My life is over....

[tigerlily 0]

If you see her again, don't touch her.

If she throws things at you, don't retaliate.

If she tries to hit you, duck.

IMO - she's using a 'playbook' - I have to assume that others are coaching her on what to do, to prove up abuse, so that she can remove conditions when filing for a 10 year card, on her own.

IF she already has the 10 year card - then , again IMO, she has played you all this time to get that card.

If she really wants to stay with you, if she really loves you -

she will have NO ISSUES with you changing the locks today,

removing her name from the joint bank account,

and other things you should do to protect yourself.

I also suggest you file for divorce, today. Include a protection order, to keep her out of the house, and to keep her from contacting you (for a period of 90 days or more).

You can supply other documents later, if / when needed - but initial filing is easy.

If she has a turn around, then you don't need to finish up the divorce proceedings, later.

anyway - that's my 2 cents on it. I'd be happy to be wrong, but she's fitting into a recognized pattern of the 'green card game'.

Good Luck, with whatever you decide to do.

you are so right. lets also look at the side of the coin why she acted that way. i am not diagnosing her but i can see symptoms of a bipolar to her behavior.

[DanielParul 50]

You life is not over just your marriage is with this 'immature kid'. Don't get in any situation with her where she can claim abuse. Try and get her a ticket back home as soon as possible and take care of yourself. Good Luck!

[-B&T- 1]

Depression, homesickness and pressure from family back home could be the reasons why she is acting that way or she is trying to find a way to end the relationship but getting physical is absolutely ridiculous. I doubt that she really plans to go home; I hope your wife will come forward so we can hear the other side of the story too. You have to let go if she doesn't want to continue the marriage and move on with your life.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Sure - you can ask. lets see - personal experience, in a prior life, and then my network of friends not on VJ, then

specifically a group of ex-husbands of PI-women who discovered this 'game', and then SOME of the 'stories' here on VJ.

I've been 'wired in' to this game since 2003.

Very Good and informative answers..... :thumbs:

and some games start long before Marriage.....

Also need to take into account of "the ILLUSION of better life in another country" which most time does not materialize exactly as "some" have been dreaming of it....

Only to come to the realization that LIFE is hard, no matter what country you live in...

[lbounds 16]

I hope that you aren't dealing with this situation on your own. It would be good to have support from your friends, family or church etc. I mean I hope you can have others around to talk to and support you during this time and not just dealing with her.

I'm sorry for this situation. It's not what anyone would want in marriage.

[DARUMA07 25]

Just checking up on the OP. How are you doing?? If you would like to PM me, feel free to do so. I will get back with you as soon as I can. There has been some great advice here, especially from Darnell. I hope things are better for you Bro. Keep your head up and be logical with every thing you do from here on out!!

[Fandango 1,439]

Remove the whole 'green card' from the situation, and as yourself what would you do otherwise?

Homesickness is NO excuse for physical violence.

If you want to try to save your marriage, I think the best bet is to have her move out. See a counselor. Whatever. But you two (imo) cannot continue to live in the same house where there's such a great probability of the violence escalating. What you've described seems outright ludicrous and obscene. My heart goes out to you.

At the very least, a separation is in order. I understand you love her, but love yourself enough to protect yourself.

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

Remove the whole 'green card' from the situation, and as yourself what would you do otherwise?

Homesickness is NO excuse for physical violence.

If you want to try to save your marriage, I think the best bet is to have her move out. See a counselor. Whatever. But you two (imo) cannot continue to live in the same house where there's such a great probability of the violence escalating. What you've described seems outright ludicrous and obscene. My heart goes out to you.

At the very least, a separation is in order. I understand you love her, but love yourself enough to protect yourself.

I don't think it could be said much better than that. Darnell is absolutely right about protecting yourself too. Abuse is completely unacceptable, no excuses!

[oliver-chris 3]

Check her birth control pills....I get easily irritated when i take birth control pills....

Edited March 27, 2010 by oliver-chris

[besaangel 17]

Check her birth control pills....I get easily irritated when i take birth control pills....

Thats exactly what I said but she still shouldnt be going off like that...

[oliver-chris 3]

I'm beginning to wonder if she is bi-polar or simply depressed? Her anger seems far too obsene and as said before, is escalating rapidly. Try talking to her to see what the "REAL" problem is... Although far-fetched and possibly wrong, some women do this in light of attention while others are care-less/care-free... This note that she wrote also is sort of pre-meditated IMHO... has there been any major life changes besides the purchase of a home?

Once again, I may be wrong but if there was a major life change then this could affect her mentally, although I dont presume this affecting her to the point of her loosing her mind in such anger. Hormonal changes, new baby, new birth control? No mean to pry but my husband has told me that since I've taken the Depo, I've gotten more ANGRY and Moody- crying and anxious... Maybe she is experiencing something similar. Try to think of what could have triggered her wild impulses and then maybe you guys could work throuugh it... ALL THE BEST

I agree on this post...

[Zen Den 18]

unless she is mentally ill and has not yet been diagnosed (i'm serious), your wife seems to have been used to doing whatever she wants and she needs to be stopped.

take darnell's advice. or if you want to give your wife a chance, take her to counseling, but still be ready for the worst that could happen and for what she might do against you legally.

[oliver-chris 3]

unless she is mentally ill and has not yet been diagnosed (i'm serious), your wife seems to have been used to doing whatever she wants and she needs to be stopped.

take darnell's advice. or if you want to give your wife a chance, take her to counseling, but still be ready for the worst that could happen and for what she might do against you legally.

Take her to counselling so she can talk to professional people

[Darnell 8,478]

Have Darnell start an investigation for you, and pick-up the dry cleaning as well on his way home!

Hey Hopp - thanks for checking in. Why was that thread of yours closed, again? hmmmmm Ya - you know the one I'm talking about.

You've successfully harangued an opinion on me, when you deign to make the time.

At some point, I do hope you give up - I'm still not getting why in the world you'd be stalking me in this fashion.

Ya - I noticed the pattern.

[Darnell 8,478]

----

thrpeeoh - there is always a chance that it's possible to reconcile all, and the two of you know a happy life together.

It will take work. Others have mentioned the type of work, as well as some medical symptoms that she MAY be exhibiting to you.

Do you have the energy to see it through? If the answer is yes, then go forth, make it happen.

No, I'm not giving you 'different advice' - this is something I did mean to say, earlier. Reconcilation, IMO, is the best approach, but, if that isn't possible - well, I've written a bit on what to do to protect yerself.

Good Luck, what ever decision you make, ah?