Is this what marriage is going to be like?

[seldi 1]

So my fiance an I are the the Embassy step.

It's now HIS turn to get everything ready. In my opinion, he should have been ready a while ago. He knows exactly what he needs to get done, I have been bugging him for months now. He's just taking his sweet time getting things done. I don't think he comprehends how crucial it is to have everything ready ASAP.

For example, it can take up to 2 months to get your police certificate in Argentina. I have been asking him to get it done. He applied LAST WEEK. I asked him to call the embassy today because I wasn't sure if they required 2 years worth of taxes or three. He tells me that he called the number I gave him, but it was "busy".

I've also sent him tons of links that explain the whole process, forms, requirements, timelines to help him understand(or so I thought). Yet, he doesn't even know what a I-134 is.

Maybe I'm just being a typical American and being neurotic about everything, but I don't think he's taking it seriously. I don't know if this is normal guy behavior and he's just being lazy, or what the ####### is going on. I'm so frustrated. I'm even considering breaking up with him. I want a partner, not a son.

To make matters worse, the embassy is completely useless.

[CarolineM 0]

Um...is it bad if I say yes? I meant his is a HUGE deal. This is how the two of you are going to be together FOREVER. It's important and it's critical to get it right. If he doesn't care enough to work on it...then that could be bad.

[seldi 1]

He's never been like this before Everytime I ask him what's going on with him, he gets very defensive and tells me that he IS doing everything he can.

[Nessa 23]

He's never been like this before Everytime I ask him what's going on with him, he gets very defensive and tells me that he IS doing everything he can.

Really you should talk to him. Marriage is a commitment for life. If you're having second thoughts, maybe it's not supposed to be?

[Miranda&James 8]

It's a stressful process (yes I know this has been said a MILLION times but it's still true) and some people just shut down when someone is constantly telling them to do things that they don't understand. It makes perfect sense to you that he should just do his research, etc, and he will understand it all but some people just get completely overwhelmed and find themselves at a standstill and just can't get things done. Be patient with him and do all that you can to educated him about what he needs to know (these sites can be really confusing for someone who hasn't been looking at them for awhile) and you will get through it. Yeah, sometimes they need a kick in the butt, but don't ever let them forget that you are being supportive and will help them! He should be making initiative on this, don't think I'm saying he shouldn't, but he may need a lot of extra support from you to help explain things to him. Just my advice from personal experience, obviously all I know about you and him is from this post so I could be completely off base. I hope you guys make it through with most of your sanity intact though!

[CarolineM 0]

I will tell you my personal opinion...if Stewart hadn't done his share I would have not gone through with it. I love him, but it's a two way street. He HELPED me research, he got his stuff together, he was involved the whole time.

If he hadn't, I would have been worried....I mean yes its stressful but why should all teh stress be on her?? the USC?? I mean, it's not just HER job.

[ceriserose 1]

Been there, done that...but not with my current man. Latino culture is definitely a different rhythm from US/Canadian.

As to your question, marriage is what you make it. I would suggest that you won't remove cultural aspects or behaviors of your intended so it's probably an idea to decide if this is just an isolated incident or if this is going to be a constant. And then decide how you want to deal with it now and for the rest of yor married lives.

Best wishes.

[CarolineM 0]

Well sadly for me this process is ending not on a happy note but with the relationship is over and the visa is over too. A word of caution to all those out there going through this and their fiance not doing there share to get this done and you have to keep reminding them to do stuff constantly. it could be a sign. I should have seen this before when he wasn't doing his share. this put too much stress on the relationship as well as many personal stuff going on. it was more that he wasnt responsible enough or mature to handle this. I was lied to and treated bad the last 2 months, but I'm so glad I know this now and can stay in my own country. I wish everyone the best of luck who are strong enough to make it through this. and thanks for all the advice and answers to questions during this process. I emailed the consulate already but was wondering if i have to do anymore? I just stated i no longer wanted to get married and cancel the visa. Its really tough losing a person you were willing to give up your whole live for and move to another county to be with and to find out all his promises and love were not real. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. i hope.

thanks everyone on this site.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...sult_type=posts

Obviously not an absolute...but someone who could have offered advice.

[Miranda&James 8]

I will tell you my personal opinion...if Stewart hadn't done his share I would have not gone through with it. I love him, but it's a two way street. He HELPED me research, he got his stuff together, he was involved the whole time.

If he hadn't, I would have been worried....I mean yes its stressful but why should all teh stress be on her?? the USC?? I mean, it's not just HER job.

I'm not saying all the stress should be on her and the fact that it is is fair in any way. I just know that not all people are that great at taking initiative and doing things like this visa process and may need a bit of extra understanding and encouragement to get through it. I mean, going back to the title, that is what marriage is, it's encouraging one another and boosting one another up. Yes, of course he needs to help and take responsibility, but since he isn't on this board there isn't much we can say to him. The only advice I can give is to the OP, and just let her know that maybe a little extra positive encouragement from her could help (she may already be doing that, heck if I know) because I just know it helped me and got the results I was looking for.

[ceriserose 1]

I will tell you my personal opinion...if Stewart hadn't done his share I would have not gone through with it. I love him, but it's a two way street. He HELPED me research, he got his stuff together, he was involved the whole time.

If he hadn't, I would have been worried....I mean yes its stressful but why should all teh stress be on her?? the USC?? I mean, it's not just HER job.

I did a bunch of the paperwork and 'ran' things but CAPS was right there when it was time to act. If I told him to jump, he asked how high and would I like chocolate with that.

[JenT 0]

I was married for 13 years to someone who might as well have been my son. He had to be spoon-fed everything and eventually called me 'controlling'. Long story and there are two sides, of course but... I can't generalize and say that all men are like that. David is the self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Procrastinator" and yet he requested his police report from the UK weeks ago, knowing full-well that it was going to take 40-some-odd days to receive it. He has been on top of every detail since he returned from his visit here in June. Our goal is to have next-day turnaround of packet 3, which we agreed about a long time ago. We also agreed that it would take both of us with 100% investment in it to make it work and we divided up the tasks so that we both had ownership of the process. We don't want to be apart for 1 hour longer than we have to....

So perhaps one thing you could do is talk about expectations... perhaps get to the root of why you perceive that he has no sense of urgency about this. Keep in mind that he may be feeling a little 'out of control' himself. He's the one about to dramatically change his life to come to the US to be dependent upon you for a period of time... perhaps now that the move is more of a 'reality', he needs some time to come to terms with all of that....

The biggest things right now for you both is communication. Forget the immigration stuff the next time you talk... talk about your goals and dreams together... perhaps that will help you re-focus. There are times that David and I declare a conversation "off-limits to any immigration-related topics" just to get our focus back on our relationship and on the events going on in our lives....

Best wishes Seldi... you'll get through this....

Jen

[seldi 1]

I'm trying to be patient and understand him. I don't wanna nag him to death, but I feel like I have to. Also, it's a little bit harder for him because there of the language barrier. There isn't a whole lot of information out there in Spanish and most if not all forms are in English.

I'm a true believer of "everything happens for a reason". Maybe this is a sign that it's not gonna work, or maybe it's a sign to help me realize to chill out and be patient. It's also winter in Argentina, so I guess it's harder to get out of bed?

Thank you all for your opinions, I really just wanted to vent and I didn't know where to go

[CarolineM 0]

I guessd my theory is, if it's like pulling teeth to get him to pull his weight on a HUGE issue like this...how is getting the trash taken out, or helping out with x,y,z going to be?

You know?

I don't disagree with anyone here because honestly no one knows what she's going through but her...but if you want support and help in yourl ife...and you aren't getting it on the one thing that is going to bring you together...it might be a bad sign.

[Jenn! 918]

I've also sent him tons of links that explain the whole process, forms, requirements, timelines to help him understand(or so I thought). Yet, he doesn't even know what a I-134 is.

Maybe you're overwhelming him with too much information. There really is alot to keep track of. What I did with my fiance (at the time) was really only tell him what he needed to know. If I tried to show him all the forms and explain every in and out, and expect him to know it like the back of his hand like I did, I would have been sorely disappointed. I filled out the forms and sent them to him and told him where to sign. He was responsible for getting passport photos, police certificate, and birth certificate translation. We then went over all of our evidence together to prepare him for the interview.

[seldi 1]

But see, I'm one of the world's biggest procrastinators as well. But there are times when you do what you gotta do, and this definetly that time.

Maybe I'm being a "bridezilla"?.