require an attorney. If you go to your local police department or court clerk's office (depending on where you live) they can tell you the steps required to get an EPO for both you and your children. Usually a special district judge will hear you that day and if they find your case legitimate, can issue an immediate temporary order with a hearing for a longer-lasting one within a matter of days. Most police departments will tell you to take the children to a battered women's shelter for your safety. This is actually not a bad idea for the short term until you've got the PO secured. If they serve him with the paperwork for the PO and you're within striking distance it could cause him to lash out at you or the children or both. At a women's shelter, you might not be comfortable, but you would at least be safe and he wouldn't be able to find you.

Then you file for divorce. If you can't afford an attorney, have the court clerk's office help you find a legal aid office to help, or hire a paralegal to draft the papers and file them yourself pro se (I'd offer to do that for you, but I'm in Oklahoma and have no idea where you are). Be prepared for a battle, but your safety and the safety of your children should be your first concern.

[Justine+David 218]

As an aside to people reading this topic, remember that women in domestic violence relationships often make many excuses to for their partner's behavior and it is very hard to leave them over the years. My aunt was married for 6 years before she left her husband with her child in tow. She only left him after she saw how his actions against her were starting to affect their child. Many women feel like they deserve the abuse when it occurs, unfortunately.

OP, I wish you the best of luck in this situation . I am SO sorry that it is happening to you--and you've been given some great advice on this thread. Please take every precaution for the safety of yourself and your little ones. Let us know how everything turns out when you get a chance.

Edited June 20, 2010 by Justine+David

[thongd4me 69]

As an aside to people reading this topic, remember that women in domestic violence relationships often make many excuses to for their partner's behavior and it is very hard to leave them over the years. My aunt was married for 6 years before she left her husband with her child in tow. She only left him after she saw how his actions against her were starting to affect their child. Many women feel like they deserve the abuse when it occurs, unfortunately.

OP, I wish you the best of luck in this situation . I am SO sorry that it is happening to you--and you've been given some great advice on this thread. Please take every precaution for the safety of yourself and your little ones. Let us know how everything turns out when you get a chance.

This is a great self-help book about those who abuse themselves & loved ones

from the point of view of those that find themselves in the role of enabling them.

Walking On Eggshells

Also I suggest the OP poke around on the BPDcentral bulletin boards -

there are many who are both trying to cope and others who are going

through divorces with spouses having this kind of personality disorder.

Edited June 21, 2010 by thongd4me

[thongd4me 69]

This is a great self-help book about those who abuse themselves & loved ones

from the point of view of those that find themselves in the role of enabling them.

Walking On Eggshells

Also I suggest the OP poke around on the BPDcentral bulletin boards -

there are many who are both trying to cope and others who are going

through divorces with spouses having this kind of personality disorder.

Here's the forum where they discuss separation & divorce

[Darnell 8,478]

hey - any news? I hope, by now, you've got the protective order and have filed for divorce.